


these battle scars (don't look like they're fading)

by collegefangirl3791, skywalking-across-the-galaxy (BadWolfGirl01)



Series: these battle scars [8]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: (we will make this a tag if it kills us), Aftermath of Torture, Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Ahsoka Tano-centric, Alternate Universe - Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Awesome Padmé Amidala, Celebrations, Clone Wars, Clones, Dependency, Depression, Drinking, Echo has issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Family Fluff, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force-sensitive Kix, Freedom, Healing, Heavy Angst, Hero With No Fear - the holodrama everybody loves but Rex, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Kadavo, Kix is So Done, Mandalorian, Mando'a, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Mortis (Star Wars), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Partying, Past Torture, Politics, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Recovery, Romantic Fluff, Satine Kryze Lives, Separation Anxiety, Serious Injuries, Speeches, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The Dark Side of the Force, The Force, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, clone partying, he's trying so hard the poor bb, it's just gonna be a while, our homage to shitty reality TV, senator cody, seriously i thought we were over this by now, the epilogue will be happy?, we try lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-05-09 16:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 80,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14719616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collegefangirl3791/pseuds/collegefangirl3791, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolfGirl01/pseuds/skywalking-across-the-galaxy
Summary: Tuck is nice, though he’s not her favorite ‘minder’; after Rex, of course, she actually likes Brii the best. He never asks her to say anything, just sits in a chair and chatters to her about the battalions and about the peace talks between the Republic Senate and CIS Senate, which are apparently being spearheaded by Padme. Unsurprisingly. Sometimes he’ll flip through his sketchbook and show her his drawings, show her the ones he’s working on--yesterday he’d shown her a rough caricature of Anakin, depicting him as a fish, and she’d actually laughed at it. Brii had seemed very pleased.There’s probably a bet going around about that, she thinks, wryly fond. Who can make Commander Tano laugh the most?[or: the recovery everyone needs after Mustafar]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the final major installment of this series! this is going to be a recovery fic focusing mainly on Ahsoka and Rex, with frequent appearances from the rest of Domino squad (and the whole 501st and part of the 212th), Echo, Miik + family, as well as the Mandalorian OCs we've developed (including Ca'tra!). Ca'tra and Kix will get their own lil fic, which we'll begin working on soon; we'll also be working on the two chapters of _at war with love_ we need to write (one post-Senate, one post-Mustafar). 
> 
> please comment and let us know what you think! we're really excited to share this with you.

Echo doesn’t know where he is, half the time; everything is fuzzy, foggy, blurred by a haze of exhaustion and, he  _ thinks, _ painkillers. Kix tells him he’s in the medbay, but then they  _ moved _ him, and now he’s not quite sure. 

It doesn’t really  _ matter, _ though, he thinks. His world is his bunk and the voices in his head that won’t go  _ away _ and the fear that if he closes his eyes, if he tries to  _ sleep, _ he’ll wake up and this will all have been a dream. If it’s a dream, he doesn’t want it to go away, doesn’t want to stop dreaming. If he does, then the Master, then  _ he _ comes, then there’s pain and voices and he doesn’t  _ want it. _

He wants Fives.

But he hasn’t seen Fives since they got on the transports and left the--left, the planet, he can’t remember the name. But Fives had  _ promised _ not to tell the General or the Captain or anybody that he  _ told information, _ he gave up, he gave in, so that’s good--unless Fives  _ did _ tell somebody and that’s why he hasn’t come back?

No.

No, Fives wouldn’t  _ do that, _ not Fives, not his  _ vod, _ not his squad. 

So maybe, maybe Fives just hasn’t come back because he’s busy, because there’s a war to fight and the--the battalion, the blue, the… kriff it all. 

Echo doesn’t  _ like _ that he can’t seem to  _ remember _ things (that makes him  _ defective, _ and everybody knows what happens to defective clones), and so he falls back on familiar words, worn smooth as glass by constant repetition. Regulations and rules and numbers and protocols, things he  _ knows _ he knows, and if he says them enough maybe the rest will come back, maybe he won’t be  _ defective, _ maybe they won’t terminate him.

Maybe Fives will come  _ back. _

So Echo lies in his bunk and recites regulation manuals and refuses to sleep, refuses to wake up. He  _ won’t go back. _

Not ever, never. Never.

~~~

Rex has rounds he goes on these days, almost. Most often, he's with Ahsoka, but every afternoon he makes the trip over to the barracks, has lunch in the mess with his men and updates them on their Commander and Echo and all their other injured  _ vode _ . Then on the way back he stops by Echo’s bunk - mostly, when he does, Echo seems half asleep, half just  _ somewhere else _ .

Today, he actually seems a little aware, although he's muttering to himself about blaster cleanliness, fingers twitching against his blanket, and when Rex comes up to his bunk he shifts to look at him, although it takes him a moment to stop muttering.

“Hey, Echo,” Rex says, as lightly as he can, finding a chair and pulling it over to sit down. “You're awake.”

“Yes, sir,” Echo says, starts struggling to sit up, and Rex reaches out and catches his shoulder (and Echo flinches) and gently pushes till he lies still.

“You don't have to get up,  _ vod _ , just rest. We've been worried about you.”

Echo nods, swallows, and Rex thinks he might want to go back to talking to himself.

Rex has any number of little notes from the battalion and Anakin has a datapad for Echo whenever he wants something to do, but Rex doesn't think Echo can handle any of that yet. He leans forward a little and smiles at Echo, who doesn't really meet his eyes, looks ashamed, spreads his fingers out over his blanket. Rex thinks he understands, because of what Echo told him he wasn't supposed to tell the Captain. And  _ gods _ Rex still doesn't know how he's going to tell Echo that he let him think- but Rex reminds himself, sternly, that it had been necessary.

“Do you need anything?” Rex asks, very gently. “Pain meds, a couple more blankets, some food? We're all here to help, Echo.” Rex knows his entire battalion, even the shinies, would jump to answer if Echo asked them for  _ anything _ \- not that Rex expects Echo to ask anyway.

~~~

“No, sir,” Echo says hastily, can’t look at the Captain. He’d  _ told. _ He’d told  _ everything. _ And the Captain had trusted him so much, had… he can’t look.

He wants to go back to regs. Regs, at least, he  _ knows _ he can do.

He struggles to sit up again, even though he’s  _ tired _ (but he’s been counting the hours, it’s been five days, he knows from cadet training he can go seven days no sleep before he starts sustaining brain damage), because it’s the  _ Captain, _ he needs--but the Captain presses him back down again, gently. “You’re okay,  _ vod,” _ the Captain says.

He wouldn’t be saying that if he  _ knew. _

“Sir?” he tries, tentatively; Rex smiles a little, tries to catch Echo’s eyes. “Sir, where’s--Fives? I’d like to see him, please, sir.”

Maybe Fives will come, if the Captain asks. Maybe then he can see his friend, his  _ ori’vod. _

~~~

_ Gods _ . Rex looks around for Kix because he isn’t sure how to answer, doesn’t know if he should do this now, and Echo sounds and looks desperate. Rex half-expects to see Fives again, standing over in the corner, but he doesn’t. Kix is over with Ahsoka, and they don’t let Ahsoka be by herself, which means Rex is on his own, and Echo is still waiting for an answer.

Rex can’t lie to him about this, knows it would be cruel, would make things worse, but he isn’t sure if Echo can take the truth, either. But he doesn’t see what option he really has, so he goes with his gut, with what makes sense. With the kindest of bad options.

“Echo,” he says, puts his hand on Echo’s shoulder automatically. Echo shrugs a little and Rex sighs, pulls his hand back, although he doesn’t want to. Doesn’t waste time on hesitance, here. “Fives is dead. I’m sorry, Echo, but he’s not here.”

Echo looks  _ confused _ , struggles to sit up again and Rex lets him because there’s something panicked in the movement. “Sir, I don’t understand, he said- he said he’d come back,” and  _ kriff _ , that’s Rex’s fault.

“Echo, that was me,” he says heavily. “He’s… He’s been gone for a while. I’m sorry, I just needed to get you to safety and you… I’m sorry,  _ vod _ .”

~~~

Echo doesn’t  _ understand. _

The Captain looks sad and pained and this doesn’t make  _ sense, _ Fives  _ promised-- _ oh. Oh, no, no no no. 

He  _ knows. _

Echo’s eyes go wide and he shakes his head frantically, scoots back towards the wall, huddles into it. “Please, sir, I’m not defective, I know I told but I’m  _ not, _ please don’t let them terminate me sir, I promise I’ll be good,” and he’s shaking, because  _ no no no, _ please no, he doesn’t want to be terminated, he doesn’t want to be defective, please, no.

The Captain gets up, and Echo flinches, presses back into the wall more and clutches at his blanket, like it’s a shield, like it’s his armor, curls small and waits for a punishment, but Rex just sits down on the edge of the bunk, rests a hand on his arm. “Easy,  _ vod,” _ he says quietly, “it’s okay, I understand. We aren’t going to let anything happen to you, okay? You’re safe now.”

Echo shakes his head again, fights the urge to start reciting regs again, can’t quite believe it, but the Captain looks so sad and  _ earnest _ and Echo swallows hard, heavy.

And then--

_ Fives is dead… I’m sorry, but he’s not here. He’s been gone for a while. _

No.

Fives  _ can’t be, _ not Fives, not now, Hevy and Cutup and Droidbait are all gone and not Fives, not Fives, he can’t lose them all. “He’s--not coming back?” Echo whispers through numb lips, and Rex shakes his head.

“No, Echo. I’m sorry.”

No!

Echo can’t  _ breathe. _

There’s something sharp and stabbing and grabbing like a vice around his chest, his throat, aching and it  _ hurts _ and  _ please no, please please please no, _ not Fives, not  _ Fives, _ he’s panting and shaking his head and there’s cool dampness on his cheeks and he can’t see very well through a blur of tears, and then there’s arms around him and at first Echo  _ freezes _ but it’s just the Captain, murmuring,  _ “Udesii, vod, gar jate, udesii. Haalu, udesii.” _

So Echo hides his face in the Captain’s shoulder and shakes his head a little, chokes out, “Hevy and Cutup and Droidbait and--I don’t--but they’re all--they  _ can’t be, _ sir, please, I don’t want them to be.”

_ “Ni kar’tayli,” _ the Captain says, and  _ no. _

“It’s not  _ fair, _ sir!” It’s not fair, he shouldn’t be the last. “I don’t--I don’t want to be the last, please sir.”

~~~

Rex holds Echo against his chest, doesn’t tighten his arms although he wants to. “No,  _ vod _ , it’s not fair. I know.”  _ Gods,  _ does he know. Echo feels like he might shake apart into a thousand pieces and Rex swallows, rubs Echo’s shoulder blade. “You’re not the last one left,  _ vod _ ,” and it’s not quite true, he knows Echo’s squadmates are all gone, but he has his battalion still, all his  _ vod’e _ , and Rex doesn’t know how to say that because Fives is still gone.

“I don’t want him to be gone,” Echo says, all lost.

“I know,” Rex says. He doesn’t have much else to say, just holds onto his  _ vod’ika _ and breathes through his own grief. “I know  _ vod _ , it hurts.”

Echo doesn’t answer and Rex goes back to murmured assurances in Mando’a as his  _ vod _ sobs, waits for him to settle. Echo’s breathing is all off, hiccupy and rough, so Rex says, “There you go,  _ vod _ , can you breathe with me?” He can tell Echo is trying so he stays quiet, leans back a little in case Echo wants more space, regulates his own breath to slow in, pause, slow back out.

~~~

Echo tries to breathe right, he does, but it’s  _ hard _ and he’s shaky and now that the sobs have started they won’t  _ stop. _ Still, the Captain’s asking him to breathe, so he needs to breathe, he needs to, he needs to. 

It takes a long time, longer than he wants it to, but finally Echo gets his breathing under control, matches the Captain breath-for-breath. His sobs slow, turn to heavy breaths and short, sharp sniffs. “This isn’t a dream, is it, sir?” he asks, very softly, swallows hard. “I’m… really here.”

“Yeah, you’re really here,” Rex says. “You’re  _ safe, vod’ika.” _

It almost doesn’t  _ register, _ but finally Echo blinks, backs up enough to  _ stare, _ whispers roughly, “I can sleep?” He’s so so  _ tired. _

~~~

“Yeah,  _ vod _ , you can go to sleep. It’s just the medbay, we’ll all still be here when you wake up.” Rex wonders if Echo has been sleeping much, if at all; it wouldn’t surprise him if not. He lets go and eases back, leaves one hand on Echo’s shoulder for a second before letting go entirely. “You need to rest, okay?”

Echo nods, and he looks so  _ tired _ Rex is tempted to hurry him up and push him back down on the bunk already, but he doesn’t, just smiles a little until Echo scoots back down on his bunk, hanging onto his blanket, and twists onto his side. “ _ Udesii, vod’ika _ ,” Rex says, getting up. “Get some sleep. You’re gonna be safe, okay? I promise.”

“Okay, sir,” Echo says, and Rex nods to him, encouragingly, before turning to go, his eyes stinging a little.

He goes back to Ahsoka’s bunk, sits down and, without preamble, pulls her almost bodily into his lap, wraps both arms around her and presses his forehead to hers, trying not to feel so lost.

_ What’s wrong? _ Ahsoka thinks, and he feels her confusion and worry.

_ I had to tell Echo that Fives was dead _ , he tells her.

He can tell she understands, and there’s a soft wave of sympathetic pain from her side of the bond. He’s  _ tired _ , so, so tired.  _ I’m sorry, cyare _ .

Rex kisses her soft, quick, by way of a thank you.

~~~

Anakin has always,  _ always _ hated going in front of the Council, ever since his testing back when he was nine years old and newly-freed and desperately missing his mother. The Council had taken one look at him and laid bare his heart, revealed the secret fear he had been so desperately trying to hide (so eager to appear brave for Master Qui-Gon), told him he was  _ dangerous _ and Dark and rejected him, all in a matter of moments. Of course, everything had changed after Naboo, after Maul and Qui-Gon’s death and Obi-Wan’s abrupt decision to take him as a padawan, thus sponsoring his way into the Temple, but he’d never quite managed to get over his initial impression of the Jedi Council.

Obi-Wan’s presence  _ helps, _ a lot, and Anakin’s trying to be as calm and confident as possible, for Miik’s sake, but he’s still inescapably nervous as he steps into the center of the Council chambers and the eyes of every Master present (and a couple outlined in the blue-glow of a holo) come to rest on him.

“Masters, this is Miik,” Anakin says, gestures to the small Zygerrian boy. It’s been five days since Mustafar, three days since Miik and his family were brought from the  _ Resolute _ (still in orbit, though all the patients have finally been moved to the Temple medbay and the rest of the battalion has settled back into the barracks), and already Padme’s taken the kid shopping for  _ proper _ clothes instead of the too-big cadet uniform the quartermaster, Zipper, had found mistakenly tucked in among a requisition order of new blacks. Now  _ appropriately _ (Padme’s words, not his own) bedecked in a soft, fuzzy, shapeless blue thing that falls almost to the kid’s knees (and makes him  _ ridiculously _ happy), Miik hardly even looks like an ex-slave who’d only been freed a few days before. Still, he’s hardly the picture of a typical Jedi Padawan.

Zarak’s presence in the back of the room, lurking near the double doors and glowering at anyone who looks at him, does  _ not _ help.

“This is most irregular,” Master Tiin says thoughtfully (and, as he does every time the Jedi Master speaks, Anakin has to fight the urge to just… punch the guy).

“He’s too old,” Master Mundi agrees, though more hesitant.

Anakin rolls his eyes (and Obi-Wan sends him a sharp reprimand, and  _ ugh _ yes he knows that doesn’t help his case, but he’s annoyed). “He’s younger than I was--”

“And yours was a highly unusual occurrence,” Windu interrupts.

Kriffing  _ di’kut, _ at least let him  _ finish. _ Anakin glares a bit, says (more sharply now), “As I was saying before I was so  _ rudely interrupted,” _ and he sees Obi-Wan hide a snort in his beard, “not only is Miik younger than I was, but I will take him to be my padawan learner, and sponsor his initiation into the Order.”

“Another Qui-Gon Jinn, we do  _ not _ need,” Yoda says, spears him with a look.

Anakin can’t stifle a laugh. “Thanks,” he says dryly. “Qui-Gon was a good man. I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Miik pushes a silent query at him, an impression amounting to  _ who is Qui-Gon? _ Anakin responds with a few short snippets of memory and  _ the Jedi who freed me, _ lifts his chin and meets Windu’s disapproving gaze head-on.

“Skywalker,” Windu says, huffs out a sigh, “you didn’t inform us you’ve formed a training bond with the youngling.”

“Hey!” Miik bursts out, looks indignant. “I’m not a  _ little kid!” _

Several of the Masters look practically  _ horrified _ by the fact that  _ the youngling _ dared speak out of turn, but Adi Gallia (newly a Councillor, having been offered Master Plo’s seat) and Obi-Wan both are hiding smiles, and even Master Mundi looks a bit amused. 

Windu, on the other hand, does  _ not. _

Anakin shrugs, grins a bit sheepishly. “Why does everyone assume it’s  _ my _ fault?” he grumbles, and then shoots Obi-Wan a pointed look. “Not a  _ word, _ Master.”

Obi-Wan raises his hands in mock-surrender, presses his lips together to hide a laugh. “I wasn’t going to say anything, Anakin.”

“Right.” Because he  _ totally _ believes that. “Anyway, I didn’t actually have anything to do with the bond. The kid was scared and reached out, and I answered.”

“Why was he scared?” Master Gallia looks mildly concerned.

“The master was whipping my papa,” Miik answers, flattens his ears and hugs himself tightly. “Because I tripped and spilled his whiskey, and Papa fought the master so he wouldn’t whip me.” The fur on his head and neck is all slicked down against his skin and he’s hunched in on himself a little; Anakin projects a thread of reassurance and calm and safety, rests one hand on Miik’s head and scratches behind his ears. Miik projects general annoyance, but beneath that is an undercurrent of  _ pleasure, _ and Anakin grins a little.

The kid is kriffing  _ cute. _

“I sense his attachments to his family and to you yourself,” Windu says, narrows his eyes. “A tendency towards forming attachment is dangerous--you of all people should know that, Skywalker. Look what happened to your last padawan.”

Anakin inhales  _ sharply, _ the world going red, but before he can  _ snarl, _ Obi-Wan stands and turns, pierces Windu with a lightsaber-sharp glare. “Master Windu, that is  _ enough,” _ he snaps out, valiantly attempting to keep his composure. “For one thing, Ahsoka Tano has grown into a delightful, intelligent,  _ mature _ young woman who embodies Jedi principles and ideals better than many we have awarded the title of Master to--need I remind you of Pong Krell?” Windu winces a little, and Anakin tries not to cheer. “Secondly, after a great deal of meditation on this very subject, I have come to the conclusion that it is intolerably hypocritical of us to spurn attachment when the method of apprenticeship we employ is centered around a very deep, very personal  _ attachment.” _

Anakin blinks. Of all the things his Master could’ve said,  _ that _ is certainly not what he’d expected, and it drains all the rage away in an instant.

“Perhaps,” Obi-Wan continues, softer now, dropping back into his seat, “had you all had the opportunity to observe the Force on Kiros, you would understand more clearly.”

The Council still seems stunned into silence, so Anakin takes the chance to interject, even though Obi-Wan shoots him a  _ look _ that clearly says  _ for heaven’s sake, just be quiet. _ “Maybe, Masters, more of us should take the time to consider what it means if the will of the Force contradicts our Code. All Initiates are raised to believe that the will of the Force is never wrong, just misinterpreted. And, before you can tell me  _ the Code exists for a good reason, because wiser men than us created it,” _ and he smirks at Obi-Wan, “yeah, I get it, I don’t give a shit.” And he winces, because right,  _ young, impressionable ears. _ “I mean kriff. I don’t give a kriff.” Windu is looking downright  _ murderous, _ and Anakin gulps, decides to get on with the point. “Anyway, my point is, the Code is like, a bajillion years old, and last I checked, the Force changes its mind on a regular basis. So maybe the Code was right once upon a time,” ha, right, he doubts that, “but is there not the  _ slightest _ chance that in the however-many-thousand years the Order’s been around, the Force has, I don’t know,  _ changed its mind?” _

~~~

Miik has rarely, in his short life, been in a  _ weirder _ situation. He knows Anakin told him that the Jedi Council was very important, but most of them are species he’s never seen before frowning grumpily and being  _ rude _ . They made him tell them what was on some screens they were holding up without looking, which Miik thinks was incredibly stupid. Couldn’t they just look at them themselves, not make him do stupid things to prove he has the Force?

The Force in the room gets all tense as everyone starts  _ arguing _ , and Miik tugs his hands into the sleeves of his shirt and hunches up his shoulders, watches Anakin to make sure this is all still fine. General Obi-Wan Kenobi gives him a small smile, so Miik thinks that’s good.

“Come here to debate about our Code, we did not, Skywalker,” the short weird green Jedi says, and Miik snickers. He knows he should be polite but every time this Jedi talks he wants to laugh. How come  _ he _ can be a Jedi and they might not let  _ Miik _ be one?

“And yet here we are,” Anakin says, dryly. Miik snickers again. He doesn’t really get why they’re all arguing but he’s pretty sure Anakin and General Obi-Wan Kenobi won the argument. Which might mean he gets to be a  _ Jedi _ .

The grumpy, darker human called Master Windu (who Miik decides he won’t be calling Master Windu) speaks again, clearly mad. “The  _ point _ is, Skywalker, the boy is too old, and as the Code stands now, he is too attached to his parents and to you.”

Miik flicks his ears a little. He’s not even sure what they  _ mean _ by attachment, but he thinks they’re talking about it too much. “So?” he says, impatiently. “Can I be a Jedi or not, Windu?”

All the Jedi do that thing again, where they stare at him and mutter like he’s done something strange. Which is stupid, since they’re the strange ones. He doesn’t like most of them.

“No,” Windu says, giving him a Look. Miik hisses (oops, rude) and flattens his ears, disappointed.

~~~

As far as first impressions go, the Jedi Council is not doing a very good job of making one. It says something, Zarak thinks, that multiple slavers he had known once upon a time were not only more diplomatic, but also more open and  _ considerate. _

His son does not call the Jedi  _ Master, _ and Zarak does not blame him--but the Council, save Kenobi, seem  _ offended _ by that. Which he also can understand, but he thinks the Jedi have placed too much importance in their titles and traditions and Codes.

And this policy on  _ attachment _ is completely ludicrous.

“Of the esteemed,” and he adds just a touch of dryness to his voice on the word, not enough to be an insult but enough to hint at sarcasm, “Councillors here,” because he is not calling them Masters, he has no Master now, “how many of you have been a slave?”

Kenobi and Skywalker nod, raise hands.

None of the others do.

Zarak nods, unsurprised. “I thought so,” he says crisply. “Before you condemn my son for abstaining from using your titles, perhaps you should consider what it means to a slave to call someone  _ Master.” _

Skywalker snorts, Kenobi’s eyes are solemn (but he’s hiding a small smile in his beard), and Windu just looks  _ more _ irritated. No surprise there.

“Your  _ son’s,” _ and Windu overemphasizes the word  _ son, _ as though it’s something dirty, “refusal to be respectful and use hard-earned titles is not the issue. The issue is he has developed extremely strong attachment to you, Skywalker, and his mother, and very likely others in the 501st.”

Zarak pushes off the wall, where he’s been leaning, deliberately casual, for some time, discards the exterior of the cowed slave and reaches within for the powerful man he had once been, stalks to the center of the chamber in a smooth, fluid, predator’s motion. “And?” he asks, raises an eyebrow and tilts his ears back, utterly unimpressed. “General Kenobi makes a good point, as does Knight Skywalker. Riddle me this,  _ Master _ Windu: is a lightsaber Light or Dark?”

Windu frowns, not understanding the point, looks annoyed and frustrated and  _ tired. _ “Neither,” he forces out through gritted teeth. “A lightsaber is just a weapon, and it is the hands of its wielder that determine its alignment.”

“Some crystals are naturally more Dark, some more Light, however,” another Councillor says hurriedly, and Zarak can  _ sense _ another argument incoming (kriff it all, how do they get anything  _ accomplished?). _

So he shifts his weight a touch forward, opens his posture, which draws every eye back to him again. “The same could be said of attachment. There is great power, great potential, in one of your lightsabers, just as there is in attachment, whether to a person, a place, an ideal, a cause… a Code…”

Windu’s eyes darken and flash, and he stands, the motion jerky and abrupt (and a  _ threat, _ almost enough to make Zarak flinch--he controls the instinct, though it’s difficult and he can’t quite contain a low growl or keep his ears from flattening). “You presume much, Zarak,” the Jedi snaps. “Attachment leads to abandoning principles for the sake of the attachment, leads to prioritizing the well-being of a single individual over duty, or over others. Attachment is not a… a  _ power source, _ not for a Jedi.”

Zarak shrugs, elegant and fluid and carefully careless. “Not always,” he says simply, takes a step forward. “Attachment does not  _ force _ a person to abandon ideals. A person  _ chooses _ to go too far in pursuit of something, and oftentimes learns a valuable lesson.” He frowns a bit. “You can’t blame a slave for the actions he was ordered to perform by his master. In the same way, how can you assign all the blame to  _ attachment _ when it is the Jedi who is at fault for losing control? You sound as though you are hasty to place blame on an external force, as though it could  _ never _ be a Jedi’s choice to abandon their principles, as though no Jedi would  _ ever _ do such a thing. Pardon me if I am incorrect, but I had assumed--and observed--that the Jedi are as fallible and imperfect as all sentients are.”

“That,” Windu growls, “is  _ offensive.” _

“Ah, well,” Zarak says, tilting his head as if to say  _ what can you do? _ “The truth often is, General.”

~~~

Miik leans against Anakin’s leg and tries to listen to Papa, he really does, but he's getting confused so he digs into his pocket for a piece of jerky and starts gnawing on it, causing a few of the Jedi to cover their faces with their hands.

“Quite well said,” General Obi-Wan Kenobi says, with a smile at Miik's papa and then at Miik himself. “One must wonder why we think ourselves so above attachment when the rest of the galaxy flourishes on it.”

“The rest of the galaxy is hardly a guide we should follow, Master Kenobi,” Windu says sharply. Miik thinks he needs to calm down. “Passion causes many sentients to do terrible, destructive things.”

“And so we seek to prove we are better by eliminating it altogether?” General Obi-Wan says, making a face that Miik decides means  _ Come on that sounds stupid _ . “Perhaps it would have been wiser to learn how to manage the more dangerous aspects of attachment better, rather than forbidding it.”

“And why does this interest you so much now, Master Kenobi?” Windu says. “I had assumed you were familiar with the concept of letting go of attachments.” Miik takes another bite of his jerky and hums a little to himself. The Force hums back. He can feel Anakin laughing at him a little.

“There is an interesting thing that sentients do upon gaining further experience and knowledge, my dear Master Windu,” General Obi-Wan says. “They occasionally  _ change _ . It's an invigorating experience, you ought to try it sometime.”

Miik understood  _ that _ , and he giggles, stuffs the rest of his jerky into his pocket. “I,” he announces, “am really bored. And you guys are all boring. So unless you're going to let me be a Jedi, can I go please?”

Anakin laughs, and then his papa laughs a little, and General Obi-Wan smiles at him from his chair. Miik bunches his hands in the sleeves of his soft shirt and waits.

Then the weird little green Jedi laughs too, and shakes his head. “Much to think on, we have. Go you may, youngling.”

“Finally,” Miik mutters under his breath, and he feels the Force hum again, and he hums back. He wants to go get a better snack than jerky. He hasn't had lunch yet today. He hurries out of the circle of weird people in weird chairs, feels Anakin and his papa following him.

“Do they always talk that much?” he asks Anakin.

“Unfortunately, yeah,” Anakin says, and Miik grumbles under his breath, mentally says  _ blast _ because his papa is being very strict about swearing these days. He's glad not all Jedi end up like that. He'd rather be like Anakin and Ahsoka (even though Ahsoka is sad right now).

~~~

Ahsoka knows something is up when Kix sends Tuck to stay with her, grabs Rex and wanders over to a secluded corner of the medbay to talk. She’s not  _ stupid, _ she knows they’re afraid to leave her alone, but come  _ on, _ they’re both in eyesight. It’s not like she’d try anything stupid while they’re right there.

She thinks. A part of her reminds the rest of her that she doesn’t have much control over whatever is  _ wrong with her, _ whatever’s causing the ice, and she’s not sure she could  _ stop herself _ if she did something stupid, so it’s probably smart.

Still, it’s irritating.

Tuck is nice, though he’s not her favorite ‘minder’; after Rex, of course, she actually likes Brii the best. He never asks her to say anything, just sits in a chair and chatters to her about the battalions and about the peace talks between the Republic Senate and CIS Senate, which are apparently being spearheaded by Padme. Unsurprisingly. Sometimes he’ll flip through his sketchbook and show her his drawings, show her the ones he’s working on--yesterday he’d shown her a rough caricature of Anakin, depicting him as a fish, and she’d actually  _ laughed _ at it. Brii had seemed  _ very _ pleased.

There’s probably a bet going around about that, she thinks, wryly fond.  _ Who can make Commander Tano laugh the most? _

Ahsoka curls a little smaller under her blanket, feeling oddly… bereft by that thought. She’s laying on her side, facing the wall, her head propped up on one elbow, reading a holonovel on her datapad--she would  _ rather _ just be… drifting, but Kix and Rex  _ and _ Anakin had all insisted she actually  _ do something, _ so… here she is. Reading a holonovel that  _ supposedly _ has a war going on. She thinks the author has never seen a war before.

She’s read the same sentence five times and she  _ still _ can’t remember what it says, so she huffs out a sigh and drops her head back to her pillow, turns the datapad’s screen off and puts it up behind her head, by her lightsabers. (Kix hadn’t wanted to let her keep them, and neither had Anakin--they’d thought she was asleep when they had that argument with Rex and Obi-Wan. She hadn’t been. Surprisingly, Obi-Wan had been the one to convince Kix that taking her ‘sabers away would cause more harm than good--unsurprisingly, Rex agreed.)

She’s just gotten comfortable, tucking her hand up underneath her cheek and closing her eyes, ready to drift on the currents of the Force, when Rex nudges her mind lightly, says,  _ Hey, cyare, wake up. _

_ I’m not asleep. Yet, _ she grumbles back.  _ I want to be, though, so kriffing hush. _

_ Sorry, no can do, _ he says, almost  _ cheerfully, _ though she knows by now that’s the tone he uses to mask his worry.  _ Kix would glare at me, and you know how potent his glares are. I think I’d spontaneously combust. You wouldn’t want that, would you? _

Ahsoka responds with the mental equivalent of sticking her tongue out, followed by an eye roll.  _ If you spontaneously combust, will you leave me alone? _

_ No, _ he says easily, drops to sit down on the bunk beside her head.  _ I’d just haunt you. Which is worse, because then I couldn’t do this. _ And he proceeds to lightly run his fingers around one of her montrals, gently massaging out a tension headache that’d begun to build.

_ Then I couldn’t punch you for being annoying, _ she says sulkily, but that actually feels  _ really good, _ and she sighs, leans into his touch.  _ Fine, you win, I’m awake. What do you want? _

_ Kix thinks it’d be good for both you and Ca’tra to interact with each other a little. Which you can’t do if you’re asleep. _

_ That makes me  _ **_want_ ** _ to sleep more, _ she thinks at him, petulantly.

He chuckles. “I know, Soka. Can you sit up for me?”

“Kriff you, Rexter,” she mumbles, but she sighs tiredly and pushes herself to sit up, leans into his side instinctively.

~~~

Rex nudges her a little because he wouldn't put it past her to fall asleep against his side. “Come on, you can get up the rest of the way,” he says lightly, smirking when she narrows her eyes at him.  _ Kix says Ca’tra has to get used to interacting with people again. Let's go see what's got him so flustered _ .

Ahsoka smiles a little and slides off the bunk with him, snaking her arm around his waist, and he walks with her towards Ca’tra’s bunk. Kix is sitting on the bunk, arm propped on his knee, and he nods at Rex. He'd told Rex to give Ca’tra extra space and let Ahsoka do most of the talking, which makes sense. So he nudges Ahsoka to go ahead of him a bit, smiles tentatively at Ca’tra (who doesn't look at either of them, really), and nods back at Kix.

“Ca’tra,” Kix says gently. “This is Rex and Ahsoka, who I told you about.”  _ Little gods _ Rex’s  _ vod _ is clearly smitten. Mostly it's just because he's a good medic, but Rex can see the tiny glances he's stealing at Ca’tra, followed by tiny smiles. Rex recognizes that.

_ I used to sneak glances at you like that _ , he says to Ahsoka, lightly.

She turns and gives him a quick, affectionate smile.  _ Sap. _

_ Shut up. _

~~~

Ca'tra isn't entirely sure what to think of Rex--he looks like a _ soldier, _ reminds her of the guards Dooku would have, the ones who weren't droids. But she recognizes the _ jetii _ from Mustafar, trusts that Kix wouldn't have brought someone over who isn't safe.

Still.

She glances over at Kix, twists her rope a little, unsure.  _ They're safe? _ she asks. Just to make sure. She sends an impression of the way Rex looks and feels like a soldier.

_ Yeah, promise, _ Kix says easily. _ He's a vod. _

Okay. Okay, she believes him. Still, she can't quite make herself meet Rex's eyes. Or Ahsoka's.

It's not safe enough yet.

“Hi,” Ahsoka says softly, and Ca'tra acknowledges her with a tilt of her head. “You're Elle's sister, right?”

Ca'tra nods, looks up quickly, raises her eyebrows and cocks her head to one side.  _ You know my sister? _ She wants to ask where Elle is (she hasn't seen her _ ori'vod _ since Mustafar), but she's not sure how without  _ speaking,  _ and that's not an option.

Ahsoka frowns, like she doesn't understand, and Ca'tra _ tries _ to say the words, she really does.

But the words won't come.

She looks to Kix, frustrated, thinks  _ I can't do this _ at him.

_ Yeah, you can. I'll help you, remember? You just have to try. _

_ I _ **_am_ ** _ trying, _ she says sharply, frustrated and trying not to let it show on her face.  _ I'm trying, Kix, I'm not--I can't, I'm not ready for this. _

“She's asking about Elle,” Kix says quietly, looks at Ca'tra with a gentle _ softness _ in his eyes, projects understanding and confidence and the Light.

Ahsoka shrugs. “I don't know where any of them are,” she says, sounds apologetic. “Sorry, Ca'tra.”

_ It's okay. _ She shrugs a little herself, stares down at her rope.  _ I don't want to talk, Kix, I'm not--I can't do it. _

~~~

Kix sighs and soothes her a little. He supposes expecting Ca’tra to  _ talk _ was a little much, but he’d hoped. He still needs her to find a way to start interacting more again, though. Ahsoka had seemed like a good start - Rex, not so much, but then asking Rex to leave Ahsoka by herself has not always worked the best.

_ You don’t have to talk, Ca’tra, just… can you try a little more? Ahsoka needs something to think about and she wants to listen _ . Kix makes that as gentle as he can so she’s sure he’s not insisting - but  _ Force _ he wishes he could get her communicating. He hopes Elle’s going to be back soon.

_ I don’t want to, Kix _ , she says, and he glances over at Rex and Ahsoka with a small shrug. He’d hoped he could help both Ahsoka and Ca’tra with this, at least a little, but both of them just look uncomfortable, so that’s apparently backfired.

_ Okay _ , he says, gently, gets off the bunk and goes over to Rex. “Sorry, I thought this would be a good idea,” he murmurs.

Rex shrugs, then suddenly gets a comically horrified look on his face just as Ahsoka leans forward a little, arms around her stomach, and says, “Have you ever seen this holo, it’s called Hero With No Fear?”

Rex  _ groans _ and Kix snorts because he personally finds that holo hilarious but Rex? Rex hates it. A lot.

Ca’tra shrugs, shakes her head, thinks  _ I’ve never really seen any holos _ . Kix smiles and goes back over by her bunk, finds Ahsoka a chair because now he thinks they might be getting somewhere.

_ It’s good _ , he tells her.  _ Stupid, but good _ .

He feels that confuses Ca’tra, and he just grins to himself a little, then turns and points at Rex. “You should get your datapad, Rex, maybe they can watch some of it.”

~~~

Rex  _ groans, _ and Ca'tra tilts her head to one side, looks over at Kix.  _ What is it about? _

Kix smirks a little, leans in towards her a bit.  _ It's the dramatized adventures of Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight, _ he says, and his eyes are warm and bright and amused.  _ We like making fun of the episodes. _

_ Oh. _ She frowns a little, watches as Rex comes back over, holding his datapad.

“I'm not watching this shit with you,” he informs Ahsoka seriously.

Ahsoka _ pouts. _ “You're the one who wanted me to _ do something,” _ she complains, and Rex grumbles inaudibly.

There's a spike of amusement from Kix, and then he leans forward. “Come on, Captain, there's room for all of us to sit on the bunk and watch.”  _ If that's okay with you, mirdala? _

Ca'tra hesitates, swallows a little.  _ Can I sit on the end? _

_ Of course,  _ Kix says easily, warmly.  _ Scoot over. _

She does, a bit hesitant, but he's threading the Light warm and soft through her thoughts and he's not too close, moves slow and telegraphed. Ahsoka sits down next, curls into Rex's side and sets the datapad up, propped against a pillow. “It's funny, you'll like it,” she promises, and Ca'tra tries a smile.

She has to shift a little closer to Kix to see the screen, and she's _ cold, _ even with her blanket; she curls into her blanket a little and leans just a tiny bit into Kix's side. Just a little. Because she's cold and he's warm and she can't see. (Certainly not because he makes her feel _ safe _ and she wants it.)

~~~

Rex puts an arm around Ahsoka from behind, curls his hand over her uninjured side. He does  _ not _ want to be watching this holo, and he tells her so.

_ Shut up, _ she tells him, and he smiles against her montrals.

_ If you think I’m going to watch this quietly, you’re wrong _ , he says.

_ I’d expect nothing less. _ Ahsoka scoots closer to him, settles in against his chest. Rex is hoping as soon as her side and shoulder are more healed Kix will let her stay with him and the men instead of in the medbay, but he’s not sure. It depends on how she’s doing, and on what Kix and Obi-Wan and Anakin say. But Rex is just ready to get them out of the medbay; he doesn’t think it’s helping. But then really, what does he know?

Ahsoka picks her favorite episode after a questioning glance at Ca’tra, who nods. It’s Ahsoka’s favorite because (and she wouldn’t ever admit it, but Rex has seen it in her thoughts before) she’s in it, and it’s about her and Anakin stopping the Blue Shadow Virus although it’s nothing at all like the real mission had been. Far more dramatic. And less practical. Anakin gets infected, in their telling, and has to fight a  _ lot _ of droids while sick. Rex thinks it’s stupid, but then he thinks the whole holo is stupid.

_ Oh look, it’s Anakin _ , he says to her as the holo starts and the very stupid actor who doesn’t look anything like Anakin walks into frame.  _ At least they made him a normal human and not blue. Like they did to you _ .

_ Why does that annoy you so much? _

_ Because, ner’jetii, you aren’t actually blue. And it’s stupid _ . Honestly. This holo doesn’t get  _ anything _ right - sometimes he’s pretty sure some of the clones are played by Twi’leks so they have enough actors. He doesn’t think the makers of the show have ever met real Jedi or clones in their lives.

Rex rests his chin between Ahsoka’s montrals and hums a little, rolling his eyes at the show before glancing over at Kix and Ca’tra. Ca’tra looks less uncomfortable, at least, and Kix - somewhat predictably, poor  _ vod _ \- is watching Ca’tra more than the holo.

_ Look at them _ , he thinks, threading the fingers of his free hand through Ahsoka’s.  _ Good idea, showing them this garbage holodrama _ .

~~~

Ahsoka hums, half-closes her eyes--she's seen this episode enough times she can almost quote it--and flicks a glance over at Kix and Ca'tra.  _ They're cute, _ she thinks, and then sends him a flicker of irritation.  _ And of course it's garbage, that's the point. _

Rex grumbles a little and huffs a sigh, and she looks back at the holo then over at Ca'tra again. The girl is bundled in her blanket, her fingers loose around her rope, and she's leaning into Kix a little; Anakin says some ridiculously stereotypical Jedi wisdom that makes _ zero _ real sense but sounds good, and Ca'tra actually _ laughs, _ her eyes lighting up.

It _ is _ pretty funny.

If she wasn't so tired, Ahsoka would be laughing too; as it is, she summons the energy to mutter a snarky response, feels Rex's amusement (even though he tries to hide it).  _ Ner’jetii, you're ridiculous, _ he thinks patiently, presses a kiss between her montrals.

Ahsoka smiles, just a little, leans into him more.  _ Yeah, but so are you. So it's good. _ Everything is quiet and calm and peaceful, and for the first time in days she feels _ almost _ warm.  _ I like this, _ she thinks softly.  _ Wish we could stay here. _

_ Me too, _ Rex hums.  _ Except I kriffing hate this holo. _

_ Oh, shut up. _ She rolls her eyes, though there's not much force behind it.  _ You know you secretly enjoy it. _

_ The only thing I like about this holo is the fact that it makes you laugh. _

~~~

Kix is pretty sure Ca’tra isn’t meaning to lean into him so hard, and it’s probably only because she’s kind of sleepy - her sleep cycle has been a bit off since switching from ship time to Coruscant time, he thinks.

He’s long ago lost track of whatever’s happening on the holo, although at first he’d tried to pretend he knew what was going on. Ca’tra clearly finds it amusing; he can tell because of her small smiles and the hum of almost-laughter from her mind. Her eyes get so kriffing  _ bright _ when she laughs, rare as it is.

When her head actually falls against his shoulder, he  _ freezes _ . He thinks she might be asleep except there are still a few surface thoughts to feel. Her hair’s still down, so it’s falling in her face, which shouldn’t be so sweet. Kix doesn’t have enough experience with these things, he’s not really sure if that’s supposed to make him feel so protective.

Rex and Ahsoka are being insufferably cuddly again, and Kix would say something about it except Rex gives him a smug smile that says Kix may have lost the ability to be able to tease him without a response in kind. Damn it. He doesn’t know why Rex has to  _ look _ at him like that. He decides to ignore it. As it’s all groundless anyway.

Kind of.

Except Ca’tra’s definitely asleep now and her head on his shoulder’s heavier than he’d have expected and it’s making his stomach twist more than a tough surgery. So that’s not promising. He’s sure Rex would have advice, but he is never,  _ never _ giving Rex that satisfaction. Kriffing  _ di’kut _ .

~~~

By the time the episode ends, Ahsoka is mostly asleep against Rex’s shoulder; she’s tired and cold and his arms are warm and secure and  _ safe _ around her and his mind hums soft reassurance and calm against hers.  _ Come on, Soka, _ he thinks to her, gently,  _ we should give Ca’tra her bunk back. _

She  _ knows _ that, but she’s  _ tired _ and she doesn’t want to walk. She projects that impression at him, tucks her head closer to his chest, feels his breath ghosting over her montrals as he sighs.  _ Fine, _ he tells her,  _ I’ll carry you, then. _

_ Thanks, _ she hums, keeps her eyes closed, curls against his chest as he stands and lifts her. He projects amused calm and love at her--she snorts at him, makes a halfhearted attempt to open her eyes and grumble at him. Then abandons that attempt, because honestly, she’s  _ tired _ and opening her eyes is too much effort.  _ When can we go back to the barracks? _

She feels Rex doesn’t know the answer to that question, and he’s trying very carefully  _ not _ to verbalize something; she pokes at the thought he’s avoiding until he gives in and tells her.  _ I’ll have to talk to Kix and Anakin and General Kenobi first, but it won’t be until your side and shoulder are more healed. _

_ Because of the watches you have on me? _ She gets an impression he’s surprised she’s been aware enough to really  _ notice _ that, and she sends the mental equivalent of a shrug.  _ Yeah, I noticed, and it’s kinda annoying. _

_ We need to keep an eye on you, ‘Soka, _ he says, and she sighs a little.

_ I  _ **_know._ ** _ It’s still annoying. Except when Brii comes, he’s been showing me his drawings. I think he should draw some of Fives for Echo. _ She’s been thinking about that, about Echo, when the ice retreats a little and she  _ can _ think.  _ It might help. _

Rex hums thoughtfully, gently setting her down on her bunk--she automatically wraps herself in the blanket, leaves one side open so Rex can climb in.  _ That’s a good idea, cyare, _ he says, sits on the edge of the bunk to pull his boots and armor off and tuck it all under the bunk. It takes him too long, and she projects general displeasure at that fact.  _ My my, aren’t we grumpy tonight, _ he says lightly.

She swears at him, silently.  _ I’m cold and I wanna sleep, _ she grumbles irately.  _ So come here already. _

_ I’m working on it, _ he promises, soothes her with a light touch of love.  _ I have to get my armor off, or it’ll be all poky, and then you’ll complain. _

_ Shut up, not the point. _

_ Actually, _ and kriff him,  _ the point is very much the point here. _

_ Kriff you, _ she snaps, because that was an  _ awful _ pun, barely even made sense, and he feels way too smug.  _ You’re an idiot. _

_ Yep, _ he agrees, and she cracks her eyes open to see he’s smiling down at her, the utter  _ sap. _

_ You look like Kix when Ca’tra laughed at that one stupid part. _

He’s torn between amusement and… more amusement, actually.  _ Which ‘stupid part’? The whole thing is stupid. _

_ I know, shut up, not the point, _ she sends.  _ And if you say anything about obviously you look like Kix ‘cause you have the same face, I’ll punch you. _

_ No you won’t, _ he says, too easily, tugs off the last of his armor and  _ finally _ slides under the blanket and lays down. On his back, which she’s figured out by now isn’t his  _ favorite _ sleeping position, but apparently he doesn’t mind sleeping that way because he thinks it’s  _ cute _ that she prefers his chest to a pillow. Which is dumb. She’s not  _ cute. Yes, you are, Soka, _ and he’s  _ eavesdropping _ again, insufferable.  _ You won’t punch me because it’s too much effort. _

Which is  _ not fair. _ At all.  _ I’ll punch you in the morning, then. _

_ Cyar’ika, I’m pretty sure it still  _ **_is_ ** _ morning. _

_ Well, Coruscant time is stupid, _ she grumbles at him,  _ and I’m tired. _

_ Yeah, I got that part. _

_ Which part, the Coruscant being stupid or the me being tired? _ Ahsoka shifts so her head is resting on his chest, curls tight into his side, lets out a long, slow breath when his arm wraps around her, feeling the tension drain out of her muscles all at once. His other hand lifts to trace the markings on her face, slips over the colored bands on her headtails and trails over her montrals, a soothing pattern that has her falling further towards sleep.  _ Cause there were two parts to that whole thing. _

_ The tired part, _ Rex hums at her.  _ You get silly and grumpy when you’re tired. _

_ ‘M not grumpy. _ She’s  _ not. _ Really.

She doesn’t have to look at him to know he’s raising an eyebrow.  _ Oh, really? _

_ Shut up. _

_ See? Grumpy. _

_ I hate you, _ she says, lets him see that if she were less tired she’d grab her other pillow and smack his face with it.

He laughs aloud, the sound rumbling through her montrals, further easing her into total relaxation (she’s safe, he’s here, and he’s warm and he won’t anything happen).  _ No you don’t, _ and why is he  _ laughing at her, _ it’s not funny.

_ The pillow is a dire threat, _ she thinks menacingly, or as menacing as she can be at this point in time, which is, to be fair, not very. 

_ I’m sure, _ and he’s still laughing. 

_ Di’kut. _

_ But I’m  _ **_your_ ** _ di’kut. _

Which is true, and a very good thing in Ahsoka’s opinion.  _ Yeah, _ she hums sleepily.  _ I love you, Rexter. _

_ Love you too, ‘Soka. Go to sleep. _

Sleep sounds like a very good idea right now, and she hums a little, leans into his hand, curls up small in his mind and lets her exhaustion take over.

For now, at least, the ice cannot reach her.

~~~

Rex wakes up abruptly to something heavy thudding down onto his legs, and automatically he jolts upright, wrapping his hand around the new vibroblade he has under his pillow.

He comes face to face with a tiny ball of fur chanting, “Come on, wake up, wake up!”

Rex blinks, slowly lets go of his knife, and says, “Hey, Miik.”

Ahsoka sits up too, saber smacking into her hand, then registers the child sitting on both of their legs.

“For  _ Force’s sake _ , Miik! I said to wait until they woke up and to  _ be gentle _ !” Kix hurries over, looking horrified, and goes to lift Miik off the bunk, but Rex waves his hand a little and shrugs as Ahsoka hesitates and then sets her saber down.

“Sorry, Kix,” Miik says, and from his expression, Rex thinks maybe he didn't expect Kix to catch him. Then he flops down on the bunk and scrunches up his nose. “I'm  _ bored _ , no one is awake yet.”

“Well, we are now,” Rex says, smiling a little and feeling grumbling from Ahsoka. He eases back to lean against the bunk’s headboard and touches Ahsoka’s shoulder; she scoots back to lean against him and sends,  _ It's too early for this _ .

_ It's not that early _ .

Miik sits up and crosses his arms (somewhere in all that blue fabric he still has arms to cross, apparently) and says, cheerfully, “Yesterday I had to go in front of the Jedi Council to see if I can be Anakin’s padawan.”

“Oh? How did that go?” Rex says. He can tell Ahsoka’s thinking the same thing he is, that Miik in front of the Jedi Council must have been highly entertaining to see. He wishes he could have seen it.

“They said I can't,” Miik grumbles. “Because I'm too old. And too attached, whatever that means.”

Rex scowls. He's about had it with Jedi and their attachments. Ahsoka soothes him a little, although he thinks she agrees. “Did they? What did Anakin say about that?”

“A lot,” Miik says. “I stopped listening after a while, they were all arguing. I don't think I get to be a Jedi, though.”

~~~

Ahsoka likes Miik, really she does, but he’s  _ exhausting. _ Especially when he’s waking her up out of a  _ sound _ sleep and a dream she’d really rather be back in. But even she has to admit she’s curious about what happened in the Council chambers yesterday.

If only because it’d be  _ really entertaining _ to see just how irritated Master Windu had gotten. (The war has been… hard on him, she knows, made him stressed and more likely to snap. She understands. But it’s still really kriffing funny to watch.)

“I’m sure Anakin will train you whether you get to be a Jedi or not,” she tells Miik gently, leans a bit more into Rex’s shoulder. She’d just like to go back to  _ sleep, _ or to just curl up in Rex’s arms and not worry about a thing, but… but Kix and Anakin and Obi-Wan all seem to think it’s  _ important _ for her to interact with people, and that includes Miik. “He does stuff like that a lot.”

Miik shrugs. “Papa made Windu get  _ really mad,” _ he says, almost gleefully. Ahsoka nearly chokes--she can just  _ imagine _ the Council’s reaction to  _ Master Windu _ being referred to as just  _ Windu _ by an eight-year-old. “It was funny.”

Rex hums amusement in her mind, his arm tightening around her a little, thumb rubbing a soft up-down pattern against her bicep. “Soka’s right,” he says. “You’re part of the family now,  _ vaar’ika,  _ no matter what the Council says.”

Miik grins, bounces a little, digs around in the pocket of his  _ ridiculously _ oversized shirt. “Look what Akaan made me!” It’s a miniature wooden figurine of--of  _ Anakin.  _ “He said Anakin even has a  _ holodrama _ made about him. Can I watch it?”

Rex shudders dramatically. “Trust me, kid, you don’t  _ want _ to. It’s sh--garbage.”

“Akaan says it’s  _ funny.” _ Miik pouts a little, scrunches up his nose and crosses his arms again. “He says Ahsoka likes it.”

“It is pretty funny,” Ahsoka agrees, “but you’ll have to ask your papa.” She is  _ not _ going to be responsible for deciding if the kid can watch a holodrama (however badly done) about a war.

~~~

Rex stifles the urge to say something about “whose father would let them watch that kind of shit” because that would confuse Miik a lot and then Ahsoka would probably give him that  _ look _ . So he just nods. “Yeah,  _ vaar’ika _ , it's up to your dad. Trust me, though, it's pretty weird.”

“Cool!” Miik fiddles with his wooden action figure for a moment. “What is attachment, anyway?” he says, after a minute. “No one ever explained it. They were just arguing.”

Rex feels Ahsoka doesn't really want to answer, so he shifts a little and shrugs. “Love, kid. Caring about people a lot.”

“Really?” Miik frowns. “And I can't be a Jedi because of that?”

“If that's what Mace said,” Rex says, feels Ahsoka reprimand him a little.

“Mace?”

“Oh yeah, that's Windu’s first name,” Rex says casually.

_ Rex, do not try to get Miik in trouble with the Council more than he already is! _

“Ooh, Mace is a cool name!” Miik says, excitedly. “Still,” he says, focusing again. “That's a dumb reason.”

“We've been saying that for ages,  _ vaar’ika. _ I think Anakin will still teach you, though, like Ahsoka said.”

“Can  _ you _ teach me something?” Miik says eagerly, to Ahsoka. She smiles a little, but before she can answer, Rex looks up to see General Kenobi making his way over to them with Anakin hovering helpfully at his side.

“That will have to wait, I'm afraid, Miik. Could you excuse us for a moment, please?” Kenobi says.

Miik grumpily slides off Ahsoka’s bunk and runs over to Kix, and Rex sits up a little straighter, rubs his face and tries to look more awake and professional. Ahsoka doesn't really try any of those things, just leans further into his side. He feels a hum of frustration from her, and he sighs.

“What is it, Generals?” he says, hopes this isn't going to be another tense conversation where they disagree over how best to help Ahsoka, because he's getting tired of those. He always leaves them feeling more worried and confused than before.

Kenobi comes over and takes a seat at the end of the bunk, folds his hands in his lap. “Anakin, find yourself a chair. Ahsoka, Rex, I have something I need to discuss with both of you. I think you both recall we've covered the issue of attachment in conversation before.”

Rex frowns, tightens his arm a little around Ahsoka. What the kriff?

~~~

The only thing keeping Ahsoka from _ snapping _ when Anakin and Obi-Wan come over is the fact that Rex feels just as bewildered and unsure as she does. So this isn't some planned ambush about her problematic _ feelings. _

Except apparently it _ is, _ just about a different set of problematic feelings, and she tenses instinctively and curls closer to Rex. “What do you want?” she asks, doesn't quite mean to be as sharply defensive as she sounds. “I'm not a Jedi anymore, you can't lecture me about attachment.”

“That's not what this is about, Snips,” Anakin says heavily, looks _ worried. _

Something is churning cold and unsettled in her stomach and she can't quite breathe normally as she says, “Then what?”

“Dependency,” Obi-Wan says, and the word echoes with finality. “Specifically, how dependent on Rex you seem to have become.”

For a moment, the world narrows to just herself and the ice and those words, echoing over and over again around her head, and her first thought is utter _ panic. _ They'll try to take him away, they _ can't, _ she won't _ let them; _ she shakes her head hard in a violent denial, instinctively backs up a bit, grabs Rex's hand and holds _ tight. _ Can't speak through the choking horror in her throat.

_ Don't let them take you away, please, _ she begs Rex desperately.  _ Please, no. _

~~~

Rex doesn't really understand what Obi-Wan means by “dependent” - of course he knows the meaning of the word, but he doesn't understand how it applies to Ahsoka and him. Ahsoka stands on her own two feet and she's not a child; how is she  _ dependent _ on him?

But then he feels raw panic from her and she grabs onto him, presses into his side, and  _ don't let them take you away _ .

_ Ahsoka, you know they wouldn't. And couldn't _ . The nagging anxiety that he's felt for the last few days starts to solidify, and he isn't sure why, but he can feel her terror and he remembers  _ I can't, won't watch you die too. It would kill me, Rex _ .

And he remembers it had felt like she  _ meant _ that.

_ You're okay, ‘Soka _ , he thinks, soothing, leans forward a little and meets Kenobi’s eyes. “What do you mean, General?”

Kenobi looks at Ahsoka, brow furrowed with concern. “Ahsoka,” and she looks at him, defiance and fear mixing on her face and this isn't right. “What would happen to you? If Rex died, what would you do?”

“I won't let that happen,” she says, fiercely, and Rex frowns, twists to look at her.

“Yes, but what if he does,” Kenobi says, insistently, and Ahsoka shakes her head, hard.

“He  _ won't _ . I'll protect him.”

Rex looks at Kenobi, sees his own worry mirrored in the General’s eyes. “Ahsoka,” Rex says gently. “You won't always be there. Just answer his question.” Although he thinks her refusal to answer is telling enough. She really… He doesn't understand how she's denying this so strongly, and he pushes carefully into her thoughts, feels nothing but panic and refusal and wanting him and  _ no no no I won't lose you too _ .

And he knows that feeling, of not being able to lose anymore, least of all her, but this is… this isn't  _ right _ . Doesn't feel good, and he eases away from Ahsoka a little, although he keeps holding her hand.

“I'm going to protect you, Rex, I'm not losing you.”  _ Don't let them take you, please _ .

_ Ahsoka, why would they take me? _ he says, almost sharply.

“Ahsoka, what does it mean if you can't face the idea of losing him?” Kenobi asks, very, very gently.

~~~

Ahsoka flinches, shakes her head. No. _ No, _ she won't, she _ will not lose him. _ “Stop it,” she snaps, clutches harder at Rex's hand, even though she knows she's starting to leave marks. She shakes her head again, presses back into the headboard, unable to meet Obi-Wan’s eyes. “I'm _ not _ going to lose him, so it _ doesn't matter!” _

“Snips,” Anakin says softly, leans forward a little. “None of us are saying you will lose him, just asking what might happen.”

She shakes her head again.  _ Rex, please. _

_ Ner'jetii, _ Rex thinks softly, projects warmth and love and calm,  _ why would they take me away? You aren't a Jedi anymore. _

_ Palpatine, Sidious, he took you away, _ she argues, sends the impression of the utter _ terror _ and desperation she'd felt when she'd been afraid she was too late to save him.

“Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan says again, softly, “if you can't tell me, there's something wrong, so please. I need you to answer me.”

No.

“I'm _ not going to. _ So it doesn't matter. So you can _ leave me alone.” _

Obi-Wan takes a deep breath. “You're dependent on him, Ahsoka,” he says, gentle. “You live for _ him _ alone. There's nothing necessarily wrong with being attached, but this goes far beyond attachment.”

“Stop it,” she says again, quickly. “You're _ wrong.” _

“Am I?” He frowns a little. “What happened the last time you nearly lost him?”

Rex feels _ worried, _ isn't projecting as much love and calm, and she shakes her head. “I protected him,” she snaps,  _ hard. _ “I saved him, and I'm never going to _ stop _ protecting him.” Her breaths are ragged, uneven, and there's a rushing sound in her montrals, and she's shaking, her hands too tight around Rex's.

This is a _ nightmare. _

~~~

Rex feels a little like he’s stepped outside the situation, like he’s watching from a short distance away, putting pieces together he’d never been able to before. Anakin looks intensely upset, a little confused, Kenobi just looks determined and resigned, like he’s thought about this for some time. And apparently, he has.

“On Kamino, when I was healing you, why did you choose to hang on?” he asks, firmly.

“Because I needed to remember Rex, I promised- I needed to get back to him.”

Kenobi’s expression says that’s what he expected, maybe knew already. Rex shifts awkwardly, brushes his thumb over Ahsoka’s knuckles a few times. “Do you remember what I told you about attachment? If it makes you abandon your principles, you’ve lost your way.”

“I haven’t abandoned anything!”

“You did on Kadavo. You said so yourself,” and Ahsoka  _ flinches _ and Rex scowls because that isn’t  _ fair _ , that had been different, and Kenobi holds up a hand to forestall him, “And I understand that. But it is a pattern, Ahsoka.” He leans forward, and if he were anyone else, Rex would be angry at him for  _ pushing _ because Ahsoka’s beginning to feel trapped. “There was Cato Neimoidia, too. I have been told that when you killed the Chancellor, you did not feel Light, Ahsoka.” Rex feels like this isn’t  _ fair _ , although part of him is still being painfully objective, analyzing, and Kenobi isn’t wrong. His voice is so, so carefully soft and understanding (and kriff him, but Rex can’t really hate him for pushing) when he says, “And you didn’t fight Dooku, Ahsoka. Not for yourself, not for Jak.”

Ahsoka is just as soft when she answers, fingers still digging into Rex’s hand. “I wish Jak would have just let him kill me.”

_ Little gods _ . Rex feels  _ sick _ , feels tired, and he curls his hand tighter around hers and tries to press more warmth against her thoughts. (It’s hard not to feel like he’s caused this somehow, like he should have  _ known _ .) She just feels cold and small and sad.

Kenobi’s expression fractures, just the tiniest bit, and Anakin looks like Ahsoka’s just stabbed him in the gut with her sabers. “And there is the problem,” Kenobi says, gently. “You would live and fight for Rex, Ahsoka, but not yourself.”

And that,  _ that _ is not right. Rex can hear his own heartbeat in his ears, finds he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, how he can help this if  _ he _ is part of the problem.

~~~

Ahsoka can't _ breathe. _

Her heart is pounding in her chest, feels like it's trying to thunder straight out of her body; everything's shaky and fuzzy and she can't quite remember how she even  _ got _ in this position. Obi-Wan leans forward again, gets _ too close, _ and he's still _ pushing _ and she can't--she won't--she shakes her head again, mute, tightens her hold on Rex.

This is all _ awful. _

“You need space, Ahsoka,” the Jedi continues gently, “to find your own strength and resolve without Rex.”

**_No!_ **

They're going to _ take him away _ and she can't, _ won't _ lose him, they _ can't do this, _ and she can't breathe, can't think, can't see, it's all just panic and horror and an awful sick foreboding in her gut and she _ chokes. _ Something's screaming in the back of her mind and she feels cool metal curl into her palm, comfort and protection and an anchor; she tightens her grip on it until it cuts into her hand, until she feels blood damp on her palm (she's trapped, she's trapped, she _ can't get out _ and they're _ taking Rex), _ and she snarls out, awful and jagged-edged and all bloody desperate horror, “You _ can't take him!” _

~~~

Oh,  _ kriff, kriff, kriff _ . Ahsoka’s nails are carving half-moons into his hand and she reaches suddenly, her saber flying from beside the bunk to land heavy in her hand, but she doesn't ignite it, just curls her hand deadly tight around it and she's never looked more like a wild thing, trapped in a corner, and Rex feels positively  _ sick _ .

Kenobi, with a resigned, saddened look on his face, scoots away on the bunk, but Anakin, looking nothing but confused, takes a few fast steps forward, like he's going to plead with her, and Rex feels that's just  _ too much _ . She ignites her saber, the hum of it  _ horribly _ loud, and Rex sees a number of the other patients panic, sees Anakin jolt back, and battle-readiness settles hard in his gut and he moves.

Pulls his hand out of Ahsoka’s, slings his legs out of the bed, and stands in front of and between Anakin and Kenobi. “Ahsoka,” he says, clear and hard despite the fear thrumming in the back of his mind. “ _ Cyare _ , stand down.” He projects sharp insistence and calm, holds her panicked gaze and doesn't move, even though her saber is pointed at him and Anakin still.

~~~

Ahsoka  _ freezes, _ takes a sharp, shuddering breath, clings tighter to her ‘saber hilt, swallows  _ hard. _ She  _ can’t let them, _ but Rex says,  _ stand down, _ and she--he--she shakes her head, trembles, forces her hand open. Shuts her ‘saber off just before she lets it fall to the bunk beside her, presses back against the headboard and tucks her knees to her chest, closes her eyes tight and shakes.  _ Rex, I can’t, I can’t do it. _

_ It’s okay, cyare, _ he soothes, drops down to sit in front of her on the bunk.  _ Easy, it’s alright, I’m not going anywhere. _

There’s footsteps, but she doesn’t open her eyes, can’t, stays small and cold and reaches almost  _ desperately _ for the ice, because when she’s frozen and cold she can’t  _ feel. _ She can’t panic, she can’t be  _ trapped, _ or at least if she is it’s in a trap of her own making. Someone speaks--Kix, she thinks, sounds  _ angry _ but controlled, deceptively calm. “Out,” he says simply. “You’ve panicked my patients enough.”

“But--” Anakin starts (he comes too close, too threatening, she’s a wild animal trapped in a corner and she can’t even  _ breathe). _

Kix cuts him off. “No.  _ Out, _ General. You can come back later.”

Ahsoka can’t think about it, can’t focus. Instead she curls, closes her eyes tighter, reaches for Rex’s mind and the ice and just tries to  _ breathe. _

~~~

Rex feels (not for the first time in his short life) completely out of his depth. He has no idea how to help Ahsoka, no idea why she's panicking so much about this - no one here could or would take him away, and he isn't going to  _ leave _ . She's getting cold again and Rex reaches fiery into her thoughts and doesn't  _ let her _ back into the ice.

He twists, gives Anakin a sharp, pleading look, and his General hesitates another second between his and Kix’s gazes before getting out of his chair and going to leave with a worried, “I'm sorry, Snips.” He seems about to motion Kenobi with him, but Rex stops him.

“General,” he says, “I need to talk to General Kenobi a minute.”

Anakin nods, walks away looking nearly small. Kenobi stands up from Ahsoka’s bunk and Rex gets up too, after briefly touching Ahsoka’s cheek.  _ I'll be right back,  _ he tells her, gestures for Kenobi to follow him a little ways away.

“Sir,” he says, and Kenobi smiles tiredly. “Sir, what the hell do I do?”

The General sighs, rubs his beard, and Rex thinks that means he doesn't really know. “Like I said, I believe she needs space to figure out how to be strong without you.”

Rex feels Ahsoka clinging hard to his thoughts and the bond, and grimaces. “Sir, I don't think… I don't think she can take that right now.”

“And that's the problem, Captain,” Kenobi says heavily. “But you're most likely correct.”

“So then what am I supposed to do if- if I'm the problem? Sir.” Rex just wants to help, wants to fix this. He has no experience with any of what's happening and Ahsoka is  _ terrifying _ him.

Kenobi sighs again. “Talk to her - I don't think she'll listen to me, not for a while. And… Do try to give her some space. With your bond it's going to be difficult, Captain, but you do understand - she must find a way to live for herself and not you.”

“Yes sir, I understand,” Rex says, and Kenobi smiles, more softly, and puts a hand on his shoulder. Rex has served with enough Jedi to catch Kenobi using a bit of the Force to try and comfort him, and he smiles at the General.

“I'm sorry, Rex,” Kenobi says, and it suddenly strikes Rex that Kenobi, too, is very young. “You both ought to have so much better, I-” He stops, shakes his head. “Never mind. I want to help, if you need me.”

“Thank you, sir,” Rex says, nodding. Obi-Wan lets go of his shoulder and turns to go with a wince; Rex heads back to Ahsoka’s bunk and sits down again, sliding an arm around her shoulders.

_ Ner’jetii, I think we should talk _ .

~~~

Ahsoka curls almost desperately into Rex’s arms, closes her eyes tight and  _ breathes, _ lets too-tight muscles relax into his arms, shaky and scared.  _ I’m sorry, Rex, I don’t--I just, _ and she shakes her head.  _ Please don’t leave. _

_ I’m not leaving, Soka, but I think General Kenobi is right. _

She shudders a little.  _ I promise I’ll get better, Rex, I’ll learn to, just--please, don’t leave, don’t let them take you away. _ She  _ will, _ she’ll make them happy, she’ll figure out how to--to live for herself, if that’s what Obi-Wan and Anakin want, if that’s what Rex wants, as long as he’ll stay. As long as they’ll let him stay. She  _ needs him, _ she can’t lose him.  _ Please, I don’t want to talk about it right now, I just, can we just-- _ and she can’t find the words, so she presses into him more, projects the impression of  _ wanting him, _ wanting to just  _ be, _ wanting his arms and his mind wrapped secure and safe and warm around her.

He won’t let her back into the ice, and okay, but if he’s going to do that he needs to--no, he doesn’t  _ need _ to do anything, but she feels like she’s collapsing, crumbling into herself, and she just wants him to  _ hold her. _

~~~

Rex frowns a little and tightens his arms around her, not sure how to proceed. They really do need to talk about this, because now that he knows what he’s looking for, he’s somewhat shaken by the patterns in Ahsoka’s thoughts, the sheer amount of terror at the prospect of losing him. Part of him understands, knows how that feels, but part of him is alarmed because it’s too much and he thinks… thinks she’s had these kinds of thoughts before. Just not like  _ this _ .

And she’s asking him to just be with her and be still but he  _ can’t _ , that’s the thing - he needs to feel like he knows what’s happening, he needs to understand, to figure this out. At the very least he wishes he could make her see what Obi-Wan was saying, why he was saying it, because it’s scaring Rex and he doesn’t know how to handle it and he feels… feels alone in this, if he’s honest.

He remembers he’d wanted to pull back and try to protect himself that way, just a few days ago, and he’s suddenly intensely glad he didn’t, resolves that’s one thing he  _ cannot _ tell her yet. Maybe not for a long time.

Finally, although he isn’t happy about it, he shifts so he’s a little more comfortable and sends her agreement, splays a hand across her lower back and rests his forehead against hers, trying to just breathe.  _ Okay, Ahsoka. Okay _ . They’ll do this. Somehow. He has to believe that.

~~~

Ahsoka relaxes more into Rex, ignores the fact that Kix is still just  _ standing _ there, watching--she can feel his eyes on her back. But she really doesn’t  _ care. _ Rex is  _ here, _ he’s holding her, she’s  _ safe _ and they aren’t going to take him and--

_ I’m sorry, Rex, I’m sorry, _ she thinks, presses her face into the curve of his neck and just  _ breathes, _ just exists, tries to stop shaking.  _ I’m sorry, I don’t know why I panicked, I just-- _ and it doesn’t even matter, she thinks, she’s just so  _ tired _ now and she’s still shaking and she wants to cry, for some reason she can’t even  _ understand. _

_ I know, _ he hums,  _ you’re okay, _ and he slips one hand underneath her chin, lifts her head so she’s looking at him, leans in and kisses her soft and gentle.  _ You’re okay, ner’jetii, I’ve got you. _

When he pulls back, he just leans his forehead on hers again, and she closes her eyes and leans into him, breathes careful and slow, trying to restore some sort of normalcy to the day. The medbay is still choked with lingering panic (and that was  _ her fault) _ and there’s pain thick as fog in the air, the ambient Force  _ full _ of it, and she swallows  _ hard. Rex? _

_ What, cyare? _

_ I wanna go to the barracks, _ she thinks, tightens her hold on him.  _ It’s too much, here, the Force is, _ and she shows him how it feels right now, so  _ heavy _ and so much.  _ It hurts. _

~~~

_ Okay _ , Rex says, soothing, pulling back a little, an idea pulling together out of all the things he's trying to figure out. Ahsoka’s been doing the best when he or Brii or Anakin or even Miik is here - and like she's just shown him, the medbay can't be helping her, a Force-sensitive, with all these other hurting people in it.

She can walk alright; her side and shoulder aren't healed yet but they'll be fine enough, he thinks. And she  _ wants _ to go to the barracks, he knows his  _ vode _ have been wanting to see her more and miss her in the mess for meals.

_ Okay _ , Rex says, firmly.  _ I'm going to talk to Kix.  _ He grabs his boots and pulls them on, doesn't bother with the rest of his armor yet. Ahsoka feels confused and still scared so he soothes her, fast, holds onto a projection of calm as he gets up, strides over to Kix and pulls him a bit further from Ahsoka’s bunk.

“I think we should move her out of the medbay now,” Rex says quietly.

Kix shakes his head, immediately. “She's still healing, Rex. She just absolutely panicked and you want to move her to the  _ barracks _ , with the men? She's not ready for that.”

Rex crosses his arms, draws himself stiff and straight-backed. “It would help. How does it feel in here to you, Kix? Cheerful?”

“No, Rex,” Kix says, ignoring his question. “I don't feel good about her side and she's barely talking to anyone.”

“And you expect that to change with her just sitting in here in bed? We can make it work in the barracks, Kix, you can send medics to check in if you need to, but she's not staying in here.”

Kix meets his eyes, scowling, crossing his arms. “You don't outrank me here, Captain, you know that. I'm saying she is until I decide she's healthy enough to leave.”

Of course Rex knows the old rule, that the medics outrank everyone when it comes to their patients’ health, and he knows Kix is doing his best, but he's  _ sure _ he's right. If Ahsoka has nothing to do but sit there thinking about how miserable the medbay feels and about the ice then how is that supposed to help? “Kix,” he says, determined and sharp, “in here the Force  _ hurts _ her. The men all want to see her, and they know enough to be careful. And kriff it, she can't try anything in the barracks. There are always  _ vode  _ there if I'm not. So this isn't a  _ discussion _ , Kix, this is what I'm doing.”

Kix swears, rubs his head and looks down. “Fine, Rex, okay.” He looks angry, and tired, and Rex eases back a little, relaxes.

“I'm sorry,” he says.

“I know. Never mind, I'm just… I'm trying my best, Rex.”

“Yeah,” Rex says wearily. “Yeah, I know.” They all are, that's the hard thing. But none of them really know what they're doing, not even Obi-Wan. This is just the best he can do.

(He refuses to consider what will happen if  _ the best he can do _ isn’t enough.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! collegefangirl3791 here!
> 
> Sorry this took us a little longer than usual. The stuff we're writing right now, Ahsoka's arc especially, is one that's very near and important to both of us, and has proven a challenge to write. For that reason, we're going to remain kind of slow and some things might read interestingly, I don't know.
> 
> We ask you all to please be safe reading this, as Ahsoka has seriously spiralling and depressive thought patterns. If you feel the need to skip over this for any reason, please do - we can give you a recap or whatever, just watch the tags and your own mental health. :)
> 
> If anyone needs a pick-me-up, send me an ask on Tumblr and I'll send you a drawing of Miik, lol. We're both on Tumblr, btw: I'm still "collegefangirl3791", and my lovely cowriter is "skywalking-across-the-galaxy."
> 
> Also! Our Kix/Ca'tra fic is nearly done (which has a couple important lil developments, if you wanna peek at that), we're going to be working on the Obitine one soon, and at some point here we'll also be writing a companion piece about Anakin per the request of a kind anon on Tumblr and because Ani needs hugs.
> 
> Anyway, sorry about the long note, enjoy the chapter!

The barracks are careful, quiet today; the usual low murmur of sound is dulled, a nervous hush falling over the occupants of the rows and rows of bunks as they waited. They’re all obviously  _ waiting, _ eyes flickering to the door every time something scrapes across the durasteel floor, making a sound even vaguely like the door opening. Brii can see it in the constant shifting of Tup’s shoulders, the way his  _ ori’vod _ deliberately forces himself to calm, to relax, to  _ not look. _

They’re all waiting for their Commander to come home.

Kix had informed  _ all of them _ in no uncertain terms what sort of behavior would be considered  _ acceptable _ around the Commander, given her current physical and mental state; the instant Kix had left the room again, Jesse had started making bets.  _ How long will it take us to break a rule? How long will it take him to notice? _ The only detriment to all that, Brii thinks, dragging the edge of his charcoal along another line, blurring the blacks and greys together with the pad of his thumb, is that Tuck is now semi-permanently assigned to the barracks to keep an eye on the Commander. (Unless Kix needs him, which is entirely plausible.)

Which means rule-breaking is going to be a lot harder.

Finally,  _ finally, _ the door hisses open, and Captain Rex walks in, slow and cautious. His arm is draped over Commander Tano’s shoulder and she’s leaning into him, heavily, but she’s  _ walking _ and she looks less pale and wan than she had the last time Brii had ‘minded’ her, so that’s good. Maybe being out of the medbay will help. He hopes so, at least--it’d be a shame to have the Commander go the way of some of the battle-weary  _ vode _ Tup’s been telling him about. He  _ likes _ the Commander, doesn’t want to see that happen--and she’s the Captain’s  _ cyare, _ so her going that way isn’t  _ allowed. _ It just isn’t.

(Like he’d told the Captain a few days ago,  _ trust your vode to have you and your cyare’s six.) _

Ahsoka doesn’t  _ smile, _ exactly, but there’s some relief in her eyes as Captain Rex helps her over to his bunk, eases her to sit down. Brii picks up his sketchbook and his colored pencils and his charcoal and stands, grins at Tup a little. “Come on,  _ ori’vod, _ let’s go welcome her back.”

“Brii, space is probably--”

But Tup doesn’t get a chance to finish the sentence, because Brii is already bouncing over to the bunk, and Domino is right in behind him (Tup and Jesse and Tuck, though he thinks Tuck is probably only coming to make sure the Commander isn’t going to get killed in the excitement), and he thinks half the 501st is coming too. “Hey, Commander!” Brii says cheerfully. “It’s good to see you back.”

“I missed you guys,” she says with a little smile, but she shrinks into Rex’s side some and she looks  _ anxious _ and he doesn’t quite understand why.

~~~

Rex reflexively tightens his arm around Ahsoka as his men come over, their expressions ranging between anxious and deliberately stoic. He knows they're all worried, just some of them are better at hiding it. Most of the veterans in the battalion are milling around a little, clearly earnestly, genuinely concerned and pleased to see her.

Rex can feel that Ahsoka is anxious, doesn't quite want to look at everyone, and he can't feel why but he thinks he understands anyway. The battalion doesn't know everything about what's wrong with her, but they know enough. And Rex thinks she wishes they didn't, is afraid of what they all think of her.

“We missed you too,” Brii says lightly, smiling, and he glances briefly at Rex, and Rex nods at him. He’s yet to get a chance to talk to Brii alone again since before the mission - although he’s certainly heard plenty from Brii about their last mission.

Ahsoka manages a smile at Brii, whose hands are all smudged with charcoal, leaving fingerprints on the outside of his sketchbook. Rex keeps meaning to ask him if he can have the drawing of himself that Brii had shown him, but he always feels too foolish when he considers it. Especially in front of the rest of his men.

He thinks he should tell Ahsoka about that drawing.

And  _ that _ gives him an idea. He’s really going to have to talk to Brii.

Jesse scoots past Brii and holds out a mug of caf, pale enough that Rex knows he’s put in all the cream and sugar Ahsoka likes in it, and he smiles, finds his throat getting tight. Damn it, but he loves his  _ vode _ sometimes. “Here, Commander. Got this for you,” and Tuck swears half-heartedly. “Bite me, Tuck,” Jesse says cheerily, crossing his arms and grinning.

~~~

Ahsoka takes the caf gratefully, smiles a little to see that Jesse’s taken the effort to make sure it’s made the way she likes. She’s not  _ supposed _ to have caf yet, but she  _ wants _ it, and it’s a sweet gesture, and since when has the battalion in general cared about when she’s  _ supposed _ to have caf?

Tuck growls out an epithet in Mando’a that she doesn’t really know, though she can catch enough of the words to parse out an approximate meaning (it’s not complimentary), but he doesn’t attempt to stop her from sipping from the mug. She’s grateful for that. She thinks she’s too tired to really enjoy fighting him for it. (A part of her thinks she shouldn’t be so  _ tired, _ still, it’s not that late and she’s hardly done anything lately, but there’s too much  _ exhaustion _ to really let her think about it.) “Don’t you dare tell Kix I let you have that,” he warns, and she musters another smile.

“Of course not, then I’d be in trouble too,” Ahsoka says, manages to sound almost cheerful. Almost. She leans into Rex’s side more, sips her caf and tries not to look too much at any one of her men. They’re almost too  _ close, _ and she tries to focus exclusively on her squad, on Tup and Brii and Tuck and Jesse. She manages to sound  _ mostly _ normal, though her voice is a bit hoarse, when she asks, “Do any new drawings lately?”

Brii  _ glows, _ plops down onto the bunk and drops his colored pencils and charcoal haphazardly beside him, flips his sketchbook open. “I did a bunch in the medbay,” he tells her, tilts the book so she can see better. There’s sketches of Miik, and Miik sitting on top of his parents’ legs (Zarak curled around Alari in the bunk), and Echo actually  _ smiling _ a little (just a tiny upward flicker of one side of his mouth, but still), and Kix working with a patient, and Kix laughing and grinning at a smiling Ca’tra, and a half-finished one of Ca’tra studiously knotting her rope. 

“They’re nice,” Ahsoka says quietly, smiles a bit more genuinely at Brii--the kid  _ lights up _ at the compliment. “You should give that sketch to Echo.”

Brii nods, though he looks a bit unsure. “I thought maybe I’d give him this one, too,” and he flips to Fives half-covered in paint and  _ laughing _ his head off, gesturing with his paintbrush at Jesse and Kix. “D’you think he’d like it?”

“I think he’ll love it,” she says honestly, leans a bit into Rex and projects as much reassurance as she can find within her to give, knowing the picture of Fives will be affecting him.

~~~

“Yeah,  _ vod _ ,” Rex says, intentionally casual. “She’s right, you should show him that.” He can’t be sure, of course, that it would be helpful, but he thinks it would be good for remembering. For the names. Echo needs to be able to remember his  _ ori’vod _ .

Brii actually  _ flushes _ \- Rex has noticed that when the kid blushes his whole face and neck turn red. “Okay,” he says. “Okay, I can do that.”

Rex keeps his arm around Ahsoka and lets part of his mind focus on her thoughts. She feels like she's paying attention to his  _ vode _ , at least, not overwhelmed even as some of his other men say hello. Akaan offers her a carving of a symbol some of the 212th likes to get tattooed: a combination of the Mando’a ‘o’ and ‘d’. It stands for  _ oya _ and  _ darasuum _ .  _ Stay alive _ and  _ forever _ , and it means long life, means fighting. There are a lot of gifts, which Rex doesn't think his  _ vode _ have ever done for a non-clone. Not like this, anyway. He hesitates, then presses that idea at Ahsoka as Lofty brings her an extra blanket.

He doesn’t know who started this tradition, or how it’s spread through the battalions, but he remembers after the battle that would later earn him the jaig eyes, those few of his batchmates that were left had given him gifts. Small things, just a canteen of whiskey. A new vibroblade (the one he’d killed Savage with and had to leave behind on Mustafar). And the paint to put the jaig eyes on his helmet, when they were awarded to him. After their mission on Zygerria, his battalion had done it again. It had been other things, smaller, like they thought he wouldn’t recognize the tradition. Offers to take his shift of latrine duty, bringing him his datapad before he was allowed back to his room, a small stone carving from one of the younger  _ vode _ of an Alderaanian symbol for  _ power _ .

Rex has done his own giving. Pieces of armor, painted; knives with polished blades; a blaster, modified to be more precise. Small things.

He knows his  _ vode _ can name where all their personal belongings came from, just like he can.

The fact that they are including Ahsoka in this is surprising in one way, not so much in another. He sends her all of this, isn’t able to send her  _ why _ because he doesn’t quite know.

~~~

Ahsoka isn’t quite sure what to think about the fact that the  _ vode _ are apparently including her in their traditions now, but she smiles a little, accepts the gifts with as much enthusiasm as she can muster. Brii flips through his sketchbook, finds a page he’s apparently torn out already, offers it to her with an almost  _ sheepish _ grin on his face. “Here,” he says. “I hope you like it?”

It’s a drawing in bright, vivid, rich colors, shows one of the chairs in the medbay, Rex sitting in it, with  _ her _ curled up in a blanket on his lap--both of them are sound asleep, Rex with a datapad loose in his hand. It’s  _ beautiful _ and she stares at it in shock, remembers the incident after Kamino, one of the rare times they’d fallen asleep together in that room and the medics had actually  _ left _ them there. She traces one finger over the image a little, swallows hard and tries to stifle a sudden flood of tears. “It’s--I love it, Brii,” she chokes out, leans hard into Rex and hides her face a little. Rex tightens his arm around her, hums happy love in her mind.

_ You’ve seen it before? _ she asks, seeing his recognition of the image.

_ Yeah, _ he admits.  _ Brii… talked some sense into me, showed me some of his drawings. He hadn’t finished the color, though. _ She gets the sense he’s not really telling her everything, but that’s okay tonight--today--whenever it is, her internal clock is all out of whack still. 

“Um,” Brii says, hesitantly, “can somebody tell me if this is good crying or bad crying?”

Ahsoka laughs into Rex’s shoulder, pulls back just enough to say clearly, “Good crying, Brii, don’t worry. It’s perfect.”

“Oh, okay,  _ good,” _ he says fervently, and someone--she’s pretty sure Tup--laughs. “Well, I didn’t actually mean to see you guys that day, but Kix commed me and said I needed to draw it so, well, yeah.”

~~~

“And it’s great,” Rex tells him. The finished drawing is better than the sketch had been, even, and he wants Brii to know he’s grateful he showed it to them.

Brii’s nearing scarlet, at this point, and Rex can’t help a smile, shakes his head.

“Thank you, Brii,” Ahsoka says, softly, sounding a little choked still.

“You’re welcome,” he says, scuffs his foot on the floor and rubs his fingers over the spine of his sketchbook (and smears more charcoal on it). He has charcoal on his nose, too. Rex thinks someone should probably mention that to him. He’s not going to though, it’s too entertaining, and he can feel that Ahsoka thinks it’s funny.

The group of _vode_ disperses, just a little; everyone finds somewhere to sit, pull out datapads and blasters and whatever else they have to keep their hands busy. Brii opens his sketchbook again, Jesse sets about cleaning a blaster rifle, and Tuck leans against a nearby bunk with a look that says _behave_ _yourselves_.

Ahsoka’s still staring at the picture Brii gave her, and Rex thinks Brii just… knows how to show people what they need to see. He nudges her thoughts a little.  _ He’s good at that. Don’t know how he does it, really. He has more drawings of us, you know. _

~~~

Ahsoka blinks.  _ He does? _ “Brii?” Brii looks up from his sketchbook--he’s pulled out his charcoal again and is smudging away at something-- “Is that Savage Opress?” she asks, eyes going wide, and Brii goes  _ crimson _ and splays his hand out over the page in a feeble attempt to hide the image.

“No?”

“Liar,” she says with a little smile, and he goes even redder, if that’s possible. “You can hide it if you want, though, I just want to see the other drawings you’ve done of Rex and I.”

Brii shakes his head rapidly. “They’re not done!” he protests, rubs his hand up the side of his nose and across his forehead and through his hair, leaving another streak of charcoal on his skin, and she can’t help it: she laughs.

“You’ve got a little something on your face,” she says, grinning at him, and Brii’s smile goes  _ wide _ and bright and blinding.

“Good,” he says cheerfully. “It can stay there if you think it’s funny! I’ve got a bet to win, after all.”

She kriffing  _ knew it. _

_ “Ori’vod, _ look at your hands,” Tup suggests, and Brii looks down at the charcoal all over his fingers and palms and  _ swears. _

“Kriffing  _ hells, _ I have charcoal all over my face, don’t I,” he says feelingly, and he buries his head in his hands for a moment before swearing again, an impressive string of Huttese she’s pretty sure he picked up from Anakin. “Kark it, I give up, I should just tattoo my face all black.”

When he pulls his hands down, there’s two almost-perfect handprints on his cheeks and forehead. Brii has a look on his face that’s surprisingly reminiscent of Obi-Wan when Anakin is being stupid, a mixture of resignation and mild horror. 

It’s  _ hilarious. _

Jesse pulls out his datapad, snaps a holo-image before Brii can even blink, starts cackling to himself and doing something on the ‘pad’s screen, prompting a gale of laughter from the  _ vode _ behind him who can see. Brii just looks  _ more _ resigned.

Ahsoka laughs again, leans into Rex and smiles at her  _ vode. _ She really does love them.

~~~

Ahsoka has laughed more in the past few minutes than she has in  _ days _ , and it’s twisting Rex’s stomach up into knots. The good kind, mostly. He rubs the back of his neck and grins at her. “You should show her some of the pictures,  _ vod _ ,” he says. Doesn't look over at Brii because he's memorizing the curve of Ahsoka's smile and the glint of light in her blue eyes.

Brii makes a face, more comical than usual with all the grey-black smudges on his features, and comes over, Tup behind him. He has been drawing Savage, Rex sees - but also him, again, and he tries and fails to stifle a certain prideful warmth. “Really, Brii,” he says, lightly, dryly. “You should stop drawing such flattering pictures of me. They're getting to my head.” It's the closest he feels he can get to a thank you for the first drawing with all his  _ vode _ here.

Brii grins a little uncertainly, rubs a line with his thumb till it blurs. “That's kind of the point, sir.”

Rex snorts, tries not to smile too wide. “Shut up, kid,” he says, and Brii smirks a little, still quite red.

~~~

Ahsoka smiles at the look on Brii’s face--how the kid can smirk and  _ blush _ at the same time is beyond her, but it’s kriffing adorable--and shifts so she’s sitting more in Rex’s lap, leaning against his chest with an arm tucked around his waist. “Can I see the pictures, Brii?” she asks again, and Brii flushes more and nods a little.

There’s the picture of her stealing Rex’s caf, of course, also done all in color, and she smiles warmly at it, remembering the incident all-too-well. (Tuck had been  _ furious, _ but it’d been worth it.) Another picture, and how the kriff had Brii even  _ seen _ this? In it, Rex is in his blacks, she’s back in her dress and leggings (both of them barefoot), and they’re sparring hand-to-hand (Rex is still better than she’ll ever be, but she’s got him in a hold, though he’s about to break it and take her down to the floor and pin her, if she’s remembering the particular spar right; of course, despite the fact that he’d technically won, she’d used the advantageous position to kiss him, so really it’d been a win on both their parts). There’s another picture or two of them in the medbay in various positions, her flopped on the bunk and him laughing at her, or her sprawled out watching something on a datapad--probably Hero With No Fear, because Rex is  _ glaring _ and she’s smirking.

“These are all amazing,” she says, can’t keep herself from giggling a little at the last one. “What was I watching, Hero With No Fear?”

“Probably,” Rex grumbles. “What  _ else _ do you watch?”

Which is a fair point. She shrugs one shoulder. “Everything else is shit.”

“Hero With No Fear is shit  _ too,” _ he points out, and she twists a little to smile brilliantly up at him.

“Of course it is, but it’s  _ entertaining _ shit, there’s a difference,” and she projects smug amusement at him. Stabs a finger into his chest, lightly but firmly, to make her point. Literally.

“Nothing about it is entertaining,  _ ner’jetii,” _ he grouses, outwardly irritated--but she can feel he’s amused and  _ happy, _ bright and warm and joyous at the fact that she’s  _ laughed, _ she’s smiling. “And you’re  _ blue, _ for kriff’s sake.”

She shrugs again. “I dunno if that’s a bad thing,” she says casually. “Fives said I looked good in blue, you know,” and she hums a little and pushes a memory of the dress she’d worn on Kiros, his reaction to it.

“Kriff Fives,” Rex says, and brings one hand up to trail over the markings on her face (she hums in pleasure, closes her eyes and leans into the touch).  _ “I’m _ the one who gets to decide what you do and don’t look good in,  _ cyare.” _

_ Or look good  _ **_not_ ** _ in, _ she thinks, smirks lazily up at him, because she’s out of the medbay and everything feels light and happy and warm and  _ free _ here, the Force calm and warm and bright.

~~~

_ Mm, yeah, that too, _ he thinks, smirks back (although he knows he's gone a bit red) and brushes his thumb over her cheekbone as he leans in to kiss her. Predictably, someone whistles, and Rex rolls his eyes before leaning back and snapping, “Dish detail,  _ vod _ .” Then he kisses her again, notices Brii shuffling awkwardly by them but doesn't really care except to grin against her lips.

Ahsoka smiles at him, eyes sparkling with amusement, and it's true, Rex thinks, that blue is a good color for her.  _ Because of your eyes _ , he says.  _ It works _ . He traces the chevrons on her back headtail absentmindedly, and she hums a little, almost a purr. Damnit, he loves that she's  _ happy _ right now.

He did  _ something _ to help, something that's working, and that puts a steady warmth of triumph in his stomach.

Brii, somewhat sheepishly after a moment of awkward hesitation, scrambles back to the bunk he’d been sitting on and flips his sketchbook back to the original page he'd been working on, and Rex smiles after him, the memory slipping through unbidden of the drawing Brii had done him, how it had made him feel, seeing himself through his  _ vod’s _ eyes. There's no guilt that gets through with the memory this time because right now he's just happy, just thinking about the drawing and not the circumstances that prompted Brii to show it to him. He lets the memory of it stay for a moment.

~~~

_ It’s true, you know, _ Ahsoka thinks in response to the memory Rex lets her see; she holds on to her happiness and to the picture Brii had given her and the warmth of Rex’s joy, wields it all as a shield against the ice, against the cold numbness. She’s tired and she wants to sleep, wants to dream, but this is the warmest, the brightest, the happiest she’s felt in days and she’s not going to let the ice take it, not today.

So she curls into Rex’s shoulder and smiles, listens to the men as they laugh and talk, doesn’t say much (they seem to understand), just basks in it all. Right now, at least, everything is good.

~~~

Rex finally gets some time with just Brii that evening, after he’s finished his dinner - he always eats fast so he has time to get tasks done and keep an eye on everything, and Brii always eats fast because he wants to run off and do other things. That means they finish before most of their  _ vode _ do, and Rex catches Brii’s arm as he scurries off, probably to draw again.

“Hey,  _ vod _ , I need to talk to you,” he says, gesturing with his head toward the side of the room. “Just for a minute.”

“Okay,” Brii says, a little uncertain, so Rex smiles at him as they walk over to the quieter area of the mess. The kid still gets so anxious around his superiors sometimes, which Rex knows they can thank the longnecks for.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a few days,” Rex says, seriously, finds he’s not sure how to say what he wants to. But he knows it will make Brii happy, and hopefully then Ahsoka, too. So he doesn’t overthink it. “That drawing you did, kid, and the stuff you said… It meant a lot to me. Actually, I don’t think…” He pauses, because some admissions still stick hard in his throat however sure he thinks he is. “I don’t think I would have been able to fight Savage, if you hadn’t knocked some sense into me. So thanks.”

He doesn’t think Brii exactly expected him to say anything like that; the kid’s eyes go wide and Rex lets one corner of his mouth curve in an amused smirk. “Seriously, sir?”

Rex snorts, grins. “Yeah, Brii, seriously.”

~~~

Brii has  _ no idea _ how to respond, except flushing and stuttering and probably making a total fool of himself. “Um. Thanks? You’re welcome?” He cringes a little, stammers a bit more, scuffs his feet. What the kriff is he supposed to say? “Uh, do you think--would it help the Commander if I did one for her?”

Rex nods, smiles. “Yeah, I was actually gonna ask you if you would. I can get you something in return, a new sketchbook or some paint.”

Whoa.  _ Cool. _ He gets to maybe help Commander Tano get better?  _ Wizard. _ And he gets new something for it too! And then he  _ grins, _ a thought occurring to him. “Sir?”

“Yeah, Brii?”

“Does this mean that I helped kill  _ Savage Opress?” _ Brii knows his eyes are wide and eager and maybe just a  _ touch _ pleading, because he  _ knows _ the power of his so-called  _ pleading looks _ (confirmed by Tup). 

Rex chuckles. “Sure, kid,” he says, and Brii pumps his fist victoriously.

_ “Yes!” _ he shouts, and then blushes, lowers his voice. “I should yell at you more often, sir!”

~~~

Rex is all for Brii being more confident, but he straightens his shoulders and fixes Brii with an unamused glare. “You got away with it once, trooper. I wouldn’t try it again.” He can hardly have the kid chastising him regularly.

Brii is smiling bright and embarrassed and daring still, so Rex isn’t terribly surprised when he says, “No promises, sir,” biting his lip a little.

Rex raises an eyebrow and meets his eyes until Brii looks down, clearing his throat. “What do you want for the drawing, Brii? I can get Kenobi to get you some good pens or pencils, I think.” If Rex talks to Anakin, Anakin can probably talk to Obi-Wan about getting Rex what he needs.

Brii hesitates, scuffing his foot and looking torn. “Well, sir, I have my sketchbook because Fives gave it to me, and it’s almost full, but I… I’ll just do it for Commander Tano, for a gift.”

Rex smiles, soft, and nods. “Okay, Brii.” He’ll get Brii a new sketchbook anyway. Not that the kid would ever guess he’d do that. “Thanks,  _ vod _ .”

“I told you, sir,” he says, grinning. “We have the Commander’s six.”

“I know you do.” Rex puts his hand around the back of Brii’s neck, presses his forehead against his  _ vod’s _ for a moment. “Thank you,  _ vod’ika _ .”

Brii pulls back, nods hesitantly. “Yeah, Captain.”

Rex claps a hand on Brii’s shoulder and starts back to the table where Ahsoka is still working her way through her dinner. He thinks Brii is a little shocked still, which is funny enough that he laughs to himself as he walks, settles casually down next to Ahsoka, his back to the table.

_ What’s with you? _ Ahsoka elbows him lightly, presses against the shields he has up around the conversation.

_ It’s a secret, ner’jetii. Eat your dinner and don’t push me about it, I’m not telling you _ . He keeps his mental voice light so she knows he’s not hiding anything too serious.

Ahsoka presses irritation into his thoughts, but he smirks and sends an impression of  _ you can try _ ; he’s not letting her see his conversation with Brii. The picture is going to be a surprise.

And he can’t wait.

~~~

Ahsoka has laughed more around Miik, Anakin thinks, than she has around any other person besides  _ maybe _ Brii (and Rex, obviously). Which means  _ obviously _ Miik needs to make her laugh more, be around her more. 

And Anakin thinks he has just the plan for how to make that happen.

“Hey, kid,” he says, waving to Miik as the kid enters the mess with Zarak right behind him; Miik’s eyes light up and he  _ bounces _ over to Anakin’s table, plops down.

“Hi, Anakin! Look what Akaan made me!” Miik holds out a small figurine of… Anakin himself? “Isn’t it  _ wizard?” _

Anakin grins, although it’s a bit weird. “Yeah, kid, that’s  _ awesome.” _ He thinks. If a person wanted a figurine of the Hero With No Fear, anyway. Zarak glares a bit, and Anakin remembers  _ no gifts _ is one of the rules, but whatever. Kriff him, he needs to relax anyway. “Hey, I’ve got a  _ mission _ for you, Miik. It’s  _ uber important. _ Can I trust you with it?”

“Absolutely!” Miik cheers.

“And,” Anakin adds, grins knowingly, “if you do it I’ll teach you how to mind trick people. Which you aren’t supposed to get to learn until a lot later. Deal?”

~~~

Miik would have been up for any mission Anakin gave him anyway, but when Anakin says he’ll teach Miik  _ mind tricks? _ Anakin could ask Miik to jump off this building and he’d do it if he got to learn a real Jedi trick. He peeks at his papa, who just looks like he’s given up; he shrugs, and Miik cheers again. “Okay! Deal, deal, deal. What do I need to do?” He scrunches his neck down so he can bury his nose into the collar of his shirt, tugs his hands into his sleeves and gets comfy.

Anakin grins at him. “That kind of thing would work,” he says wryly, and Miik frowns. Weird, but okay. “I need you to help me cheer up Ahsoka,” Anakin clarifies. “You know she’s been sad lately, right?”

“Yep.” Miik knows. Brii has told him that Ahsoka didn’t used to be this sad, but she is now all the time when Miik sees her. His mama didn’t use to be sad all the time either. Miik doesn’t understand why that has to happen to people. “And you want me to help?”

“Yeah, kid,” Anakin says. “Don’t pester her too much, but she just needs to smile more, and you’re good at making people smile.”

Miik glances back at Papa, who looks less grumpy now, gives him one of his softer smiles that means Miik is doing good. “Okay,” he says. “Okay, I can do that.” He pauses, then shifts in his seat, eases his hands back out of his sleeves. “So are you going to teach me how to mind trick people now?”

“Yep. I’ll teach you and then you can practice on the soldiers if you want.” Anakin feels like he thinks something’s funny, but Miik doesn’t worry about it. He’s going to learn  _ real Jedi stuff _ even though he isn’t supposed to. Anakin is the  _ best _ .

~~~

Ahsoka’s sprawled on Rex’s bunk, watching a Hero With No Fear holo (much to Jesse’s and Tup’s amusement, and Brii’s irritation--he’s trying to  _ draw something, _ apparently, and the explosions and constant snarking from his  _ vode _ are messing him up), when Miik comes bouncing into the barracks, looking about as excited and smug as he had when he’d convinced one of the troopers to give him extra uj cake. “Hi, Ahsoka!” he says brightly, jumps up onto the bunk on her legs.

She smiles a little, because he’s  _ cute, _ but also winces because  _ ow _ that hurts. “Hey, kid, can you… get off my legs?” Today is not so good--Rex has taken to spending part of the day away from her with the bond restricted down to almost  _ nothing, _ thinner than it’s been almost since it formed. She  _ knows _ he thinks he’s doing the right thing, but it  _ hurts _ and it’s  _ hard _ and she  _ misses him, _ wants him. The back-and-forth of emotions is so dim and faint a part of her is constantly panicking, terrified she’s about to  _ lose him _ again, and it makes it hard to think, to focus on anything that’s not trying to reach him through his shields. Hence watching Hero With No Fear in an attempt to distract herself from Rex’s absence, which hurts like a physical injury, a phantom pain stabbing her heart.

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Miik says, scoots to one side so he’s not on her legs anymore. “Hey, guess what? Anakin’s teaching me how to do mind tricks!”

“Oh, kriffing  _ great,” _ Jesse grouses irritably. “Just what we need. The  _ vaar’ika _ doing mind tricks everywhere.”

Ahsoka tilts her head to one side, vaguely curious through the emptiness in her head. “Why do you guys call him  _ pipsqueak?” _

Miik blinks.  _ “That’s _ what  _ vaar’ika _ means? Akaan said it just means a small person!”

“Well,” Tup says, blinks a little. “I mean. It does?”

She snorts a little, goes back to watching the holo. Technicalities for the win, she supposes distantly.

~~~

Miik supposes that he should be embarrassed that all the humans are apparently calling him a pipsqueak - after all, he isn't  _ that _ small and even if he was, he's very strong. He should yell at Akaan for lying to him later. Maybe he can get a new toy out of it.

“We call him pipsqueak,” Jesse says, coming over and mussing up the fur on top of Miik’s head, “because he's the skinniest kid we've ever seen.”

Still rude, but true. Miik bats Jesse’s hand away and smooths his fur down again. “I'm not that skinny,” he grumbles. Although he might be. He doesn't know what humans expect kids to look like.

He's gotten Ahsoka to smile a  _ little _ , since coming in, but that's not good enough. Not for a  _ mission _ . “Once Anakin teaches me those mind tricks,” he announces, a little overdramatically because he hopes it will get more of a smile out of Ahsoka,”I'm going to make all of you bring me so much extra uj cake. Especially you, Lofty,” because Lofty is the most annoying one about not letting him have too much cake. Except Sniper, but Sniper isn't here.

Ahsoka does smile a little bit, just as the sound of an explosion comes from her datapad. Miik decides to ignore all the grumbling humans and scoots over to peer around at her screen. There's an overly-muscly guy gesturing dramatically at a high wall, shouting something about justice. It's stupid, except the guy has a  _ lightsaber _ so Miik wriggles down to lay on his back by Ahsoka where he can see the screen better. That gets laughter out of the soldiers and a little snort and half-smile from Ahsoka.

“Is this that holo about Anakin?” Miik asks, fascinated.

“Yep,” she says.

It is, Miik decides,  _ really cool _ . Except the big speech the guy with the lightsaber (probably Anakin) is still giving. What's the big deal, can't they just storm the bad guys already?

“I told you you had to ask your papa before watching this,” Ahsoka says, and Miik shrugs.

“I did,” he lies. Actually, he'd forgotten to ask.

Ahsoka lets it go, just watches the holo, and Miik decides he should be quiet and watch too. It's  _ exciting _ , and he accidentally keeps elbowing her and flicking her with his ears when he gets excited because he's very bad at lying still. It's just that the lightsaber fighting is so  _ cool _ and he's itching to try it.

~~~

Ahsoka can  _ tell _ Miik is lying--he’s really an atrocious liar--but she doesn’t have the energy (or the desire, honestly) to tell him off for it. And she’s not going to turn off the holo, because it’s at least  _ sort of _ distracting her from the aching emptiness, and she doesn’t want to  _ think. _ So she mostly ignores him, lets the ‘pad automatically play the next episode when the one she’s watching ends, stays quiet because talking takes too much energy.

After a bit, Miik abruptly shifts on the bunk and says, “When my mama is sad and quiet she likes snuggling. It makes her happier,” and he smiles brightly and wriggles his way under one of her arms. And then reaches into a pocket and pulls out a piece of jerky. “Here! I don’t have any uj cake or I’d give you some of that. Sorry,” and he shrugs a little, looks a bit apologetic. “But you can have some jerky.”

Ahsoka takes the jerky with a little smile, even though she’s  _ tired _ and doesn’t really want it, sighs. “Thanks, Miik,” she says quietly. And it  _ does _ help, having his small, warm,  _ wriggly _ body under her arm, even though his fur tickles and itches a bit and he keeps  _ elbowing _ her in the side. And cheering  _ way too loudly _ at all the explosions… right in her montrals. Ow. But he’s  _ cute _ and he’s right, it helps, and so she huffs a little sigh and scratches behind his ears a bit and relaxes some.

It’s still hard to think, without Rex, but she’s not  _ drowning _ in the emptiness anymore.

~~~

It had taken many awkward discussions with a number of confused or outright dismissive vendors for Rex to find a sketchbook to get Brii, and even then his meager supply of credits had barely paid for it. But now he has the sketchbook wrapped in thin plastic under his arm, on his way to his bunk - hopefully Brii won't notice it until Rex is ready to give it to him. He can barely, barely feel Ahsoka - that’s his decision, but it’s proven to be harder than he anticipated. Still, he stubbornly keeps his shields up, because he thinks this is the right way to help. Even if it’s nerve-wracking.

He gets back to the barracks, is about to walk in when he hears, “Hey Rex!” and a speeder drops down next to him, the recklessness of the maneuver alone telling Rex that it's his General piloting. Senator Amidala sits in the back of the speeder, looking completely unruffled by Anakin’s… interesting flying, and Rex snaps to attention.

“Hey, General,” he says. “Senator Amidala.”

The Senator nods to him, smiling as Anakin jumps out of the speeder and offers her a hand out.

“What do you need, sir?” Rex says - Anakin has been busy lately, too busy to come to the barracks, and Senator Amidala has  _ never _ visited the clone barracks, not on Coruscant and certainly not on the  _ Resolute _ . It wouldn't be right, somehow, even if she and Anakin are married. (Which is kriffing weird, that his General is married to anyone, especially  _ Senator Amidala _ , so much more poised than him, if no less reckless.)

“Actually, Padme was hoping to talk to you and maybe some of your men,” Anakin says, and Rex frowns under his helmet, because he’s not exactly unfamiliar with Senator Amidala, but he’s also not comfortable enough with her to carry on a proper  _ discussion _ . Still, it isn’t really up to him, so he nods.

“Of course, sir. Happy to be of service.”

Senator Amidala smiles at him. She has a way of making people feel like she knows them and cares about them when she smiles, he’d noticed that the first time he met her. If he didn’t know her fairly well, he wouldn’t trust her. “Is there somewhere we can sit, Captain?”

“Yes, Senator - if you don’t mind following me?” She agrees, so Rex leads her into the barracks, through some less-frequented hallways to Cody’s office. Cody is  _ never _ in the office, but it’s technically his when they’re on Coruscant - it’s one of the few places in the barracks Rex thinks they won’t be disturbed.

~~~

Padme isn’t sure where in the barracks she is, exactly; she nudges her bond with Anakin, lightly, finds he’s in the main part of the barracks where the men sleep--probably checking in on Ahsoka, she’d guess. He’s been quite worried about her lately. They all have.

The room looks like an office, though it also appears entirely  _ uninhabited, _ which leads her to believe it belongs to one of the clones--they don’t seem to have much use for offices or separate rooms away from their brothers, from what she’s found. Which is all very interesting. Still, there are a pair of chairs shoved haphazardly against one wall, and Padme takes one, drags it into the center of the room, gestures for Rex to do the same.

“It’s good to see you recovered from the Senate battle, Captain Rex,” she says with a warm smile--partly because it  _ is _ good, partly because she wants to set him at ease. “How is Ahsoka doing?”

Rex pulls his helmet off, sets it down beside his chair and sighs. “She’s… not great, Senator,” he admits, looks  _ torn up _ by those four words, and she swallows a little, nods. She knows how that feels.

“I’ve had to talk Ani through some difficult times. Perhaps I could speak with her, maybe help her?” she offers, and the Captain nods almost desperately.

“Please, Senator,” he says feelingly.

She smiles again. “I’d be glad to,” she says, and then shifts a bit, pulls out her datapad. “Anyway, Captain, I was wondering if you would be willing to tell me some about clone culture and traditions--I’m working on a Clone Rights bill that will recognize clones as unique, fully-sentient beings, allocated all rights and privileges of Republic-allied worlds and species, and which will  _ hopefully _ help us acquire a planet for your  _ vode _ to settle on. To that end, I need to be able to prove, without a shadow of a doubt, to the Senate that you  _ are _ a fully-developed civilization, with your own culture and method of civil organization and--” she pauses, because Rex seems a bit overwhelmed by all that, and smiles a bit ruefully. “I apologize. The short, non-political version is I’m trying to gather evidence of clone culture to prove you are just as sentient as humans or twi’leks or Togrutans or any one of the thousands of species who are members of the Republic.”

~~~

It's somewhat ungrateful of him, Rex thinks, that his first thought at that is  _ oh kriff _ . It's great, of course, that Senator Amidala is taking up this fight for them; he trusts her with it, although she isn't  _ vode _ . It's just this part he doesn't want to do, telling a Senator (and by extension the whole Senate) about all the things he and his  _ vode _ do that have always just been theirs. He folds his hands together, says, “Alright, Senator, although I don't think… I think you'll find most of my brothers won't be eager to share with you. No offense, it's just, we don't talk about this stuff.”

Senator Amidala taps something into her datapad, nodding. “I understand, Captain. Anything will help me, though.”

And she doesn't  _ really _ understand, but then most people never really will, so Rex nods. Where can he even  _ start _ , he hasn't exactly thought about this before except in passing.

After a moment of awkward silence and Rex wishing he could sink through the floor, Senator Amidala decides to help. “I've heard some of you speaking Mando’a,” she says, smiling at him encouragingly. “Do you all speak it?”

Rex nods, tightens his fingers together. “Yeah. Kind of. We spoke it more when we were cadets, especially us early batches that Jango Fett helped train. The Kaminoans didn't like us speaking it too much, so they tried to condition us to just speak Basic. Didn't quite work, so we all just speak a mix. Younger batches mostly learn it from their battalions, I think.”

“Interesting,” Padme says, like she means it. “Have you taken anything else from Mandalorian culture?”

Rex reaches down and taps his helmet. “The jaig eyes - a combat honor. Some sayings and vows.” Traditions that soldiers have no time to make for themselves. “Things we say for the dead.” He thinks he should explain that more, talk about their names and  _ I remember you, so you are eternal _ . And about how they've never been able to bury their dead, so they write their names down, recite them, and try not to think about the  _ vode _ with no one to remember them. But it sticks in his throat when he tries to talk, feels heavy and so kriffing personal, and he doesn't  _ want _ the Senate hearing what they do for their lost brothers when they won't understand, won't  _ care _ .

~~~

The more Rex says about clone culture, in a halting, hesitant way, the more intrigued and, frankly,  _ excited _ Padme gets. This is all  _ fascinating, _ and it’s an effort to restrain herself, to keep from pushing too much, because she can  _ tell _ he’s reluctant to reveal too much. From what she’s experienced and heard, the clones are intensely private. They don’t seem to like sharing their culture with anyone outside their  _ vode _ and a certain few people (mainly Jedi Generals and Commanders) who’ve been ‘adopted’ into the family. Which is another interesting thing--and she would bet money that this tendency is due to the Kaminoans’ constant conditioning, attempting to force the clones to be  _ units, _ not sentients. She types all that out in italics, a note to  _ consider later, _ refocuses on the current conversation.

“Would you mind telling me a bit about your death rites?” Padme asks, notices how Rex’s eyes go shuttered and defensive at the question. “I understand this is difficult, Captain, but I believe the best way to make the Senate and the general public realize you aren’t droids is to show what you do for your lost brothers.”

Rex sighs a little, nods.  _ “Ni su’cuyi, gar kyr’adyc. Ni partayli, gar darasuum. _ It means  _ I’m still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal.” _ He shrugs a little, almost self-consciously. “We don’t get the luxury of funeral pyres, Senator, or even graves. We don’t have the time it’d take to recover the bodies of millions of clones, much less the space to burn or bury that many of us. But we can make sure we never forget the  _ vode _ who aren’t lucky enough to survive. As long as  _ someone _ remembers them, they’re still alive, in a way.”

Padme can barely swallow around a sudden ache in her throat; she closes her eyes, stops typing for a moment. “That’s… beautiful, Rex,” she murmurs softly, opens her eyes again and gives him a genuine smile. “Thank you for sharing with me.”

Rex looks… surprised by her reaction, and he won’t quite meet her eyes, glances down at the floor--the only outward sign he’ll show of nerves or embarrassment or--discomfort, really. He half-shrugs, says gruffly, “Is there anything else you wanted to know?”

Padme shakes her head to clear it, gathers herself, taps out a few notes on her datapad, smiles again. “Whatever you’re willing to tell me.”

He shrugs again. “We give each other gifts after… hard battles. Ask any  _ vod, _ he can tell you exactly where everything he owns comes from.”

“And that’s important to you? Knowing the origin of your possessions?”

Rex nods. “Yeah.”

She tilts her head to one side, considering. “Can you verbalize the reason why?” She’s interested more for her own curiosity’s sake than anything else, but she also knows that everything she can learn could end up being the piece of information she needs to convince the Senate to pass the bill.

He shakes his head, frowns a bit. “It’s… it’s a way to remember, to value our  _ vode,” _ and he shrugs. “And we don’t have much that’s  _ ours, _ so the little we do have is precious. But,” and he frowns again, like he’s thinking, weighing his words carefully. “We all know that someday, that gift is going to be the only thing we have left of the  _ vod _ who gave it. Like,” and pain flickers across his golden eyes, “Brii’s sketchbook was a gift from Fives.”

Fives is a name Padme recognizes--the ARC trooper who’d been killed during the Senate battle, and she bows her head a moment in acknowledgement of that loss. It’d hit Anakin  _ hard, _ the fact that he hadn’t been able to save Fives and Dogma.

~~~

It doesn't exactly  _ surprise _ Rex that Senator Amidala is being so respectful, but he finds himself noting and appreciating it anyway. It makes it marginally easier to explain everything.

“The gifts make us feel more like… like people, too,” he says gruffly. Giving and receiving. It feels like acknowledging the other person, their individuality. “Gotta know what you like, what the other person likes, for gifts.” And units don't  _ like  _ things. People do.

“You said you do this after the difficult battles?” the Senator asks, nodding, and Rex almost thinks she understands.

“Yeah.”

“Why then?”

Rex doesn't really think he knows, not until he starts answering and it suddenly makes sense. “Because then we have to be sure,” he says. “That we'll remember each other. That we're sentients and not clankers. We get angry, Senator, or lost, and we grieve, and then that's all we have.” It should feel vulnerable to say that (and part of him hurts and he glances away from Padme to see Fives sitting in the corner of the office), but it doesn't really. Just tired and a little defiant.

Padme sighs a little and nods, tapping almost absently on the screen of her datapad. “It's important to you that you're not just soldiers,” she says, and it's not a question but Rex answers anyway.

“Yeah. The shinies don't always understand at first, but then when you fight and you lose batchmates you learn - it's better if you're more than a number. Better if your  _ vode  _ are too.”

~~~

Padme enters a few more lines into her datapad, nods. “My goal is to make the general public see that you’re more than numbers, Captain,” and she sighs, turns her datapad’s screen off, tucks it away in the pocket of her long vest. “Thank you very much for your help.”

“It was no problem,” Rex says, standing and grabbing his helmet. “Can I do anything else for you, Senator Amidala?”

Padme shakes her head, stands. “If I have any other questions, may I contact you?” He nods, and she smiles gratefully. “Thank you, Rex. Oh, one thing, actually--do you know where Commander Cody is?”

“The armory, I think,” Rex says, and she smiles again.

“Thank you,” she says, again, and she steps lightly around him, makes for the hallway and the armory. She has a special request to make of Cody, one she hopes he will take under serious consideration.

~~~

Things feel… tense, today. Have for a while, really, which Rex thinks is mostly because of what he’s been doing, closing down the bond and going off on his own most days. He’s at least mostly sure it’s the right way to handle things, but it’s just made everything feel  _ off _ .

He and Ahsoka are wandering the Temple, because it’s a change of pace and makes him feel less restless. Leave is rarely relaxing for him, just too much empty space - even with Ahsoka. Now that it’s officially over, though, his battalion could be assigned a campaign at any time and that doesn’t feel good either. Rex  _ wants _ to be better at enjoying the times he’s not fighting, but it doesn’t come easy, and it’s harder with everything that’s happening with Ahsoka. She doesn’t feel what he considers  _ normal _ , feels all cold and closed off, and he doesn’t really know how to deal with it.

They’ve tried a number of topics of conversation and lapsed into silence each time, and he can feel that frustrates her as much as it does him. He doesn’t know how to do any of this, has never learned, and he’s trying his best but that doesn’t feel good enough. Being with his men helps - they’ve always respected him, always trusted him, but lately it’s been different, in a good way. He thinks. It’s strange. Some of them have begun calling him the Sith-Killer, which he has to admit has a nice ring to it.

It’s easier to feel like they can  _ do this _ when his men keep reminding him he’s killed a kriffing  _ Sith _ .

Brii’s helping, too, helping both of them. The kid’s sketch of Ahsoka is coming along well too (Rex thinks), although Brii keeps saying it isn’t. Rex thinks that Brii remembers him talking to Fives before, because anytime Rex gets too lost in thought, starts getting too anxious, Brii cuts into his line of vision and starts talking. Most of the time it isn’t necessary, but he appreciates it anyway.

Ahsoka presses at his thoughts, suddenly, projecting concerned curiosity, and he feels her nudging at the memory of his conversation with Brii, which he hasn’t quite shielded. He isn’t sure whether to tell her about it, so he pulls armor around it gently and sighs, thinking for a second. He  _ wants _ to tell her about it, but it’s a sensitive thing.

“After… After Utapau, I was… afraid for you,” he says quietly, feels a thread of sameness, of remembered fear. “And I went to the mess to get a drink and I… I had,  _ have _ been, um, seeing Fives.”

~~~

Ahsoka is  _ tired. _

She shouldn’t be, not really; she’s been sleeping a lot more lately, because  _ doing anything _ requires more energy than she really has, and she’s really only allowed to practice with her ‘sabers for short bits of time, under careful observation, which… doesn’t help. She sometimes thinks maybe if she exerted herself more, physically, she’d be able to snap herself out of the tiredness, but… But it’s just  _ easier _ to sleep and sit with Rex and watch Hero With No Fear like she still  _ cares, _ like she can remember anything she’s watching. It’s easier to curl up as close to Rex as she can, during the hours of the day he’ll still spend with her.

But even in these times, which are all the more  _ precious _ to her for the knowledge that they’re severely limited, it’s almost impossible for anything to be  _ normal. _

Making conversation hasn’t been this hard since after Umbara, except for maybe a little bit of the time right after Kadavo, but even then they’d still been open, still had the bond always filled with emotions and light thoughts flitting back and forth, a way of silently reassuring the other that they were both still alive, safe. She  _ misses _ Rex, with an intensity she doesn’t feel for much of anything these days; misses the  _ ease _ they used to have. Now everything feels so  _ hard, _ like there’s a wall between them, one she can’t cross.

Or maybe she just doesn’t have the energy to try.

Still, when Rex confides that he’s been seeing Fives, who is most certainly  _ dead, _ Ahsoka’s tiredness recedes enough she can focus, somewhat. “What do you mean, you’ve been seeing Fives?” are the first words out of her mouth, and she winces a little, because that’s a terrible question.

But Rex just shrugs, mumbles, “I just… see him. Sometimes he talks to me.”

And she knows that’s not  _ good, _ but she doesn’t know what to do about it, so she just shrugs a little. “He’s not real,” she says without looking at Rex.  _ Just like my dream, _ she thinks but doesn’t say--though if the sharp look Rex shoots her way is any indication, he’s picked up on the thought anyway. He doesn’t say anything, though, just projects a general impression like  _ I know, _ and she sighs, unreasonably  _ irritated. _ She gets him for so little time already. Why does he have to ruin it with unhappy conversation topics?

In the next second, she feels a flood of regret and horror and intense self-loathing, though she manages to shield that all from him, along with the previous line of thought. Rex is  _ important, _ and if there’s anything she can do at all to help him, she needs to do it. “Fives wasn’t your fault,” she tries, hesitant and slow, although these days she hardly even knows what’s wrong with him anymore, can hardly feel his thoughts through his shields. She’s almost surprised he’s still letting her sleep in his bunk with him--he’s taken Obi-Wan’s lecture on  _ dependency _ deeply to heart, apparently, and is putting distance between them at an almost- _ shocking _ rate. A voice in the back of her mind whispers to her, insidious, that he doesn’t want her anymore, that he doesn’t  _ love her, _ that he’s going to leave, that he’s disgusted by her weakness and how easily she’s succumbed to the ice. 

The worst thing is, she can’t even quite tell it  _ no, _ because with every day Rex pulls further away from her, and every day his shields get thicker, are up for longer.

And every day, she feels more and more like she’s a burden, a weight, dragging him down into the depths of despair with her.

(She can’t quite stop herself from thinking maybe he’d be better off without her--all of them would be.)

~~~

“I know he wasn't my fault,” Rex says, and it shouldn't feel this  _ hard _ to talk, but she just feels distant and not like herself, and maybe he shouldn't have brought this up. “It's just… It happens. And I was in the mess after Utapau and seeing him and, and I couldn't really  _ think _ . And Brii came in and talked to me, and I… It all felt hard, but he showed me that picture,” and he sends her the memory of it again, “and told me I wasn't being fair to myself, and that I wasn't weak.” He rests his arm around her shoulders, tugs her into his side, and pushes harder at the ice; when he's with her, he keeps a near-constant projection of  _ warmth _ , although he's finding that isn't always enough. Today feels like a bad day, feels like hoarfrost and Kamino’s waves and exhaustion.

“That's good,” she tells him wearily. She turns and gives him a heavy half-smile, and he grins back at her, tries to pretend this is  _ fine _ .

“Yeah,” he says, sighs. “It helped.” He squeezes her shoulder, but she's so kriffing  _ lost _ and he's not Brii, he doesn't know what to do to help.

“I love you,” he says, shifting his hand up to her headtails, because he has to say  _ something _ that can reach her.

These days, the best times are when they go to bed in the barracks and she curls up on his chest and they're just  _ close _ . The rest of the time he feels like he's stopped being able to reach her, and maybe that's his fault and he's ruined  _ everything _ by trying to make distance, it's just… if she's tired of living, and she needs to care about something other than him, then it can't help her to always just hide in his mind. Can it?

He doesn't  _ kriffing know _ . He's talked to Obi-Wan more lately than he ever has or ever thought he would, and it's still awkward but Obi-Wan seems to understand so Rex keeps doing it. He just wants to do the right thing, but it doesn't feel like anything  _ works _ .

Obi-Wan keeps telling him he can't expect himself to fix everything, that he can't make it all his fault, but Rex isn't good at letting go, never has been. He can't let bad things happen to the people under his watch, it's not what he does. (He knows Obi-Wan understands that, isn't much better at letting go than he is, but he isn't sure the General knows that he's bad at it.)

~~~

Ahsoka leans into his hand, sighs. “I love you too,” she says softly, wishes she could really  _ trust _ that he’s telling the truth when he says that. 

There’s another bit of silence, and she makes a halfhearted attempt to cling to his steady projection of  _ warmth, _ though it doesn’t really help, much. She’s so  _ cold. _ And these days, it’s easier just to… not fight it. (Rex wants her to fight it. But Rex keeps  _ going away.) _

“I miss you, Rex,” she whispers, so so quietly. “I wish you’d come back.”

~~~

“I haven’t gone anywhere,” Rex says, halfheartedly. But he knows that isn’t exactly true, because she means she wishes he’d stop putting  _ space _ between them. Pretending he’s not, pretending it’s not intentional, will just hurt her, so he sighs and runs a hand over his head, sliding the fingers of his other hand light over the curve of her shoulder. “I just… I don’t want to make everything  _ worse _ , ‘Soka.”

“Well, you  _ are _ making it worse, Rex,” she says, very quietly, and Rex stifles the sharp stab of  _ hurt _ that causes, shakes his head mutely.

“What the  _ kriff _ am I supposed to do,  _ cyare? _ ” And he knows what she wants to say to that, and the thing is, he hates sticking to his guns on this, because he just doesn’t know if he’s right. Has no  _ karking _ idea anymore. Because this isn’t fixing anything.

Ahsoka shrugs, staring at the floor, and Rex swallows, glances around at the frescoed walls of the Temple and tries to find  _ something else _ to say. “I’m sorry,” he says, voice sticking in his dry throat. “I didn’t… I don’t know.”

She shrugs again, and she just feels  _ tired _ , and bitter. “If you were  _ sorry _ , you’d come back.” There’s a heaviness in her voice, indisputable, and Rex flinches. He doesn’t know how to  _ answer _ that, half wants to cave and just say screw the distance, half wants to escape back to his room and get some reports done and not  _ think _ .

He just apologizes again, circular, tracing her headtails because- because what? That’s supposed to make it better? She feels so icy and exhausted, and some of that… some of that is his fault.

Then they just keep walking, like nothing’s wrong. Hanging onto each other because they  _ have _ to, because all Rex knows how to do is hang on right now, except for when he doesn’t. And he still feels like she’s sinking out of his reach, past where he can pull her back from.

He’s not sure what will happen, what he will do, if she can’t break through the ice, if this never gets better. He can feel echoes of that same fear far, far deep in her mind, under the frost.

~~~

Padme has spent  _ hours _ and hours in research alone for this bill, spoken with many different troopers from multiple battalions; she’s spent more hours holed up in her apartment, typing out the bill itself with help from Senator Mothma and the newly-elected Chancellor, Bail Organa (as well as aid over holocomm from Duchess Satine). Yet  _ more _ time has been invested in going around to her allies in the Senate, getting their signatures and swaying them to her side:  _ give the clones a voice, a vote, _ she’d asked,  _ let them be eligible to decide the fate of the Republic they have fought and bled and died for. _

Very few of the Senators had disagreed, though she’s sure many will vote  _ no, _ because other alliances require it, or because they wish to keep a standing army, or… who knows. Still others will vote  _ yes _ only because former Chancellor Palpatine’s influence is still strong--many distrust the Jedi, and want to dissolve the GAR only so that the Jedi will no longer have command over an army of trained, battle-hardened soldiers.

A few Senators had asked her who would speak for the clones, if they were to be recognized as a sentient member-species of the Republic; she’d skirted the question by telling them she had a few candidates in mind but had to speak to them regarding the duties of a Senator before making any decisions.

She already has a sole candidate in mind, but until today, she hadn’t even been sure he’d accept.

Padme hasn’t known Commander Cody as long as she’s known Captain Rex--the unfortunate consequence of requesting Anakin and the 501st whenever she needed GAR or Jedi aid means she rarely got the chance to work with Obi-Wan and the 212th. However, everything she’s seen and heard of Cody points to a man of impeccable character who cares deeply for his brothers and is a natural-born leader. And  _ anyone _ who can put up with the way Obi-Wan takes care of himself on the battlefield (or doesn’t, which is more applicable) has to have the patience of a saint. Furthermore, Cody is the only clone Padme’s ever spoken with who she  _ could not read. _ His self-control is so tight and his expression and tone so carefully modulated that it’s impossible to tell what he’s thinking.

“Thank you so much for agreeing to come with me, Cody,” Padme says warmly. “I’m sure you must be busy.”

Cody shakes his head, smiles wryly. “I’ve been confined to the medbay for the last few days, and the only thing to do was read reports.” He shifts his weight a little, as though the mention of the medbay reminds him of his injured leg.

Padme winces a little, herself, remembering what Anakin has been telling her about the fight with Admiral Trench and the aftermath. “How’s your medic? Scratch?”

Cody’s face shifts just a little. “Physically, he’s recovering well,” he admits, “but he’s struggling.”

She knows why. From what she’s heard, Scratch had been one of the best medics, more than capable and very happy with his job--and now, he’ll be lucky to be able to even complete basic medical procedures. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly, and Cody nods.

“So am I, Senator,” he says, and then he swallows and the brief flicker of guilt and pain is gone as thoroughly as though it’d never existed.

Padme takes a deep breath and doesn’t bother to suggest to Cody that he enter the Senate building in front of her; he may be in his dress greys, without a visible weapon (she knows the clones, and Cody, better than to expect him to enter the Senate chamber weaponless--not after the last time the clones were in the Senate--and, after all, she carries a blaster at all times, herself), but he’s still every inch the imposing soldier.

“I’m still not sure I’m the best choice, Senator--with all due respect,” Cody says dryly as he follows her through the doors.

Padme smiles at him--a genuine smile, not the one she usually uses with her fellow politicians. “That’s how I know you’re perfect.”

~~~

Cody isn’t so sure about that, personally - but Senator Amidala had asked him to come stand for his  _ vode _ , and someone must. Might as well be him.

He doesn’t really question his decision until he steps into the Senate chambers and follows Padme to her repulsorpod; the space opens wide up like a mouth, like a set of cuffs before it’s snapped shut, and Cody’s gut clenches despite an effort to ignore the anxiety. It’s impossible to completely stifle memories of his whole world narrowing to a hard point of  _ kill the Jedi _ and  _ good soldiers follow orders _ , of shooting his General and thinking he’d killed him.

It’s no easier being here when he looks around at all the Senators, hears the hum of sophisticated conversation that he doesn’t understand and has no use for. He has no armor and only one inconveniently-located blaster (although the vibroblade in his boots helps), and he’s expected to stand here and listen to Senator Amidala try to  _ convince _ everyone that he and his  _ vode _ are sentients deserving of rights.

It’s not funny, not really, but he’s bitterly amused nonetheless, that this is an issue considered  _ debatable _ . He doesn’t really think these Senators will ever want to admit that his  _ vode _ are really  _ human _ , really anything like them, because that will force them to accept that they have sent millions of humans to die for them without so much as blinking. And Cody does not expect them to admit to anything like that.

People like them do not want to get their hands dirty.

He settles into perfect parade rest at Senator Amidala’s shoulder, in the pod, feet planted and steel in his posture. It is harder to keep his chin up, to look around like he  _ belongs _ here, without his armor and his helmet, but he does nonetheless. It helps, though, to remember that he does not belong with these ones. There are good reasons for that.

Still, he almost glances over at Obi-Wan, who's seated in the pod with them, for reassurance, before he reminds himself he can’t do that. He needs to appear confident (and it is still hard to look his General in the eyes).

~~~

The Senate, as always, takes  _ forever _ to actually start the session, which (as is typical, when he sits in) annoys Ani to no end; Padme is eternally amused by the constant mental stream of disparaging comments her husband makes while waiting for the important stuff to get started.

Bail Organa (who has been doing a fantastic job dealing with all the corruption Palpatine left behind) finally manages to get the session called to order, and he runs through the less important items on the agenda--which are mostly requests for relief from planets heavily affected by the war. Palpatine, Padme remembers, had frequently pushed those requests to the side, claiming them to be less important than bills she’d thought seemed entirely designed to prolong the war; not so with Bail. He’d stated, immediately upon his nomination, that his first priority would be to heal the damage done to the galaxy by the Clone War--which had, of course, garnered him the support of the majority of the Senate, whose planets were getting fed up with the months upon months it’d previously been taking to get  _ any _ relief whatsoever.

The relief requests are voted upon in a short time, all of them approved  _ (as Supreme Chancellor, I will not tolerate the denial of aid. If a world is in need, its people  _ **_must_ ** _ have faith that the Republic will provide, and how can that be so if the Republic does not provide every time? _ he’d said), as per usual, and then the Speaker announces the item on the agenda that everyone has been waiting for.

“And now, without further ado,” Bail says cheerfully (he presides over the Senate with the sternness to keep the most unruly Senators in line, but with enough humor to make the long, dull sessions more engaging), “the Chancellor recognizes Senator Amidala of Naboo. Please, Senator Amidala, if you would do us the honor of presenting your proposal?”

Padme takes a deep breath, swallows down the flicker of nerves she’s never managed to conquer, and toggles her repulsorpod out from the balcony a little ways. “Greetings, honored Senators,” she says, inclines her head respectfully to the chamber and looking around at the entire room, though she knows many of them are watching the holo displaying her instead of actually looking at her physical pod. “With the deaths of Count Dooku, Maul, and Savage Opress just a few weeks ago, the terrible, galaxy-splitting conflict we know as the Clone War began to wind down to an end. With this event has come the question I know many of you have been asking yourselves: what will happen to the Grand Army of the Republic, and more specifically, the clone troopers created for this war, when it  _ does _ end? I assure you, you are not the only ones asking yourselves a variant on this question. For months, now, and even longer for some, the clones who have valiantly, loyally fought for the Republic and the Jedi Council these past four years have been wondering what will happen to them when the fighting stops.” 

She nudges Anakin’s mind lightly, asks him for a read on the room; he responds with an impression of uncertain interest, more  _ certain _ interest, anger and mistrust (perhaps mentioning the Jedi wasn’t the best idea, in hindsight), and wholehearted support (which she’s sure comes from Mon Mothma and Bail and those other Senators firmly on her side). Good, that’s good. She can work with that.

“Our Republic was founded on the ideals of  _ freedom _ and  _ equality, _ and yet right now this society owes its entire survival to the clones. We are standing on a civilization built on the backs of slaves, Senators! By denying the clones the basic rights and privileges afforded to all other sentient species, we deny these  _ men _ their freedom. Our enemies fought with armies of droids--we did not.”

_ Status? _

Anakin’s report, this time, tells her that even the angry and mistrusting Senators are listening intently now, though a few of those ones are  _ extremely offended _ by some of her words, which is hardly unsurprising. At least they’re listening.

A Senator Padme doesn’t know speaks, without permission. They only get a few lines out before Bail silences them, but those few lines are enough: “The clones might be organics, but they’re programmed just as much as the Separatist droids are--they’re even identified by numerical sequences! I see more resemblance between clones and droids than I do between clones and sentients--”

“That is  _ enough, _ Senator,” Bail Organa says firmly, and the Senator subsides.

But now the chamber is buzzing faintly, the listening mood broken, and Padme doesn’t need the Force to tell her that.

Kriffing interruptions.

But she isn’t going to let control of the room go without a fight.

“While I was working on this bill, I spoke with troopers from several different battalions. Nearly all of them had the same answer for me when I asked about their culture and traditions. The clones keep their traditions intensely private because these traditions are really the only things the clones can call their  _ own. _ All of us Senators have a place to go back to when our work is done; we have a planet to champion, somewhere we can call  _ home. _ The troopers do not. These brave men cannot even lay claim to their armor and weapons, or even their own  _ bodies, _ as they are nominally property of the Republic and the Jedi Council. One of the only things the clones can call their own are their minds, their  _ memories.” _

A pause, a breath, steadying and fortifying. “I spoke at length with Captain Rex of the 501st Legion a few days ago regarding clone culture. One of the pieces of information Rex was gracious enough to share with me struck me hard. As I’m sure many of you know or have already realized, the dead clones are not recovered, not given the honor of a pyre or a grave--but this does not mean they don’t receive last rites. There is a Mandalorian phrase Captain Rex shared with me, which I will  _ attempt _ to recite to you all without botching it too terribly,” which garners a light laugh from several repulsorpods. “Duchess Satine, Commander Cody, please feel free to correct the mistakes I am  _ certain _ I will make.”

Which is a subtle nod to both her  _ firm _ ally (Mandalore itself) and the clone standing still as a stone at her right shoulder, a reminder of the fact that there is a great deal riding on the other Senators’ decision to ally themselves with her, Padme, or make her an opponent. She takes a deep breath (and she doesn’t anticipate making a mistake: she’s practiced speaking these words for several days, now) in, straightens her spine once more.  _ “Ni su’cuyi, gar kyr’adyc. Ni partayli, gar darasuum. _ A rough translation would be: I am alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal. As long as a person is remembered, they are alive in some way. Cody, if I may ask you a question: how many of the names of the fallen soldiers of the 212th Attack Battalion have you forgotten?”

Cody swallows, his posture tightening, stiffening into steel. “None, Senator.” And then he says, almost  _ raggedly, _ “If I were to recite the list of my  _ vode _ who’ve been lost in the last four years--just from my battalion--we would be standing here for hours, and I don’t think anyone wants that.” Padme isn’t sure that very many others will be able to detect the fact that the hint of dryness in Cody’s voice isn’t humor, but rather  _ bitterness. _

She decides to ignore that for now. Perhaps later, she can ask Ani for a list of Senators who caught the bitterness and decide what actions to take--or  _ not _ take, as the case may be. “During the Clone Wars, we as a Senate, as a governing body, as well as we as a Republic, as a society, learned a great deal of lessons--lessons I see many Senators already seeming eager to forget. Have you already forgotten how losing sight of the Republic’s Constitution, the very laws we are sworn to uphold, allowed the manipulations of a  _ Sith Lord _ to take control? Had it not been for the Jedi and for the actions of the clone troopers, this would be the seat of government for the reborn Sith Empire.”

“Objection!” a Senator calls, though she waits for permission to speak. “Just a couple months ago, many of the Jedi were massacred by the clones. The clone Commander Cody  _ himself _ shot and nearly killed Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

Cody  _ flinches, _ and it’s all Padme can do to keep from snapping a barbed response; however, if she defends Cody here, he will lose all credibility in the eyes of the other Senators. If he’s going to be Senator for the clones (which she hasn’t actually entirely spoken to him about, except in vague what-ifs), this is a pivotal moment. So she looks to him, raises an eyebrow, nods minisculely. 

Cody takes a deep breath, and she sees his shoulders tighten just a touch. “That’s correct, Senator. And there has not been a day since when I didn’t regret it. That was not a choice I made of my own free will, however, and you all know that--I won’t insult your intelligence by explaining it to you, as I hope you won’t insult  _ mine  _ by pretending you don’t understand it.”

_ “Clones have intelligence?” _ some unobservant Senator mutters under their breath, clearly not paying attention to their microphone, which broadcasts the subvocalized phrase through the entire chamber.

“Contrary to popular opinion, yes,” Cody says, almost wryly. “I can assure you, I didn’t survive four years of intense campaigns because clankers are easy to kill.”

Someone applauds, and Padme smiles. “My proposal is thus: grant the clones the label of sentience, and the corresponding rights such status entails. The Duchess of Mandalore has already graciously volunteered an uninhabited planet in the Mandalore sector of space for the clones to settle on, and agreed to give the planet dual membership in the Senate and in the Mandalorian government. Liberty should not be a currency, a  _ good _ to be traded and bought and dangled as a reward; the Republic is founded on  _ equality, _ on all sentient species deserving the same rights, the same privileges, the same  _ freedoms! _ My fellow Senators, I ask you  _ who are we _ to deny  _ any _ species those freedoms?  _ Everyone _ deserves liberty. Everyone deserves a home to return to at the end of the day.”

She takes a step back, indicating the end of her appeal, and there’s  _ immediate _ applause echoing through the chamber, lasting for several seconds. When it finally fades, there’s a moment of silence before someone calls out, “How do we know they won’t turn on us at the end of the day, when they’re free?”

And it’s Cody who answers, Cody who stands straight and tall and proud and says, his voice ringing through the chamber, “You have my word, Senator. After all, why would we want to give up our hard-won peace just to quarrel with you? We aren’t--forgive me, Duchess--but we aren’t  _ that _ Mandalorian.”

“Forgiven, Cody,” Satine says easily, with a small but bright smile.

And as the voting comes to an end and the votes are tallied up, Padme lets out a long breath, allows herself to relax. It’s out of her hands, now. She exchanges a nod with Cody, smiles at Ani, waits.

Then the verdict pops up on the datapad embedded in the repulsorpod:  _ passed (73% majority). _

And just like that, the clones are free.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we have chapter four done except for some minor editing, so expect that to be posted shortly (and keep an eye on the tags for that chapter, it's gonna be a big one). here, enjoy a bit of a break from all the angst!

After the vote, things had gone surprisingly quickly; at least, Senator Amidala had seemed surprised about how _easy_ it all had been, getting the clones added to the official list of sentient species who are members of the Republic _(Kaminoan humans,_ they’d been officially designated, because that sounds better than _clones we created for a war,_ at least to all the politicians), approving the planet Duchess Kryze is offering as a joint Mandalorian and Republic world, listing it as the newly-classified _Kaminoan humans’_ homeworld. _That part_ had been easy, at least, and honestly not too tedious.

It was the part that came _after_ that was the quite frankly _brutal_ piece.

“This is the last one,” Senator Amidala says, handing him a (thankfully) much smaller sheaf of paper (real paper, honestly, who even _uses_ paper anymore?). “It just basically confirms you agree that your newly-established government will hold to the core principles and laws of the Republic, that you will present the Senate with a copy of your governing document once it has been drafted and ratified, that you understand and accept that the Senate has the authority to request all official documents and holos pertaining to legal matters, to ensure your government is complying with the Constitution of the Republic as well as your governing document, and that you are legally bound to submit any changes, amendments, and-or corrections to your governing document to the Senate within two standard weeks of their ratification.”

Cody lets out a long, drawn-out sigh and asks, “All due respect, Senator, but how exactly did I get myself into this?”

It’s not Senator Amidala who answers, but rather General Skywalker. The Jedi grins and says, helpfully, “You said, _I’m not sure my vode will accept me as their Senator,_ and Obi-Wan and I both said _of course they will,_ and you said _fine, I’ll do it.”_

“I didn’t know it would require signing this many kriffing _forms,”_ Cody mutters under his breath, skims through the thousands of words of legal banthashit that (from what he can understand) pretty much boils down to what Senator Amidala had said. On the last page there’s a place for his signature, and he picks up the pen, scribbles out _Com. Cody_ in his messy but perfectly legible handwriting, and passes both paper and pen back to the Senator. The other Senator.

This is going to take some getting used to.

“After years as my Commander,” General Kenobi says dryly, “one would think you’d have realized that with great power comes great responsibility--and great _paperwork.”_

Well, yes, Cody _has_ figured that shit out by now, but really? He’s not the karking _general_ or whatever-the-kriff they’re going to call their… _governing officials,_ he’s just, apparently, his _vode’s_ voice. In the Senate. “I thought,” he grumbles, scrubbing a hand over his face, “that the paperwork thing is what _delegating_ is for.”

Everyone laughs at that. “Unfortunately, you can’t delegate the weight your signature now holds,” Senator Amidala says lightly, still laughing, though she at least seems sympathetic to his plight. “Just think of it as more reports for the GAR and the Jedi Council.”

Cody gives her a _look._ “Like _that’s_ any better.” It probably is. Slightly. At least there’s none of the political banthashit language and doubletalk. It almost seems like there’s a competition between the Senators as to who can talk their way in circles for the longest time and never _get to the kriffing point._

(He spares a moment of pity for the Senate as a whole; they have no idea what they’ve gotten themselves into, allowing a clone into their ranks.)

There’s a couple more things that need to be ironed out, and then Cody is _finally_ free to go, to take the GAR-issued speeder back to the barracks. Most of the 212th are probably with the 501st, and the 501st has the biggest gossipers (they kriffing have a trooper named kriffing _Grapevine,_ that should be proof enough), and he finds he really wants to see his _ori’vod,_ so he heads to the 501st barracks first. And he’s known, intellectually, for the hours since the vote, that they’re free--but it’s not until he’s inputting the code, keying the door open, that it truly _hits._

They’re free.

If they don’t want to fight, they can just--request a discharge, they can _leave;_ no longer are they facing the threat of termination for being _defective._ No more brothers will ever be reconditioned, will lose everything they are and everything they’ve ever been and ever will be. The longnecks don’t _own them._ They aren’t _units_ anymore, aren’t _property,_ they’re--

They’re _people._

It’s not until a _vod_ shouts, _“Me’vaar ti gar, Al’verde?”_ that he realizes he’s just… standing, frozen, in the entrance to the barracks, not looking at anyone or anything in particular, not speaking. Kriff.

Cody takes a deep breath, swallows the smile trying to bloom across his face, says dryly, _“Udesii, vod,”_ and steps into the room. The barracks is, predictably, _packed_ with _vode_ from the 501st, 212th, and a few other battalions too; he spies Rex sitting on his bunk with Commander Tano half in his lap and leaning against his chest, and Cody makes his way towards the two of them. Still doesn’t speak, because he can almost _feel_ the anxious anticipation and excitement beating against his skin, and it’s a _supreme_ effort of will to keep a revealing grin from his face.

“Enough with the kriffing _drama,_ we’ve been in suspense all day, Cody,” Jesse complains, _loudly,_ and he’s seconded by cheers from several _vode._

Cody doesn’t even _look,_ just says, clearly, projecting so the whole barracks can hear him, “That’s _Senator_ to you, _vod.”_

And every single _vod_ just--freezes.

He thinks they’re all feeling the same _shock_ and--exultation, really, that’d frozen him in the door, that _surprise;_ because sure, they’d all _hoped,_ desperately, they’d all _wanted,_ but none of them had ever believed for one second the Senate would agree. Because that would mean the Senators would have to admit they’d been complicit in sending millions of _sentients_ to their deaths without giving them a choice, for the whole war. And if there’s one thing Cody has found to be an almost universal trait of politicians, it’s that the sort of sentient who thrives on politics typically _loathes_ getting their hands dirty. There are, of course, a few exceptions, the most notable being Senators Amidala and Mothma (and previously Organa), and Duchess Kryze, and of course the _Mand’alor,_ though he’s not entirely sure Bo-Katan Kryze is exactly what one could call a _politician_ at all, even in a nontraditional sense; but the majority of politicians are greedy and corrupt and power-hungry and will do anything to avoid taking the blame for their decisions.

In the astonished silence, Commander Tano’s quiet voice echoes like blasterfire. “See, Rex?” she says (and a part of him observes she sounds the most engaged she has in days) lightly. “I _told you_ they’d give you a planet, way back on Umbara.”

The comment shatters the tension (he thinks they’re all waiting for him to laugh, to say it’s actually all a joke, a trick) like transparisteel, and he thinks it’s Jesse who starts it, the cheering: _oya!_ he shouts, bright and laughing, and he thumps a fist to his chest, even though it’s far quieter against his blacks than it would’ve been with the clack of plastoid on plastoid. And all it takes, of course, is one _vod_ reacting (one brother saying _this is not a trick)_ for the rest to follow along, and the barracks fill with a cresting wave of sound, of cheers and fists against chest, of jubilation and freedom and _life_ and _shereshoy,_ and Cody can’t stop the smile from spreading across his face this time.

(And, though he’d never admit it, he doesn’t really _want_ to.)

He makes his way through the knots of cheering _vode,_ all of whom seem determined to hug him (why the kriff?), to Rex’s bunk, can’t help grinning down at his _ori’vod._ “Senator Amidala did it,” he says. It’s almost impossible to believe.

Rex nudges Tano with his elbow, lightly, and she grumbles but unfolds herself, crawls off his lap so he can stand. He sets his hands on Cody’s shoulders, grins, says, “Nah, _ori’vod. You_ did it.”

And then Rex is pulling Cody into a bonecrushing hug, and Cody thinks of his promise to the Senate _(you have my word,_ he says, as though his word means anything to this rabble of greasy-fingered politicians) and finds there’s a choking ache in his throat that he can’t really breathe around. He tries to swallow it, but he can’t, it won’t go away, and suddenly he’s _crying,_ hot tears of joy on his cheeks. _Finally,_ he wants to scream it to the galaxy, _my brothers are free, are safe, we’re all karking_ **_people_ ** _now,_ not just a number, not just a unit, not just a statistic, a notation in some ledger somewhere, a quantity of credits, a list of stats like _speeders. We’re people,_ **_I’m_ ** _a person, I’m_ **_real,_ ** _all of us, we’re real, we exist, we’re more than numbers, more than tools you throw away when they break._ “Yeah,” he rasps out, and he’s _laughing_ through the tears, more _elated_ than he’s ever been in his too-short life. “Yeah, _ori’vod,_ I karking did it.”

~~~

Cody’s _crying_ , which Rex only remembers him doing twice before: once after Umbara, and once after he shot Obi-Wan. Rex thinks he would be too, except he’s chuckling to himself, like a giddy _kid_. He pounds Cody’s back with one hand a couple times, leans back and lets the chuckling swell into full-body laughter, the breathless, satisfying kind.

He never really thought this would work out, not after Sidious was killed, not when Senator Amidala had sat him down to get information to try to pass her bill, not even when Cody had walked through the door and he’d looked just a breath away from a smile. It was the impossible thing, the thing they all wanted (to be seen as human, to get a choice, to be more than products, to get to find a way to have _homes_ and _lives_ ) but could never have. There were always too many reasons they couldn’t be anything other than soldiers, but now… now, now, now.

He pulls away from Cody, spins around and grabs Ahsoka into his arms, tugs her against his chest and kisses her hard and fast and exultant, and it’s a _terrible_ kiss because he’s still laughing but he doesn’t kriffing give a damn. _We’re free, ner’jetii, we’re- I’m free_ . He almost doesn’t manage the words in Basic. _Mavar._   _Vencuyot._   _Parjai_. The barracks are ringing with more laughter and shouting than he’s ever heard, and even _Echo_ is smiling through tears, and the _mando’ade_ that are staying with them are moving between them offering drinks from belt canteens, even kriffing _Crys,_ and Rex leaves his arm around Ahsoka’s shoulder, drags her with him to grab Brii into a hug. Brii is crying, and grinning, and keeps saying, “I can’t believe it, Captain, did they really do this?” and Rex holds on tighter, laughs again.

“Yeah, _vod’ika_. Guess so.”

 _Heads up, Rex_ , Ahsoka says in his mind, lightly, laughing, and Rex pulls away from Brii just in time to catch the ball of green and grey fuzz that is Miik, jumping bodily into his arms with a shrieking laugh.

“Hey, _vaar’ika_ ,” he says, hugging the kid. “Good to see you.”

Miik is _vibrating_ with excitement, his ears straight up and forward, eyes wide and bright, and he flings his arms around Rex’s neck, _purring_ , says, “Anakin says you’re _free_ now! Does Akaan know?”

“Yeah, kid, Akaan knows,” Rex says, laughing. He can see Akaan crying and swearing up a blue streak with a _mando’ad_ friend of his, so yeah, his _vod_ knows. Miik cheers quietly and pats Rex’s back, clearly barely able to contain himself.

 _Same, vaar’ika_ , Rex thinks, wryly, chuckling again.

~~~

Miik doesn’t _actually_ really know too much about what’s happening--he knows the clones are _free_ now, though he’s not really sure why they _weren’t_ in the first place (he’ll have to ask Akaan, or maybe Anakin, Anakin will know), because Anakin had said _they aren’t slaves,_ so if they aren’t slaves why would they need to be freed?

He _thinks_ it probably has something to do with the war and the Jedi, but he also doesn’t really _care_ right now. Because being free is _wizard._ Everybody should be free.

And also, everyone’s _super happy_ and laughing, and some of them are _crying_ (which is _weird,_ why are they crying if they’re happy? Humans are so _weird),_ and some of the humans that aren’t clones (Anakin calls them _mando’ade_ or _Mandalorians_ or _a pain in the ass_ in his thoughts, and had choked on his caf when Miik had asked about that last one) have those metal things that Kix and Akaan and Sniper never let him _drink from,_ even though _they_ drink from them all the time. And Papa always gives him that _look_ when he asks about it, the look that means Miik is breaking one of the _rules._

But Papa isn’t here yet, because he’d been walking so _slow_ and Miik had gotten tired of dragging him and had decided to run ahead instead. So maybe Miik can _mind trick_ them and let him have some of whatever it is that the humans like so much. “I wanna go see Akaan,” he says, and Captain Rex lets him down with a grin. “I’ll be right back!” Miik adds, because Ahsoka looks a little sad that he’s leaving and he has to give her a hug too, he hasn’t hugged her yet today.

Akaan looks really happy to see him, and doesn’t even stop swearing. Which is _cool._ It’s really funny that they always think they can’t swear around him, like he’s a _little kid._ He’s _not._ “Hey, _vaar’ika,”_ Akaan says, and Miik _grins_ and pricks his ears and gives Akaan a hug. Akaan scratches his ears, and Miik _grumbles,_ because _why do they do this,_ humans make _no sense._ But also it feels kinda nice--but he doesn’t want _them_ to know that. “What the kriff are you doing here?”

“Anakin said you’re free!” Miik makes his eyes look big and bright, because he knows that makes Akaan smile. “I mean, I don’t know why you _weren’t_ before, but it’s _wizard._ Really really cool. Can I have some of that?”

“Yeah,” Akaan says, looks almost _dazed._ “We’re karking _free,_ Cody kriffing _did it.”_ And then he blinks. And frowns. “No, you can’t kriffing have any of this shit, it’s kriffing _mine!_ And also your kriffing _papa_ would probably _murder me,_ damn it, _vaar’ika._ Do you karking _want_ me to get murdered?”

Miik doesn’t think his papa would murder _anyone._ Ever. But it’s actually kinda funny that Akaan _thinks_ he would, so he doesn’t say anything. Instead he fumbles with his sleeve until he gets his hand out and intones, solemnly, “You _will_ let me try some of it.”

“I will let you try some of it,” Akaan repeats (and Miik _grins,_ because _yes),_ and holds out the metal flask.

Miik takes it and sniffs it curiously before taking a drink, and--

And _ew,_ it tastes like--he doesn’t even know, but it _burns_ and he coughs and spits it back out, making a face and pinning his ears back. “What _is_ that? It’s _disgusting.”_ Humans _like_ that stuff? They’re even _weirder_ than he’d thought.

Akaan is _laughing_ at him, which isn’t _fair._ Except then he _stops_ laughing, very abruptly, and Miik realizes why when he turns to see Captain Rex and Ahsoka walking over. Captain Rex looks like he’s trying to glare and _not laugh._ Which is kinda funny, because it just means his face is all twisted and wrinkly. “Akaan, what the kriff are you doing, letting him try that?”

“He kriffing made me do it!” Akaan protests, and that’s what they _always_ say when Miik uses a mind trick. “Kriffing _udesii,_ Captain.”

Miik doesn’t think Akaan would _ever_ talk to the Captain like that if they all weren’t so happy.

“Hey, Rex!” It’s Jesse, shouting and waving. “We’re gonna go hit 79s up, you should come with us! I think we might even get the General to show up.”

Miik looks up at Rex. “What’s 79s?” he asks, perking his ears up. That sounds _fun._ He wants to go. “Can I come?”

“79s is a club, and no, you can’t come,” Rex says dryly, but he’s still grinning.

“But--”

 _“No,_ Miik,” Ahsoka says with a laugh, and Miik _pouts._ Not fair! Why does he always have to stay home when they go have fun? “You’re too young.”

“I’m not a _little kid,”_ he complains, crossing his arms and flicking his ears back.

“Yeah, but you’re still not old enough,” she says.

That’s so _dumb._ Sometimes humans are _stupid._ (Oops, he’s not supposed to say that, rude.)

~~~

Miik looks _pissed_ , which is adorable, but the _vaar’ika_ has already had _ale_ today, so Rex cuts Miik off when he sees the little hand emerging from its massive sleeve again. Miik is in a green shirt today, although one no less fuzzy than his favorite. Rex thinks he’s accruing a rainbow collection of them, but he mostly only ever wears the blue one. “Don’t you dare, Miik,” he says sternly. “This is _not allowed_. Go ask your papa.”

Miik pouts, opens his mouth again, and Rex rolls his eyes and scoops the kid up, slings him over his shoulder so Miik squeals, and marches over to Zarak. “Miik wants to go to a bar,” Rex says dryly, setting the squirmy child down on the floor again. “And I’m _assuming_ that’s not an option.”

“No,” Zarak says, fixing Miik with a glare that Rex has learned means the two Zygerrians will be having a _serious talk_ when everyone else is gone.

Rex rolls his eyes and leaves Miik to his fate, hurrying back over to Ahsoka and wrapping his arms around her from behind, nuzzling against her montrals. Kriff _distance_ and _shields_ and all that _karking shit_ , today they’re free and he’s allowed to want and dream and be kriffing _stupid_.

“You’re coming with us, right, _cyare?_ ” he says, jovially, teasing. “I don’t think it’ll be that interesting, but we’d be happy to have you anyway.”

“Shut up,” she says, shaking her head. “Of course I’m coming.”

“You guys are so damn slow!” Akaan yells from where he’s shifting from foot to foot by the door. “I wanna get kriffing _plastered_ , so I need an early start. Move your asses!”

“Don’t you dare, your bunk is over mine!” Lofty shouts, and Rex snorts and lets go of Ahsoka and hurries for the door. Half of them are still in armor or blacks or some combination, because regs say they have to be in greys if they’re out among civvies, but _kriff regs_.

Coruscant isn’t gonna know what hit it.

They’re all flooding out the doors of the barracks, half of them still crying, all of them still laughing, when Anakin and Obi-Wan get caught in the rush and Cody grabs Obi-Wan, _Brii_ grabs Anakin, and pull them along with them.

“What the kriff are you guys doing?” Anakin says, laughing, and Rex fits his hand in Ahsoka’s, grins.

“Going to 79’s. And you’re coming. Actually, you should comm Senator Amidala, get her to come too.” He can hear his _vode_ all calling their friends in other battalions, general uproar and clamor and a _very_ defiant excitement. There were some techs that went to send out a signal to every single battalion they could, offworld, to tell them the news because all their brothers need to know too.

That they’re _kriffing free_ , don’t kriffing belong to _anyone._

Oya!

~~~

79s is already _packed_ by the time the 501st and 212th and assorted other random troopers arrive; Ahsoka grabs tight to Rex’s hand so she doesn’t lose track of him in all the chaos and follows him through the throng to the bar. She’s never _seen_ so many clones in one place before--it looks like every kriffing trooper on Coruscant is here, or trying to get _inside._ The party has already migrated to the large landing platform outside the club, too, people laughing and cheering and the music is _blasting_ loud enough to echo around the platform. Everything is joyous and rowdy and _loud,_ and on any other day it’d all be too _much_ for Ahsoka, but not today. Today, her men are _free,_ and she’s pushed the ice far, far down where it can’t ruin her enjoyment of this night. Rex is _here,_ so close, and she presses closer to him and just lets the warmth and closeness roll over her.

Anakin had commed Padme and gotten her to meet them here, after multiple others told him he _had to;_ Click had dispatched himself to go find Satine and drag the Duchess here, because _it’s her kriffing planet she’s giving us, she should be here._ Never mind that 79s has traditionally been a clone establishment--no one’s going to turn away Jedi tonight.

In fact, one of the first people Ahsoka sees as she fights her way up to the bar with Rex is Master Gallia, the _entire_ Wolfpack with her. There are multiple other Knights and Masters, surrounded by their men, and even some older Padawans (and a few younger ones, who are being studiously watched by their troopers. Sort of) scattered through the crowd, and the only thing _everyone_ has in common is they’ve _all_ got drinks.

Ahsoka has just gotten a glass of whiskey in her hands, just clinked it against Rex’s, when the door clears momentarily and in marches Click, his arm looped firmly around Satine’s arm. The Duchess is _clearly_ dressed for an evening in, in leggings and a tunic that only falls to mid-thigh and boots that are messily laced, and her hair is loose around her shoulders, and she looks utterly _confused._ “I got the Duchess, sir!” Click shouts over the music, starts towing her towards the bar--only for Obi-Wan to materialize out of nowhere and rescue her.

A moment later, the Jedi Master arrives at Ahsoka’s elbow, looking tired already, though he’s smiling warmly. “It’s a bit less crowded over here, I think,” he says, and Ahsoka snorts a little.

“Why do you think we’re over here?”

“To get drinks,” Rex says dryly, and Ahsoka punches his shoulder. _“K’oyacyi,_ General,” and he lifts his glass in salute and then downs it in one swallow.

Which is _impressive,_ really.

The Force is bright and warm and _life,_ happy and full of more joy than she’s ever really felt in one place before, and she can’t keep a grin off her face, knows why Obi-Wan is grinning. She thinks Anakin has already drug Padme out onto the dance floor, which is probably a good idea, she decides, sipping her whiskey. “Hey, Duchess,” she says after a moment, nodding.

“Hello, Ahsoka,” Satine responds, wry, looking around her with a raised eyebrow. “Shall we make a bet on how many troopers are here right now?”

Ahsoka snorts. “I _would,_ but Cody knows the exact count of how many are on Coruscant right now, so whichever one of us asked him first would win.” Rex chuckles at that, and she grins at him, clinks her glass against his (which is already full again).

“Fair enough,” and Satine is smiling too.

Ahsoka returns the smile, swallows her glass of whiskey (it burns her throat on the way down, starts her eyes watering, but she almost doesn’t even care), sets it down--it’s _immediately_ refilled--and turns back to Rex. He reaches out and wraps an arm around her shoulders, tugging her to lean into him, starts playing with the ends of her headtails and smirking down at her, and _kriff him._ It’s not _fair_ that he can look this… _really kriffing handsome._ Seriously.

~~~

“You’re a flatterer,” Rex informs Ahsoka, grinning, torn between looking at her and his _vode_ . The bartenders look completely overwhelmed but some of his _vode_ are helping, no one’s in a hurry because it’s just evening, they have all the time they want. “You’re much handsomer.”

“You’re a _di’kut_ ,” she answers.

Rex knocks back his drink, smacks the glass back down on the bar, and grins. “Yeah, I guess.” The bartender refills his glass and Rex picks it up, swirls the liquid around. A moment later, Brii (red-faced and already apparently pleasantly buzzed) climbs up onto the bar counter and says, “Hey, Senator!”

Rex finds Senator Amidala standing by Anakin, looking up at Brii with a bemused expression on her face.

“And also, the _new_ Senator,” Brii says grandly, not _quite_ ridiculous yet (but give the kid a few more drinks and Rex thinks he’ll be hilarious; he shouldn’t approve but who gives a kriff this evening), pointing at Cody with a look like he _knows_ it’ll annoy Cody. Rex’s _ori’vod_ is not overly fond of attention. There’s a long moment of cheering, cries of _oya_ and wordless shouting and a few whistles.

Brii waves his hands, and they all shut up, except Rex, who’s trying to muffle a laugh in Ahsoka’s montrals. “Here’s to both of you.” Most of them lift their drinks, cheer again, and someone grabs Cody around the shoulders, drags him to the bar to buy him a drink (even though drinks are free tonight, no one’s paying anything, no one’s even counting), and Rex gives him an unhelpful smirk.

Nobody grabs Senator Amidala, although somebody does hand her a new glass of whiskey. Rex sets his glass on the counter, upside-down so they don’t refill it, and tugs Ahsoka by the arm into the middle of the cleared space of the floor that everyone has decided is for dancing. Mostly, Rex thinks his _vode_ share his opinion on dancing, but not now. He doesn’t think Ahsoka can actually _believe_ he wants to dance until he _starts to_ , and then she laughs (and that’s rare enough, lately, but not now) and joins him, projecting incredulity, happiness.

~~~

Ahsoka has no idea how long she and Rex dance for; the music never stops and someone keeps filling her glass up, which is a _mistake,_ because as Rex so gleefully told her the _last_ time they were in 79s together, she’s a _lightweight._ She can already feel the alcohol starting to take effect, leaving her just a little dizzy and laughing. And she _could_ exert the focus to strain the alcohol out of her blood (probably?), but that’s a lot of effort and really she doesn’t see the _point,_ because tonight’s a night for _celebrating._

Still, she keeps leaning into Rex, although she’ll freely admit that’s only _partially_ because she’s tipsy. He runs his fingers down her back headtail, tugs her in for a kiss, grinning against her lips, and she leans her head against his chest and smiles and _breathes._

It only lasts for a moment, though, because suddenly there’s troopers (Domino squad) surrounding her and it’s Jesse who shouts over the music, “Commander, Rex, we have a _new mission!”_

Brii (grinning and flushed and _definitely_ drunk) stumbles into Tup’s side and says, giggling, “Kix is hiding in the corner and feeling sorry for ‘imself ‘cause his girlfriend isn’t here,” in a very loud, dramatic stage whisper.

“How many have you _had,_ Brii?” Ahsoka asks, curiously.

Brii _beams._ “More than you, sir!” he cheers, gestures vaguely in her direction.

She snorts. “I can tell.” Brii seems to think this is a wonderful compliment, because he laughs again and takes another gulp (and Tup winces but doesn’t make a move to pull the glass away) and gestures grandly at the corner with said glass.

Jesse leads the charge, his glass of whiskey lifted high and his arm outstretched, like that one Hero With No Fear episode where Anakin led an assault on something with his ‘saber out all weirdly like that, somehow miraculously not getting shot to bits in the process (and she thinks it’s probably an intentional reference, Jesse loves that holo _and_ that episode). _“Oya!”_ he shouts, loudly, weaves through a crowd of Wolfpack troopers, who are busily placing bets on an apparent drinking contest between Wolffe and Master Gallia (who is _very good_ at straining poisons out of someone’s bloodstream, so Ahsoka knows exactly who _she’d_ be betting on), and finally comes to a stop in a corner.

Sure enough, Kix is sitting alone at a table, nursing a glass of whiskey, happy but subdued, though he grins at his squad, says, “Jesse, _ori’vod,_ you’re kriffing _wasted._ Already.”

Jesse cackles, _loudly._ “Exactly!” and he salutes Kix with his glass, says, _“Gal’gala, ori’vod!”_

The medic snorts. “Yeah, no thanks, I have _no_ desire to end up _batnor_ tonight.”

“See?” Brii says, knowingly. “He’s missing his _girlfriend.”_

Kix sputters, and Ahsoka can’t stop herself from _laughing,_ leaning into Rex’s side (and he slides his arm around her shoulders), because between Brii’s _face_ and the way Kix is choking on his whiskey and Tuck’s looking thoroughly disapproving of however much alcohol Brii has consumed, it’s--well, it’s kriffing _hilarious._

~~~

Some people, when presented the opportunity to get revenge for past wrongs, would turn the other cheek and be understanding instead.

Rex is not one of those people, because his _vode_ teased him for _so kriffing long_ about Ahsoka, and now Kix has a _cyare_ of his own and Rex is going to return the favor.

“Come on, _vod_ , cheer up,” he says, reaching out with the arm that isn't around Ahsoka’s shoulder to pat _Kix’s_ shoulder commiseratingly. “Have a couple more drinks, tell us all about it on the dance floor.”

“No,” Kix grumbles, wryly, crossing his arms. “I'm not making an idiot of myself with you drunk _di’kute_.”

“Well, you're already making an idiot of yourself pining away in the corner,” Rex says, smirking. “If you wanted to be with your girl, dumbass, you shoulda stayed back at the barracks.”

“And miss this, are you _kidding?_ ” Kix snorts. “You're my _vode_ , I had to come.”

“Just kriffing dance with us, _ori’vod_ ,” Jesse says, grabbing Kix by the shoulder and shoving him (protesting) to his feet. “The _Captain_ is dancing.”

“Well, now, be fair, Jesse,” Rex says. “I have Ahsoka with me. Poor Kix is all alone.”

“I'm gonna murder you, sir, and no one will ever figure out it was me,” Kix growls, crossing his arms and standing stubbornly immovable in the middle of the dance floor. Rex laughs, traces his fingers in a light circle on Ahsoka’s upper arm, and shrugs.

“Suit yourself.”

~~~

Ahsoka doesn’t think she should be so _amused_ at Kix’s obvious discomfort, but it’s really _funny,_ and the _vode_ have teased her and Rex enough that it only makes _sense._ After all, turnabout is fair play.

And besides, she feels warmer and _happier_ tonight than she has in a while, since Mustafar at least, and Rex is here and so _close,_ no shields tonight, and her men are _free._ They deserve this celebration, this time to let loose.

Rex tugs her into the rhythm of the music again, and she grins, laughs a little and spins; the rest of Domino is dancing, too, except Kix. Kix keeps trying to sneak back to his corner, but Jesse grabs him every time. Some trooper with his armor painted in 327th gold (she remembers there’d been a squad that managed to make it offworld) shoves another drink into her hand, but before she can take more than a couple swallows Rex steals it from her, with a grin and a _wink,_ and downs it before she can steal it back. Which is _so unfair._

After a few more songs, Kix has had enough drinks to loosen up a bit, though he’s still adamantly refusing to actually _dance._ He’s sort of--swaying to the beat, though, which Ahsoka thinks is probably less funny than it seems right now.

There’s another rush of sound, a press of people cramming through the door, but that really doesn’t seem all that notable, so she ignores it--at least until a heavy hand falls on her shoulder, making her jump. She spins, looks up to see Jak’s scarred face, his single eye twinkling down at her. _“Jetii,”_ he says, _“ade._ Outside. There are people waiting for you.”

And then he vanishes in the direction of the bar.

“That includes you, Kix!” Jesse shouts cheerfully, grabbing the medic’s shoulder and starting to drag him towards the door.

Tup shrugs the shoulder that isn’t half-supporting Brii. “You heard the _mando’ad,”_ he says with a snort.

And Ahsoka doesn’t _want_ to leave the dance floor, but she takes Rex’s hand anyway, follows her squad, because tonight is _their night._

~~~

It's the _mando’ade_ waiting for them, a _lot_ of them, mostly unable to squeeze into the packed bar. Elle grabs Brii and Jesse both into a hug with a whoop, arms around their necks, says, “Look at you boys, having fun without me?”

“Bite me,” Jesse crows, and Brii just swears roundly in slurred Mando’a, a phrase that makes even _Rex_ a little uncomfortable, _gods_ Brii needs to watch his mouth.

Then Elle turns on Kix with a sly smile and says, “You look gloomy, doctor boy.”

Kix snorts. “I'm not, I'm just not _drunk_.”

“Oh, well, in that case I can just take Ca’tra back to the Temple…” Elle says, smirking so, so proudly, and Rex laughs from deep in his chest at Kix’s dumbfounded look. Kix blinks, glances around, like he expects this to be a shitty practical joke.

“She's here?” he says cautiously, and Elle snickers. Rex is working hard to not laugh as much as he wants to.

 _Poor vod is a mess,_ he tells Ahsoka.

 _Imagine if he_ **_was_ ** _drunk right now,_ Ahsoka answers, amused.

 _Little gods preserve us,_ Rex laughs.

“Yeah, doctor boy. Hang on.” Elle pats Kix’s shoulder and turns around, calls, “Hey Ca’tra, _vod’ika_ , are you coming or not?”

Kix glances at Rex and Rex smirks, narrows his eyes. “Look at that, _vod_. Feeling better all of a sudden?”

“I _hate_ you, sir,” Kix grumbles, but he's straining his neck to try to see Ca’tra, so Rex just laughs. Steps back away from Kix a little because he remembers Ca’tra doesn't ever seem comfortable with him - or his brothers, for that matter.

Then a couple mando’ade step out of the way and Ca’tra, slight and dressed in grey and holding a piece of rope as she most always is, steps through and makes a _very_ irritated face at Elle. Rex gets why Kix likes her - their annoyed faces are very similar.

Elle just shrugs and nods in Kix’s direction - Kix who's grinning like a madman. Rex looks at Jesse, and Jesse looks even more thrilled than Rex is because Jesse already loves teasing his _ori’vod_ , but _now_ \- now Jesse really has things to say. Still, Rex thinks they're all waiting till Ca’tra isn't right there.

Ca’tra whacks Elle with her rope (not too hard) and grins at Kix, who takes a couple measured steps forward and pulls her into a tight hug, smiling into her hair, and one of their _vod_ (safely out of sight of the GAR’s most intimidating medic) whistles cheerfully.

~~~

Ca’tra still isn’t entirely sure she _wants_ to be here, with all these _verde_ she doesn’t know and their _jetiise_ and all the noise and chaos, but she’d wanted to be there for Kix’s _vode,_ for his squad, because--freedom. Everyone deserves freedom, especially these _verde,_ who have fought for their _jetiise_ for so long.

She’s still unsure about being around this many _soldiers,_ because she’s reminded too much of Dooku’s _arane,_ and Jak leaves immediately after they get out of the speeder because he apparently _needs a drink,_ and Elle waves for a couple _mando’ade_ to stay by Ca’tra and then leaves too. Which is just _fantastic._ Exactly how Ca’tra wanted to spend her evening.

And then Elle _yells,_ “Hey, Ca’tra, _vod’ika,_ you coming or not?” and Ca’tra _sighs._

_You could’ve told me you wanted me to follow you, di’kut._

She pushes her way (carefully) through the crowd of _verde,_ glares at Elle, who smirks back. So she smacks her with her rope. Take _that,_ you insufferable _besom._ But Kix is _right here,_ and Ca’tra smiles at him, though she casts a careful look at the men around him (Captain Rex has his arm slung around Ahsoka’s shoulders, and Brii looks _very drunk,_ which makes them both seem a lot more harmless), thinks, _Hi, Kix._

 _Hey, tracinya,_ he says back, and then he’s stepping up to her and tugging her against his chest for a hug. She beams into his shirt, wraps her arms around his waist. _Did you hear?_

 _‘Course I heard, Kix, why else would I be here?_ she asks him, projects an impression of an eye roll.

 _Oh, I don’t know,_ and he pulls back, grins lopsidedly at her. _Because you missed my handsome face?_

 _Shut_ **_up,_ ** _you dumb di’kut,_ she thinks, smacks his shoulder with one hand, which makes Elle laugh at her. She turns enough to raise her eyebrows and point at her _ori’vod,_ vaguely threatening. _You too. All of you, stop laughing at me. It’s not_ **_funny._ **

Elle looks at Kix. “She’s telling me to stop laughing at her, isn’t she?”

Ca’tra flings her rope across the space between them (because Kix still has his arms loosely around her and there’s a couple _verde_ whistling and laughing but she doesn’t _care)_ into Elle’s _too-smug_ face, then extends her hand, palm up, and pulls it back to her fingers. Grins angelically. Shrugs. _You get what you deserve,_ and then she turns back to Kix. _Can we go now?_

 _Go where?_ he asks, bemused, and she shrugs.

Jerks her thumb over her shoulder at Elle and says, _Away from_ **_her,_ ** _she’s being_ **_annoying._ ** Which, for some reason, makes Kix laugh too. _Why is_ **_everyone_ ** _laughing at me tonight?_

 _You’re cute, mirdala,_ he hums, and she rolls her eyes dramatically and huffs, pokes his chest.

 _I am_ **_not._ **

_Yeah, you really are,_ and _why_ does he have to grin at her like that?

(Kark it, she wants to kiss him.)

~~~

Kix nearly throws caution and propriety to the wind and kisses Ca’tra, except she’s still not that comfortable with this many people (he’s sure) and he will _not_ give his brothers the satisfaction and he’s mostly content leaving one arm wrapped around her, leading her into the club (and he notes that his _vode_ form up in a loose guard around he and Ca’tra, keep the crowd from pressing in too close). Ahsoka leans over, holds out her drink to Ca’tra with a knowing smile on her face, says “You may want this,” and the look she gives her is not unlike an older sister winking at a younger, less experienced _vod’ika_.

Which makes sense, as Ahsoka has already been through all the teasing that Kix is beginning to experience now (to his horror). He regrets a _number_ of things, right about now.

Ca’tra takes the glass with a skeptical look on her face but doesn’t drink any of it right away, just shifts closer to Kix and gives Ahsoka a small smile.

Kix is _thrilled_ . He has his _vode_ , he has his Jedi, and now he has _Ca’tra_ with him too, on this night that’s so much better than every other night. Because he is _free, free, free_ , could shout it from a rooftop now that he’s got everyone he loves with him: his _aliit_ , his _cyar’ika_ . _Mavar. Vencuyot. Parjai_. Freedom, future, victory.

And his brothers are still laughing and crying and shouting at each other: repeating the news, yelling _oya_ until their throats hurt, drinking and eating and holding each other and dancing with heavy stomping feet and clapping and more shouting, more laughing, more yelling, more drinking songs and oaths and toasts, and Kix can feel the Force _dancing_ through the room, its ageless voice laughing, laughing, laughing, exulting in the _freedom_ and the life and the passion and all the wildness that is his _vode_ being free to just _live_.

 _I’m free_ , he thinks at Ca’tra, like he’s confiding in her some daring secret, threads his fingers through her hair and kisses the top of her head (and Rex and Ahsoka are kissing again, and Jesse has been betting on how _many_ times they’re going to kiss tonight, and Kix expects to win at the rate they’re going). _Can you feel it?_ And of course she can, he sees it in her bright eyes and soft smile.

 _Yeah,_ she tells him.

“Oh come on, _vod_ , if you’re gonna kiss her, you might as well go for it,” Jesse says, and Kix looks up at his _ori’vod_ and _glares_.

“Shut _up_ , you asshole.”

Jesse laughs at him, raises his glass in a salute. “Don’t let me bother you, then.” His expression says he is still very much going to bother Kix later. Which Kix is sure he’s gonna love.

~~~

Ca’tra doesn’t like Jesse very much.

He’s loud and obnoxious and _always_ making dumb comments and he has _no_ tact whatsoever--actually, it’s really not a surprise at all that he’s become good friends with Elle. He’s a _lot_ like her.

But for once, she thinks he has a good idea.

 _You know,_ she hums, looking up at him through her lashes (the way Elle _always_ seems to do), _you_ **_could_ ** _just kiss me and make them shut up._

 _There is no way that would_ **_shut them up,_ ** Kix says back, very seriously.

She makes a face at him. _What if I just want you to kiss me, Kix? What then?_ and she grins.

 _Well,_ he thinks, traces his fingers over her cheek, _I guess I’d just have to kiss you, then, cyar’ika,_ and he leans down, kisses her lightly, smiling against her lips.

Somebody (she thinks it’s probably Jesse) _whistles,_ and she rolls her eyes. _If that’s Jesse, I’m gonna punch him,_ she thinks viciously, and Kix _laughs,_ pulling back and tucking her against his chest.

 _Good,_ he thinks. _He deserves it._

And there are still a lot of _verde_ around, still more people than she’s accustomed to, but Kix is here and Elle is somewhere and Jak is _probably_ still here--if she looks over at the bar, she can see her adopted _buir_ downing another glass of probably whiskey and actually _smiling_ as he recounts some fight from his glory days (probably one of the ones where he fought with Jango Fett--he used to like to tell her those stories). He gestures with one hand, then slaps his open palm onto the bar, grinning widely (and, she admits, he could be just a little bit scary to someone who doesn’t know him like she does), and _every_ clone sitting around him, without exception, jumps. Ca’tra giggles, thinks, _Look at him, Kix, he’s so happy._

Kix makes a face at her. _He’s kriffing terrifying, Ca’tra--I mean, I like him, sure? But he’s_ **_scary._ **

She rolls her eyes, pokes his chest. _No he’s not, you’re just--_

 _Smart,_ he interrupts. _I’m smart, mirdala. He’s already threatened to pull the fingers off my hands_ **_with his bare hands._ ** _One at a time._

_He wouldn’t._

_He_ **_would!_ ** _You didn’t see the_ **_look_ ** _on his face._ There’s an impression of _I’m not getting my tongue cut off either,_ and she giggles despite herself.

 _You’re just a big di’kut,_ she thinks, rolling her eyes fondly.

He grins. _Better a di’kut than Jak_ **_removing my fingers._ **

And really, she can’t blame him, and she thinks he’s actually really _adorable_ when he’s being all _di’kutla_ like this, so she just smiles widely up at him again and leans her head into his shoulder. This is nice, she thinks. She could stay here for a while.

~~~

Kix decides to ignore the impression he gets that Ca’tra thinks he’s adorable (why that’s the case right now, he doesn’t know: it’s very serious that he could _lose his fingers_ ) and take a glass of whiskey from a passing _vod_ , getting a grumbled curse in response.

He’s not gonna get _too_ drunk. Just enough.

He swallows the drink in one gulp, winks at Ca’tra with a half-shrug. _Glad you’re here, tracinya_.

 _I wasn’t going to miss this_ , she says, _I wanted to celebrate with you_ \- and she feels shy - _because this is important._

Yeah, Kix figures… figures that makes sense. _Well, thanks,_ he says happily. _It wasn’t as fun without you here_ . Maybe that’s too much to admit, but he doesn’t really care anyway. Domino squad is peeling off a little, although Jesse stays close, fends off a couple _vode_ who are too drunk and loud and clingy.

Ca’tra feels pleased that he’d wanted her here, makes a smug face up at him.

 _I like your freckles_ , Kix thinks. He doesn’t mean to. She has lots of tiny, barely-there freckles and he thinks they’re _cute_ \- but he can’t always see them so well. He can see the ones scattered across her nose right now, though.

Ca’tra flushes, looks down, and there’s a small giggle. _Thanks, Kix._ She doesn’t feel like she knows what to do with that, so Kix tilts her chin up and kisses the bridge of her nose.

 _Of course, cyar’ika_.

Then there’s a momentary hush, followed by an upsurge in incredulous, boisterous laughter, and Kix catches sight of _Mace Windu’s_ stern face over the tops of the heads of his _vode_ . Which is hilarious (although part of him is still _kriffing pissed_ at General Windu), but unfortunately, Ca’tra _immediately_ gets anxious, shrinks into his side. “Here, _tracinya_ ,” Kix says, nudging her in the direction of a quieter side of the room where there are more tables. “Let’s go sit down and he can leave us alone. Jesse, can you get me a couple more drinks?”

“Sure, _ori’vod_ !” Jesse salutes lazily, and Kix kisses Ca’tra’s temple, guides her through the press of brothers to sit down, grins at her. Tonight is the best night he’s ever _had_.

.~~~

Satine isn’t exactly what one would call _confused_ by the riotous, writhing mass of clones, but it _is,_ she has to admit, a bit difficult to discern exactly what’s going _on._ There’s a clump of troopers in 212th orange (if they have armor on at all) who are _extremely_ drunk, and they’ve all seemingly linked arms and are--spinning in a circle? She shrugs a little, rather bemused by it all, takes a sip of her drink and leans her head on her hand, her elbow resting on the bar.

“They’re good men,” Obi-Wan says softly, and she looks over at him. “You did a good thing, Satine. They’ll remember it.”

 _“Munit tome’tayl, skotah iisa,”_ she murmurs, smiles and nods. “They deserve this.” He does, too, she thinks--a night to just relax, to _celebrate,_ to truly _live._ To be free.

“I’m glad you came,” he says, reaches out and wraps his free hand around hers where it sits on the bar, and she lets him tug her into his arms, leaning her head into his shoulder. “Do you dance, Satine?”

She shifts, angles her head so she can look up at him. “Do _you?”_

He smiles, just a little curl in the corner of his mouth. “The last time I danced was on Kiros, after,” and there’s just the slightest hitch in his voice when he says, “the Zygerrian mission.”

Ah, yes, _that_ mission.

It hadn’t been too long after the mission to Zygerria (which she knows was… not good) that Obi-Wan had come to Mandalore to escort her to Coruscant; he still has yet to tell her much about that ill-fated mission, but she’d heard some from his troopers (mainly Click, honestly). Whispered rumors (because none of it has been confirmed, of course) of their Jedi kept in a cage, of the way he’d _almost_ (but not quite) flinched away every time someone touched him, for weeks afterwards, of there not being a single _injury_ or even a scratch on him, despite several days as a slave. (Of the fact that he’d been a _present.)_

She turns her hand over, threads her fingers through his and squeezes, a silent offer of comfort that he accepts--he leans his face into her hair a little, breathes in, out, in, out. Says, lightly, “But yes, I _do_ dance, my dear Duchess.”

“Are you asking me to dance, Obi-Wan?” She smiles up at him, lets her eyes sparkle a bit, and he smiles back down at her, trails his fingers across her cheek.

“Perhaps I am.”

“Well, then,” and she smiles warmly, “perhaps I’ll accept.” And she stands up straighter, lets him take her hand again and lead her out into the press of bodies on the hastily-cleared dance floor.

~~~

The music (something with a thumping beat with a rhythm that was difficult to understand) isn't really conducive to the type of dancing Obi wants to do - it better suits the kind of intense, wild dancing some of the clones and the Death Watch are doing - but he holds Satine close and finds a way to sway a bit to the irregular rhythm and the other dancers just move around them.

It's utter chaos.

But in the chaos, there's harmony.

He _loves_ it.

He thinks she likes it too, because pacifist or no, she is Mandalorian. Things like this are in her blood, passion and a little wildness. He leans back so he can smile at her, and she smiles back and moves her arms from around his waist to around his neck.

“I don't believe the galaxy was ready for this when the Senate voted to free the clones,” Satine says, wryly.

Obi answers, just as wry, says, “They will have to learn to be ready - it's long overdue.”

Satine chuckles a little, nods, and Obi eases one hand into her hair, which is down for once and (honestly) a bit of a mess. Still, it's soft, and he combs through it with his fingers, trying to give it some semblance of order again. Satine leans into his touch a little, smiles up at him so warm and soft with a light in her eyes, and Obi has to wonder (again) why the Jedi decides attachment was so Dark.

(Because of things like what has happened with Ahsoka. But still, what a foolish mistake to make, making love out to be dangerous.)

So he kisses her forehead, smiling, says “I love you,” because he has to and the music is a second heartbeat and his men are free and Satine is right here, with him, where he'd always wanted her.

“Oh, my dear Obi-Wan,” she says, gentle, that _warmth_ in her voice that's always been able to catch him off guard, “I love you too.”

Obi-Wan _thrills_ at that (even though it is not new to him), finds his chest aches and he's grinning like a little boy, and he leaves his hand in her hair and leans down to kiss her. “Love you,” he says again, against her lips, chuckles a little to himself because everything right now is so _good_.

…

Mace Windu had been under the impression for some time (and reasonably so), that Obi-Wan Kenobi was one of the most unattached young Masters in the Order. Had anyone asked, he would have said that Obi-Wan was an exemplary Jedi, well aware of his duty. The boy had lost much, more than he should have to, but he's learned to manage it like they all had to.

So when he sees Obi-Wan dancing with Duchess Kryze, it does not occur to him to think it inappropriate, even though they're very close - diplomacy has called for him to dance, a few times.

(Tonight the clones have been trying to haul him into the dancing, but he's not going to relax that much.)

It is much harder to explain why in the _galaxy_ Obi-Wan has threaded his fingers into the Duchess’ hair a moment later, her putting her arms around his neck. Mace blinks, pushes through the dancing to… he's not sure, clarify that he's actually seeing this. And he hardly even believes this, except he suddenly remembers Obi-Wan’s recent and spirited defense of attachment. _Force_.

Mace loses sight of both of them for a moment, and when he emerges from a tangled group of stomping, shouting clones, he stops short, because they are kissing, and it turns out that Master Kenobi is not so good at releasing attachments as Mace has long thought. Especially when he hears Obi-Wan say “love you.” Which is _highly_ inappropriate.

Or at least, it should be.

But the Force is so _close_ in here, heavy and wild and Light, lifting a tired weight from Mace’s shoulders for the first time in… in years now. And the Force is _singing_ , and there is no disapproval in it at all, just an intensity, a _rightness_ , and Mace knows to listen to such things. Even if it doesn't make sense, to him.

Still, he feels he should alert the young Master and Duchess to his presence, so he steps a little forward and clears his throat.

~~~

Satine keeps a possessive hand on Obi-Wan's chest as she turns, regards the Jedi Master with a cool stare (smoothes her face into something like blankness and hopes she's hiding her shock). Arches a brow and asks, icily, “Did you need something, Master Windu?”

Windu sighs a little, his lips twitching into something that--wonder of all wonders--almost looks like a _smile._ “I should,” he admits, sighs, shakes his head. “However, Duchess, I find myself disinclined to argue with the Force itself,” and he smiles wryly. “That is an argument I don't believe I would win.”

Satine has to work quite hard to keep the surprise off her face (and she's still not totally sure she succeeds); she struggles to keep her voice even and low and cool as she says, “If you have nothing more to say, Master Windu, might I suggest joining your troopers? They appear to want you to dance with them.”

“Force preserve me,” he says dryly, but he tilts his head in acknowledgement. “Enjoy yourselves, Master Kenobi, Duchess Kryze.”

And then he strolls away.

Satine looks up at her Jedi, grins a little. “Will wonders never cease,”  she says, amused, and then she rises up on her toes again and kisses him.

Just because she can.

~~~

Echo is sitting in the corner with Sniper and Cody and Scratch, and Rex decides that he can’t let this night go by without talking to his _vod’ika_ , so he holds Ahsoka’s hand and weaves through his brothers to Echo’s table, sees Sniper tap Echo’s shoulder and point him out before he gets to the table. (Even with them, his _vode_ , Echo doesn’t like not knowing when there are people coming, needs to _always_ know everyone that’s close enough to touch him.)

“Hey, _vode_ ,” Rex says, sitting down at a chair. Ahsoka plops onto his lap (she’s beginning to feel very drunk), and Rex snorts a little.

“Hey,” all four say at once, and really, Echo looks happier than Rex has seen him for a long time, even though he might be a little too anxious yet to be here - Rex knows not even Kix had probably asked him to stay behind. Tonight is theirs, and that means Echo, too.

Scratch looks alright, too - calmer, if no more focused, than he has lately. Cody has his hand casually resting on Scratch’s shoulder, probably trying to ground him a little. Rex suspects Cody feels responsible for Scratch’s injury - no, actually, Rex _knows_ he feels responsible. Scratch got hurt trying to get Cody out.

He scoots his chair a little closer to Echo’s and grins at his _vod’ika_ (notes Fives standing a short ways away, laughing at something), pats him lightly on the back. “Isn’t this great, _vod?_ ” he says, and Echo smiles.

“Yeah, sir. I’m… This is wonderful. I just wish… um, I just wish Fives were here.”

Rex glances over at Fives again, sees him freeze, mid-laugh, bow his head, and fade out of sight. “Yeah. Yeah, me too.” He thinks that a lot, still. Especially when he’s with Echo.

This is something that Fives and Dogma and all his lost _vode_ should have been able to see.

~~~

Fives should be here.

That’s the only thing Echo can really think of, sitting here at a table with his _vode,_ with his Captain and his Commander, on the first night he is a _free man._

Just thinking the words sends a thrill down his spine, and even though he’s still _nervous,_ even though there’s still too much _movement,_ too many _strangers_ (they are all _vode),_ he can’t help grinning, laughing, sipping his drink (Sniper says _you get one drink, Echo, vod, so make it last,_ gives Scratch, poor Scratch, the same spiel). It’s all too _perfect._

The only thing wrong is that Fives, his _ori’vod,_ isn’t here.

Fives, he knows, would be laughing, drinking, making bets on _everything_ in sight, making lewd enough jokes that Captain Rex would punch him to make him shut up.

Echo _misses_ his _ori’vod,_ with a tangible ache that stabs through his chest with every breath; but here, tonight, somehow, all of this is _easier._

He’s _free._

_Mavar. Vencuyot. Parjai._

~~~

Rex reaches out and steals a handful of lii chips from Cody, earning a _deadly_ glare from his best friend. “ _Vod,_ you're lucky I'm too drunk to want to deal with you.”

“You're not that drunk,” Scratch says mildly.

“I'm still too drunk,” Cody growls. He and Rex don't really drink, at least not this much - actually, Rex thinks he's drunk too but he doesn't really care.

He wraps both arms around Ahsoka’s stomach and starts rubbing the arch of her hipbone with his thumb, absently. She hums and snuggles back into him, and she's _definitely_ more drunk than him. _I love you, Rex,_ she thinks, insistent, and he kisses the back of her head.

 _Yeah, love you too, my Jedi._ “Guess we're free now,” he says out loud, because he can't get over that, can't forget it, and it sounds impossible when he says it out loud.

“Yeah, sir,” Sniper says, smiling slowly. He's actually not even drinking, which is probably because he's watching Echo and Scratch. “‘bout kriffing time.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Rex says, except kriff, he doesn’t have his drink anymore. “Haar’chak,” he grumbles mildly, thumping his fist lightly on the table. “Can’t keep track of anything in here.”

Scratch pushes over his mug of ale. “You can have a little of mine.”

Rex takes it, says thanks, and has a couple burning swallows. “You pick good stuff, Scratch,” he says.

Scratch opens his mouth, then stops and just nods. Rex pushes the mug back over to him and rests his hand over Ahsoka’s hip again. _Wish everything could just stay like this,_ he thinks to her, sighing contentedly. It’s the best night he’s had in a long time; there’s no tension and no loneliness and no fear he’s about to be sent on another campaign and no policing what he and his men do to avoid breaking regs. It’s just freedom now, just life. Just whatever the kriff he wants. Almost. He’s not drunk enough to make a damn fool of himself – just drunk enough to enjoy himself.

~~~

Scratch has been sipping his ale _just_ fast enough to feel a slight buzz. Enough that he can _almost_ pretend that the lapses in his memory, the gaps where _words_ should be, are just because of the drink, and not because of--anything else.

He’s gotten a lot better at _thinking,_ too, at picking the right words, at avoiding the _not-right_ places where there’s only a shadow of a meaning, an image, a sense of _knowing_ without _remembering._ His--Obi-Wan has helped him, has returned some of the missing pieces: Mando’a is easier, stays better in his brain. But the complex… the, the, _medical procedures_ he once knew as well as he knows his own name… those he cannot get back. They’re _gone._

The glasses help his eyes, some. Help with the fuzziness, help with his inability to really _focus_ his eyes anymore. And Ca’tra, the… she’s--Kix’s [beloved-treasured-cherished-one]--she’s helped with the colors, a little, helped it so greens and reds aren’t so _muddled_ anymore. But she couldn’t fix the way he just _cannot_ see the small things, the way he still can’t tell the difference between healthy pink and inflamed red, the way his eyes sometimes lose focus just… randomly, without warning, leaving him fumbling for a hand to help him back to someplace he _knows._ It’s left him unable to do anything, really, though he’s _slowly,_ so slowly, relearning how to do the _simple_ things, cleaning and bandaging and applying bacta, setting bones (because he can still recall the _sounds,_ the _feels_ of things, the way a bone should feel beneath his fingertips when everything is _right,_ the way a joint _shifts_ to pop back into its proper place) and fixing dislocated joints.

It’s a small consolation, the fact that not _everything_ he is is gone. He’s lost, yes, small and cold and alone and _lost,_ drifting on waves of empty memory and broken fragments of dreams he can’t ever achieve, now. (He is _free._ He could become the, the doctor, he’s imagined himself as since he was a cadet, now, but he can’t because. Because he is _not-right._ Because his eyes and his mind.) The few small things he can do are _good,_ he likes them, he likes being able to organize supplies and rewrap rolls of bandages. He _does._ And he has to be content with this, with his existence now, because this is who he _is now._

The Scratch of before would never have been organizing his medbay with… _people_ in critical condition.

But he is not that Scratch, not anymore.

Now he is someone who must _revel_ in being able to do simple tasks, with helping assist the junior medics in their jobs. Because it is either that, or it is do nothing at all.

He is free now, Cody said. He could find something _new_ to do, he could learn a new job, he could leave behind the _beskar’gam_ and the paint and the--and Obi-Wan--and his, _aliit._ (He still has to stifle a surge of _panic_ whenever he remembers he’s missing that word, the most important word of all the ones he _knows,_ because he is _nothing_ without his, family. His battalion.) He could find something _else._

But what else can he do?

Freedom.

Scratch stares down at his mug of ale (and if he pretends hard enough, he can almost believe the liquid is flowing and twisting from the table shaking, instead of from his ruined vision), partly so he doesn’t have to look at any of his _aliit,_ partly because the gold-brown color is one of the only things he _knows_ he can still see truly, and he thinks that _freedom_ should probably mean more to him than it does.

…

Ahsoka leans her head heavy into Rex’s shoulder and smiles a little, shifts in his arms and hooks her legs over the arm of the chair, tucks her face into his neck and slips one arm around his waist, tugs herself closer against him. He’s talking to Echo and Scratch and Cody and Sniper, and she thinks maybe she should be interested in that, but everything feels slow and lazy and _happy_ and she wants to enjoy it as long as she can. She’s dreading the moment the ice comes back, the moment Rex pulls back and puts shields back up again, goes away and _leaves._

But he’s so _happy_ and he’s holding her and there aren’t _any_ shields and she thinks--maybe this time he’ll stay. Maybe he won’t _leave._ Maybe he won’t give up on her yet, because she’s being _happy_ tonight, the ice isn’t so cold and she can smile, she can laugh. She thinks if he just would _stay,_ if he’d just keep his shields down, if he’d just… _be here,_ she thinks the ice would go _away._ She wants… she wants to beg him, _don’t go away, remember you promised, please, just stay, don’t let the ice come back,_ but she doesn’t because she at least has _this much dignity_ left. She will not beg him.

(And she trusts him. He’s never ever broken a promise, before. So he’ll _stay,_ this time. He’s not gonna go away. He _promised._ Because _please don’t ever go away like that again,_ she’d whispered, holding him so so tight, and _I won’t, I promise_ he’d told her. So he’s going to _stay.)_

~~~

It's one thing, Padme thinks, to learn about a culture secondhand, and another entirely to be immersed in it. She had never actually expected to see most of the things the clones had told her about in person - they were too private a people for that, she'd thought.

That does not appear to be the case when they’re celebrating, as it turns out. Padme has been trying to dance with Anakin, but troopers keep catching her attention to thank her or, in some surprising cases, give her gifts. Some are oddly specific to her, so that she thinks they must have asked Anakin what she likes (and that tugs at her heart a little); others are glasses of whiskey or small desserts. She can feel it annoys Anakin that they keep stealing her attention away from him (and she won't deny being a little harried by it herself), but this is their night, after all.

It strikes her that this is all much _louder_ than she'd anticipated, which might have been silly of her, it's just that the troops are always so intensely still and quiet and formal around her that she forgets that they are like the Mandalorians in more than just language and death rites.

“They're so happy, Ani,” she says, the two of them taking a short break from dancing to stand and watch and enjoy it all.

“Because of you,” he answers. Which is kind of him, if dramatic.

“I didn't do much,” she says - because in many ways, she didn't. “They just needed someone to say what they've wanted to for a long time so that people would listen.” And now the clones can speak for themselves and be _heard_ \- frankly, with Cody as their Senator, being heard will hardly be a problem anymore.

~~~

“You made it possible, though, Padme,” Anakin says, beaming at his _beautiful,_ brilliant, amazing wife. “You gave them a _voice_ when they didn’t have one. That’s _important.”_

Padme shrugs a little, smiles up at him, leans her head into his shoulder. “Cody is the one who convinced them,” she says. And he thinks she’s probably minimizing her own importance, because that’s just how his wife _is,_ but he isn’t going to push it right now. Maybe later on.

But tonight isn’t a night for pushy discussions. No, tonight is a night to drink and dance and laugh, to revel in _freedom_ and _joy_ and the warmth of the clones’ exuberance. So he wraps his arm around Padme’s shoulder, tugs her into his chest, leans down and presses a kiss to her forehead. “I love you, Padme,” he breathes, like it’s a precious thing, a secret. “So much.”

She smiles, surges up to kiss him _properly,_ whispers, “I love you too, Ani,” against his lips. Ignores the way the troopers around them wolf-whistle, though Anakin, without looking, signs _be quiet_ at them.

Somebody shouts something about a bet, and credits, and Anakin looks away from Padme and says, “If you’re betting on me, I’m assigning you dish detail for a week.”

“Only Rex can do that,” Jesse calls lazily, from who-knows-where (Anakin can’t see him, but he doesn’t _need_ to see his _vod_ to recognize his voice).

From a corner table not too far away, Rex calls, “Dish detail, Jesse. For being insufferable.”

Somebody else _cheers,_ several somebodies probably, and then a knot of mostly 104th clones, a few 212th and 501st and 94th (he thinks) mixed in, rotates into the middle of the room and starts _very loudly_ roaring, chanting almost, although at first Anakin can’t make out the words because half the voices are slurred and the other half are all layered on top of each other and the music, out of time. After a moment, though, he can make out three distinct words: _mavar, vencuyot, parjai._ Freedom, future, victory.

The huddle of clones breaks up, suddenly, and they all fling their glasses high into the air (and he cringes a little at the sheer amount of alcohol that sloshes out onto the floor), hurling the words into the air again. _“Mavar, vencuyot, parjai!”_

As one, the rest of the troopers raise their own drinks in salute, shout the words back, like a cheer, a toast. _“Mavar, vencuyot, parjai!”_

Freedom. Future. Victory.

Anakin grins.

The galaxy isn’t going to know what hit it.

~~~

Rex thinks the whole place shakes from their shouting, from all of them leaping to their feet (Ahsoka comes with him, hangs onto his hand), and his own throat scrapes a little raw but he _doesn’t give a kriff._  Cody grabs his shoulder and grins at him, brighter and easier than Rex has seen for… for years, actually. The bar falls quieter for a moment, and Rex claps his hand on Cody’s shoulder too, meets his eyes, smiles. “ _Mavar_ , _vencuyot_ ,” he says fiercely.

“ _Parjai,_ ” Cody growls.

Jesse and Brii and Tup and Tuck push through the crowd to them, eyes bright and almost _dangerous_ , like they’re ready for a fight. Brii looks more level-headed than he has been, Rex thinks, alert. He’s not sure how long that’ll last, as Brii has a glass in his hand.

“Oya,” Rex says, smacking Cody’s shoulder with his bare palm. It stings a little, hard plastoid against skin. “Getting late, brothers.”

“This?” Tuck quips. “We’re just getting started, sir.”

“‘Course you are.” Rex snorts, glances down at Ahsoka. “I’m probably gonna head back to the barracks soon, myself. Had enough to drink for the night.” And he wants to curl up in his bunk and hold Ahsoka, because he can. Because she is _his_ , and he is happy, and they have _freedom_ and a _future_ . “You wanna come, _cyare_?”

She sends an impression like _you’re an idiot_ and _obviously_.

Rex snorts, yanks Cody into another hug. “Keep them in line, would you?”

“I can’t promise anything,” Cody says dryly. “Don’t worry about them, _ori’vod_ , get outta here.” He pulls back, and Rex laughs and tightens his hand on Ahsoka’s, tugs her through the clones and Jedi and Mandalorians and poor confused civilians who made the mistake of walking in and now can’t get out.

~~~

Ahsoka lets Rex pull her outside, though the only real way she can _tell_ she’s outside is that the air is marginally clearer and the music doesn’t echo as loudly--the press of bodies doesn’t change, because if anything there’s _more_ clones and Jedi outside than there are _inside._ 79s was _definitely_ not built with this large of a party in mind.

For some reason, that’s amusing, and she giggles, stumbles against Rex’s side, sends him that impression; he just sighs, shakes his head, fondly exasperated, hums _Ner’jetii, you’re drunk._

 _Yeah, so what?_ she thinks back. _Everyone’s drunk. ‘S a_ **_party._ **

Rex seems to find that funny.

“C’mere, ‘Soka,” he says, and she barely has time to brace herself before he’s scooping her into his arms. She curls tight against his chest, winds one arm around his neck, lets him carry her through the throng of celebrating clones. He shifts her weight a little to free one hand, hails a taxi, climbs in the back seat, and she settles herself on his lap with a soft sigh.

She’s _tired._

Everything’s slow and lazy and she hums, threads her fingers through his short hair and tugs him down for a kiss (which, she thinks, makes the taxi driver snort, though she honestly couldn’t care less what they think), laughs against his lips. “Love you, Rexter.”

“I love you too, _ner’jetii,”_ and he shifts her so she’s more comfortably positioned on his lap, her legs over one arm and her back pressed against his other one. _Ner mesh’la ka’ra’nau._

 _What’s ka’ra’nau?_ Ahsoka asks tiredly, letting her eyes close a little, nestling closer to him.

He feels a little sheepish, but he thinks, _It means starlight._

She considers that, for a moment. _My beautiful starlight._ She thinks she likes that--so she lets that filter through, that impression, feels his happiness at that. He’s _pleased,_ she thinks, and she smiles, hums a half-remembered lullaby the crechemaster used to sing, thinks, _ner’kar’ta_ at him.

 _“Soka,”_ he breathes, so lightly, presses a kiss to each of her montrals, tightens his arms protectively around her. _My ‘Soka. I love you so much._

She _wants_ to say something in response, but she’s so _tired_ and he’s holding her so close, like she’s something so _precious_ to him, and he’s _definitely_ gonna stay, she thinks. He’s not gonna leave. He promised, never to go away again. So he won’t.

So she huffs out a soft breath against the side of his neck, thinks, vaguely, _my Rex,_ and then she sighs and lets the river of her exhaustion sweep her away.

~~~

Rex doesn’t want to get up, _ever_ . That is partly because he’s warm and it’s all soft and nice and Ahsoka’s curled in against his chest where he lays on his side - it is also partly due to the kriffing _massive_ headache he’s got at the moment, _holy shit_. He groans a little, forces his eyes open against the blinding lights of the barracks, and tries to pull his thoughts into order. It’s not working, so pain meds. Pain meds and then he can lay back down. He can get some for ‘Soka, too.

At least Kix won’t be able to scold; his _vod_ was drinking a lot too.

Still, it takes a few moments of mustering his courage to swing his legs out of the bunk, slowly sit up, and _ow ow ow_. Damn it. Yeah, pain meds, definitely.

Kix looks like he wants someone to shoot him between the eyes, grumbles to himself and passes over a small handful of pills, silently points Rex to the sink where he can get water. He fills two cups, takes his four pills with a relieved swallow (and that helps the horrible taste in his mouth and the throat sore from shouting), and starts back out of the medbay to go lay down again and have the meds for Ahsoka when she wakes up.

He quite literally bumps into Cody on his way out.

“I was looking for you, _vod_ ,” Cody says, in a hoarse half-whisper, wincing. “The Generals want to talk.”

“No,” Rex grumbles. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Rex,” Cody says, sharp but not loud (definitely not loud). “They need us. And you need to focus.”

Rex hesitates. He just wants to go back to his bunk and lay down and go back to sleep with Ahsoka in his arms. But if Anakin and Obi-Wan need them enough to drag their hungover asses to a meeting - maybe he better. (They would understand if he didn’t.)

But he has given himself rules and plans and there were good reasons for them. He thinks. He hardly remembers. Either way, he can go with Cody, and he’ll talk to Ahsoka later in the morning, and that will be fine. He’s sure he can do that.

“Just let me take these meds to Ahsoka,” he says, wearily, because _damn_ headaches and hangovers. “Is this gonna take long?”

“I don’t know.” Cody shrugs, and Rex sighs.

“Okay. Okay, be right back.” He takes a glass of water and the remaining four pills and hurries back to his bunk, kind of hoping she’ll be awake when he gets back.

She’s not, though, and he hesitates, sets the medicine down where she’ll see it, and quickly runs his fingers over her cheek. It isn’t _fair_ , but he has to make it work. He sighs, _focuses_ (which is hard because _ow, ow_ , his head throbs), and heads back to the med bay to meet up with Cody.

~~~

Ahsoka wakes up alone.

That’s the first thing she registers, when she finally fights free from the bonds of sleep; her last memory is falling asleep in Rex’s arms in the backseat of a taxi, and now she’s curled up in Rex’s bunk.

Alone.

The mattress next to her is cool enough that he’s been gone a while, but not as cold as it would be if he hadn’t slept at all, so at least he _stayed_ for a while--and there’s a glass of water and pain meds near the bunk, she notices that when she dares to crack her eyes open just a little. To see if maybe he’s nearby, just not laying down.

Her head kriffing _hurts,_ and she groans a little, forces herself to just get it over with and take the pills, and then she tries to reach for Rex, to see where he is. Except she’s met with _shields,_ not as strong as they’ve been the last few days, but there all the same, and she recoils before he can sense her presence, because--

because _no._

He _can’t do this._

He _promised,_ that he wouldn’t go _away,_ and she’d thought--but--he’s _gone,_ he _left,_ she’s _alone_ and she takes a shuddering breath and curls small under the blanket, hides her face in the pillow and tries not to _sob._

Because he’s _gone away._

He made a promise and he’s never broken a promise before, he’s always always always kept them, _especially_ this one, except--except he’s _gone,_ and he has shields up again, and she doesn’t--she can’t _breathe._

He’s _gone_ and he _left_ and she’s _alone._

Alone, alone, alone.

(She wants him to _come back.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Mando'a translations:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  _Me'vaar ti gar, Al'verde?":_ "how are you (used to ask a soldier for a sitrep), Commander?"
> 
>  _shereshoy:_ "lust for life and much more - uniquely Mandalorian word, meaning the enjoyment of each day and the determination to seek and grab every possible experience, as well as surviving to see the next day - hanging onto life and relishing it. An understandable state of mind/ emotion for a warrior people. Closely related to the words for live, hunt and stay safe - and, of course *oya*. All from the same root."
> 
>  _mavar, vencuyot, parjai:_ freedom, future, victory
> 
>  _K'oyacyi:_ cheers
> 
>  _gal'gala:_ let me buy you a drink/have a drink
> 
>  _batnor:_ drunk, lit "on your back"
> 
>  _aran(e):_ guard(s)
> 
>  _Munit tome'tayl, skotah iisa.:_ Long memory, short fuse
> 
>  _ka'ra'nau:_ starlight
> 
>  _ner'kar'ta:_ my heart


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning:** this chapter deals with some emotional manipulation, a non-graphic suicide attempt, and the aftermath. there will be a summary of this chapter in the end notes (after the Mando'a translations) for those who are uncomfortable reading. to just skip the scene where the suicide attempt is shown, but not the aftermath, stop reading after Ahsoka leaves the medbay, and begin again at the end of that section. please stay safe!
> 
> this is not totally the end of the angst, as Ahsoka still has a lot of recovery to do, but this will be the darkest chapter, the lowest point.

Miik thinks Papa is simply  _ too grumpy _ , most of the time. It’s not so bad with his mama, usually, but today Papa is even  _ more _ uptight than usual, although they’re sitting by Mama’s bed. That’s probably because Ahsoka and Ca’tra are coming over to sit with his mama, and Papa doesn’t  _ like _ other people around Mama.

Rule number one of the new rules is always, always, always take care of Mama  _ first _ .

Well, this is Miik trying to. It had been Kix’s idea originally, but it had been Miik who agreed to it, because he promised Anakin he’d help Ahsoka, and Ca’tra needs friends, and his mama needs to not be so  _ lonely _ . His papa had agreed, too, it had just been much harder to get him to.

Ahsoka comes over first, with her arms wrapped around her stomach, Kix and Ca’tra trailing slightly behind. Miik thinks Ca’tra is still a little tired from fixing Scratch, the other medic, although she is walking like she always does. It’s just because Kix is walking really close to her that he thinks that - Kix is always very careful with his patients.

Plus Jesse told Miik that Kix and Ca’tra are in love. Which is kind of gross, but Miik supposes that’s okay.

Ahsoka has just been getting sadder and sadder; yesterday she was happy, but now she's  _ so much quieter _ . Miik wants to apologize to Anakin because he’s  _ trying _ , but nothing works, and she reminds him of his mama today (and other times too), all quiet and staring at the floor and barely even talking to  _ anybody _ . Miik doesn’t really understand why, and no one will tell him, because they clearly all think he wouldn’t understand. But Papa says he isn’t allowed to ask anymore, so he doesn’t.

Miik grins at Ahsoka as she comes over and sits down, and she smiles a little tiny bit at him. “Hi, Ahsoka!” he says, and that gets a tiny bit more of a smile. But it isn’t enough at all, she doesn’t look happy, and that’s like his mama (who’s watching him and Ahsoka with slow, slow eyes). He scrunches up in his big, soft, blue shirt and glances up at Papa. Papa just flicks his ears at him, which means  _ it’s okay _ .

Kix and Ca’tra come over too, and Ca’tra sits down and smiles at Miik while Kix takes a few steps back. Miik really likes Ca’tra; she’s quiet, but she’s fun. And she’s taught him some cool knots.

~~~

Ahsoka isn’t entirely sure she  _ wants _ to be here (she doesn’t, not today, not after waking up alone after the best night in so long), but Miik had looked  _ so cute _ when he’d asked if she’d  _ please like to come meet Mama, you and Ca’tra too? _ and she couldn’t say no. And Rex is  _ gone _ again, he’s left, left her alone, and so this is better than curling up and letting the ice freeze her into silence.

Brii is ‘minding’ her today, until Rex gets back from his meeting with Anakin and Obi-Wan, and he’s awkwardly loitering at the front of the medbay like he doesn’t know what to do, which is… fine. Honestly, she’s not sure he should be over here  _ anyway, _ since Alari is a  _ sensitive _ patient and so is Ca’tra.

“Hi, Miik,” she says quietly, and she nods at Alari (who doesn’t really respond much, but at least her eyes are focused, so she’s paying attention) and then at Ca’tra. “Hey, Ca’tra.”

Ca’tra smiles a little, wiggles her fingers in a tiny wave. She’s just  _ barely _ started saying a few words, Ahsoka remembers hearing a couple of the men talking about that; whatever happened between her and Kix (because  _ something _ did, Ahsoka’s not blind, and she’s at least paying  _ that much _ attention to her surroundings still--and last night had proved that) changed something. And after the incident with Scratch, she thinks the Council’s probably changed their minds on Ca’tra, too. (Not surprising. She’s  _ interesting _ now, and useful.)

Ahsoka tries not to be too bitter about that.

The former Sith has her rope with her, dangling from her fingers, and as soon as she sits down she starts twisting it together into a knot; Kix rests a hand lightly on her shoulder and gives her a questioning look, then steps back. (Likely making sure Ca’tra is okay.)

She wishes Rex would be here to do the same thing.

She doesn’t look at Zarak, really--maybe it’s unfair of her, but she can’t help remembering the medbay right after finding the colony on Utapau and  _ panic _ and the way he’d been a  _ predator, _ in that moment, setting old scars afire. Zarak hasn’t seemed too interested in speaking to her, anyway, so it’s never really been an issue. He…  _ mostly _ seems to trust Miik with her, which is the important part.

Miik reaches into his pockets, somehow, pulls out a few partially-squashed pieces of uj cake, offers them to Ahsoka and Ca’tra with a bright smile. “Look, I got some cake for you!”

“Where’d you get that?” Ahsoka asks, vaguely curious, taking her piece of cake and nibbling on it.

Miik just grins, almost secretively. “Anakin’s been teaching me some  _ tricks,” _ he says, and stuffs a bite of cake into his own mouth.

That’s probably the best she’ll get out of him.

He offers more cake to Alari, says, “Here, Mama, I brought you some cake too,” and the Zygerrian twitches her ears a little, takes the cake almost mechanically. Zarak  _ smiles _ at her, Ahsoka notices, even though it’s just the tiniest gesture with almost no real personality behind it, and there’s warmth in the man’s eyes. 

She doesn’t think that should  _ surprise _ her as much as it does.

~~~

She does not like people.

People are more things to care too much about, more ways she can hurt, more ways they can take things from her.

_ They won't take anything from her here, she should remember that. _

Zarak smiles at her. Zarak always helps, he's safe, so she hangs on to him even though that is not safe, they can take him.

_ Nobody’s taking anything anymore, nobody's hurting her, remember that. _

Miik is hers, hers, she has her son and he is going to be safe, she hopes, but he gets in trouble. Then what is she to do, when he gets himself hurt?

_ That doesn't happen, anymore. _

Alari does not know anything anymore except that she cannot make it hurt again like it used to, cannot be more than quietness and waiting for, for, for…

Nothing.

Miik smiles at her and she eats the cake he gave her, because he is trying to help. She used to do that.  _ Part of her thinks it should not be her son who is comforting her, she should help him. _

The two that came over are not new, Alari has seen them. She doesn't want to care about them, this Jedi and the other one.

Zarak nods at her, and Miik bounces once before saying excitedly, “Mama, this is Ca’tra,” pointing at the dark-haired human, who waves, “and Ahsoka.” He points at the Togruta, and Alari wants to roll over and go to sleep. But Miik will not let her, most likely. Her son.

The Togruta is a lost one. Alari’s husband tells her all kinds of things about this place like he thinks she isn't listening to him, but he doesn't have to have told her anything to see that this one is a slave, has all the scars - and the eyes.

_ There are not slaves here why can't she remember? _

Miik pats her hand and nods decisively. “And this is my mama, Alari.”

Names. She eats a little more so her son won't scold her. Don't do names, names mean you get attached and then, then, then it hurts when the Master pulls them away.

_ None of that is  _ **_right_ ** _. Zarak would scold. _

She doesn't know anything anymore.

~~~

Ahsoka has gotten--a little better at reading Ca'tra, at understanding what the other girl means, with her gestures and facial expressions and the occasional Mandalorian combat-situation gesture. It’s still not _ easy, _ but with Ca'tra getting more animated, too, that helps.

Compared to Ca'tra, Alari is like trying to read a stone wall.

“Nice to meet you,” Ahsoka says, politely, trying to at least _ sound _ like she knows what she's doing here (she doesn't). “Miik talks a lot about you.”

Alari twitches one ear at that, which Ahsoka takes to mean she's at least _ listening. _ Ca'tra nods agreement, points at Miik and then indicates her rope with its knot, even though Alari isn't really watching. (Zarak is, though. Ahsoka tries not to notice that.)

Miik bounces a little, smiles brightly. “Yeah, Mama, Ca’tra’s been teaching me some  _ really cool _ knots. Do you wanna see one?”

The Zygerrian doesn’t really move. Just stares into the empty air between Ahsoka and Ca’tra’s heads, occasionally looking over at Miik and Zarak, as though there’s nothing happening, as though Ahsoka isn’t even  _ there. _

Almost as though she’s just--hollow. Like if she just sits, just stares, doesn’t speak, doesn’t acknowledge anyone, then she can’t be hurt, can’t  _ lose. _

Ahsoka knows what that feels like, wanting that--that’s why the ice, that’s why she freezes herself into  _ stillness, _ because if she can’t feel, if she can’t  _ love _ (because love is a fire and it burns like the suns of Tatooine, there is no numbness in love--maybe that’s why the Jedi shun it), she can’t  _ hurt. _ But Alari doesn’t feel like ice, like Ilum, a thicket of crystals with razor-sharp edges aimed  _ out, _ defensive, protecting the silence within.

No, she feels like  _ emptiness, _ like the wind whistling endlessly through a dark chasm, like  _ void. _ Like the person that is  _ Alari _ has fled, long long gone, swallowed by the stars wheeling their slow, eternal dance through the blackness of space, and all that’s left is--is her survival instinct.

Ahsoka thinks that sounds… nice. (Rex is leaving, leaving, he doesn’t want her and he’s going away and he won’t come back and she wants him back, she wants him, but if she can’t have him she doesn’t want to have  _ anything.) _ Sounds better than the ice, than the cold numbness. It almost sounds like a kind of meditation, really.

She should probably say something, but she really doesn’t know  _ what _ to say, so she just goes still and quiet and stares at her hands folded together in her lap. That’s fine, though, because Miik starts rambling about  _ something, _ she thinks he’s trying to get her to smile or something, and he takes the rope from Ca’tra and shows both Ahsoka and Alari a knot.

She  _ tries _ to offer him a smile, but it doesn’t really work. “That’s nice, Miik,” she says quietly, sees him beam at the praise. “I can’t do anything like that.”

“I could teach you!” And then he blinks, frowns, says, “Or maybe Ca’tra should, she’s the one who’s  _ really good _ at them.”

Ahsoka shakes her head. “Not today. Maybe some other time, okay?”

Miik nods, though he looks a little crestfallen (and maybe if she weren’t so… so  _ tired, _ she’d be swayed by that face), and the collar of his fuzzy shapeless blue shirt droops, the motion catching her eye.

And it’s not like she hasn’t  _ seen _ his scar before, the ring around his neck where the hair is just barely starting to grow back in, but snow-white, but she feels a sudden surge of  _ anger, _ breaking and cracking through the ice. Such a tiny, innocent child shouldn’t  _ have _ scars so wicked and awful, shouldn’t have a mama who doesn’t speak, doesn’t even seem to want to  _ be here, _ shouldn’t still flinch when someone’s too aggressive, too loud. She embraces that anger, that spark of flame, because it’s  _ something, _ it’s not ice, it’s not cold, and she wraps herself in the  _ burn _ of it even though that  _ hurts. _ It’s unfortunate, something in her thinks, that the filth who called himself Miik’s  _ master _ is dead, unable to receive justice for what he’s done. There’s no one to  _ pay _ for the crime of that soft white fuzz ever-so-slowly growing back in around an eight-year-old child’s neck.

Except, she realizes, there is.

Because in the cells below the Temple’s main floor, in the prison block, there are two Zygerrians waiting to stand trial for what they did to a Jedi on Kadavo, two guards who  _ she saw _ with Miik’s master, with shock whips ablaze, ready to punish any slave who dared run from being used as a living shield. And something within her whispers  _ they deserve justice, for what they did to you, to Rex, to Miik, for what Alari has become, _ and she realizes she doesn’t disagree.

The Jedi would tell her  _ no, this is not right, this is revenge, this is not justice, _ but the Jedi rejected her, threw her away, she wasn’t good enough for them, and she didn’t kill Sidious when she had the chance  _ (no one deserves this, _ she whispers, and she steps into the middle of the hurricane), and now Dogma is dead and Fives is dead and Rex and Obi-Wan almost died and so so many of the Jedi died, Master Plo and Master Secura and Master Billaba. (And they  _ promised _ Sidious was contained, in his cell, in his Force-block, they promised he couldn’t get to anyone, he couldn’t hurt anyone, but then he just walked out, just walked away.)

She  _ refuses _ to make the same mistake twice.

“Hey, Miik,” she says, cutting him off in the middle of a ramble about something Anakin’s been teaching him, “thanks for the cake, and keeping me company, but I have to go for a bit, okay?” And she smiles at him, a real, genuine smile, stands, gives him a hug. “You’ve been a good buddy. Thank you so much for that.”

Miik  _ beams, _ eyes lighting up, and says, “I’m gonna come by and watch Hero With No Fear with you later tonight! I’ll make Sniper give me extra uj cake for you.”

“I’d like that,” she lies through her teeth, and gives him another smile, because that makes him so  _ happy _ and bouncy. “Bye, Miik.”

“Bye, Ahsoka!” he says brightly.

Zarak is watching her, the slightest frown on his face. She meets his eyes for the first time, nods once--the closest she can give to anything--and then waves at Ca’tra, starts for the medbay entrance and Brii, and justice.

~~~

Zarak does not trust the anger in the Jedi’s eyes or the numbness behind it. He has seen both, has known both, and they are both dangerous.

She tells his son he has -  _ has _ \- been a good friend, and that gets Zarak’s hackles up.

(Alari smiles at Miik, brushes away some of the downy, shedding baby fur from his head, and tells him he was a brave, brave boy. Zarak doesn't know to notice that, doesn't know he shouldn't  _ leave _ until Miik runs to find him, says  _ I can't get Mama down _ .)

He doesn't think Miik understands. Tano is a better liar than Alari had been. But he recognizes it, and he won't let another person tell his son goodbye, won't let him be hurt, won't let the Jedi walk away without  _ trying _ something. Let her have her anger, if she needs it, but no more.

She turns to leave and Zarak rests his hand on Alari’s shoulder, says sharply, “Jedi.”

She flinches, just a little, and turns.

“You promise,” he tells her, and this risks hurting Miik worse but perhaps it will help. “You promise my son you'll be back to watch the holo with him later.”

Tano doesn't look at him, or Miik, just eases her weight from one foot to the other, and says, “I… I promise,” and Miik cheers.

The Jedi, however, just swallows and turns back and walks away, and Zarak sighs and picks Miik up, despite his son’s grumbling that he is too old. He thinks that might help, he doesn't know; her eyes are still very dangerous. As long as she has promised, though, and is with the soldier, she will have to be okay.

~~~

Ahsoka puts Zarak’s words, his not-quite-concern, his  _ knowing, _ out of her mind (he’d seen something, she thinks, in her eyes, that made him almost-worried), because it does not pertain to the matter before her, it doesn’t help the  _ anger _ she’s clinging so tightly to, because it’s the only thing she can feel, the only thing that burns hot enough to make it through the ice (love does, but Rex is walking away, walking so far away, and she can’t feel him anymore). She manages a smile at Brii as they leave the medbay, says, “I think I want to use the Temple ‘fresher to take a shower before we go back to the barracks.” Which she  _ does, _ she wants to take a shower, but… so maybe she has more than one motive.

Brii smiles, says, “I’ll walk you there and wait for you, Commander,” to which she laughs, just a little bit (but it makes him grin bigger).

“I intend to take advantage of  _ unlimited hot water,” _ she says dryly, emphasizes the last three words (the barracks only have sonic showers, and while those are fine for getting you clean, they really don’t do much for sore muscles). “You might want to do the same, Brii.”

Brii grins. “Unlimited hot water? No sonic showers? Yeah, kriff, sir, I think I will.”

(He doesn’t know enough to refuse.)

Brii chatters on about his latest drawing as they walk to the ‘freshers, the ones with the  _ private _ showers (the communal showers are… she shudders to think of what exactly might’ve occurred in some of them), and she manages a smile at him before she disappears into the ‘fresher.

The room is empty, none of the shower stalls in use, and Ahsoka chooses one at random, strips off her clothes and takes a short, steaming hot shower; the water soothes some of the tension knotted in her muscles, and by the time she turns the water off and dries herself, she’s strengthened her resolve. 

This  _ is _ justice.

The Jedi won’t see it that way, but then again, it’s been made perfectly clear to her: she’s no Jedi.

So she pulls on her clothes, hooks her lightsabers back to her belt, slips her boots on, undoes her wristcomm and drops it on the ground, and then she grabs the grate covering the entrance to the ventilation system and pulls it off, leans it against the wall, and crawls in. The shaft is narrow, but she’s still slight enough she fits easily on her hands and knees--though not as easily, admittedly, as she had when she was a youngling sneaking out of the creche after curfew. They’d dared each other, sometimes, to sneak down to the old, unused prison block and back without getting caught (because  _ obviously _ it was very much against the rules to be down there, especially after curfew), and she still remembers how to use these ventilation shafts to get there. The anger wants to fade at the memory of herself as a youngling, her fellow Initiates, but she reminds herself that Miik should’ve been an Initiate, holds on harder, tighter, and the anger returns.

A part of her remembers that Rex probably won’t agree with this, and if anyone finds out what she’s doing he’ll open the bond to find her, so she wraps her mind in the hardest, strongest shields she has, ones that will even keep  _ Anakin _ out, at least for a while, she thinks, because he’ll be hesitant to force his way into her mind. And she hasn’t been this alone in her head for so  _ long, _ it’s hard, it’s cold and lonely, but she grabs the anger and burns and burns and burns and reminds herself  _ this is necessary. _

She drops out of the ventilation shaft in the middle of the prison block, closes her eyes and lets the Force direct her to the cell where the two familiar Force-signatures are being held, and she uses a trick picked up from Anakin to convince the cell door to unlock and open, to turn off the security camera. 

The two Zygerrians are in binders, though they’re free to move about the cell; they  _ were _ sitting on the bench, but when the door hisses open they both leap to their feet. Her instincts scream  _ danger! _ and remembered panic and pain spikes through her veins, adrenaline shivering across her skin, and it’s only the reassuring touch of cool metal beneath her fingertips that allows Ahsoka to enter the cell and let the door close behind her. Both guards have strange expressions on their faces, like they aren’t entirely sure what she’s doing here, but they at least  _ recognize _ her.

“Did you finally come for your revenge, Jedi skug?” the one who was her own personal guard in Kadavo snaps, and it’s all she can do not to flinch.

Instead, she lifts her head and says, “It’s not  _ my revenge. _ You whipped the boy, Miik, didn’t you?” They don’t answer, her guard just stepping forward one step like he’s bracing himself for a swing (even though his hands are in binders), and this time she can’t stop the flinch, can’t keep her muscles from jerking away, and she snaps out, voice rising, “Answer me!”

“Is that all you’re good for?” the second guard asks bluntly, frowning a little. “We saw the control room on Kadavo after you and your clone were finished doing your Council’s dirty work. You know, it was probably really  _ convenient _ for you to kill Agruss like that--known Separatist agent, am I right? Did you even know they wanted Agruss dead?”

“She’s the Council’s attack hound,” her guard says carelessly, shrugging. “Probably isn’t intelligent enough to care. Anything to bloody her claws, kriffing Jedi.”

“I’m--I’m not a Jedi,” Ahsoka manages, swallows hard around the acidic taste of bile in her throat, “and that’s not  _ true, _ they didn’t want Agruss dead--”

Rex’s guard  _ laughs, _ cold and brittle and bitter. “Oooh, you don’t say, little skug. Is that why you aren’t a Jedi anymore? Because of what you  _ did?” _

“Tsk, tsk,” her guard says, and she takes a step back, until her calves hit the steps leading back out of the cell.

This was a mistake.

She fumbles behind her, for the door, because she  _ needs to get out of here, _ this was  _ such a bad idea, _ but Rex’s guard rolls his eyes and sighs, dramatically. “Leaving so soon? You haven’t even exacted your revenge for your precious  _ Miik.” _

“She’s  _ scared,” _ and her guard laughs loudly. “I can smell it. She smells just like she did when she had my whip around her headtail. You screamed like a lover, do you remember?” He  _ smirks. _ “I’d love to play again, my dear skug. It’s so  _ thrilling _ when a Jedi whelp calls you  _ Master.” _

Ahsoka can’t  _ breathe. _ She feels sick, shakes her head  _ hard, _ denying his words, but you can’t deny the truth and he’s right, he’s  _ right. _

“Your clone tried to help you,” Rex’s guard says cheerfully. “It has an impressive pain tolerance when you’re involved, skug. You caused it quite a lot of pain during those few days, didn’t you?”

She remembers  _ I can’t do a ‘next time’, Ahsoka, _ remembers Rex on the ground  _ screaming, _ remembers her just trying to  _ help _ and an electrostaff in his gut, remembers him silently  _ pleading _ with her, begging her not to fight, her fighting anyway, and him  _ hurting _ because of it. And she  _ wants _ to deny it, but she  _ can’t, _ because--because she  _ did, _ because she hurt Rex so much, she’s hurt him since she first  _ met him, _ caused him so much pain (Umbara and Kadavo and Cato Neimoidia and Kamino and Sidious and Utapau and Mustafar and now here, all the time, how can she blame him for leaving when she’s the source of so much  _ pain _ in his life? It’s just his survival instinct). Shaking her head, she stares in horror, because  _ no no no. _

“You caused him all that pain,” her guard says, “and why? Because you just would not stop fighting. You couldn’t just  _ give up. _ One would think you would’ve learned your lesson, but clearly not--because here you are, still fighting, still hurting your precious clone.”

_ No! _

But she remembers the way he’s been pulling back, putting distance between them, the way she can’t be sure he still means it when he says  _ I love you, _ the way he  _ won’t come back _ (he promised he’d never go away again but he  _ did, _ he’s  _ gone, _ he left her  _ alone), _ and she’s still trying, still reaching for him, still reaching for warmth, fighting the ice, the emptiness, but all he does when she fights is he pulls back further and further and further.

_ I can’t do a ‘next time’, Ahsoka. _

Kriff, this  _ whole time, _ she’s just--no  _ wonder _ he’s spending less and less time with her, having others with her so she’s not alone (does he trust her anymore? she thinks the answer to that is  _ no), _ leaving the bond closed most of the time. If he  _ could _ break the bond, she thinks he probably would, and, and, and she  _ can’t blame him. _

_ (And there is the problem, _ Obi-Wan says,  _ you would live and fight for Rex, Ahsoka, but not yourself, _ and Rex is  _ horror _ and  _ pain _ in the back of her mind, and he pulls back just a little.)

(And she remembers the fleeting thought, that maybe they’d all be better off without her around, and she’s  _ sick _ with the realization that it’s  _ true.) _

“You’re  _ wrong,” _ she chokes out, but there’s no weight behind it, just the sharp rasp of shock and pain.

“Am I?” her guard asks. “No, I think I’m not. I know what you look like when you  _ give up, _ and you haven’t yet. So prove me wrong, little not-a-Jedi.  _ Give up. _ Break. Spare your clone the pain.” She shakes her head, numbly, and he  _ laughs. _ “See? You  _ won’t do it.” _

“Perhaps she’s incapable of giving up,” Rex’s guard muses thoughtfully (like she’s--an object, not a person).

“She  _ willingly _ called me  _ master,” _ her guard says, smiles. “She can give up. When she hurts too much. She just doesn’t have the…  _ compassion-- _ which is so important to the Jedi, isn’t it, is that why they discarded you?--to give up when  _ others _ are hurting  _ for her.” _

Her secret shame. The way she’d  _ shattered, _ the way she’d wept,  _ please don’t, master, _ and not because the others were hurting but because  _ she was, _ because the pain was too much for her to handle. They  _ know, _ and--

And is that why the Jedi sent her away? Because--because she’s too selfish, too focused on her own needs and pains, because she causes others pain because she just can’t  _ let go-- _ and she remembers early on in the war, fighting even after being told to  _ pull back, _ and her troopers  _ dying because of it, _ and she’s  _ sick. _ No, this  _ can’t be right, _ but. But  _ she’s the one _ who hadn’t wanted to break the bond, because she  _ wanted it _ and it would’ve  _ hurt her _ if it snapped; Rex never even had a say, Rex never even  _ agreed, _ she just made the bond and then refused to let it go without even a  _ thought _ to whether he wanted it or not.

She’s not even aware her knees are buckling until she feels the cold durasteel floor under them (and there are tears on her cheeks), hears the guards laugh (and it’s like she’s  _ there again, _ her scars  _ burn _ and she can’t  _ breathe). _ “Stop it,” she whispers. “Please, just  _ stop.” _

“You know the word you have to use,” her guard says, still amused, and she  _ chokes _ but--but she can’t  _ listen to this _ any more, she  _ can’t, _ she  _ won’t, _ it hurts and so she’s selfish but she  _ can’t can’t can’t do it. _

So she shakes her head, presses her palms flat against the floor like she can draw strength from it, whimpers. “Please stop, m-master,” and she can  _ barely _ force the word out around the awful choking horror and sick shame in her throat.  _ “Please.” _

“Good,” her guard says approvingly. “You  _ can _ learn. Give up. Just do it, little skug.  _ Give it all up. _ It’s so easy. You even have your lightsabers with you--how  _ fortunate.” _

Ahsoka swallows hard, bows her head.  _ I can’t do a ‘next time’, Ahsoka. _ So much pain, and it’s  _ her fault. _ Because of her. Because she--because she  _ won’t stop fighting. _ (Alari is  _ empty, _ like everything that makes her  _ her _ is gone, flown far away, and she  _ wants that, _ she wants to fly away too, please.) 

She feels like she’s in a dream as she reaches one hand down, slips her ‘saber from her belt, brings it up in front of her vision. Stares at it, at the little switch. It’d be so _easy. Give it all up._ _Stop fighting._ Just angle the hilt and close her eyes and press the button, and everything ends, everything goes away. No more pain, for her or for Rex or for anybody else. (The Force is peace and soothing and she drifts, floats on endlessness, free of pain and fear.)

It’s surreal.

Time slows to a crawl, and she can almost  _ feel _ the Force tangible and thick and heavy against her skin, but whether it’s trying to help or hinder her she can’t tell as she rotates her wrist, points the blade end of the casing towards her heart.

_ Give it all up. _

“Look at her,” one of the Zygerrians says, and the voice echoes like from a far distance. “Still the lowly slave.”

_ You are only a slave if you choose to be, _ something murmurs,  _ the only collar you wear is the one formed by your scars. _

Jak.

Ahsoka doesn’t  _ mean _ to, but her hand stops and she swallows  _ hard. _ Remembers Rex thinking  _ I can’t lose her _ as he clutches a mug of ale and drowns in his pain.

Remembers,  _ would you let me say them to you again, and do it right this time? _

But, but, she  _ let Sidious live _ and she shouldn’t have, she  _ forgave him _ and Fives died and Dogma died and the Jedi died--

And Rex sees that, hushes her, wraps her in  _ love _ so complete and total it steals the very breath from her bones, because it’s sunshine and laughter and wild freedom and  _ life, _ light, beautiful and scorching and, and, and…

_ Hello, little one, _ a voice breathes, sounds like  _ light _ and  _ life _ and the sweet summer air and the taste of the wind after a rainstorm.  _ It’s been a while since we last spoke. Do you remember me? _

Something in her reaches out, like calling to like, compassion and warmth and  _ forgiveness _ and love and utter, total  _ selflessness. _

_I gave you life when all was lost,_ the voice hums, wraps her in something soothing and soft. There is a memory, distant yet perfectly clear, like glass, _don’t hate him, Father, it is his nature,_ and a _choice:_ to stay, to use all the life and light bright and burning within to _survive,_ or--or there is a small, empty vessel lying broken and cold on the stone. And it is so so _easy,_ because it is her nature, it never even _occurs_ to her to make the other choice, because _save one, just save one._ _Bring life._ And then there’s a brief impression of the endless cycles of life and death and light and dark, the whole galaxy spinning in perfect balance.

_ Daughter? _

_ Indeed, little one. You have been through much darkness and trial since last we met, _ and there is soft  _ sorrow _ aching heavy and deep and eternal, vast and matchless as the sea in storm.  _ You have been so strong, have tried so hard. _

_ Master Yoda says there’s no such thing as try, _ and she doesn’t mean to be bitter but she is.  _ Do or do not, there is no try. Well, I  _ **_can’t do it._ **

_ Master Yoda is tiny, _ Daughter hums, silver and laughing and brilliant,  _ powerful, but small in stature and small in mind. Failure is a part of growth, little one. It is the way of things: the crops wither and die in the fields, and the village grows lean and hungers, and then the famine passes and everything returns lusher and fuller than before. There is life, death and decay, that brings forth new life. An animal perishes at the roots of a tree, and over time its body is broken down, absorbed into the earth, bringing desperately-needed nutrients to that tree, that it may grow another branch. You fail, you learn, you grow, you succeed. It is your nature. The nature of all beings. _

There is an impression of two great  _ existences, _ too massive to truly comprehend, one red-and-black, one green-and-silver, entwined together, inseparable, the Light casting the Shadow and the Dark bringing forth the Light, Life causing Death causing Life, and there is always-and-forever Dark within the heart of the Light, Light within the depths of the Dark--there is Death at the center of all Life, there is Life at the root of all Death.

Success causing Failure causing Success.

Strength at the heart of Weakness, Weakness found even within the deepest Strength.

_ Balance. _

And it is as though a shroud has been lifted from her soul, and Ahsoka can  _ see, _ with the unfailing clarity of the Father, because there is the Son’s anger and dark (and it breathes  _ revenge, they deserve it, they die) _ but there is too the Daughter’s  _ forgiveness _ and light (and she sings,  _ I see your failures, I see your weaknesses, I see your shortcomings, and I love them, I praise them, I lift them high _ and  _ it’s not about deserve, it’s about what you believe in), _ and something asks her, with a voice as old as Time,  _ What is your nature, child? _

_ (It’s not about what we deserve, _ Padme murmurs, so so gentle.)

_ You must choose, little one. You have fought well, you could come home, you could rest. You deserve it. _ (It’s not about deserve.)  _ Or you can stay, bear the pain, fight again.  _ (It’s about what you believe in.)  _ The choice is yours. _ (Rex believes in you.)

The ‘saber falls from her hand, the clang of the casing against durasteel horribly loud and echoing. (My ‘Soka. I love you so much.)

_ Choose. You must choose. _ (You are only a slave if you choose to be.)

_ What is your nature? _

“No,” she breathes, so so quiet and soft, and she shakes her head. “You’re wrong. I’m not a slave. I am  _ free, _ I have been, you have no power over me anymore,” and she pushes herself to her feet, unhooks her other ‘saber and drops it to the floor, too. “And I  _ won’t _ hate you anymore, I won’t be afraid.  _ I forgive you. _ And I’ll do it again and again and again, even if it hurts, because--” and she can’t quite breathe, “--because that’s my nature.” She wants to hiss out insults, but she remembers  _ forgiveness _ and she lets the light and love flood over her soul and soothe the pain, and she  _ breathes. _

_ What is your nature? _ the Daughter whispers, and Ahsoka finally has an answer for her.  _ What will you choose? _

Forgiveness. Compassion.

Every  _ kriffing _ time.

~~~

Rex doesn't hear Brii come into the armory, doesn't even hear the first time his brother says his name; his welding torch is loud and he’s thinking. Ahsoka is apparently spending time with Ca’tra and Miik’s mom in the medbay - his meeting is over, but she’d been busy when he got back, so he decided to work on modifying his armor and weapons until she was free. Then he wants to sit and talk, wants to tell her how excited he is because they're  _ free, _ wants to be close. When he  _ does _ hear Brii, though, he flips the torch off, drops it and his armor pieces, spins, because Brii’s tone says  _ danger _ and  _ panic _ and Rex can only think that means an attack, or… or ‘Soka.

And Brii is  _ by himself _ and Rex’s chest tightens so it’s almost hard to breathe, and he gets to his feet all in a rush, grabs one of his blasters instinctively. “What’s the matter,  _ vod’ika _ ?” he says, sharply, and Brii flinches, holds out a clenched fist and opens his palm.

“I’m sorry, Captain, I don’t know where she  _ went _ -” and it’s a commlink, and Rex doesn’t feel like he can breathe right, “-she said she needed the ‘fresher and I… I don’t  _ know _ , sir.”

Rex is already moving before he finishes, grabbing the commlink out of Brii’s hand and sprinting out of the armory, tuning his own comm to Anakin’s frequency. He thought things were getting better, it was all so good last night, he thought- he thought-

“ _ Rex? What do you- _ ”

“Anakin, where’s Ahsoka?”

There’s a crackling pause (and Rex turns a corner, automatically follows Brii’s pointing because he has to find her), then Anakin says, “ _ I don’t know, Rex. She was with you guys. _ ”

“Well, she isn’t now,” Rex growls, heart thudding hard, breathing still too  _ tight _ . He needs to find her, right  _ now _ , and it’s hard not to want to grab Brii and snap at him, because Rex  _ wasn’t there, wasn’t there, wasn’t there _ . He should have been there, should have stayed, if he’d just- He reaches for her mind, pulling down all his own kriffing  _ stupid _ shields, only to meet iron-stiff walls around her mind, walls of her own making. They hadn’t been there before.

_ No _ . No, no no.

“ _ I can’t feel her _ ,” Anakin says, and Rex can  _ hear _ his panic. “ _ Where’s the last place you knew where she was?” _

“The ‘fresher close to the medbay,” Brii says, so Anakin can hear.

“ _ Meet you there _ .”

Rex grabs Brii’s shoulder and pushes him to move faster, to  _ run _ , and he thinks his  _ vod _ looks horribly, deeply guilty, but that doesn’t  _ matter _ , not until they find Ahsoka. His boots slam hard and fast and loud on the metal floors and he comms Tup, says  _ get the men looking for her _ , comms Kix and asks if they  _ know _ and Kix says no. Says they didn’t realize. Says she didn’t give  _ any signs _ .

And they get to the ‘fresher, and Rex doesn’t pause, just pushes through the door, sees the ventilation shaft grating lying on the floor of one of the showers, and  _ no no no no _ . He slams his fist into the wall of the shower, turns to see Anakin panting outside the doorway of the ‘fresher.

“Where would she  _ go? _ ” Rex snarls, and Anakin shakes his head, looks between them, then up at the vents, then…

“When she was a youngling she liked exploring in the vents. All over the place, mostly places she wasn’t supposed to go.”

“That doesn’t help.”

Anakin rakes his hand through his hair. “I know.” He pauses, like he’s listening to the Force, and says absently, “She wasn’t supposed to go to the salles, when she was  _ really _ small.”

Maybe, okay.

“I don’t know, sometimes she watched older initiates training-”

“No.”

“Shavit, Rex, shut  _ up _ , I’m thinking.” Anakin curls both hands into fists, the creases in his forehead getting deeper, more worried. “I don’t karking- there were the holding cells, I guess. They’d dare each other to go down there.”

That doesn’t sound right to Rex, hardly seems like somewhere to run to - the cells are full right now with Zygerrians they’d freed who had proven belligerent and couldn’t be trusted around the other patients. Their guards are down there, ‘Soka wouldn’t want to see them. So that doesn’t sound like her.

Except his instincts, which he knows by now he needs to  _ listen _ to, say he can’t just let that option go. He knows she was with Miik and his parents before, also knows that she hasn’t exactly been being  _ reasonable _ lately. (Except he thought today was better, thought that after yesterday, it would be  _ okay _ .)

And sure, the salles still make more sense, to him, but his gut says he needs to check the holding cells, so he meets Brii’s eyes. “You get Tup and Kix and whoever else you can, go through the Jedi training rooms and try to find her,  _ vod’ika _ . Kriffing  _ focus _ . I’m going down to the cell block.”

“I’m coming with you,” Anakin says fiercely, and Rex shrugs because  _ whatever _ , he just needs to find her. He won’t lose her to this, not now when they’re so close to everything they’ve both dreamed about for  _ years _ . “I can’t feel her but if we get close I can follow her Force-signature.”

Rex nods, Anakin nods back, and they rush to the nearest lift, and Rex paces the small floor of it in a circle, which is the only reason (he thinks) that Anakin isn’t pacing too, because Rex is in his way.

“How did this kriffing  _ happen? _ ” Anakin snaps, and Rex shakes his head.

“Don’t know, don’t really give a kriff right now.” The lift is too  _ karking _ slow.

Really it’s not, just  _ feels _ like long, long minutes before the kriffing thing stops and Anakin squeezes through the door as soon as it’s open enough to let him, Rex striding after him, and he hopes he was right and this is where she is because they don’t really have  _ time _ , for all he knows he’s already too late and they let her have both her sabers and she left her comm and Brii didn’t  _ know _ , he doesn’t know how long she’s been  _ gone _ .

He’s quiet, quiet as he can be, because Anakin is focusing again, trying to listen, and focus isn’t really Anakin’s strong suit most times but right now he’s laser-sharp. Anakin doesn’t even bother saying anything before bursting into a run, like he knows where he’s going, and Rex falls in step next to him, draws one blaster without really thinking about it, even though there’s probably no point; it just feels better.

Anakin turns a corner, starts swearing under his breath, gestures at one of the cell doors, both to point it out to Rex and to unlock it. Rex slams the door-open button, holds as still as he can actually make himself while the kriffing door opens, why’s it so  _ slow _ .

When it does, in the split second it takes him to read the situation, he’s already moving. ‘Soka’s standing. Sabers on the floor. Them, the Zygerrian guards. They all flinch, hard. Rex holsters his blaster and grabs Ahsoka, eyes flicking up and down her frame fast for injury; seeing none, he tugs her against his chest and twists so he’s between her and the Zygerrians.

And all the thick, heavy mental walls  _ disintegrate _ and Rex just feels  _ emotion _ , can’t pick out specifics in any of it, there’s so much. He curls one hand over the back of her head, holds on  _ tight _ , too tight.  _ Gods, ‘Soka. You can’t- Are you- Little gods. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. _

~~~

Ahsoka’s still reeling a bit from everything, from the magnitude of the choice she’d just  _ made _ and the  _ kriffing Daughter _ in her head and everything she’d  _ seen _ when the door hisses open and she  _ flinches. _ Before she can spin to see who it is, though, someone--it’s  _ Rex, _ kriffing  _ Rex _ is grabbing onto her,  _ hard, _ pulling her into his chest, and he’s  _ shaking _ and kriff, kriff, her  _ shields. _

She can’t get them down fast enough, reaches for his mind and holds on, because  _ Force, _ it’s so  _ much, _ she doesn’t even know what she’s feeling--there’s pain and exhaustion and fear and sick shame and anger and yet something in her feels  _ free, _ feels stronger and more powerful than she has in a long time, more  _ certain, _ and really the only thing she knows is she  _ wants Rex. _ So she presses her forehead into his chest and wraps her arms tight around his waist and takes a shivering breath and then she’s crying.  _ Rex, Force, I’m so  _ **_sorry,_ ** she thinks,  _ I didn’t--I was--I almost--Rex, _ and it’s all she can seem to get out,  _ I love you so much, Rex, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, _ and she’s  _ trembling. _

_ Little  _ **_gods,_ ** _ ‘Soka, _ Rex thinks, still feels so so shaken and  _ terrified, the  _ **_kriff,_ ** _ why--what were you  _ **_doing?_ **

He pulls her even tighter to him (and Anakin’s there, she can feel him, he wants to know the same thing, through a haze of angry terror), leans his forehead between her montrals, and she can’t seem to  _ think _ very well so she just--lets him (both of them) have it,  _ all _ of it, the resolve and  _ not a Jedi _ and justice and him leaving and  _ please don’t go away like that ever again _ and  _ I won’t, I promise _ and _ give it all up, you just can’t stop fighting _ and she doesn’t want them to see this but she is  _ so karking tired of shields _ so she shows it  _ all, _ shows kneeling and crying and her ‘saber firm in her hand and Jak’s voice and the Daughter and  _ what is your nature? _ and  _ what will you choose? _

And  _ Force, _ stars, she can’t stop  _ crying, _ and she doesn’t even know  _ why, _ but it’s all too  _ much _ and she can’t seem to breathe right and  _ Rex and Anakin _ are here and she clings to them  _ hard _ and shudders and tries not to choke on the memory of silent screams.

~~~

Rex can feel Anakin’s feelings almost as much as he can feel Ahsoka’s, and normally that would make him uncomfortable but right now he doesn’t care. It helps, a little, because everything feels like so  _ much _ , but Anakin is here so Rex doesn’t have to sort it out by himself.

And Rex  _ thinks _ something good happened, but it’s hard not to fixate on the other parts, on the fact that he almost lost her, that he wasn’t there and she came here and the kriffing- the kriffing  _ chakaare _ hurt her and he  _ nearly lost her _ . And she says he promised not to leave, but he did, he broke the promise and he failed her. Wouldn’t have gotten here in time to help. He was going to come back, he wanted to talk to her, it was all supposed to be okay, but he would have  _ failed _ . And it’s good, some of the rest of it, choices and the Daughter and whatever else, but that doesn’t stop the too-late panic in his bones.

He doesn’t even know what to  _ do _ , although he can feel Anakin has decided to be  _ angry _ (although not at Ahsoka) and that doesn’t really surprise him.  _ My ‘Soka _ , he says, a little more desperately than he means.  _ I’m sorry, I didn’t…  _ He pulls up the memory of her choice and the Daughter again, says,  _ You did good, cyare _ .  _ I’m… I don’t know, I’m sorry. _ None of this should have  _ happened _ , not her going off by herself, not the slavers, not her kneeling and begging, not him being too late to help, not any of it.

It’s all okay now, he thinks, but what if it hadn’t been? He doesn’t  _ mean _ to think like that, but he does anyway, can’t really help it. It’s the  _ almost _ that’s scaring him so much, he thinks. Because it would have been his fault. Why did he go anywhere, why couldn’t he just stay in bed this morning and be  _ happy? _

He’d almost lost the future he’s begun to allow himself to dream of again, the real one, the possible one, of him free and with her and a home and his  _ vode _ and life. He’s  _ free _ , all his  _ vode _ are free - everything should be happy, should be okay now, and it’s not. It’s not, he almost lost her.

~~~

_ I'm sorry, Rex, _ Ahsoka repeats, leans heavy into him and twists her fingers into his blacks and heaves for breath.  _ It's okay, I'm okay, I promise I'm gonna be okay, I won't do it again, I won't, I’m not going anywhere, never, _ and she's repeating herself too much but she can't care.

Anakin is fire and rage in the back of her mind and she can _ feel _ his utter hatred of the Zygerrians, and she wants to tell him to _ breathe _ but there's still a part of her that wants them _ dead,  _ just like part of her is still afraid, even though she mostly just never wants to see them ever again. And she still can't dismiss everything they said.

She hesitates, shows Rex the memory of  _ she doesn't have the compassion, maybe that's why they discarded her, _ and all the _ fear, _ thinks  _ Rex, what if they're right, what if some of the things they said are true? About me, about--you, _ and she's shaky and scared and she loves him, she wants him, has missed him so kriffing much.

~~~

Rex  _ burns _ , can feel Anakin in Ahsoka’s mind deadly angry too, and he eases his fingers soft against her headtail, looks up from her head to meet the eyes of the two former slavers cowering in their restraints against the wall. He will make them  _ regret  _ this, regret everything they said.

_ You're more compassionate than anyone on that Council _ , Rex says firmly.  _ I told you before, it's… it’s always been amazing. It's all been kriffed up by the war and everything else. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been pulling back _ (because he'd thought that was the right thing but it wasn't, it wasn't, he made everything worse)  _ I just- You haven't hurt me and I wasn't going to leave, I don't want to. _

Ahsoka clings tighter to him, and there's so  _ much _ there, to feel, and Rex can still feel and see that Anakin is furious, that the only thing keeping him from killing both prisoners  _ now _ is the fact that Ahsoka is more important, that they have to make sure she's okay.

He thinks it's the same for him.

_Easy, ‘Soka,_ Rex says. _We've got you, it's okay._ **_Nothing_** _they said was true, cyare. Not any of it._ The phrase _kriff them_ slips through too - it's not strong enough for what he feels, nor is it exactly the _time_ , but still. _I just… It's_ ** _okay_** _, ner’jetii, and I… I don't wanna do without you, I love you, I'm sorry._ He kisses her forehead, keeps half an eye on the Zygerrians, because if they move, if they so much as karking _twitch_ \- They won't make that mistake again. Not after they almost took her from him again, not after they kriffing hurt her and laughed about it, looked at her suffering and pushed, made it worse, didn't care. He tries not to project too much anger - it wouldn't be helpful - he just holds on, tries to make his thoughts have _some_ type of order.

~~~

Ahsoka shivers a little, holds tight to the anger and the love (thank the _ Force) _ and everything else burning through Rex's mind, because that means he's _ here. _ He's here and he still _ wants her _ and he wasn't going to leave, he never was going to leave. And then there's another pair of arms wrapping around both of them: Anakin. Pressing closer to her mind, saying  _ I'm so sorry, Snips, so sorry, I'm here now, I'm here. I've got you, you're safe. _

And they're both here, projecting love and warmth and Light, and Ahsoka clings to that, struggles to swallow her sobs and regain some semblance of composure.  _ I'm sorry, I love you, I'm here, _ they say, both of them, and she holds tight to that as she comes apart at the seams.

When the Zygerrian moves, she can't help flinching at a little, but she doesn't think anything of it--

Until the guard wraps his cuffed hands around the hilt of one of her sabers, and _ no no no _ that's _ hers _ he can't _ take it! _

~~~

Rex  _ said _ if they moved they’d be sorry; he just hadn’t expected them to be so  _ spectacularly _ stupid. The guard fits both hands around ‘Soka’s saber, starts to stand, and Rex twists free of both of his Jedi, flicking his new vibroblade out of his gauntlet. The Zygerrian’s finger shifts toward the saber’s switch and Rex  _ smiles, _ faster and sharper than the guard can be, drives his blade into the guard’s hand so he drops the saber with a howl. Rex catches the saber hilt, pulls his vibroblade free, and slices it fast and deep across the inside of the Zygerrian’s elbow, knows he’s severed the biceps tendon there.

“Don’t try that again,” Rex snarls, crowding into the Zygerrian’s space, making him back up, cringing, to stand by his cellmate. “I’m not in a good mood right now.”

The guard can’t actually meet his eyes, is taking ragged breaths, and Rex  _ knows _ he shouldn’t enjoy that, but he does a little anyway. “Feels good, doesn’t it, skug?” the slaver grits, and Rex smiles bitterly because the guard is managing to  _ sound _ like he knows anything, like he’s mocking, but Rex isn’t afraid to look him in the eyes anymore and he can see he’s terrified. “Having all the power?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Rex says, stepping back a little, still smiling, sharp. “I don’t think it suits me. Still, why don’t you go ahead and  _ shut your karking mouth _ , now. I wouldn’t want to have to talk to you about this again.” He twirls his vibroblade meaningfully, lets his smile settle into something more dangerous.

“Rex,” and it’s his ‘Soka, soft but insistent. “Enough.”

He holds the guard’s eyes for a second longer, then turns and goes back to his Jedi.

~~~

_ I want to go home, Rex, _ Ahsoka tells him, soft, reaching for his hand, threading her fingers through his and stepping away from Anakin enough to lean her head into Rex's shoulder.  _ Leave them, they aren't worth it. _

_ She's right, _ Anakin growls, though it clearly takes him an effort; he shoots the guards a venomous glare, reaches down and takes her free hand.  _ Let's go, _ and he turns his back meaningfully on the Zygerrians.

Ahsoka takes a shaky breath, feels the Force nudging her, the Daughter still warm and brilliant in her thoughts, and she says, low, “Wait.”

Pulls her hands out from her boys’ and turns back. Her guard is curled on the floor, in obvious pain, one hand twisted around so it's clamped over the bloody hole in the back of his hand from where Rex stabbed him.

“Ahsoka--” Rex starts, and she soothes him, kneels down next to the Zygerrian.

Murmurs, “Give me your arm.”

He extends his arms, shaky and flinching, like he's expecting her to hurt him, but she doesn't. Instead, she says, quietly, “I'm not very good at this, so I can't fix the tendon. But I can ease the pain, prevent infection.” And as she speaks she reaches into the Force and asks it for healing, for Light and strength, and she directs it at the injuries. Knits together skin and muscle, though she's not the best, 

“Why?” the Zygerrian breathes, choked, and she smiles.

“Because,” and she pulls back, slowly lets the Force go, “it's the right thing to do. Because it's my nature, and I won't feel guilty for that anymore.”

And she stands, makes her way back to Rex and Anakin, takes their hands, and leads them out of the cell.

~~~

Rex still doesn’t really understand what makes Ahsoka able to do things like that, forgive where no forgiveness is deserved - but he projects wonder and love through her thoughts, because this time he doesn’t feel any guilt from her for doing it, just certainty.  _ Ner mesh’la ka'ra’nau, _ he says gently.  _ Ni kar’tayli gar darasuum. _

_ I love you too _ , she thinks, angling into his side a little, and she feels worn out.

Rex goes on his wristcomm, calls both Brii and Kix: “We found her,  _ vode _ , you can stop looking. It’s okay. She’s okay.”

“ _ Thank the Force _ ,” Kix answers. Brii doesn’t answer, just opens his line to static so Rex can tell he heard.

Rex tightens his hand on Ahsoka’s, lets her decide where they’re going; Anakin still looks anxious, and angry, but relieved too.

He figures out pretty shortly that they're going to the barracks, is glad for that. He wants her to rest. He walks faster, till he's a little in front of her, still holding tight to her hand and her mind.

His men are all clustered nervously in the barracks, waiting; Cody is there too, with Obi-Wan, and Miik and Zarak. Miik is perched on his dad’s shoulders, looking very solemn. When Ahsoka walks through the door they all immediately turn to look at her, and there's silence, long and tense and afraid, until Ahsoka smiles, eases her hand out of Anakin’s grasp, and waves.

Then Jesse steps forward a little, smacks a hand on his chest, and cries, “Oya!” loud and sharp and a little exultant. The rest of the battalion, Cody too, repeats it after him, smacking their palms on their chests, the word jumbled up in a clamor of  _ relief, life _ .

“ _ Su cuygar _ , Commander,” Kix says, dryly, although he can't totally hide the fierce relief in his voice.

~~~

For a moment, Ahsoka doesn't even know what to think, what to _ do; _ there's so much sheer _ joy _ and  _ relief _ in the room, and she _ thinks _ it's all because--

Because of _ her. _ Because she's alive.

“Kriff, you guys,” she chokes out, and she doesn't mean to but there are tears on her cheeks again and she thinks she might be laughing too. “I don't--what did I do to deserve that?”

It's Jesse who says, grinning, “You came back, sir.”

“Course I did,” Ahsoka says, like that was never in question, and she grins at Miik. “I promised somebody I'd watch Hero With No Fear with him tonight.”

Miik cheers, which garners a laugh from the assembled troopers, and Ahsoka wipes her eyes, smiles at her men. She wants to apologize for all the stress and pain she's caused them the last few weeks, but mere words aren't enough and she has no idea what to _ do _ for them, what she can give these men who have done and given so much for her.

She loves them, all of them. So much.

“I'm glad to see you back with us,” Obi-Wan says warmly, and she feels a rush of affection for the Jedi Master.

“I'm glad to be back,” she says, and she means it with all her heart. “Even if it means I have to deal with your shit, Jesse.”

Everyone laughs again and she feels weeks of tension draining away with the sound.

She's home.

~~~

Rex fits his arm around ‘Soka as Obi-Wan and Cody come over to the three of them, Cody offering Ahsoka a smile and a nod. “Commander,” he says, because Rex’s  _ ori’vod _ is nothing if not proper.

“Hey, Cody,” Ahsoka says, smiling. Obi-Wan comes up to her too, and (uncharacteristically tentative) embraces her.

Cody steps over to Rex, grabs him into a tight hug, and Rex closes his eyes for a second and  _ breathes _ . “We really gotta get that drink,  _ ori’vod _ ,” Cody says gruffly.

Rex snorts, pulls back a little to touch his forehead to Cody’s. “Didn't get enough to drink last night,  _ vod _ ?” Cody just grumbles. Obi-Wan is hugging Anakin, too, the two of them being still and quiet. Ahsoka catches Rex’s eye, smiles a little bit. “I feel left out,” she says dryly, and out of nowhere, a rocket of grey fur and blue fabric slams into Ahsoka, and Miik wraps his arms around her legs and buries his face in her dress.

Zarak shrugs a little, like  _ I couldn’t stop him _ , and Rex chuckles, lets go of Cody and grins down at Miik, who’s paying no attention to anyone except Ahsoka.

~~~

Miik hits her like a wall of Force, wrapping around her legs and clinging tight, almost like he _ knows. _ Ahsoka can't help smiling down at the overenthused bundle of fur before bending down and scooping him up into her arms. Miik cheers at this, flinging his skinny little arms around her neck. “I knew you'd come back!” he says brightly (and _ very loudly _ in her montrals). “Everybody else was worried about you, but I  _ knew.” _

“Really?” Ahsoka says, amused, tightening her fingers in Rex's hand and starting for their bunk. 

Miik nods. “Yeah, because you _ promised. _ And last time you promised it was that Mama would be safe, and she was. So I knew you'd come back.”

He's so innocent and happy she can't bear to tell him just how _ close _ she'd come to not coming back at all. “Yeah,” she says instead, though her voice is cracked and thin. “Yeah, of course.”

Rex squeezes her hand reassuringly, and there's still so _ much _ they'll have to talk about, not least what they're going to do now (now that the war is almost over, now that the future she's been dreaming of for over a year is almost here), but not right now. Right now, she just wants to curl up with Rex and Miik and Anakin and watch Hero With No Fear and not think about much of anything at all.

~~~

Ahsoka projects that she wants to watch Hero With No Fear, and because he has to, Rex grumbles about it for a moment. Anakin grumbles too, although less, and Miik is unironically, terrifically  _ thrilled _ when she tells him there’s an episode she wants to show him - Rex’s second least favorite, too. But he doesn’t really care. He puts his arm around her, settles his hand on her hip, and raises an eyebrow at her.

_ I guess we’re watching your shitty holo, ‘Soka _ .

_ Damn right _ , she says, and Rex snorts and sits down on his bunk, nudging her to sit with him ( _ please, I’m sorry _ ), half on his lap. Miik scrambles out of Ahsoka’s arms to sit on Rex’s leg, his own little legs slung over both of their laps. Anakin sits down sort of awkwardly on Rex’s bunk, and Rex realizes this hasn’t happened before because it feels  _ weird _ , because as much time as Anakin spends with his troops, that’s never been him sitting in the barracks with them. Not because he doesn’t want to, Rex thinks, but because there’s never been  _ time _ before.

He fishes under his bunk for his datapad, noticing his brothers forming into tiny clusters of conversation all around his bunk, eyes flicking over to them occasionally. No one really disperses, and he understands. They have to make sure their Commander, their… sister is really here, and alright. Zarak leans against a nearby set of bunks, and Rex wonders if the man ever  _ sits down _ . 

“Here,” he says, handing her his datapad with a resigned smile. “Pull up that episode. I'm sure Miik will love it.”

Miik kicks his feet on Ahsoka’s lap, grinning, and says, “Yessss.”

Anakin smiles. “I don't hate this episode,” he says lightly. “I'm not in it much. It's all about Obi-Wan.”

“Oh, I'm sure he loves it,” Rex says wryly.

“I do,” Obi-Wan says, just as wryly, from behind him, and he twists to see the General standing by Cody behind his bunk. “It's very flattering.” His sarcasm is out in full force. With a small shake of his head, he pats Cody on the shoulder and turns away, excusing himself. “Enjoy that, all of you.”

Ahsoka pulls up the episode and starts it, and Rex slides one arm around her stomach, settles the other on Miik’s lower back (and  _ wow _ his shirt really  _ is _ soft), and makes a derisive noise as the holodrama’s theme song begins. Even though he's happy to be here, happy to be sitting with Ahsoka again with almost no shields, happy to pretend for a moment that this is  _ fine _ .

~~~

There are too many things left unsaid, Ahsoka knows, and she can _ feel _ Anakin burning with questions, though he's at least considerate enough not to ask them right now. That's a conversation she's not looking forward to, even though she _ knows _ it's important. She at least owes them an explanation of _ why _ she'd snuck off.

And she needs to make sure Brii is alright, because she's _sure_ the poor kid feels horribly guilty for all of this, because he was supposed to _watch her_ and he didn't. Which was entirely _her_ fault, she's the one who snuck off, and she was _careful_ about it--

And she doesn't want to _ think about it _ right now.

With an effort, Ahsoka focuses in on the holo, leans her head into Rex's shoulder and basks in the warmth of so many overjoyed troopers and the bright fire that's Rex's love for her, and she lets it all soothe over the raw wounds in her soul.

~~~

Anakin does not like Hero With No Fear. Obi-Wan had asked him once, glibly, why he didn’t, because “I would have thought you’d have fancied the idea of being an action hero, Anakin.” Anakin had told him it was because the actor who played him, supposedly, wasn’t good.

“I just don’t think they make me handsome enough,” he’d said. And that’s true. They don’t, but then who could expect them to do him justice?

But it’s also that it just… isn’t him. There’s some karking stupid episode where they imply he and  _ Obi-Wan _ of all people are star-crossed lovers (which, okay, is kinda funny), and “he” explains it all to “Ahsoka,” how he can’t be attached, bla bla bla, sounds like kriffing Master Windu.

A kriffing trash holodrama version of himself makes a more proper Jedi than him.

But that doesn’t really matter, because it makes Ahsoka laugh - and laugh a  _ lot _ . Which is enough that it stops him from asking any questions for four whole episodes. (And which he regrets. So much.)

He just has too many  _ questions _ , has never been very good at being patient, so after the end of the fourth episode, he straightens up, restlessly, and pushes his hand through his hair. “Snips? Can we stop watching that for now?”

She doesn’t really look happy about that, but she shuts off Rex’s datapad and sets it down on the bunk, and Rex meets his eyes. Anakin figures they all have the same questions, really, so might as well ask while they’re here. He asks all in a rush, anxious, “What the kriff  _ happened _ , Ahsoka?”

She draws in on herself a little, hunches forward, and Miik scoots closer to her on Rex’s leg (which Anakin is sure is very comfortable for his poor  _ vod _ ) and leans into her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her middle.

“Miik,” Rex says, tapping the kid on the shoulder. “You should go hang out with Akaan.”

“No.” Miik pins his ears back, and Anakin feels an impression like he’s digging his heels in, and he wants to chuckle although Rex is  _ probably _ right, Miik should go get Akaan to make him another action figure or something so he doesn’t have to hear about what happened.

Which still makes him want to go back down to that cell and rip those karking slavers to pieces.

“ _ Vaar’ika _ -” Rex starts, and Miik shakes his head and climbs off Rex’s lap to sit entirely on Ahsoka’s.

“She needs me,” he says, matter-of-fact, and Anakin can feel that’s kind of true. Also, Miik feels like he’s a little afraid to let Ahsoka out of his sight again. So is Rex, if he’s telling the truth.

“Just leave him,” Zarak says, wearily, from where he’s still standing (and honestly, does Zarak ever approve of  _ anything, ever? _ ) by another bunk. “He wouldn’t go far, anyway.”

Anakin snorts, and Miik smirks proudly before burying his face in Ahsoka’s shoulder.

~~~

Ahsoka briefly considers answering with  _ I don’t know, _ in the hopes that it’d be enough to satisfy Anakin’s curiosity; but she’s smart enough to know it’d just be a colossal waste of time, because Anakin would never accept that answer and she’d be lying, sort of. It helps when Miik crawls onto her lap, buries his face in her shoulder and hangs on  _ tight _ with his skinny little arms, and she hugs him gratefully, leans her forehead into the top of his fuzzy head for a moment.

_ Rex, I don’t want to do this right now, _ she thinks tiredly. She’s drained and she just wants to enjoy the feeling of--of  _ peace, _ of warmth, of freedom from the  _ ice. _ Not have to recount everything that led her to… to turn her ‘saber on herself.

_ I know, _ Rex says back, sends love and reassurance, tightens his arm around her.  _ You don’t have to, ‘Soka. We just want to understand. _

And she can’t  _ blame _ them, she’d want to understand too, if she was in their position. So she sighs and lifts her head, leans into Rex’s side and doesn’t really look at Anakin--she doesn’t want to see the look in his eyes. “I just…” and she stops, shakes her head a little, lifts one shoulder in a half-shrug. “I wanted--I needed to see them, the guards, they’d hurt  _ Miik, _ too,” she says, finally, halting. “Because anger was better than the ice, I don’t know.”

Rex projects understanding, warmth, and she swallows hard. “And then they just--started taunting me, I guess. They--you know what happened on Kadavo, Anakin,” she says finally, swallows again. “They  _ broke us, _ they found my weaknesses, they just--knew what to say.” A long breath, in and out. “But it’s okay, Master, I’m going to be alright now. Really.” She thinks. Hopes. Everything feels much  _ lighter, _ right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

~~~

Rex wishes everything was as simple as that, everything being alright now, but even if it was, he can still feel that Ahsoka is tired, still has her memories of earlier circling in her head.  _ Sorry, ‘Soka _ , he says, rubbing her shoulder. Shields how his mind is circling around and around:  _ sorry, sorry, sorry. _

_ It’s okay, Rex. Really, _ she tells him, and he nods, although it isn’t, because he  _ wasn’t here _ . And he should have been, had decided not to be. She presses against his thoughts insistently.  _ You’re here now _ .

Which he knows is good, and there’s not really a point in thinking he  _ should _ have been, but he’s been trying so hard to do the right thing and fix it all and he just wanted to be close today.  _ Yeah, _ he says, scratches Miik’s head and gets a small hum of feigned annoyance from him.  _ Yeah, I guess that’s gotta be enough. _ It doesn’t so much feel like it, but he’s got to make it be enough.

~~~

Ahsoka hums a bit, runs her fingers through Miik’s fur (even though it makes the kid grumble a little at her), reaches for Anakin’s mind and opens both bonds up at the same time again. It helps, feels calm and reassuring and soft, and she smiles as she leans more into Rex’s side.  _ Thank you for finding me, _ she thinks quietly.  _ I’m sorry about the shields. _

_ It’s okay, Snips, _ Anakin says immediately, worried.  _ Just  _ **_please_ ** _ don’t ever do that again. _

_ I won’t,  _ she promises, softly, scratches Miik’s ears. The kid doesn’t really respond, and she looks down at him, sees he’s fallen asleep. He’s  _ adorable, _ really, and she smiles a little, adjusts her arms around him as he nestles into her a little.  _ He’s cute, Anakin. Has the Council let you take him as your padawan yet? _

Anakin makes a face, which she takes to mean  _ not yet, but I’m working on it, _ which honestly is about the answer she’d expected.

_ Kriff the Council, _ Rex thinks emphatically. (Ahsoka thinks she agrees with him on that one.)  _ What did the Daughter show you, ‘Soka?  _ She gets the impression he hadn’t really been able to totally comprehend it, earlier, because there was too  _ much _ going on.

So she shows him, shows Anakin too, the cycles and the way everything is together and within each other, the nature of all things. She’s not sure she totally gets everything across, but she does the best she can, because she can feel that this is  _ important. _

~~~

Rex has developed a healthy respect for the Force, and for the three weird-ass entities Ahsoka talks about sometimes, but, he says,  _ the Daughter is my favorite of those three. _ She doesn't make much more sense than the other two, but at least she didn't totally shred his mind the time he felt her.

Ahsoka chuckles a little, and so does Anakin, although Rex can feel that his General is… thinking. And confused.  _ Little gods _ Rex doesn't like feeling Anakin's emotions; they're none of his business.

_ She's amazing, _ Ahsoka agrees.

_ I gotta thank her sometime _ , Rex says wryly. The Daughter’s hauled his Jedi back from the edge of death twice now; it would be rude not to thank someone for that.  _ I'm glad though, Ahsoka, you… She's right, it's not just one or the other sometimes. You told me-  _ He cuts off, sends the memory instead, of  _ I think you try to be, and I think that's the same thing _ , and her own memory of  _ it isn't about what you deserve _ . He fidgets, glances at Anakin, says,  _ Sometimes it's about the choices, not how they turn out. _ He sends an impression of deciding he was going to fight Savage even if it got them nowhere, in the end. He doesn't know how to talk about things like this with Anakin, really - he thinks the only time he's ever  _ talked _ with Anakin was about Kadavo.

~~~

Ahsoka doesn’t quite know what to  _ say, _ at the impression Rex sends of his decision to fight Savage; they haven’t really talked much about Mustafar yet, other than that one brief conversation about recklessness, and for good reason, really--she’s hardly been in a good mental state (or even an  _ adequate _ one) for talking about the 501st’s last battle, the one they’d all thought would be their last. Their swan song, in a manner of speaking. At first it was because Ahsoka didn’t want the reminder of how she’d nearly  _ lost Rex _ (how she hadn’t  _ been there, _ for him or for her men, when they needed her the most); then there was the simple fact that Rex was pulling away and during the brief times she got to spend with him, she didn’t  _ want _ to bring up something like Mustafar.

Now, though, she thinks this is a conversation that’s long overdue. And, from the way Anakin is listening intently (even though both she and her Master can tell Rex is  _ uncomfortable _ with being able to feel and hear Anakin like this), she thinks he agrees.

_ I never got the chance to tell you, _ she says, smiles up at Rex.  _ I’m really, really  _ **_proud_ ** _ of you, Rexter. For making that choice. It’s--you did a good thing, for yourself and for your vode. _

_ Even if it  _ **_was_ ** _ more reckless and suicidal than three-quarters of my strategies, _ Anakin adds with a rough chuckle. He still feels like he’s  _ thinking, _ considering something, and she nudges him curiously.

_ What’re you thinking about, Master? _

He hesitates for a moment, and she can feel a muffled impression of some internal debate going on before he speaks, slow and fumbling.  _ Just… the things the Daughter was talking about, _ and he flashes memory of  _ success causing failure causing success _ and  _ weakness at the heart of strength, strength at the heart of weakness _ and  _ Master Yoda is tiny, small in stature and small in mind, _ followed by a mental impression of a shrug. And then there’s a snippet of memory she doesn’t think she and Rex are  _ supposed _ to see: the Jedi Council, stern and serious and scary (and all looming above her-Anakin like--she’s not sure even what to equate them to), and  _ Master Yoda’s _ voice saying  _ fear is the path to the Dark Side, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering _ and  _ I sense much fear in you. _ And then there’s Windu, saying  _ he is too old, there is already too much anger in him _ and  _ we forbid it, _ and Ahsoka doesn’t  _ understand _ at first except there’s a young version of Obi-Wan with a padawan braid and an angry, hurt, frustrated face and--

And the Council, it seems, had almost refused to allow Anakin into the Order.  _ Anakin kriffing Skywalker, _ regarded by many as one of the most brilliant Jedi of his generation. She’s almost not sure what to do with that information.

~~~

_ I knew the Council was stupid _ , Rex growls,  _ but little gods, that's worse than I thought. _ General Skywalker,  _ his _ General, not a Jedi? Because he, as a little boy, apparently, was too  _ angry and scared _ ? Utter bantha shit. He lets that anger bleed into Anakin’s mind, that frustration.

_ And what, you believed them? _ he says, because he feels that, a little, that Anakin has felt too angry and too scared and not enough of everything else (and  _ kriff _ Rex isn't sure he should know that about Anakin, isn't sure Anakin wants him to).

Anakin sends the mental equivalent of a shrug, says,  _ Not really _ . Except Rex can tell he's lying - not from his thoughts, but from knowing Anakin as well as he knows his  _ vode _ .

_ Kriffing bantha shit,  _ he says warmly.  _ They don't know anything. You were a  _ **_kid_ ** _ , General. And you're human, what the  _ **_kriff_ ** _ do they really expect? _

~~~

Anakin really  _ hadn’t _ meant to let all that slip through, but now it has, and--and, if he’s honest with himself, it feels… he feels  _ lighter, _ a little, now that they  _ know. _ About his failings. (About how he has always been too angry, too scared, too attached, too  _ Dark, _ the Jedi never wanted him and at first the only reason Obi-Wan even trained him instead of dumping him back in the hellhole that is Tatooine was because of a promise to Qui-Gon, the only person besides his mother and Padme who ever  _ wanted him.) _ He shrugs a little at Rex, says,  _ There’s a reason younglings are taken from their families before they’re old enough to have memories. _

_ What Rex said, _ Ahsoka says fiercely, and her thoughts are fire again, and he  _ smiles, _ because even though she’s tired and she’s  _ not _ just going to magically be alright, she’s  _ better. _ She feels like  _ fire _ again, instead of that pervasive ice.  _ That’s ridiculous, Master! _

Anakin hesitates, but he thinks, somewhat wryly, that he’s gone this far, he might as well show them everything. So he brings up the old memory: Obi-Wan and Master Qui-Gon stand a little ways away from him on the landing platform. They’re waiting for Padme and her retinue. And the two Jedi are talking quietly--but not so quietly that he can’t easily hear them over the wind tugging at his clothes--about  _ him, _ like he’s not even there.  _ The boy is dangerous, _ Obi-Wan says, harsh and uncompromising and  _ frustrated. They all sense it. Why can’t you? _ Qui-Gon says,  _ his fate is uncertain, not dangerous, _ but Anakin looks down at his ragged tan clothes and shivers (the wind is so much colder than the suns and the sand), hugs himself a little. He can hear the words unsaid, because he’s not  _ stupid, _ just because he can only read Huttese:  _ he’s Dark, he’s dangerous, he’s not good enough, he’s afraid and angry and Dark. _ And he’s  _ trying, _ he’ll try, he really will, he’ll try  _ so hard, _ please, he’ll be Light and he’ll be good and he won’t be angry anymore (except then the Tuskens kidnap his mother and torture her and she  _ dies _ and there’s nothing but the  _ rage _ festering deep inside him, black and poisonous, and he slaughters them  _ all _ without a second thought, without hesitation), he won’t be  _ scared _ anymore (except he curls up in his bed at night and shivers and shakes and hides his sobs in his pillow, because when he sleeps he dreams of a voice like velvet and steel, cold and Dark, and it whispers to him and tells him he’s a  _ good boy, Anakin, _ and there’s a monster inside him and he dreams of the day when he’ll let it out, dreams of a blue lightsaber in his hands and boots marching behind him and a hood over his face and  _ younglings, Anakin, how could you? _ and the blue lightsaber turns red from blood), he won’t be  _ attached _ anymore (except he can’t stop thinking about his mom and about Padme and he  _ misses them _ and he hugs himself when he can’t sleep in the cold, small hours of the night, because his mom isn’t there to make warm tea for him and soothe him back to sleep with a lullaby). Really, he won’t, he’ll try so so  _ hard, _ if they just  _ please _ let him be a Jedi. He doesn’t want to go back to Tatooine, back to Watto, back to whips and chains and hunger and  _ they sent my mom out into the storm and she never came back, Ani, what’m I gonna do? _

So he looks up at Qui-Gon when the tall Jedi kneels down in front of him and says,  _ Master Qui-Gon, sir, I don’t want to be a problem, _ but then Master Qui-Gon  _ dies, _ and when Obi-Wan forms the training bond with him Anakin catches a snippet of memory, of Master Yoda’s voice:  _ The Chosen One, the boy may be; nevertheless, grave danger I fear in his training. _ Danger. Over and over and over again.  _ He’s dangerous. Too angry. Too scared. Too headstrong. Too attached. Too cocky. _ He’ll prove them  _ all wrong. _ He will. He’ll be the  _ best Jedi ever. _ And  _ then _ they’ll want him, and then they’ll accept him, they’ll see he  _ belongs, _ he  _ does, _ he’s not  _ worthless, _ he’s not  _ dangerous, _ he promises. He  _ isn’t, isn’t, is not. _

He  _ won’t let himself be. _

(Except the dreams still come, and the monster’s still there, and he still gets so  _ angry, _ and he still loves Padme and he’s still  _ terrified _ of losing her and he can’t just  _ let go. _ And the Dark is still there, lurking, lingering, like a taint clinging to his skin, cloying and thick, and he tries  _ so hard _ but he can’t make it  _ go away. _ And  _ dangerous, _ the voices whisper still,  _ he’s dangerous, he’ll Fall, you’ll see.) _

~~~

Rex can’t believe Anakin has been thinking all this for  _ so long _ . Can’t believe  _ his General _ thinks he’s dangerous and not enough - although Rex has seen him frightening, angry enough to do exactly what he shows them he did to those raiders, has seen him  _ murderous _ . Yeah, his General is dangerous - but then so is Rex. So are his men. Rex has been angry, Rex has wanted to do things he knows are terrible. And his General feels terrified of himself, and maybe there’s a little there that is frightening, but Anakin is… Anakin is Anakin.

He can feel Ahsoka is  _ worried _ , and it’s not that he isn’t, it’s just… it feels simple, to him. And maybe it’s because he’s always had belonging, with his  _ vode _ , takes for granted that he has his brothers if he has nothing else.  _ That’s a lot, sir _ , he says, because Ahsoka feels unsure where to begin.  _ But sir… _ And Fives’ voice is back, the memory of it, “who gives a damn.”  _ General, it’s okay you aren’t what you think you have to be. Everyone whose opinion matters thinks you’re good enough _ .

Rex  _ wants _ to pull Anakin into a hug, but he isn’t totally sure it would be welcome, so instead he just puts his hand on his General’s shoulder.

~~~

Ahsoka is  _ worried _ about Anakin, and she thinks he really should show all this stuff to Obi-Wan, and probably Padme. She pushes that impression at him, feels a tentative agreement, the feeling that  _ you did it, I can do it _ and a memory of  _ anything she can do, I can do better. _

_ Including getting in trouble with the Council? _ Ahsoka asks wryly, and Anakin snorts.

_ Been there, done that, Snips. _

She giggles, leans into Rex’s shoulder a bit, thinks,  _ You haven’t gotten kicked out of the Order. _

_ Yet. _

Miik shifts in his sleep against her chest, settles, and Ahsoka sighs, lets her eyes close. She’s  _ tired. Rex is right, you know,  _ she thinks to Anakin.  _ They were wrong. You’re the best Master I could’ve had. _

Anakin feels shocked and grateful and  _ happy, _ and she opens her eyes and smiles at him, closes them again.  _ I’m tired, Rexter. _

_ You did good today, cyare, _ he says, hugs her a bit tighter, and she smiles at that. He feels safe and warm and  _ peaceful, _ happy, and Anakin is here too, and Miik is comfortable and sleepy in her arms, and the ice is gone.

The ice is gone.

Ahsoka thinks she could just… stay here forever. Never move. Live in the peace and brightness of this moment…

~~~

Rex is so  _ glad _ when Ahsoka falls asleep, mind calming into ease: no ice, no dreams. He pulls back from the bond a little so he can't feel Anakin anymore and smiles awkwardly at his General, shifts so he's holding Ahsoka tighter, closer. Miik makes a little purring sigh and snuggles into Ahsoka’s chest, tucking his arms around his middle and curling up, and Rex feels Ahsoka just barely respond, shift so she could hang onto the kid tighter.

It makes Rex’s chest  _ ache _ , and he thinks of the prospect of this being normal, of there being a little one that's  _ theirs _ , and it still feels a little frightening, but mostly  _ warm, safe _ . (And he almost lost it, almost lost her, when everything was finally beginning to be  _ good _ .)

“You should both rest,” Anakin says, and Rex snorts, nods.

“You too, General.” He hesitates, then says, awkwardly, “We got her. She's okay.”

“Yeah.” Anakin rubs his hand through his hair and sighs, standing. “You got an empty bunk somewhere?”

“Yeah, that whole row is free.”

“Okay.” Anakin shuffles over to an empty bunk, tugs off his boots, and flops onto the thin mattress with a grunt. Rex chuckles to himself and turns his attention back to Ahsoka, carefully, slowly easing back so he's leaned against the headboard of his bunk. He sets his pillow behind him and buries his face in her shoulder, just breathes. He won’t let go this time, he won’t, he won’t leave, not like this morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Mando'a translations:**
> 
>  
> 
>  _ner mesh'la ka'ra'nau:_ my beautiful starlight
> 
>  _su cuygar:_ hello, lit. "so you're still alive"
> 
>  
> 
> **Chapter summary:**
> 
>  
> 
> Ahsoka and Ca'tra visit Miik's mother, Alari, in the medbay. While there, Ahsoka sees Miik's scars from his shock collar, gets angry, and decides to pay a visit to the two Zygerrian guards from Kadavo, who are incarcerated in the Temple's cell block. She gets away from Brii by taking a shower, then uses the ventilation shafts to sneak into the cell block. The Zygerrians taunt and manipulate her into turning her lightsaber on herself, but before she can complete the act, the Daughter speaks to her, shows her that balance is more than Light and Dark--it's also strength and weakness, success and failure, that there cannot be one without the other, and then tells Ahsoka she must choose her nature. Ahsoka chooses to forgive the Zygerrians (without guilt). This is when Rex and Anakin (who have been searching for her with the help of Brii and the 501st) arrive. They have some brief, heartfelt discussion through their bonds with Ahsoka, which is interrupted by one of the Zygerrians going for her lightsaber. Rex injures the Zygerrian and the three go to leave, but before they do Ahsoka chooses to heal the Zygerrian as best as she can. Then they return to the barracks, where Ahsoka is greeted enthusiastically by her very-worried men. She, Rex, Anakin, and Miik curl up on Rex's bunk and watch Hero With No Fear, then talk for a bit, during which Miik falls asleep and Anakin reveals his own feelings of inadequacy and fear and self-loathing and doubt. Ahsoka falls asleep against Rex's shoulder, and Anakin decides to rest for a while on an empty bunk.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we're going to Saleucemi and Cut and Suu Lawquane! This one took us a little longer because we started another Rexsoka series halfway through it (...oops.....), but we aren't abandoning this fic, obvsly.
> 
> Love you guys - it's all steadily uphill from here!

Anakin doesn’t really  _ sleep; _ he lays on the bunk and dozes for a while, finds himself slipping into a meditative trance almost out of habit. The Daughter’s words to Ahsoka are still heavy on his mind, and he doesn’t entirely  _ mean _ to but he finds himself asking the Force for clarity, because he doesn’t--he doesn’t  _ understand. _

There’s that impression of  _ cycles, _ again, of something he’s  _ seen _ before but never entirely grasped: more than just Light and Dark, Life and Death, it goes deeper than that. He sees the Daughter, too selfless, too bright, leading her to her death (don’t hate us, Father, it is our nature); there’s the Son, all anger and fierce selfishness and sharp revenge (I didn’t want to kill  _ her, _ Father, if you’d just died like you were supposed to she’d still be alive), and in the end he, too, perished.  _ Neither is right, _ a voice older than the stars breathes, and there’s a flash of the Jedi in their Temples, shunning the outside world, attachment, a glimpse of the Sith ruled by passion and a lust for power--an impression of Order Sixty-Six bringing the Jedi to their end, of a pair of silver-bright lightsabers separating Sidious’ head from his body.  _ Both ways are unbalanced. The Light, the Dark, my Son, my Daughter--neither can exist without the other. To destroy the Dark is to end the Light. Emotion, yet peace. Serenity, yet passion. Chaos, yet harmony. There is no life without Death. Through the balance, the Force shall guide you. _

And then, like a whisper of memory:  _ you have brought balance to this planet. _ (Through death. There has been enough death. Bring balance now through life.)

Anakin sits  _ bolt _ upright on the bunk, nearly cracking his head on the bunk above him. The images are bright, fresh, clear, unfading before his eyes with the dimless, eternal clarity of a Force vision, and he rockets to his feet, bolts out the barracks before realizing… he doesn’t actually know where he’s going.

He adjusts his wristcomm to Obi-Wan’s frequency, says, “Master, where are you? We need to talk.” (Something tells him Padme needs to be there, too.)

_ “I’m in the Temple, Anakin. Is it urgent?” _

“Meet me at Padme’s apartment,” he decides. “We need to talk.”  _ We _ meaning all three of them, this time.

Obi-Wan agrees, and Anakin grabs his speeder, leaps in and pilots at a truly  _ terrifying _ speed to the Republica apartments. And maybe he should slow down, at least a little, but the vision still burns in his brain and there’s the realization that maybe he’s more truly  _ balanced _ than he’d ever thought, and he  _ can’t _ slow down. Not now.

~~~

Since Anakin answers “is it urgent” with “we need to talk,” Obi-Wan decides that means it is  _ very _ urgent. He can only think something has happened with Ahsoka, or with Padme, or with the efforts for clone rights - all very important things. So he grabs a taxi, pays extra for them to  _ hurry _ , and half-runs the rest of the way to Padme’s. He's behind Anakin in arriving, of course, and his padawan is pacing in the sitting room, and Padme looks worried and confused.

Not a baby, then.

“Anakin, what on earth is the matter?” he says, hurrying over to sit on one of the couches, giving a cursory polite nod to Padme. “I’m grateful for the excuse to stop talking to Master Tiin, but I’d rather know  _ why _ I got the excuse.” He presses concern against Anakin’s thoughts, just a  _ hint _ of impatience. “Is Ahsoka alright?”

“Yeah, she’s fine,” Anakin says, quickly. “I’ll tell you about that later.”

Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow, and anxiety settles in his stomach, heavy. “Well, then, Anakin, what’s going on?”

“I… I’m just going to show you both,” Anakin says, hesitantly, running his hand through his hair several times.

Padme walks over and sits down next to Obi, nodding understandingly at Anakin. “Alright,” she says gently.

Anakin takes a deep breath, then he touches the bond and an absolute  _ flood _ of images and sensations flash across it, barely organized enough that Obi-Wan can keep up, self-loathing and feeling unwanted and  _ not enough _ and Ahsoka and Rex and the Daughter and the Force and a vision and  _ serenity yet passion _ and balance and  _ bring balance now through life _ . Obi closes his eyes and grips the fabric of the couch and clings onto the impressions, pulls meaning and order out of them, and even still  _ doesn’t know what to think _ .

He has known Anakin was not exactly…  _ balanced _ , has known Anakin has struggled with a number of things that Initiates raised in the Temple (like him) had never found as difficult. And yet he’s somehow missed the  _ depth _ and  _ breadth  _ of Anakin’s pain, of him feeling like  _ no one really wants him _ .

Not even Obi-Wan himself.

_ Oh Force _ , he says, to himself, and as it has taken to doing lately, the Force answers with a soft hum of peace. He reserves his opinion to himself, instead working on sorting through the rest of the memories and thoughts, falling into the ease of control and learning and  _ understanding _ . His best friend, his  _ brother _ .  _ Oh Force, _ he thinks again,  _ how did I fail him so  _ **_much?_ **

The Force does not speak to him and does not offer an answer.

~~~

Padme doesn’t even  _ know _ how to react to everything Anakin shows her, feeling  _ unwanted _ and  _ unloved _ and  _ never good enough, _ the dream of  _ balance the Force. _ She’s a politician, her weapons words, but even words fail her, here and now, because how could she have  _ missed this? _

“Ani…” she starts, swallows hard, shakes her head. “I’m  _ sorry,” _ but that’s not enough, and she pulls him into a tight hug.

_ Bring balance through life, _ his vision had said.

Anakin picks up on her noticing that, says quietly, “I don’t really know what that means yet.”

And this isn’t how she’d planned to tell him, but… “I do,” Padme says, before she can lose her courage. “I’m pregnant.”

There’s  _ silence, _ shocked and disbelieving and a little  _ afraid  _ (Anakin thinking  _ I don’t know how to be a father, I can’t, what if I mess up), _ and then Anakin says, shakily, “A baby? We’re--having a baby?”

“If you want it,” she manages, because something in her  _ rebels _ at the idea of not keeping this life, her  _ child, _ but if that’s what Ani wants--

“Of course I karking  _ want it,” _ he breathes, spins her around in an ecstatic hug, and then he sets her down and turns to grin at Obi-Wan. “Did you  _ hear that, _ Master? A  _ baby.” _

And she  _ knows _ there’s so  _ much _ they have to talk about, his feeling inadequate and afraid and everything else, but that all can  _ wait a minute. _

~~~

A baby, then.

Obi-Wan can't stop a light, giddy smile, a press of excitement and congratulations against Anakin’s reeling thoughts.

“Yes, Anakin,” he chuckles. “I heard. It's wonderful news.” He gets up off the couch, feeling unaccountably nervous, and puts his arms around Anakin, holds on tight for a moment. Now that he’s paying attention, he can feel a pulse of life, the soft flickering Force-signature that all living things have, and he brushes against it- against- wait.  _ Them _ . Like two heartbeats, two little flames.

“Ah… Anakin” - it’s thrilling and bright and he isn’t sure he should even tell them but he wants to, wants this good news (like it would make up for how much he’s failed Anakin but now is not the time to think that) - “and Padme, it seems… It seems you may be having two babies.”

“ _ Two? _ ” Anakin grabs his shoulders and gapes like he has forgotten how to close his mouth. “ _ Two? _ Master, I-  _ Padme! Two! _ ” He pulls away from Obi, grabs Padme into another swaying hug, grinning, and Obi tucks his hands in his sleeves so he can fidget a little. A moment later, he senses a shift, and Anakin pulls back, rakes one hand through his hair, and predictably says, “Oh  _ kriff _ , two. I can’t do that.”

Obi-Wan shouldn’t laugh, as this is all very serious, but he does anyway, looking down and stifling it as best he can.

~~~

Two?

_ Two babies. _

Anakin doesn’t know if he wants to scream or cheer.

He simultaneously wants to shout it to the whole  _ galaxy, _ that  _ my beautiful, amazing wife is having  _ **_two babies!_ ** and cower in terror, because… he has no  _ idea _ how to be a father, and what if he messes it up? What if he makes a mistake and he  _ ruins everything _ and what if they  _ hate him _ and--

“Breathe, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, smiling softly at him. 

“What if I’m a terrible father?”

“You won’t be,” Padme promises, soothing. Takes his hand and smiles at him. “I wouldn’t have married you otherwise.”

Obi-Wan  _ chokes, _ manages to turn it into an awkward, rough cough, says, his voice a few notches higher than usual,  _ “Married?” _

Anakin flushes. “Oh, yeah,” he says, as casually as he can manage. “I forgot you didn’t know that part. After Geonosis the first.”

Obi-Wan still looks… too shocked to really say anything, so Anakin turns back to Padme, asks, “What are we going to name them?”

She shrugs. “I’ve got a datapad with some name ideas on it,” she says, as organized as ever. “I’ve been looking since I found out. I was thinking we should have a choice for each gender, just in case--but if there’s twins, we should have two--”

“I should be able to tell what gender they are once they’re old enough,” Anakin interrupts, though he’s still a bit in  _ awe. _ He’s going to be a  _ father. _ To  _ two babies. _ He hovers one hand over her stomach, breathes, “Can I?”

She nods, and he rests his hand lightly on her stomach, reaches out into the Force, and sure enough--two  _ brilliant _ lights.”Oh,” he whispers. “They’re  _ beautiful, _ Padme,  _ look,” _ and he opens their bond, shows her.

When he looks up again, she’s  _ crying, _ joy and love warm and bright in her thoughts.

~~~

A hand on his shoulder wakes him up, as small and gentle as the mind nudging against his. Rex does  _ not _ want to wake up, he likes sleeping, and he had a long day and he wants to  _ rest _ .

_ Go ‘way _ , he grumbles, burying his face in his pillow.

_ Cyare _ , Ahsoka says, her mental voice warm with amusement.  _ Wake up. _

_ No. _ He wants to be comfortable and sleep and pull her back into his arms.  _ Lay down again, ner’jetii _ . He sticks his hand out from under his blankets and catches her arm, tugs a little.  _ I don’t wanna get up _ .

_ We’ve been sleeping for a while, Rex. _

_ I don’t care _ . No one needs him up, he’s free, that means no one can wake him up before he wants them to anymore.  _ Wanna sleep _ . He wants to be close and hang onto his Jedi and not think about everything that happened today and how it was partly his fault and how he  _ should’ve been there, should’ve been there, wasn’t _ . He pushes all those thoughts grumpily out of his way and tugs harder on Ahsoka’s arm until she lays down again, curls against him, and he opens his eyes reluctantly.

“It’s 2100 hours,” she says. “If we keep sleeping we won’t be able to sleep once we actually go to bed.”

“I don’t  _ care _ ,” he grumbles again, although actually she’s right and that would suck. He puts his arms around her and buries his face in her montrals instead of his pillow. “I don’t wanna move.”

~~~

Ahsoka doesn't want to move, either.

She'd woken up half-expecting to be alone again; the surge of _ feeling _ and relief she'd felt upon realizing Rex's arms were still tight around her had been… indescribable.

“Neither do I,” she says lightly, “but I also want to _ sleep _ tonight.”

Rex sends her an impression of _ who cares, _ and she huffs out a sleepy laugh and curls more into him.  _ I'm free, _ he tells her firmly.  _ I can sleep if I want to. _

_ That's not actually how the world works, cyare, _ Ahsoka thinks, laughing.

_ It is tonight. _

And she can't really argue with that, but,  _ I want to talk, Rex, we haven't been _ **_talking._ ** _ I've really missed you. _

~~~

_ Well, I wanna sleep _ , Rex says rebelliously - but actually, talking sounds good. There's been so much  _ not right _ lately and there's been this  _ distance _ (his fault) keeping them from sharing and he thinks just  _ talking _ would be… would be amazing, actually. So he sighs and kisses the top of her head, makes himself wake up a little bit more. “Yeah,” he says, clearing his throat. “Yeah, I'd love that.” It almost hurts how  _ much _ he’d love that, how he’s missed this. He doesn’t know what they’re going to do next but he does know something has changed, that he isn’t going to get up in a few minutes and make himself leave.

Ahsoka reaches up and rests her hand on his collarbone, shifting her fingers light back and forth. It’s nice, it’s relaxed, it’s easy, as long as he ignores some of the looming problems and questions and  _ things they haven’t been saying _ \- which he supposes they’ll have to discuss at some point. “So… I told you we’d get you a planet,” she says, quietly, and Rex snorts a little.

“You mean the time I asked you what would happen to us after the war?” he says, shaking his head.

“Yeah.” Ahsoka gives him a bemused look, because he thinks she can feel he finds this funny. “What’s so entertaining about me being right? It’s not that unusual, you know.”

Rex rolls his eyes and pushes an impression and memory across the bond: looking at her lying on her bunk, injured, and feeling like he knew her better than he had, feeling like maybe she… maybe there was something there, and asking  _ what will happen to us after _ . And she’d thought he meant  _ us _ was him and his brothers, but not that time. “I was asking about  _ us _ ,” he says, chuckling, poking her in the shoulder and then pointing at himself. “Not my  _ vode _ . Although you were right about that.” It had been a little disappointing, getting that other answer - although hearing her say she wanted to find a way to get him and his brothers freedom and a home had been  _ good _ . Now he has  _ all _ those things, somehow.

~~~

Ahsoka just… stares, for a second, and then, feelingly, she says,  _ “Kriff.” _ Rex laughs, and she grumbles. “I could’ve been kissing you  _ way sooner,” _ she mumbles, and then, to illustrate her point, she curls her hand around the back of his neck and tugs his head down so she can kiss him.

“Probably,” Rex hums, when she pulls back, and he gives her a  _ grin. _ “But a planet is pretty great, too.”

_ I want wood floors, _ Ahsoka thinks, abruptly, and it takes him a second to make the jump to what she’s talking about.  _ And lots of sunlight. I don’t want it to be dark. _

_ Me neither, _ and he tugs her closer, leans his forehead against hers.  _ A cozy bedroom, with a real bed. _

_ And a locking door, _ and she grins a little.  _ Can you imagine, Rex? A bed that actually has room for  _ **_both_ ** _ of us. _

He laughs, low in his chest.  _ I’m a free man, I don’t have to sleep on a karking bunk anymore. _

_ The beds in the Temple are really comfy and soft, _ Ahsoka thinks, closes her eyes and hums a little.  _ Maybe if I asked to rejoin the Order, they’d let me have my room back, then we’d have a real bed. _

_ Mar’eyce, _ Rex says, snorting,  _ I think you’ve scandalized the Council too much by this point. They probably won’t ever let you back in. _ An impression of  _ don’t know why you’d want to go back _ floats across the bond, and she sighs a little.

_ Comfy beds, ner’karta, _ she tells him, snuggles closer to his chest.  _ Comfy beds. _

~~~

_ We can get one of those when we have a house, ‘Soka _ , Rex says. Which feels strange. Having a  _ house _ . What the kriff is that even like? Rex has only even  _ been  _ in one real house in his  _ life _ . (Unless he counts marching through burnt and charred ruins of civilian homes on long campaigns. Which he doesn’t.)  _ The Jedi Council wouldn’t let you back just to get a bed to share with your forbidden cyare _ .  _ We’ll get our own. _

Which will be kriffing  _ amazing _ . A real bed and a real house and their own  _ planet _ . (Will Ahsoka come? He isn’t sure why she wouldn’t but it’s new and so  _ different _ and far and what would that make her? He decides not to worry about it right now.)

_ Rex, _ Ahsoka thinks, tentatively, and he nods to encourage her to go on.  _ Rex, you remember my dream? The one I… I pulled you into, about the- house? _

Rex sighs slowly.  _ Yeah. What about it? _ He remembers, of  _ course _ he kriffing does. It’s still hard to think about it, because of everything that happened after (and because some tiny part of him still insists that  _ you can’t have this, it’s not for you _ ).

_ Well, I- Would you want that? _ She sounds nervous, vulnerable, and he senses she means the little girl. A kid, theirs.

And  _ gods _ , he doesn’t know how to answer that really, except- except he does, and has ever since she made him think about it, it’s just… he doesn’t even know  _ how _ to think about that.  _ Children _ . He’s never even really  _ been _ a kid, much less considered making and raising one. So it’s a big question - but still.  _ I think so. _

~~~

Ahsoka lets out a soft breath, closes her eyes and presses her face into Rex’s chest. There’s a wash of relief shaky and warm running through her thoughts, relief that he hadn’t just--dismissed the question outright.  _ I know it’s… a big thing, _ she thinks, after a moment,  _ but… _

And she doesn’t know how to say  _ any _ of this, at all, she’s never been very good at  _ words, _ so she reaches for impressions, memories, to try and  _ show _ him what she can’t say.

There’s an impression of a Force-vision, of clarity, of  _ here is a possible future, if you want it, _ an image of a little girl with bright gold eyes, the knowledge that if they  _ choose this, _ she’s what they’ll have. 

An impression of  _ wanting, _ of something warm and bright and happy, the  _ rightness _ of it all when Miik had fallen asleep in her arms, against her chest, and she lets Rex feel all this even though she’s  _ terrified _ he’ll run, he’ll get scared and leave, even though she thinks maybe he might want this  _ too, _ but… but she still can’t quite shake the fear.

~~~

Rex has never been good at being overwhelmed. He's suddenly  _ miles _ out of his depth at the prospect of that little girl being, in a sense,  _ real _ . That that is what a child -  _ his child, oh  _ **_little gods_ ** _ \-  _ would look like. It is too much, and as always his first thought is that he needs to back out and regroup and slow this  _ down _ so he knows what he's doing.

But that is not an option, and Rex sternly reminds himself to stay put and hide the fear. Because he does want this, even if it  _ terrifies _ him.

_ That’s something, _ he says, level.  _ She's wonderful _ .  _ That would be… good. _ Just breathe and wait and don't think about the hard parts - how he's not ready, how he's never been anything but a soldier, how he can't be a  _ father _ \- that's getting ahead of himself. Just focus on now.  _ Now _ is saying maybe, in the future, the girl - Tahla - will be real.

There are worse things.

So many worse things than a child that is his.

It's a lot, but he just breathes and pulls her closer.

~~~

Ahsoka lets out a soft breath, tightens her arms around Rex.  _ It scares me, too, _ she admits, quiet, unsure. 

Because she  _ wants, _ but… she has no  _ idea _ how to be a mother, no idea what to  _ do. _ She barely even can manage  _ one _ close relationship that isn’t with a Jedi, much less… a tiny life that’s  _ dependent _ on her for survival. What if she forgets to--to  _ feed her _ or something? Babies need food, right?

She doesn’t know  _ anything _ about small children, Force save her.

_ I want a kitchen, _ Ahsoka decides, suddenly.  _ So I can learn to cook something that’s not rations. _

_ You  _ **_burn rations,_ ** _ cyare, _ Rex says,  _ you learning to cook is a bad idea. _

She pouts. That’s  _ not fair. _ At all.  _ What if I’m secretly a really good cook? _

_ Are you? _

_ Well… no, but I  _ **_might_ ** _ be, _ she tells him, makes a face at him.  _ You never know. _

~~~

_ Fine _ , Rex thinks, chuckling,  _ we can have a kitchen, and you can try to learn to cook.  _ He does hope she won't make him eat what he cooks, though - her few attempts at cooking, on campaigns, have been abysmal. Fives was always a much better cook; in his absence, Tup isn't bad.  _ I… I want a garden. _ He doesn't know when or even where it was, but sometime when he was a shiny, he'd seen a garden full of big trees and flowers in colors he hadn't even  _ seen _ and it was  _ amazing _ . And he wants one. Although he doesn't think he's a gardener.

_ Okay, _ Ahsoka says, kindly.  _ Do you know how to garden? _

_ Ahsoka, of course I don't. _ He shakes his head.  _ I have been fighting my whole life, beautiful kara'nau _ , _ I can't do anything like that. _ He projects amusement so that she knows he isn't being bitter.

_ But now you can learn. _

_ Yeah. Yeah, my own Jedi, now I can. _

~~~

Ahsoka doesn’t say anything for a while, just reveling in the feel of  _ Rex, _ both physically (his arms around her, forehead pressed against one of her montrals) and mentally (the bond is wide open, the both of them twined together so tightly it’s impossible to tell where one of them ends and the other begins). It’s been a long time since they were this  _ close, _ just  _ together, _ not having to worry about shields and separation and dependency.  _ Obi-Wan was right, _ she tells Rex, tiredly.

_ About what? _ he asks, traces a hand up and down her spine, steady and soft and soothing.

_ About me being dependent on you, _ she admits.  _ I was--still am, I think, but… I think I’m gonna be able to get better now, Rex. I think I can find my own strength. The Daughter, she showed me, she… _ and it’s almost impossible to explain, so she shakes her head a little. Sends an impression of compassion not being a weakness, of  _ it wouldn’t have been right for you to kill him, like it wasn’t right for me to kill Krell or you to kill Agruss. _ An idea of failure within the heart of success, that doing the right thing doesn’t always mean there won’t be any consequences.  _ It wouldn’t have been right for me to let Sidious die. I did the right thing, made the right choice, even though Fives and Dogma died. _

She doesn’t know how to explain about Kadavo, but she tries anyway.  _ I survived Kadavo because of you, Rex. You were… you were safety, you were strength, so I held on. They broke me, they took away all my strength, Rex, I made people hurt, I made  _ **_you_ ** _ hurt, I wanted to help and all I did was hurt instead. I lost the will to survive, I hated myself. I couldn’t live for myself, so I lived for you. I thought I was strong but not  _ **_enough,_ ** _ they still knew exactly what to tell me, that I hurt you and everyone. And I almost gave up, Rex, I almost left you, but the Daughter showed me--she asked me what my nature is, and she showed me things, and I… I chose to  _ **_live,_ ** _ Rex. Not for you or for anybody else, but because I’m not ready to give up. I did it. _

She’s  _ free. _

~~~

Rex curls around Ahsoka, sighing slow and measured with relief. She fits so  _ well _ here, against his chest, close and warm and  _ safe _ .

_Ner’jetii,_ he thinks, almost sighs through her thoughts. _I'm sorry._ _But I'm so proud of you. For choosing._ And this is a lot and part of him wants to feel guilty for never _seeing_ \- but he won't think that way right now. _And I'm glad… glad you found a way to live even when it wasn't… wasn't for yourself._ Because it would be worse, far worse, if she'd simply not found anything to keep her here.

(He doesn't think about the fact that it was  _ him _ she'd been living for, because that is too heavy for him to consider now - he remembers wanting to leave after Utapau and that is a  _ what if _ he can't think about.)

_ Me too, _ Ahsoka says, and Rex hums and pulls her tighter against his chest, closing his eyes.

_ Love you. _

_ Love you, too. _

Rex feels like there's so  _ much _ to tell her, so much to  _ ask _ , and it's hard not to feel like it's  _ too much _ , almost. Like they'll never quite  _ fix _ the distance he put there. But he doesn't have to think like that, and doesn't want to, so he runs his fingers over her montrals and sighs a little.  _ We have a lot to talk about, ner’jetii. And I want to try to. _ He's a little afraid she still won't  _ want _ to talk.

~~~

_ Yeah, _ Ahsoka agrees.  _ I… I want to try, too. I miss talking to you. _

She  _ has _ missed him, so much.

But it’s  _ hard; _ she’s almost not sure what to  _ say, _ how to fill the silence between them. It’s not an  _ awkward _ silence, though, like so many have been lately--no, it’s  _ comfortable _ and  _ lazy _ and  _ soft, _ and she just wants to stay here forever, safe and happy and warm.

_ But I kinda just want to cuddle, too, _ she tells Rex.  _ I’ve missed being this close to you. _

_ Me too, _ he admits, and then he chuckles a little.  _ But I also want to talk. _

Before Ahsoka can respond to that, she’s hit with a literal  _ wave _ of fear-exultation-awe from Anakin.  _ Snips! _ he shouts, a cross between gleeful and horrified.  _ Padme’s having a baby!  _ **_Two babies!_ ** _ Two babies, Snips! _

“Force have mercy on the galaxy,” Ahsoka breathes, feels Rex’s surprise and confusion. She grins a little, twists so she can smile up at him. “Two mini Skyguys running around, just what the Jedi need.”

“Mini Skyguys?” Rex repeats, slowly, his eyebrows seeming like they suddenly have aspirations of merging with his hairline. “You’ve got to be  _ kidding me.” _

She giggles. “I don’t think so. Anakin seems… excited.” That’s an understatement.  _ Congrats, Skyguy, _ she thinks, because her former Master feels like he’s almost  _ worried _ about her reaction. 

_ The General is having kids, _ Rex says, flatly.  _ Dear little gods. At least the Senator’s half of the genes should make them a bit better. _

Ahsoka shakes her head, snorting at him.  _ Fat chance. Padme’s just as reckless as Anakin, except she’s really good at talking her way out of trouble and making it sound like everything she’s doing is totally sensible. _

_ You’re telling me,  _ he starts, shifting so he can look down at her with a raised eyebrow,  _ we’re gonna have two helpless adike with the Skywalker talent for getting in trouble and kriffing Senator Amidala’s paklalat running around? _

_ Pretty much. _

_ Gods, _ he says, feelingly.  _ We’ll never get any sleep. _

Ahsoka can’t help but agree.

~~~

Rex laughs, quietly, lowly, shaking his head.  _ I didn't sign up for this. If the General expects us to deal with his ade getting into everything, he's gonna have to think again _ . Miik is enough trouble (the entire battalion has more or less adopted the child, with his mind tricking attempts and squashed pieces of cake), they don’t need  _ General Skywalker’s two children _ also.

Although, he reminds himself, suddenly - they might not be here anymore anyway. That by the time there are children, much less children old enough to be running and talking and poking their fingers where they don’t belong, what’s left of the war may be cleaned up and he and his  _ vode _ will be… will be home somewhere. Not fighting.

He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to that prospect. Not until it’s real and he can  _ see _ it, have it, feel it.

Little gods, he almost doesn’t believe the planet is  _ real _ . Cody had mentioned in passing that Duchess Kryze said it was, quote, “extremely wild,” but it’s still a place that’s going to be  _ theirs _ , and Rex isn’t really afraid of hard work.

_ I don’t… None of this feels real, Ahsoka _ , he says quietly.  _ I mean, kriff, kids? The war ending? Freedom especially, hells- This morning, Anakin and Obi-Wan talked to me and Cody and some of the other officers. Said we had to organize a proper recruitment, takes requests for discharges, see who still wanted to help clean up what’s left of the fighting, and I _ … He doesn’t have the words for it, really, so he sends how it had closed off his throat and felt so  _ kriffing _ important and he’d known he was going to stay, but… but they have an option. Some of his battalion will leave. And it will be okay - will be good.

~~~

Ahsoka curls closer around Rex, holds him tight.  _ I know what you mean, _ she thinks.  _ It’s… unbelievable. We’ve fought for so  _ **_long,_ ** and she thinks if  _ she’s _ having trouble totally understanding it (her, raised in the Jedi Temple on the eve of war, as tensions ran higher than ever before and everyone waited for the last straw, the small spark that would light the flames of war; her, who spent her entire apprenticeship as Padawan to one of the best Jedi Generals in the entire Order, who knew nothing but the thrill of the fight, the rush of the battle, until the day when it all just became too  _ much _ and she couldn’t take it anymore) then Rex must be… she can’t really understand what he must be feeling.

But she  _ does _ know that for the first time, the clones can  _ choose _ if they want to fight or not, if they want to serve the Republic in this way or not; for the first time, all that’s left is really, truly  _ just cleanup. _ Four years of her life have been spent with almost every waking moment dedicated in some form or another to this war, to this conflict, and she finds that the idea of  _ the end of the Clone Wars _ is… almost  _ scary. _ She doesn’t know what she’s going to be doing, she doesn’t know what life will hold--but Rex will be there, and maybe a little girl, and so many  _ vode, _ and her Master (and his kids) and his Master and her  _ family, _ and that makes things seem a little bit better.

_ Kriff, Rexter, _ she thinks, suddenly,  _ I’m--I’m  _ **_eighteen_ ** _ and I’ve fought a war, been in a position of high authority, I don’t know what to  _ **_do_ ** _ when there’s no wars to fight. What if I can’t do it? _ Unbidden, she finds herself wondering: what if  _ fighting _ is all she’s good for?

~~~

Rex doesn’t really _mean_ to laugh, because that’s not really the right response at all, but the wry sound forces its way out of his throat anyway. _Hells, ‘Soka, you think_ ** _I_** _know? I’m kriffing_ ** _terrified._** Because honestly, how are _any_ of them supposed to know how to just… stop? Rex can’t kriffing sleep without his vibroblade under his pillow and a blaster within easy reach, and being without his armor for long? Makes him feel like a karking snail without its shell. He projects all that with a sense of almost-amusement. _At least you’re in good company, cyare. You’ve got some millions of clones that have to figure out the same thing_.

And it isn’t  _ quite _ funny and he wasn’t kidding, he’s terrified, but Ahsoka lets out a small chuckle and suddenly he’s shaking with laughter again. Because what else is he supposed to do, anyway?

Besides, the very fact that he has this to be  _ scared of _ is… Well. It’s kriffing insane, is what it is. The good kind, of course.

_ Little gods, _ he says, half joking, half anxious,  _ we’re  _ **_kriffed._ ** He thinks he’s gonna enjoy it. Most of it. The part where he’s not watching his  _ vode _ die constantly. And real beds.

Probably worth it to sleep in a real bed.

~~~

_ Real beds are  _ **_definitely_ ** _ worth it, _ Ahsoka says decisively.  _ In fact… _

She’s not sure  _ why _ she wants to do this, why she even thinks this is a  _ good idea, _ but she’s tired and Rex’s bunk is  _ small _ and  _ hard _ and she’s always been good at sneaking around, so…

_ What’re you thinking, ‘Soka? _ Rex asks, sounds bemused, and she giggles a little.

_ I’m thinking that I happen to know how to sneak in and out of the Temple, _ she informs him, very seriously.  _ And find a room with a  _ **_real bed_ ** _ that we can both actually  _ **_fit_ ** _ on. _

_ Cyare, that is a  _ **_terrible_ ** _ idea, _ he says, patiently, and she pouts.  _ Sign me the kriff up. _

She blinks up at him.  _ Wait, really? _

_ Why not? _ There’s a hint of mischief on his face when he adds,  _ I’m a free man, now, I should get a real bed. _

_ Have you ever even slept in a real bed before? _

_ Nope! _

He’s  _ far _ more cheerful about this than she’d expected.  _ Well, _ and she grins cheekily at him,  _ there’s a first time for everything. Come on, Rexter, if we’re careful we won’t get caught. It’ll  _ **_so_ ** _ be worth it. _

~~~

“I thought going with  _ you _ meant no heights,” Rex grumbles, peering up at Ahsoka perched on a windowsill and giving him the  _ stupidest _ shit-eating grin. “I don’t want to climb through  _ Anakin’s window _ , Ahsoka.”

“Well then I’ll go,” she says archly, “and you can go back to your stupid bunk.”

Rex swears under his breath but climbs up after her. “I’m doing this under protest,” he informs her.

Ahsoka just jumps for the next window ledge, grabs on, and tugs herself up to crouch on it, grinning at him. Rex follows again (likes it even less this time,  _ damn heights _ ). “Come on, Rexter, this is  _ fun _ .”

“I do not  _ like you _ ,” he grumbles.

It’s a couple more scrambles up to windowsills before Ahsoka waves her hand, there’s a small click, and she pushes open the window they’re crouching next to, hops lightly through it onto the floor.  _ Oh good, _ she sends.  _ He’s not here. _ Rex gets a sense of  _ he would understand, though _ , and a memory of Anakin hauling a much smaller Ahsoka out of bed to go down to a Coruscant streetrace, Anakin betting and always winning, and Ahsoka mostly just betting with Anakin (and losing).

“So responsible,” Rex sighs. And the General’s gonna have kids. Little gods preserve them and the galaxy.

“Oh, shut up, it was fun,” Ahsoka says, smacking his arm. “Now come on, let’s find a room where no one’s gonna bother us.”

“Cyare,” Rex whispers, very seriously, hiding a smile, “You do realize we have to walk through the Temple halls now. Looking for a room somewhere.” He highly doubts that the Jedi all turn in so early. Which is too bad. Rex is not fond of stealth missions, too kriffing easy to kriff up. He does  _ not _ know why he agreed to this.

(Yes he does. A  _ real bed _ \- and  _ probably _ a real  _ shower _ . Damnit, this is gonna be  _ amazing _ .)

~~~

“Psh,” Ahsoka says, derisive, “it’s  _ 2200 hours, _ Rex, we’ll just be… really really  _ sneaky, _ and careful, and no one will ever know we were here! Come  _ on, cyare, _ where’s your sense of  _ adventure?” _

Rex just  _ looks _ at her (though there’s a smile hovering on the corners of his lips). “Not in the Jedi Temple,” he says dryly, and she lightly smacks his shoulder.

“Oh, shut up, you big  _ di’kut, _ I can find us a room with an  _ attached ‘fresher. _ And a  _ hot shower.” _

“Well,” he drawls, “I suppose those are better terms.”

“Come  _ on,” _ she says, practically  _ whines, _ tugs on his arm and makes a face at him. “Anakin’s probably gonna come back with Padme, and trust me, you  _ do not _ wanna be in here when that happens.” She shudders, dramatically, catches Rex  _ grinning _ at her.

“I believe you,” he says, and chuckles. “Come on, then,  _ Commander, _ one last mission.”

Kriff, she loves him. “For nostalgia’s sake,” she agrees, tugs his arm again and starts for the door.  _ Ni kar’tayli gar darasuum, ner’karta, _ and she beams at him.

~~~

Captain Rex is a very serious officer with four year’s worth of battles under his belt and a number of combat honors and an impressive degree of self-control. He does not  _ giggle _ .

_ Stop kriffing calling it that _ , he grumbles, stifling another laugh as they duck around a corner and Ahsoka runs into the leaves of a plant, making an affronted face.  _ I am trying to be professional, here, ‘Soka, can’t you tell? _

_ Banthashit _ , she informs him, stifling a laugh of her own, eyes twinkling.  _ You’re a big sap _ .

_ And you’re a little shit. _ Ahsoka punches his shoulder, and Rex snorts and looks around again.  _ Do you even have a destination planned? _

_ I don’t know where there’s a sneaky enough room either,  _ she says.  _ Don’t be unhelpful _ .

Rex laughs, hears Ahsoka thinking it’s a  _ giggle _ again.  _ I’m not! I don’t know where we’re going anymore than you do, and I am not giggling _ .

They take a flight of stairs down, because lower levels are apparently sneakier, and Rex ignores the nagging instinct that says (and always will say) that the unknown is a threat.

Well, that’s just bantha fodder for the night, because this is the Temple, and there are only stupid people here, not enemies.  _ Hurry  _ **_up._ **

~~~

_ I  _ **_am_ ** _ hurrying, _ Ahsoka thinks peevishly, grumbles a little out loud and tugs Rex towards another staircase.  _ Look, this one should take us back up to the  _ **_really nice_ ** _ rooms, the Masters’ rooms. The ones without padawans, I mean. And there aren’t very many of those right now, so we can take our pick of rooms. _

_ I certainly hope so, _ Rex thinks.  _ What if we run into kriffing Windu? _

_ Well, that would be an experience, _ she says.  _ Let’s just… not think about the possibility of that happening. _

_ Or  _ **_Master Yoda._ **

She punches Rex again.  _ Shut  _ **_up!_ ** _ I said we are  _ **_not_ ** _ thinking about that. _

He  _ giggles _ again (and she can feel he’s  _ very annoyed _ that she thinks of it as giggling).  _ Yeah, I heard you, cyare. _

_ Well, you’re really shit at listening, _ and she leads him up the staircase, around a corner and into a (thankfully) empty hallway lined with doors. It’s just a matter of reaching out into the Force, letting it direct her to an unoccupied room (and she thinks the Force is  _ laughing _ at her), and keying in the default code all unused rooms are locked with.  _ Look, see? I found a room. It’s a very sneaky room, too.  _

_ I cannot believe I’m doing this. _

_ I can. Real beds, remember? _ The door unlocks, and Ahsoka opens it, leads Rex through the plain sitting room-area, through the door and into the adjoining bedroom with its attached ‘fresher.  _ Look. _

The bed is  _ quite _ magnificent, if she says so herself. It’s big and layered with  _ several _ thick, luxurious blankets, stacked with a few pillows. 

_ Perfect. _

~~~

_ What is the point of that many pillows? _ Rex says, blinking. There aren't that many, technically, but still. What is the point? Also, that many  _ blankets _ seems a little overkill.

_ Who cares, cyare? _ Ahsoka tugs off her boots, hopping on one foot then the other, and plops onto the bed, sitting on the very edge and raising her eyebrows at him. “Come on, try it.”

Rex laughs, holds up a hand, and unbuckles his bracers and belt and the rest of his armor and his boots, ignoring Ahsoka's impatient poking in his mind, then goes and sits down on the edge of the bed next to her. It  _ sinks _ , it's so damn soft, and it feels  _ relaxing _ . He tips over backwards so he's half-lying on the bed, sticks his arms behind his head, and sighs luxuriously because  _ damn _ . He almost thinks he's gonna sink through to the floor but he's not, and it is so  _ soft _ .

“This is awesome,” he says, staring up at the ceiling appraisingly. There are paintings on the ceiling. Why the hells? He wriggles a little bit, to get more comfortable, and Ahsoka laughs and pokes him in the stomach.

_ You're so cute, Rexter _ .

“Me?” Rex doesn't really  _ get that _ , he doesn't think he qualifies. It's a little weird every time she calls him that, embarrasses him. But it's fine, he'll take it. He shrugs and smiles. “I don't get you, ‘Soka.”

~~~ 

“Told you it'd be worth it,” Ahsoka says smugly, grins down at Rex. She flops down next to him, says,  _ “Whoa, _ this is even _ softer _ than the beds the padawans get!”

Rex laughs, pulls himself all the way onto the bed and underneath the blankets, and she can feel him luxuriating in the feel of their thick softness on his skin.  _ You coming, Soka? _

She giggles, climbs next to him and curls against his side, hums,  _ so am I right, or am I right? Definitely worth climbing through the widows. _

~~~

_ So worth it _ , Rex agrees, humming to himself. He loves this bed, and Ahsoka, and the fact that right now, everything is  _ good _ . He wraps his arms around her, kisses her montrals, and settles further into the bed.  _ Why didn’t we do this sooner? _

Of course he knows the answer to that question. Because they’ve been confused, and going in circles, and it’s been a long time since they really  _ talked _ . But for the moment they have all the time in the world, and he’s here, with her, and this bed is  _ comfortable _ and she’s tracing her fingers on his blacks over his tattoo, light enough that he can barely feel it, like she’s interested in the texture of the shirt.

“We should find you some regular clothes,” Ahsoka says, thoughtfully, tilting back to peer up at him. “All you have is your blacks and dress greys and armor - you can’t spend forever in your blacks, Rexter.”

Rex remembers, very fondly, the few times he’s slept in medbay sleepclothes instead of blacks. Blacks are stiff and form-fitting and not particularly comfortable. So maybe getting some civvies wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Actually, it would be  _ great _ .

(Rex can’t deny a tiny part of him wants to find something like what Miik wears all the time, soft and shapeless and blue, but he’s not going to get that carried away.)

“You’re right,” he says, smiling. “I’d like that. Some real boots.” Ones he can hide his vibroblade in.

~~~

“We can go shopping,” Ahsoka says, with a bright grin, tracing her fingers over the spot she knows Rex’s tattoo is.  _ You should take your shirt off, I wanna see it, _ she hums at him, poking lightly at his chest.

He chuckles a bit, shakes his head.  _ Seriously, ner’jetii? _

_ What? _ she huffs, pouting up at him.  _ I like it. And what’s the point of having it if you never see it? _

He grumbles, but he untangles his arms from around her long enough to obligingly pull his shirt over his head, toss it carelessly to the floor behind him.  _ Happy now? _

_ Yes, in fact, I am, _ she says, curling closer and running her fingers over the bright blue lines of the jaig eyes a few times, humming. His skin feels nice, smooth and warm under her fingertips, and she snuggles against his chest more, shifts her attention from the tattoo to some of the scars scattered thick and ropey across his chest and stomach and shoulders.

“I want a leather jacket,” Rex says, abruptly, curling his fingers around her back headtail and rubbing his thumb in circles; she leans into the touch and hums, almost a loth-cat’s purr, and he laughs.

_ You’d look good in a leather jacket, _ Ahsoka tells him, hooking one leg around his calf and tugging him closer, pressing her forehead to his collarbone.  _ You know, I think I want to find a new dress again, _ she adds,  _ something with an open back. Like my old red one. I think--I think it’s okay, if people see the scars. _

~~~

Rex hums, gently, presses warmth and affection liquid-soft across the bond.  _ I’m so proud of you, my Jedi. You should do that. I always liked that dress on you, anyway _ .

Ahsoka huffs a little.  _ Really? You could have  _ **_said so_ ** **,** _ once in a while _ . She projects the mental equivalent of a teasing wink, and Rex rolls his eyes.

_ Ner’jetii, when you still had that dress, I wasn’t exactly in a position to be telling you I liked it. _ Maybe he should have, anyway. It might have saved them some time. But that hardly matters now that he has her and he’s free and everything is  _ right _ , everything is  _ theirs _ .

_ You were a big di’kut _ , she tells him, poking him  _ hard _ in the ribs, where she’s been tracing his scars.

_ You were the one who thought I didn’t care about you except as a little  _ **_sister_ ** _ , ‘Soka. _

_ You called me kid, and youngling, for a really long time! _

_You called me_ ** _Rex ol’ boy_** _like I was a decrepit old man_ , Rex says, sending a forceful push of thought like her finger in his ribs. _Turnabout is fair play, Ahsoka Tano_.

She grumbles, audibly.  _ I called you ‘Rex ol’ boy’ because you called me ‘kid.’ And because I thought if I annoyed you enough maybe you’d talk to me more _ .

Rex sends an impression of  _ why are you like this _ and she pulls her hand away from his side with a scowl.  _ I liked your voice _ , she huffs.  _ Even when you were lecturing me like a stuffy idiot _ .

“‘Liked,’ past tense?” Rex asks, smiling a little.

“Yeah,” she snarks, and Rex has just time to be offended before she says, “Now I love it.”

“You’re incorrigible,  _ cyare _ .” He chuckles, wraps both arms around her and tugs her closer, lightly kissing the top of her head. Feeling a little embarrassed, he sends her an impression of gratefulness.  _ For getting us in here. To a  _ **_real bed_ ** _. _

_ You’re ridiculous _ . Ahsoka reaches one hand up and rests her fingers so, so light on the side of his neck, shifts them over the ridges of his scars. He still doesn’t get why she does that, but he’s not really complaining, either. He gets the sense she’s thinking, and then she shields a little, feels  _ almost _ timid.  _ I like it when you touch my scars, too _ , she tells him, carefully. He hums, nudges at her thoughts a little for  _ why _ , but doesn’t find much by way of an answer. So he just shifts, sleepily pulls one arm from around her to catch her hand against his neck, slides his thumb over all the raised shrapnel scars on her hand and then lifts it to his lips to kiss her palm, lazy.

Ahsoka presses her face against his collarbone, sighs.  _ I love you, ner’karta _ , she thinks.

_ You too, ner’jetii _ . He snuggles down further into the (amazingly comfy) mattress and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out with a small smile.  _ Go to sleep _ .

He’s so drowsy he’s not sure if she says anything in response, just gets a flicker of fond annoyance and feels her rest her hand over his heart. He  _ loves _ her, so much. His Jedi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MANDO'A TRANSLATIONS:
> 
> Mar'eyce: something found at last/a heaven
> 
> Ner'karta: my heart


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's baaaack!
> 
> (not that we ever really went anywhere, just to a couple different universes, but we're back to actively working on finishing up this series now!)
> 
> there isn't a whole lot left in this fic. a few more scenes to go yet, and then... well, we promised you an Extra fluffy epilogue, so you've got that to look forward to! hopefully we should be getting updates out faster again, on this one.

When Obi-Wan wakes up, the morning he is to once again move his belongings (only this time, it is back to the room he’d occupied while Anakin was a Padawan--now that he has officially taken young Caleb Dume to be his Padawan, that unfortunately means losing the nice, soft beds and private hot-water showers), and feels a familiar Force-signature nearby, one that  _ shouldn’t be here, _ he  _ almost _ does not even bother to investigate. 

But he does, sighing tiredly, because he should. Because if Ahsoka Tano has snuck into the Temple, there is  _ probably _ a reason for it, and he still remembers the events of the previous two days with a too-sharp clarity, and he  _ knows _ Ahsoka is probably going to be alright, now. But he still needs to check.

So, with a tired sigh, he showers rapidly and dresses, slipping his feet into his boots and making his way through the empty hallway. Ahsoka’s Force-signature leads him to one of the empty rooms, and he frowns to himself, keys in the auto-access code (which he’s fairly sure she knows) and slips inside.

And then freezes, just inside the door. 

Because it’s not just  _ Ahsoka, _ in the room; Rex is with her as well, and the two of them are curled around each other, closer than one would think  _ possible, _ Rex’s (bare) arms draped over Ahsoka’s shoulders and her head, one hand looped around her montral, his forehead pressed into the V between them (and her forehead is pressed tight against his forearm). Ahsoka has one arm reaching up, that hand lightly hooked around Rex’s bicep, and her other hand is tucked snug beneath her cheek. The blankets have drifted low enough that Obi-Wan can see some of the myriad scars on Rex’s bare chest and back (and can see a pair of tattoos, names written in Mando’a,  _ Fives _ and  _ Dogma, _ and he  _ aches), _ and Obi-Wan suddenly thinks that he is intruding, here. This is not something he is meant to see, the casual, careless intimacy, the way Ahsoka’s lips are curving in a slight, soft smile and the way Rex clings like he never wants to let go, like she’s the whole world, the  _ galaxy, _ worth more than anything else. 

He sighs, smiles a bit against his will at the sweetness of the scene, and then he backs silently out the door as though he’d never come in the first place, shuts it soundlessly and retreats back to his room to begin packing.

Really, he’ll need to speak to Anakin about  _ sneaking them in, _ though. Honestly. Even if he doesn’t fault Rex and Ahsoka for what he  _ presumes _ is wanting somewhere private and a bed that’s not a bunk (he has slept on those poor excuses for  _ bunks _ in the barracks before, and regretted each instance--and they are too narrow for two people, really), Anakin should not be sneaking his former Padawan into the Temple. He’s sure there are  _ other _ places they could stay. Padme would probably even be  _ happy _ to let them borrow her spare room.

Obi-Wan snorts to himself, thinking that in just a few short months that room will no longer be  _ spare, _ which is--rather terrifying, if he’s honest. He’s going to--be an  _ uncle. _

_ My, my,  _ he thinks lightly, to himself, rather amused.  _ How things have changed. _ First, willing to  _ stay _ with Satine, to kiss her and tell her he loves her (in front of kriffing  _ Master Windu, _ apparently, that had been a shock); now, to not only be aware that Anakin and Padme are  _ married, _ expecting children (twins, Force preserve him), but to be their  _ uncle? _ He smiles to himself, shakes his head.

He has long thought the Jedi Order needs an awakening.

He thinks, now, that they are about to get it.

~~~

Rex has never, ever,  _ ever _ woken up this wonderfully warm and comfortable before, and it seems very likely, suddenly, that he's dead. Which would be disappointing. He shifts, finds Ahsoka still curled in his arms, and snuggles deeper into the blankets.

But there's something on his mind, since their talk about children and home the day before, and since learning that they are free ( _ free free free _ ). A memory he'd shared with no one, not even Cody, except snippets handed over to Ahsoka like secrets.

Of his  _ vod _ who'd escaped and made his own family, Cut Lawquane. After the Jedi and GAR had seen to it that the whole army had received the gene fix to correct their doubled aging, Rex had taken a day to himself and taken a shuttle to Saleucami and given the gene fix to Cut. He hadn’t said or explained… anything, really, because there was  _ too much _ and he'd needed to get back 

Now, though, he thinks he has to go tell Cut that he and his family don’t have to hide anymore, that they are all  _ free _ \- Rex knows Cut may hear without him telling him, but the thing is, Rex wants to be the one to give him that news. He thinks a lot of this wouldn’t have happened, wouldn’t have been the same, if he hadn’t spent that day and a half with Cut and his family.

As always, as he grumbles his way out of drowsiness to actually being awake, Ahsoka wakes up too, her hand tightening around his arm. He chuckles a little, smoothing his hand over her montrals. “Hey, ‘Soka.”

“G’morning,” she says, a little hoarse. She rolls over to flop on her back, still holding onto his arm (to his amusement). “I told you these beds were awesome.”

“Yes,  _ cyare _ , I know.”

“C’mere, you  _ di’kut _ ,” she grumbles, rolls back over to brush her hand over his hair and kiss him, and he grumbles at the insult but kisses her back.

“You should brush your teeth,” he informs her dryly a moment later, making a face. “And we should leave before one of the Councillors finds us and I have to explain that you kidnapped me and dragged me here.”

~~~

Ahsoka grumbles, pressing her forehead into his collarbone and wrapping her arms around his chest, her fingers finding the ridged circle of scars from an electrostaff on the small of his back. She hums, splays her hand out across the scar, says drowsily, “Hot showers, Rexter,  _ hot water showers.” _

_ “Mace Windu,” _ Rex counters, and she grumbles again, pokes him with one finger.

_ Fine then, you go back to the barracks all by yourself and try to tell the men where you’ve been, while  _ **_I_ ** _ enjoy a steaming hot shower. _ Despite the words, though, she makes no move to get up, instead snuggling a bit closer.  _ What’re we gonna do today, ner’karta? _

“Actually,” he says, “I wanna talk to you about that--I have an idea of someone I wanna go see, if the General can spare us.”

“He probably can,” Ahsoka mumbles into his chest. “I bet he’s gonna spend all day today running around like a headless womp-rat trying to figure out what to do now that he’s gonna have kids. Who’re you thinking of?”

“I’m thinking,” Rex says, pulling back a little bit, “that how about we take that shower, and then when we get back to the barracks I’ll tell you and Domino all at once.”

She grins. “Deal.” She can handle waiting a little bit longer.

…

When they walk back into the barracks in the morning, it’s, predictably, to a chorus of wolf-whistles (mostly originating from Jesse, though Tup and a few others join in); Ahsoka rolls her eyes and Rex studiously pretends to ignore his men, and so the laughter dies down after a minute or two.

Mostly.

There’s  _ apparently _ a bet that was going on, though, because as soon as they sit down on Rex’s bunk Jesse comes over, plops down, and says, “So my bet is that you snuck into the Temple, and I’ve got like  _ five hundred credits _ riding on this, so by all the little gods  _ please _ tell me I’m right.”

Ahsoka looks over at him, deadpan, and makes a rude hand gesture before turning away, and Jesse cheers. 

“Get Domino over here, Jesse,” Rex says, and then taps his wristcomm a few times, says, “Hey, Cody.”

_ “Hey, ori’vod, what do you need?” _

“Come on over to the barracks,” and Rex nods his thanks at Jesse as Brii and Tup and Tuck cluster around, grabbing chairs. He releases his wristcomm, says, “Kix and Echo in the medbay?”

“Yeah,” Tuck says. “What is it, Captain?”

“I’ll tell you when Cody gets here.”

Ahsoka leans into Rex’s side a bit, tracing her fingers in lazy patterns along his ribs and smiling as she waits. Whatever Rex is planning, it’s got him  _ happy, _ something light and relaxed and almost  _ eager _ humming through his thoughts, and she finds she’s  _ excited, _ too.

She’s missed this, missed  _ him, _ and a part of her almost can’t believe she’d nearly given it all up--but she doesn’t want to think about that now, so she shoves those thoughts aside and waits for Cody to arrive.

~~~

When Cody and Kix and Echo finally get to the barracks (it’s not a long wait, but Rex is impatient), Cody settles into a seat next to Rex and raises an eyebrow, setting his helmet on the table. “What’s the problem,  _ vod? _ ”

“Not a problem,” he answers, and realizes that despite the excitement he feels building over his plan, he’s nervous to tell them all - he’s kept this as a vital, unspeakable secret for a very long time and although there is no one to go after Cut anymore, he doesn’t feel safe sharing it nonetheless. “I have a mission I wanna go on, figured I’d ask if you all would come with me.”

“Of course, sir,” Tup says, straightening and smacking Brii on the shoulder (because Brii is eyeing Jesse’s cup of caf very thoughtfully). “What’s the situation?”

Rex regrets, a little, how fast the squad has shifted upright, ready, although he’s also proud, in a sense. “Not that kind of mission. I want to go tell a  _ vod _ that we’re free.”

“Can’t you just, I don’t know, comm him?” Jesse asks. “If he hasn’t heard already - he’d have to live under a rock.”

“No, actually, he lives on Saleucami,” Rex says, dryly. “Do you remember that campaign a few years ago? We were with the 212th and I got shot by some commando snipers, you all had to leave me at that homestead.”

“Yeah,” Kix says, looks like he  _ definitely _ remembers and is not over-fond of the memory. “With that Twi’lek and her kids. What about it?”

Rex taps one hand on the table, glances at Ahsoka. She’s smiling at him, and he can feel she’s curious, listening. “Her husband came back that night, I met him. His name’s Cut, and he’s- He’s a brother. And he needs to know we’re free.”

Predictably, Cody frowns at him, although he doesn’t say anything at least - whether Rex should have reported Cut is hardly a material point anymore. Ahsoka feels tentatively excited, and then Rex pushes the memory at her (not all of it; he’s a little ashamed of some of the things he  _ said _ ), of the house and the two kids and Cut finding him in the barn and eating dinner and leaving again to go back to his family.

“He was a deserter?” Kix asks, carefully.

“Yeah.”

“And you didn’t turn him in.”

“No.”

“That’s good,” Cody interjects, gruffly. “You’re right,  _ ori’vod _ , that’s something we should do. Go tell him.”

Ahsoka leans heavier into his side, sends a soft thought.  _ So that’s where you saw that house _ .

_ Yeah. I didn’t know I wanted that until I saw him, and then it was really hard to keep it out of my head. Used to dream about that house, even though I didn’t want to. I didn’t picture- I didn’t really  _ **_think_ ** _ about it until after Umbara _ . He doesn’t look at her, feels too shy, almost, just nods at Brii as his  _ vod _ asks him whether they would all be going.

_ It’s still kinda surreal, isn’t it? _ she thinks, almost gently.  _ That it’s- that we can have this _ . He feels her examining his memories of Cut’s house, her easing carefully through  _ they were my family _ and  _ I suppose our superiors think it’s a more efficient way to distinguish us  _ and  _ I also have a name, believe it or not _ .

_ Yeah. But I want… I want to tell Cut they don’t have to be hiding, anymore. _

Rex thinks part of the reason he wants it to be  _ him _ is so he can show Cut that he understands now.

“I’ve got to ask the General if we can have the day,” Rex says, leaning back in his seat, “but if he doesn’t need us, I wanna leave at 1100 hours, take a ship and get going.”

~~~

Since Anakin turns out to be more than willing to let them have the day (in fact, his words were something along the lines of  _ I’d be glad to have you out of my hair for the next two or three days), _ at 1100 Ahsoka follows Rex and Cody onto the  _ Twilight. _ Besides the six other members of Domino squad (including Echo), Kix had asked permission to bring Ca’tra along, to introduce her to a new planet and see how she handles it. The  _ vode _ had, predictably, given Kix lots of shit about it, but it’d been deemed a fine idea in the end, and so the ten of them troop into the  _ Twilight’s _ hold.

“Come help me fly,  _ cyare,” _ Ahsoka says, grinning, grabbing Rex’s arm and tugging him towards the cockpit. She can’t deny the excitement thrilling through her, sparking across her skin--Rex keeps thinking things like how he doesn’t think he would’ve made it to  _ this _ here, today, without meeting Cut, and she  _ wants _ to meet the  _ vod _ who was so influential in making her  _ cyare _ into the man she loves so much.

“Not sure I’ll be much help,” Rex grumbles, but he follows her anyway, drops obligingly into the copilot’s seat as she slips her hands around the controls, carefully starts the engines and runs through pre-flight checks.

_ Cut’s one of the old batches, isn’t he? _ she asks, casual, lifting the ship slow and easy into the air and heading away from Coruscant’s surface.

_ Yeah, I think so, _ Rex says, and she catches a memory of being disarmed by a  _ pitchfork. _

_ A pitchfork, Rexter? Really?  _ **_You?_ **

_ I was injured, _ he protests, affronted, giving her a  _ look. _

Ahsoka is not deterred in the slightest, and she smirks over at him, sets the coordinates for Saleucami, hits the lever to send the ship into hyperspace.  _ But a  _ **_pitchfork?_ ** _ Cyare, you have to realize how ridiculous that sounds. _

~~~

Saleucami is in far better shape than it was the last time Rex saw it. Here, close to Cut’s homestead, there are no battles raging, no scattered scrap left from droids and ships, and although he doesn’t think Saleucami is exactly  _ beautiful _ , it’s… nice. He flanks Ahsoka as she leaves the ship, out of habit, then turns and holds up a fist for all of them to stop.

“Buckets off,” he tells them. “Leave them here.”

Jesse and Kix both do as he tells them, Jesse chuckling a little. “We might get shot if we don’t,” he says, and Brii whips off his helmet immediately and follows his  _ vode _ back into the ship.

Cody is, predictably,  _ not _ happy. “Rex, leaving our helmets behind is-”

“I don’t want him thinking we’re here to bring him in,” Rex says bluntly. “And this isn’t an active combat zone. We brought two Jedi and we have our armor and weapons.”

Before Cody can complain again, a soft, husky, low voice that Rex has only heard a couple times says, “Two?” and he turns to look at Ca’tra, smiling. She looks confused.

“Yeah,” he says. “Well, come to think of it, three. You and Ahsoka and Kix.” He still has trouble counting Kix as a Jedi because Kix is, well, not a Jedi. But equivalent. Kix comes back out of the ship, and Ca’tra scoots over to stand by him, looking at the ground and, Rex thinks, blushing.

Ahsoka punches him lightly in the shoulder, he isn’t totally sure why.

“Fine,” and Cody tugs his helmet off (so do Tup and Tuck and, more hesitantly, Echo). He glares at Rex, taps his helmet against his leg. “Can we go, now?”

“Just… No weapons either?” Rex says, oddly anxious. “Leave them on your belts or in your holsters. We’re not hostiles and they need to know that.”

Cody gives him a difficult-to-decipher look, then nods, claps a hand on his shoulder. “Sure,  _ ori’vod _ . We get it.”

Reassured (and now completely free to be excited), Rex leads Domino Squad down the road that he’s walked once before to Cut Lawquane’s homestead, Ahsoka calm and faintly excited at his elbow.

There’s something surreal about seeing the house come into view with Ahsoka at his side, with the hum of her love in the back of his mind. The barn is still out back, there’s an abandoned stuffed loth-wolf lying on the doorstep, the door itself just closing, and Rex projects his worry and hope at Ahsoka as a breeze hushes over his skin.

They keep walking, and Rex steels himself, reaches for Ahsoka’s thoughts and hangs on tight. He wants this to be good.

~~~

The moment they get within a few meters of the house (which is small but cozy-looking, same with the barn and the fields, a peaceful farm, and it sends an ache of almost-longing through Ahsoka’s chest), the door opens and a violet-skinned Twi’lek woman with darker purple swirls tattooed along her neck and a blaster rifle held expertly in her hands steps out onto the small porch, takes aim--and then hesitates.

“Captain Rex?” she asks, slow, in the lilting accent all Ryloth natives possess. “What do you--have you come for my husband?”

She still holds the rifle up, aiming with the easy familiarity that comes from expertise, and Ahsoka barely manages to stop herself from pulling her ‘sabers when the door opens again and a man--who is  _ unmistakably _ a clone, and this must be Cut, then--comes barging out, a blaster in his hands too, though it isn’t raised.

Cody isn’t so trusting; he’s got one hand on his blaster, fingers tightening around it, before Ahsoka can blink, and it’s instinct to spin partway around and snap out, “Stand  _ down, _ you big  _ di’kut!” _

Cody looks  _ offended,  _ but he pulls his hand free, muttering under his breath: “I’m  _ not _ an  _ idiot.” _

She cocks her head at him. “You’re considering drawing your blaster on  _ civvies, _ Cody.”

He glares. “All due respect, Commander, but don’t think I didn’t see you go for your ‘sabers.”

Ahsoka  _ glares, _ but before she can make some sort of snippy comeback, Rex is saying, lowly,  _ “Ne’johaa,” _ and stepping forward a little, hands out and palms up. “We aren’t here to arrest you, Cut.”

“Rex,” Cody says, grumpy, “she called me an idiot.”

Rex doesn’t even blink. “You  _ are _ an idiot,  _ ori’vod. _ Now  _ k’uur.” _

Cut hesitates, eyes jumping from Ahsoka to Ca’tra and back to Rex, but he lowers his blaster--though Suu doesn’t do the same. She keeps the rifle up, steady, frowning sharply.

It’s Kix who breaks the standoff, says, almost frustrated, “Can you  _ please _ put that damn thing  _ away? _ You’re scaring my  _ vod _ and this is basically the first time he’s been out of the medbay, except for after the Senate vote.”

Ahsoka looks back over her shoulder, sees that Echo is indeed anxious, eyes downcast and fingers twisted tight in the fabric of the spare set of blacks they’d found for him. “The  _ what,” _ Cut says, almost flatly, and Rex feels  _ eager. _

“We’ll tell you about that later,” he says with a grin. “The first time I was here, I told you my family, my  _ aliit, _ was elsewhere. Well, here they are.”

“You’re the medic,” Suu says, abruptly, dropping her rifle (finally) and leaning on it a little, pointing at Kix. “What are you doing with a lightsaber?”

“That,” Kix drawls, “is a  _ long story.” _

And then there’s the sound of footsteps, and two young half-Twi’lek children--a boy and a girl, maybe eight and ten standard years, Ahsoka thinks--come running out, eyes going wide. “Are they gonna stay for dinner, Daddy?” the boy asks, and Ahsoka  _ grins,  _ bumps Rex’s arm with her shoulder.

_ Look at them, Rexter, they’re adorable! _

~~~

_ Yes, they are _ , Rex says.

“Hang on, Jek,” Cut says, and gives Rex a look, like he’s weighing his options, what he knows of Rex, and Rex meets his eyes and can’t help (still) a wide smile.

That seems to be enough for Cut, although now his  _ vod _ looks more confused than anything. “We didn’t expect you, Captain,” he says, half scolding.

“No, I’m sorry about that,” Rex answers, and he can almost feel his men calm down.

_ It would ruin the surprise, if they knew _ , ‘Soka thinks, although Rex also thinks she’s amused by the fact that he gave them no warning at all and then worried about them thinking he was coming to arrest Cut.

_ Shut up, _ he thinks.

“We brought rations, and Tup can make them, so you don’t have to worry about that,” he says.

“Nonsense,” Suu says, somewhat to his surprise. “Can… Tup cook anything besides rations?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Tup says, eagerly. He likes cooking, Rex thinks, although he doesn’t get many chances. He glances at Echo, mutters, “Fives was better, though.”

“Alright, why don’t you all come in,” Cut says, decisively, after glancing at Suu. “Leave your weapons by the door, though.”

Cody  _ swears _ and Ahsoka sends a stab of displeasure at Rex.

_ We’re going to be in the house, ‘Soka _ , Rex says.  _ It’ll be easy to get them, if we need them _ .

So all of them troop inside after Cut and Suu and their kids, piling their blasters and sabers (most of them with bitter looks at Rex) in the same cupboard where Cut and Suu set their own weapons. Then Cut turns, claps Rex on the shoulder with a pleased smile. “So, Rex. This is your family. Care to introduce me?”

Rex clears his throat and gestures at Cody, arms crossed and glowering, which is hilarious, honestly. “This is my  _ ori’vod _ , Senator Cody.” Cody gives him a sharp look, but quickly stops glowering and pulls himself into something like parade rest.

“ _ Senator? _ ” Cut says, eyes widening just a little.

“Yeah, I’ll explain in a bit.” Rex is having a little too much fun, perhaps. Ahsoka elbows him, gives him a look, and Suu raises an eyebrow. “This is Ahsoka,” Rex says, rolling his eyes at her, “and the other Jedi is Ca’tra, and they’re Kix and Jesse - you’ve met them, Suu - and that’s Echo and Brii-” Brii grins and waves at them with his sketchbook, “-and Tuck.”

Cut nods, slowly, looking at all of them smiling (except Echo and Ca’tra, who are both being nervous), and then twists back to Rex and Rex straightens, because it feels like Cut is appraising him, and he remembers talking about  _ names _ , and  _ perhaps our superiors feel it’s a more efficient way of distinguishing us _ .

~~~

_ Perhaps our superiors feel it’s a more efficient way of distinguishing us, _ hums a memory, in the back of Rex’s mind, and Ahsoka pokes at that, hums a bit. 

_ I think you have names because you’re people, and people have names, not numbers, _ she tells him, lightly. Tup makes his way to the kitchen with Suu, and the kids have Brii by the arms, tugging him off somewhere, and she has to smile, looking at them. (She can’t help but imagine Tahla, the little girl they  _ could have, _ can’t help  _ wondering. _ Can’t help  _ wanting.) _

_ I know, _ Rex says, softly,  _ but I… wasn’t sure, then. _

She smiles gently up at him, leans her head into his shoulder, some.  _ But you are now. _

_ Yeah, I am now, _ and he grins down at her.

Jesse clears his throat, pointedly, and Ahsoka rolls her eyes, says, “Shut up, Jesse.”

“I said  _ nothing, _ Commander!” he protests, raises his hands innocently.

She raises an eyebrow. “Nothing?”

Rex snorts. “Ahsoka,” he says, amused, and she grins at him. 

_ “So,” _ she drawls, “when are you gonna give Cut the good news, Rex?”

“Well,” he says, in a similarly casual tone, “I was  _ thinking _ over dinner, but since we’re here…” and he gives her a  _ very _ familiar smirk, the kind she usually either wants to slap or kiss off his dumb handsome face. Cody shakes his head, sighs longsufferingly, and Cut frowns a bit.

Says, “Now would be good.”

Ahsoka smiles, says, “Hey, Suu, you should come out here for a second, Rex has something to tell you.” 

The Twi’lek does, though she looks confused, goes to stand by her husband, and Ahsoka leans her head into Rex’s shoulder again, grinning.

This is going to be  _ great. _

~~~

Rex shifts his weight from foot to foot, realizing suddenly that he doesn’t know where to start. He wants this to be  _ right _ , he wants Cut to understand how  _ important _ this is.

Partly, he thinks since Cut has already had some piece of freedom, that maybe the older  _ vod _ won’t really understand why this is so insane to the rest of his  _ vode _ \- but that’s ridiculous. Cut might understand more than anyone else.

_ Don’t overthink it, cyare _ , Ahsoka says, lightly, and he grumbles at her, across the bond.

“I said Cody was a Senator,” Rex starts, crossing his arms and meeting Cut’s eyes. “That’s because he’s  _ our _ Senator.”

Cut frowns, and Rex sees him trying to work it out. “ _ Our _ Senator?”

“Yeah,  _ vod _ . Our Senator. For us clones.”

Cody nods, adds roughly, “Officially, Kaminoan humans.”

“The Senate voted a few days ago,” Rex continues. “We’re free men now, and the Duchess of Mandalore is offering us a planet, and Cody is our Senator.”

Cut pulls out a chair and sits down, slowly, heavily. Suu puts her hand on his shoulder. “You’re serious?” he says.

“Yeah.” Rex grins, and Ahsoka bumps his arm with her shoulder again, also grinning.

“Senator Amidala pushed it,” she says.

“They were assholes about it, but they voted,” Cody growls, smiling. Rex thinks his  _ ori’vod _ is going to shake the Senate to its rotten core and he’s looking forward to it. They deserve it, for making freedom theirs to give or withhold when it shouldn’t be up to them.

“Kriff,” Cut says, feelingly, and Rex chuckles.

“It’s like you said,  _ vod _ , everyone has a right to choose what kind of life they want. Just took us a while.”

Ahsoka slips her arm through his and he feels a flood of warmth from her, of softness.

_ I love you, ‘Soka _ , he thinks, and she hums a little.

Cut is shaking his head a little, stunned to silence, Rex thinks. Suu’s rubbing circles on his shoulder, looks  _ thrilled _ , and she says, “I’m glad you came to tell us, Captain Rex.”

“Yeah,” Cut says. “Thanks.” He sounds choked. “I owe you-”

Rex snorts, cuts him off. “Banthashit, Cut. We’re brothers.”

Yeah, he thinks he has a lot to explain.

Kix seems to have thought of something, because he moves closer to Cut’s chair, arm slung casually around Ca’tra’s shoulders. “Hey  _ vod _ , while we’re talking about big things- Did you ever get the gene fix administered?”

It takes Cut a minute, but then he nods, gestures at Rex. “He brought it to me a while back.”

_ It was that day I took off, after Kamino, _ he says. He hadn’t told Ahsoka where he was going, had shielded a lot, with some excuse about a surprise (and had had to wander Coruscant when he got back to find a sufficient “surprise” to make up for it), and had taken the cure to Cut.

Kix frowns, leans forward. “What about the chip, did anyone-”

Oh,  _ kriff _ . Well shit. Rex grimaces (and for that matter, so does everyone else), and Cut frowns. “What?”

“Your kill-the-Jedi switch,” Ahsoka says. “Did anybody remove it?”

Of course no one did, because Rex didn’t  _ tell them _ , and it’s a brain surgery to get the chips out, and Cut flinches when Ahsoka says  _ kill the Jedi _ and looks disturbed. “Cut,” he says, carefully, “there’s a biochip in your head. Was in all of ours, but the rest of our  _ vode _ got them out. They- The nightmares. The chips made us- made us into weapons, to kill the Jedi.”

He automatically shifts toward Cody, shoots his  _ ori’vod _ a small, pained smile.

“There’s a  _ biochip _ in my  _ brain? _ ” Cut snarls. “I kriffing-” He reigns himself in a little.

Ahsoka isn’t doing the same; she’s muttering very grumpily under her breath that “it’s their own damn fault half the  _ vode _ got killed, karking  _ shabuire _ .” Rex shouldn’t find that funny, but he still smiles a little.

~~~

“Yeah,” Kix says, carefully, frowns. “I can remove it before we go,” which Ahsoka thinks is  _ good, _ but also means it’s a good think Anakin gave them three days for this, because they’ll have to stay just to make sure there aren’t any complications.

Damn Sidious.

(And damn the stupid karking Jedi Council for being  _ di’kute _ and not getting all the chips out in time. Seriously.)

“They called it an inhibitor chip,” she says tiredly, making a face. “Supposedly it was to contain the clones’ ‘natural aggression’. Instead what it  _ actually _ did was force the clones to turn on their Jedi at an auditory trigger, which our  _ lovely _ friend Darth Sidious the Sith Lord--also known as former Chancellor Palpatine, by the way--used to wipe out half the Jedi. He’s dead now though, I killed him, so at least we don’t have to worry about that.” She shrugs one shoulder, glaring at nothing in particular, tightens an arm around Rex (even though that makes his armor stab her side. Forces herself to take a deep breath, relax a little. “We figured it out while saving his ass,” and she jerks a thumb at Rex, “from reconditioning, but the Jedi Council are a bunch of, mmm,  _ or’diniise,” _ and she shoots a glance at the kids, decides not to come up with anything more inventive (and more accurate) than that, “and took ages to get all the surgeries done, so we lost almost half the GAR too.” She sobers at that, winces a bit, sighs. “You’ve missed a lot, being a hermit.”

Cut, she thinks, looks a bit overwhelmed by the flood of information (oops, alright, so she ranted a bit, too late now). “Yeah… apparently,” he says, glances up at Suu, who looks worried and more than a bit confused, herself.

“Half the Jedi?” Suu asks, slowly, and then she shoots a much  _ different _ kind of worried glance at the kitchen and says, “I should get back to dinner before it’s ruined,” and hurries back into the kitchen, though she still looks thoughtful and concerned.

Cut looks at Rex, suddenly, says, “You see what I meant about the war not making sense?”

Ahsoka stares, and then laughs. “The war  _ never _ made sense,” she says, rolling her eyes, and Rex nudges her mind, a bit disapproving. “We never could figure out why neither side had a serious intel advantage--like you remember those Nexus route coordinates?” she adds, addressing Rex. “The ones we broke into the Citadel for? Yeah, we never even  _ used _ those, after everything.” She’s still bitter about that. Rex winces, a bit, and she sighs, sends him understanding and warmth--they’d lost almost all the men they took, on that mission, all of them veterans. It hadn’t been fair. “But anyway,” and she sighs again, looks back at Cut. “The Jedi have known we were manipulated into this war since it began, we just never could figure out why or how. Turns out it was all a big Sithy plan to murder all the Jedi!” She tries to fake a smile, knows it really doesn’t work, goes back to grumbling to herself.

“We found our own reasons to keep fighting it,  _ vod,” _ Rex adds. “But yeah, it wasn’t great for a while there.”

Jesse snorts.  _ “That’s _ an understatement,” he mutters under his breath, and Ahsoka glances over at him in time to see Kix elbow him in a clack of plastoid.

She grins at the two of them, shakes her head. Because Jesse is right, but that’ll only just make Cut  _ more _ confused, because there is a  _ lot _ he doesn’t know about. She runs her fingers over the raised shrapnel scars on her hands almost absently, tucks herself closer to Rex, feels him projecting love and strength at her.

She’s glad he’s here. With her, not pushing her away anymore.

~~~

Cut looks… incredibly overwhelmed, which is fair, all things considered. Rex shifts his arm around Ahsoka, settles his gloved hand on her lower back with a small sigh (and he doesn’t miss how Cut frowns, even more confused-looking, at that). “The point is,  _ vod,  _ we came to tell you we’re all free, so you don’t have to be afraid anymore.” Mostly. “They’re giving us a planet, and Cody’s our Senator, so if you ever wanted to… come around there, I guess.”

Cut nods, sort of dazed. “That’s good,” he says, sort of like he’s telling himself. “Thanks for telling me.”

“He’s been being a big secretive asshole about it all,” Jesse says casually, and Cut glares at him, probably because his kids are still within earshot. “But like he said, it’s really simple.”

“Shut  _ up,  _ Jesse,” Rex sighs, rubbing his forehead and shooting a reassuring smile at Echo. Cut opens his mouth as if to ask a question, but then Suu and Tup come back in (Suu calling for their kids), carrying plates of things, Tup looking very sheepishly proud of himself.

They set out the food, and Brii goes with Tup to get the rest of it so Suu can sit down, and then they’re all sitting, sort of awkward and squished, around Cut’s big, rough-hewn table and passing around the food. There isn’t much conversation, at first, but the kids and Brii are having their own small debate about the merits of crayons versus pencils, apparently, and that helps it all feel more warm and companionable than uncomfortable. Ahsoka is leaning her shoulder into his ribs while she eats, which is a little inconvenient but it’s also reassuring, because she’s  _ here,  _ and alright, and a small part of him is so  _ proud  _ that he gets to sit here with Cut and his family and not feel like he doesn’t understand why his brother decided to do this.

They end up all sort of swapping stories about weird things their families have done, with Cut’s children proudly contributing a number of stories about their dad hurting himself around the farm, and then as soon as they beg to be excused, they drag Rex’s  _ vode  _ and Ca’tra (Cut tells them he wants to talk to Rex, or they’d have hauled him off too) to the barn to show them around. Cody has just time to cast an accusatory look over his shoulder at Rex before he’s shoved in the back of the legs by Jek and has to march out the door to see their animals. Rex tries not to laugh  _ too  _ hard, out of sympathy.

“So,” Cut says, leaning forward some. “I have a lot of questions.”

“Me too,” Suu adds. Both of them look a bit amused, which is probably fair.

Rex sighs and glances at Ahsoka with a smile. “Yeah, kinda figured you would.”

“I’m the  _ most curious,”  _ Suu continues, with a loose gesture at them both, “about what’s going on here, with you two.”

“Suu!” Cut says, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Shut up, I want to know. They can’t have voted very recently, but you two don’t really look like this is a recent thing.”

“Oh for kriff’s sake, Suu,” Cut mutters, and his wife smiles smugly.

“All I’m saying is, I’m very curious when you got so much less concerned about all your rules, Captain Rex.”

Fair. Rex huffs, shrugs. “I don’t know, a while ago.” Ahsoka elbows him, he can’t imagine why she’s done that. The proper answer to that question burns, a bit, so he hesitates, shrugs again. “We’re technically engaged, I guess.”

~~~

_ You guess? _ Ahsoka asks, snorting, and she leans a bit more into Rex’s arm, shrugs one shoulder. “Technically,” she agrees, chuckling some, tracing her finger over a knot in the table. “But we’ve been a bit busy, what with me getting expelled from the Order and Rex almost getting reconditioned--” and Rex glares at her, projects irritation, and she just grins back at him fondly, “--and then the Chancellor being a Sith, and then him  _ escaping, _ and then having to deal with a really tenuous alliance with some Mandalorians while we finished the war, so…. It’s understandable that it’s still just  _ technically.” _

Rex is being very grumpy at her. She raises an eyebrow, daring him to respond.

“There were some hard battles, and we lost a lot, and we just… it made more sense than most things,” he says, and he elbows her a bit. Hmph.

“The war’s mostly over now,” Ahsoka says, sobering some. “Dooku and Grievous are both dead, and the Senates are having peace talks--the CIS Senate has basically disowned the droid army, but they follow their  _ programming, _ and some of the non-droid officers refused to stand down, so we’ve been having to clean everything up. But your farm should be safe from the war, now.”

“It’s about time,” Cut says dryly, but he looks, well, shocked, a bit. She doesn’t blame him.

She smiles a bit, and then leans forward, lowers her voice conspiratorily, says, “So, Cut, is it true you disarmed  _ Rex _ with a  _ pitchfork?” _

Rex swears, loudly. “Come  _ on,  _ ‘Soka!”

She ignores him, focuses instead on Cut’s slow smile. “Yeah, actually,” he says, and she can’t help smirking widely.

“A  _ pitchfork, _ Rex,” she says, grinning brighter. “Trained by  _ Jango Fett _ and you got disarmed by a  _ pitchfork? _ I wonder if Jesse knows--even better,  _ Brii!” _ She’s probably far too pleased with herself, but still. Rex groans, burying his head in his hands, and she can’t help a laugh, bright and clear. “I wonder if you could disarm  _ me _ with a pitchfork,” she adds thoughtfully, looking back at Cut, curious.

_ Cyare, _ Rex says,  _ why are you like this? _

_ I’m  _ **_curious,_ ** _ ner’karta, _ she tells him, stifling a smile. He’s such a  _ dork, _ sometimes, honestly. Besides, it’d be  _ cool _ if Cut could disarm her with a pitchfork. Like, seriously. 

“You’re ridiculous,” he groans, and she turns, makes a face at him.

“I am  _ not _ ridiculous! It  _ would _ be cool, none of the  _ Jedi _ have ever been disarmed by a pitchfork. I bet  _ Cody _ couldn’t disarm me with a pitchfork. He probably couldn’t disarm  _ Obi-Wan _ either.” 

~~~

“I’m sure at least  _ one  _ Jedi has been disarmed by a pitchfork before,” Rex retorts, glares warningly at Cut, who looks incredibly amused. “I bet someone’s done that to General Kenobi on a diplomatic mission and he was too polite to do anything about it.”

“You’re such a  _ di’kut,”  _ Ahsoka huffs, with a wave of exasperation reinforcing the statement.

“I don’t know, I think maybe I could,” Cut volunteers, dryly. “I think you’d find that if a potentially hostile man with a gun was sleeping close to  _ your  _ kids, you’d do alright defending them.” He smiles a little at Rex, who nods. Still a bit of an embarrassing incident, though. He’d been young, though, and not expecting the footsteps in the barn to belong to a brother. Cut is first batch, too, he trained with Jango like Rex did. So really, between all those things, Rex thinks it’s ridiculous that Ahsoka thinks it’s so funny he got disarmed with a pitchfork.

He can feel she’s followed that thought process, because she starts laughing at him. He humphs, crosses his arms, and shakes his head. “Yeah, you seem like you could maybe take a Jedi,” he says, thoughtfully, and Ahsoka pokes him hard with a mental  _ hey! _

“Well, I’m  _ cooler  _ than a Jedi anyway,” she snaps, waving her hand. “But  _ also,  _ I told you it’d be cool if he  _ did  _ disarm me, Rex, clearly you misunderstood that train of thought.”

“Jedi,” Suu says, flatly, “Unless you’re going to begin explaining things instead of creating more questions, I wish you’d let your Captain talk.”

Rex snorts, then quickly composes himself and projects innocence at Ahsoka. Cut looks very reserved, but there’s a certain measure of amusement in his eyes.

“Kriff,” ‘Soka mutters, shoots him a blushing glare. “I  _ felt  _ that,” she grumbles, and he shrugs a bit, so she turns back to Suu and smiles. “Um, sorry, what did you want to know?”

“I’m not even sure anymore,” Cut says, for both of them, shaking his head. “Apparently a lot has happened. I don’t need to know about it all, I’m just glad you seem alright,  _ vod’ika. _ You just…” Cut smiles wryly. “Changed a bit.”

“Yeah.” Rex shrugs, one shoulder, rubs the back of his neck where he can feel his scars under his blacks. “I guess I-” He stops, tries to reorder his thoughts. “Because of my family.”

Ahsoka sends warmth, and Cut smiles. “They’ll do that,” he says, reaching for Suu’s hand.

“Rude of them,” Rex hums, curling his arm back around Ahsoka’s waist, even though he knows his armor is a bit annoying to her. She probably won’t have to deal with that for too much longer - depends on how long the war drags on, but it doesn’t feel like forever, anymore. She leans up towards him and kisses the corner of his mouth, which is  _ embarrassing.  _ He flushes and looks down, tightens his arm around her.

_ You’re gonna make things awkward, ‘Soka, _ he thinks, chiding.

_ Do I look like I care? _

No, in fact, she doesn’t look like she does, she looks smirky and pleased with herself. She sends him a sense that if he’d just  _ move  _ a bit she could kiss him for real, and he sends back a definite  _ no. _

_ We’re  _ **_guests,_ ** _ ‘Soka, we cannot make out in front of them. Also, I don’t want to. _

Mostly. He  _ mostly  _ doesn’t want to.

Suu and Cut both look like they’re trying not to laugh, and Rex fumbles a bit of another topic, something about how’s the farm, not that he really knows enough about farms to warrant more of an answer than “good” out of Cut.

Suu says there should be enough space for them all to sleep in the barn, if they don’t mind. Of course, Rex agrees, says they should all be fine. It’s a little while before the kids come trooping back into the house with Rex’s  _ vode  _ in tow, Ca’tra close to Kix’s side, and there’s discussion of sleeping arrangements (Jek seems to have adopted Cody, who looks very confused by the boy stubbornly standing with his arms crossed by his leg). Rex can feel a general sense of  _ I don’t care _ from Ahsoka, plus an impression of her comfy and curled up with him and going to sleep, which is adorable.

_ We’re getting there,  _ he tells her.  _ Stop being impatient. _

~~~

Ahsoka is not very good at being patient.

She tells Rex that, gets an amused sort of  _ never would’ve guessed _ back, which is  _ insulting, _ thank you very much--but also she really doesn’t care, as long as they just  _ go. _

She wants to curl up with him, without his armor and with a blanket, and just be  _ close. _

And comfy. Comfy is good.

Finally, matters are decided; Cut tells Jek very firmly that  _ no, you cannot stay with Cody in the barn, _ which makes Cody’s face show a flash of relief for a second before he shutters it away and makes Jek whine and complain. Ahsoka stifles a laugh, accepts a blanket from Suu and tugs on Rex’s arm, leads him out to the barn, her squad and Cody and Ca’tra following her. The animals are out, at least, so there’s plenty of room; she and Rex take one corner, and she watches the  _ vode _ spread themselves out, pulling off their armor and organizing the piles. Mostly.

Echo looks a bit uncomfortable, but she thinks he’ll be alright; Cody’s with him, the two of them talking in low, rippling Mando’a, and that’s good. And of course, Ca’tra is with Kix, like she almost always is when she’s not with Elle or Jak (it’s really kind of cute, if she’s honest).

Ahsoka decides  she doesn’t really  _ care _ about all that, though, and as soon as Rex gets his armor off she tugs on his arm until he sighs and lays down, humming,  _ you’re awfully demanding, cyare, _ at her.

_ Shut up, _ she tells him, tosses the blanket out over them both and curls up against him, burying her face in his chest. He leans his forehead against her montrals, chuckling some, and she huffs.  _ Don’t be stupid. _

_ I’m never stupid, _ he says, which is  _ patently untrue, _ and she tells him that very pointedly, which just makes him laugh again.

Dumbass.

_ But I’m your dumbass. _

_ You better believe it, _ she agrees, sleepily, curls up closer and hums as he runs a hand up and down her back headtail.  _ Mine, forever. _

_ Sure, cyare, _ and he kisses the tip of one montral.  _ Yours. _

Good.

She hums again, sighs, drifts off to sleep imagining a house that is theirs and theirs alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Mando'a translations:**
> 
> _or'diniise:_ morons


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pure, unadulterated fluff, and also the Scene you have been waiting for for a very long time...
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> (we'd love to hear feedback from you all)

There are a few slow weeks after they visit Cut, which Rex finds he doesn’t know how to handle - in fact, he doesn’t think he likes it, much. It’s nice having time to talk to his  _ vode  _ and Ahsoka, and he’s had more time with Cody lately than he feels like he’s had in years, but there’s so little to busy himself with. He runs out of reports in the first week, checks and double checks the armory inventory until Ahsoka scolds him, half-laughing, half-serious, and tells him to just enjoy the fact that they don’t have anywhere to be for once.

He tries, he really does, but it’s still a relief when Cody says he’s managed to work things out with Duchess Kryze and some GAR reserve pilots to take as many representatives among the  _ vode  _ to scout out their new planet some, so Cody’s contacted the GAR’s other three Marshal Commanders (one of whom, Commander Bly, has only recently learned about the Senate vote, because he and some three squads had been stranded on Felucia after Order 66), and some other notable battalion officers, and he tells Rex he should come too. It’s strange, because they don’t have to bring any Jedi, or anyone else,  _ technically  _ they only still have to ask their Generals because they all agreed to stay on with the GAR until the war was really over.

This is solely, officially,  _ vode  _ business.

Of course, he still asked Ahsoka to come anyway, and Kix, because Kix is basically a clone  _ and  _ a Jedi, and they need a medic, so he seems like the best choice. A couple extra lightsabers never hurt anything.

Unless those sabers belonged to General Grievous, but he’s dead, so that’s a moot point.

So now they’re all in a small, rarely-used cruiser, he and Ahsoka and Cody and Kix and some twenty others of the GAR’s finest, most of them veteran officers. Headed for their new planet, which doesn’t  _ officially  _ have a name but which Rex can’t help calling  _ Yaim  _ in his head, because they get a home, a real proper one.

Maybe that’s why he finds himself unaccountably jittery, on the hyperspace flight, keeps checking his blasters and adjusting his armor pieces. Most of the rest of his  _ vode  _ seem equally unsure of themselves, and he’s sure he’s not the only one that’s having to keep himself from locking everything down like they’re about to fight.

This isn’t a campaign.

Still, it’s a little easier if he thinks about it like a scouting mission, except… except now they just want to know if they can make it into a place they can all live.

_ Gods,  _ that’s strange.

Ahsoka is sitting next to him, has been fairly quiet on this flight, like the rest of them. He doesn’t pick up much from her, right now; she’s not closed off to him, but she’s quiet mentally, too. He’s not worried about it, though, because he can definitely feel anticipation sparking in her thoughts, especially whenever she looks over at him. Then she smiles, and her eyes are bright, so maybe she’s just a bit overwhelmed, like he is.

He never really thought they’d  _ get this. _ Ever. He doesn’t think even his most optimistic  _ vode  _ did either, just because it wasn’t their reality. Being, what, their own  _ people?  _ With a real home planet and a seat in the kriffing  _ Senate? _

It’s kind of ridiculous.

Never mind that they picked his dumbass  _ ori’vod  _ to be their Senator. Whose idea even  _ was that? _

Cody, a  _ Senator.  _ What the actual  _ hells? _

He’s not sure he’ll ever quite believe this is real.

~~~

Ahsoka watches out the viewport on the side of the shuttle for the first sight of the  _ vode’s _ planet; she thinks Rex is excited too, although his side of the bond is quiet. She keeps an eye on the other  _ vode _ in the ship, especially Commander Bly--his face is too stony to really make out what he’s feeling, and she’s worried about him and Wolffe and a few of the others (some of whom killed their Jedi, most of whom killed  _ vode, _ during Order Sixty-Six). 

The ship comes out of hyperspace above a dark blue and green sphere, and Ahsoka grins brightly, nudges Rex with her elbow as the pilot makes his approach.  _ Look, Rex! _

If the moment feels almost surreal to  _ her, _ she wonders how it feels for Rex, for Cody and Bly (and that’s a sad story) and Wolffe and Stone and Kix and the others, about twenty all-told, most of them high-ranking, all of them hardened by war. Most of them aren’t too sure what to do with her, she can tell by the way they watch her, which is only sensible--she’s not like the Jedi, she’s not  _ traditional,  _ her training was unconventional (with  _ Anakin Skywalker _ as her Master, how could it have been any other way?) and she follows her own sort of code, one that takes its basis from the Jedi Code, but emphasizes different things. Except for Rex and Kix and Cody, most of these  _ vode _ have either never met her, or they’ve barely interacted. So she’s different, and they’re unsure what to make of her.

_ “Everyone strap in,” _ comes over the loudspeaker--instructions from the GAR pilot Cody had insisted on drafting for this recon, even though Ahsoka had argued that she herself is perfectly capable of piloting the ship for them.  _ “We’re about to hit atmo.” _

Ahsoka straps herself in next to Rex, considers what they know about the planet. It’s unnamed, has been left alone for a long time. Apparently it’d once been a combination of exotic reserve and hunting grounds; a couple different clans had brought in all sorts of creatures and predators from across the galaxy. An outbreak of one of the many small clan wars had resulted in the Mandalorians leaving the planet alone for too long, and apparently it’d become  _ wild _ enough in that time that they didn’t want to bother taming it again.

She thinks that’s perfect, for the  _ vode. _ They wouldn’t want to live somewhere  _ tamed. _

Satine had given them a basic hologram of the planet, so they’ve already picked out the most likely places to start building; the pilot is making for one of those areas now, easing the ship into the atmosphere and slingshotting around the planet until they can come in for a smooth landing in a nice-sized clearing surrounded by thick trees. The clearing’s large enough for several transports to land in, Ahsoka notes absently--plenty large enough to build in, and they can clear out trees to make the space bigger. Not all the trees, obviously. Just enough.

She unstraps herself and hustles to the door, slaps the button and starts to step out, only for Rex to nudge her lightly to one side and say, deadpan, “I’m always first,” and then he  _ winks, _ insufferable little--how  _ dare _ he  _ wink at her _ like she’s some--alright, by the way he feels amused and gratified by her reaction, she thinks that’s half the reason why he did.

He’s still a big dumb  _ di’kut. _

Ahsoka jumps out after him, takes a deep breath of the clean, fresh air, spicy with the scent of pine and flowers and who-knows-what kinds of plants, and she stares up at the lavender sky and grins, so bright and eager.

This is  _ so cool. _

~~~

All Rex can see, beyond the little clearing they’ve landed in, are trees that look like they haven’t been touched for decades, maybe longer - they’re big old trees, most with roots that stick up above the ground, wide trunks and branches. Rex thinks clearing any of this growth would be hard work, and honestly, a bit unfortunate, because these forests are obviously  _ old. _ Duchess Kryze had sent them the records on the planet, so they know there are at least two or three surviving species of predatory game animals left here, and of course whatever was here for them to hunt (the Duchess said that her historians and scientists said that there  _ should  _ be a stable ecosystem even though the species were introduced unnaturally, but they didn’t exactly sound sure enough of that), so they’re going to have to be careful.

Looking at Cody’s squad, though, Rex figures they’re more than capable of handling whatever lives here.

“We’re going to stick together,” Cody says, smiling a little - most of Rex’s  _ vode  _ look in a pretty good mood, so despite Cody’s tone it still doesn’t really feel like a  _ mission. _ “Commander Tano and I each have a holomap but…” He shrugs a bit. “I think we’re really just looking around. Please don’t start wrecking anything yet,  _ vode,  _ we’re not moving in for a while.”

Rex snorts. “Shut up, Cody, and let’s go. Nobody came here to listen to you talk.”

Their  _ vode  _ chuckle, and they all automatically form up into a loose search formation, and Rex smiles at Ahsoka, who feels like she wants to reach for her saber. Because it’s automatic, really, but when he looks out at the forests he somehow doesn’t feel like there’s a threat there. It’s just so  _ obvious  _ that this place has never been touched by the war, and now… now it’s theirs.

They know little enough about this planet even with Duchess Kryze’s records, so they’re mostly looking to see if there are enough accessible fresh water sources, and if they can make decent settlements near them, and trying to assess food supply if they can. None of them  _ exactly  _ have experience with this, but they’d all also agreed that they didn’t want to bring anyone else.

Ahsoka is the only non-clone there, and Rex is pretty sure she’s only coming because he wanted to bring her. She gets out the holomap of the planet, double-checks it; north of their landing site there’s supposedly a river, or there used to be, so they’re headed that way first. They check their heading and then they set off into the forest, which is almost as thick with undergrowth as Felucia but not nearly as awful. There’s a lot of flowers, which Rex thinks he likes, especially when Kix informs them all, after pausing to examine a few, that he’s pretty sure those particular plants contain the active ingredient for most basic pain meds.

“Not that I know what to do with that,” he says, shrugging, “but that’s useful.”

Cody, who’s carrying his datapad to catalogue things like that, makes a note with a thoughtful nod.

_ Bet we could sell some of those,  _ Rex says to Ahsoka, thoughtfully.  _ Obi-Wan will be excited. _

Ahsoka laughs a little and picks a flower in passing (prompting a noise of protest from Kix), reaches up on tiptoes and jams the flower behind Rex’s ear. What the actual  _ kriff? _ “You’re adorable,  _ cyare,”  _ she tells him, pleased with herself, and pokes his nose.

_ Stop it, Ahsoka,  _ he grumbles, projects an impression of  _ this is a very important mission  _ plus embarrassment, but that doesn’t stop his  _ vode  _ from reacting with varying levels of amusement. Cody’s rolling his eyes  _ way  _ too hard, and Stone from the Coruscant Guard whistles, and Wolffe (damn  _ you  _ in particular,  _ vod)  _ mutters, “Shocked, I am not,” which makes Stone laugh.

Rex glances back and sees half of them are still smiling wryly, but Bly, who he hasn’t seen in  _ years,  _ not until they went and got him and his squads off Felucia after they lost General Secura, is watching the ground and looks  _ tired. _

Rex knows a number of them didn’t have their chips out, when Order Sixty-Six was executed, and he also knows Bly was one of those. Rex hasn’t spoken to Bly about that, doesn’t think he should.

Most of them just don’t talk about that anymore.

_ I don’t want to cut down these trees, to build here,  _ Rex thinks. He knows it isn’t up to him, but he hopes the rest of them will agree with him. They’ve all seen enough of war and its destruction that maybe they’ll have had their fill of it too.

~~~

These trees are old enough Ahsoka finds she doesn’t really want to cut them down either, so she hums agreement, trying to hide her amusement at the flower that Rex has apparently forgotten she’d tucked behind his ear.  _ I don’t either, _ she says, pulls out her holomap and studies it for a minute. “There’s a big canyon of some sort a few klicks that way,” she says thoughtfully, indicating. “We should try that way, maybe the forest will clear up some.”

“Sounds like a plan, sir,” Cody says, and they adjust their path some, aiming for the canyon.

If nothing else, at least they’ll have a major landmark to navigate off of.

She tucks the holomap away again, though she occasionally glances at it to make sure they’re not going off-course (although the canyon looks large enough they shouldn’t have any trouble running into it), listens to the birds chattering, considers climbing one of the trees to get a better vantage point of the surroundings--

The Force hums, just a touch of warning, and she  _ freezes, _ automatically snapping a hand up, closing her eyes and tilting her head, listening intently. There’s nothing, nothing, nothing--

A rustle in the underbrush,  _ there. _

Ahsoka opens her eyes  _ fast _ and pulls both her sabers into her hands, igniting the blades with a loud humming, instinctively leaping backwards (shoving Commander Ponds out of the way) as a shadow streaks out of the trees right for her. The men are all yelling, blasters firing--there’s more than one, she notes, coming from both sides, and Kix has his own saber out--but she doesn’t jump to the side, just stands her ground, at the last second leaps up and  _ twists _ in midair, landing on the dire-cat’s back and stabbing her sabers down into its skull, jumping back off and landing again without pausing. The clones have brought two more of the cats down, and the pack looks to be backing off, like the show of force has been enough to scare them off.

And then someone  _ swears, _ loud, and Ahsoka whips around, sees there’s another one of the dire-cat’s  _ launching _ through the air, and it’s all instinct to drop her sabers, lift her hands,  _ focus, _ and she catches the animal in midair, holds it, brings it back to the ground, hard enough to  _ hurt _ but not enough to kill the creature. They don’t need to cause any more death than is necessary here. And she’s not so good at animal friendship, but she can reach out with both hands, find the dire-cat’s minds in the Force, press an impression of  _ you don’t want to bother us _ into their thoughts, in images and feelings,  _ not a threat to your territory, to pack, _ open her eyes to see the cats backing away and then turning and bounding off through the woods again.

“There,” she says lightly, Force-pulling her sabers back to her hands and hooking them on her belt. “They won’t be bothering us again.” She’s not sure how long the impression will stay in their minds, but theoretically long enough for this scouting trip.

~~~

Rex has never actually  _ seen  _ a dire-cat before, and as he watches them disappear into the forests again, he decides he’d prefer not to have to see one again for a while - they’re  _ huge. _ Which, unsurprisingly, was not a problem for his Jedi. His  _ vode  _ look varying levels of impressed, although Wolffe mutters something about  _ show-off  _ with a grin and Cody just shakes his head with a wry smirk.

“Good call bringing her,  _ ori’vod,”  _ he teases, lightly, holstering his blaster. Rex snorts, partly because of the comment, partly because Ahsoka feels  _ indignant. _

“Hey!” Ahsoka says, putting her hands on her hips. “I brought  _ myself,  _ thank you very much!”

Rex tries not to be amused, he really does, but she’s adorable and his  _ vode  _ are all chuckling a bit, so that’s a thing. He shields the amusement from Ahsoka anyway and controls his smile - but it does no good, because she narrows her eyes at him and raises an eyebrow and huffs, “You still have my flower behind your ear, you know.”

_ Kriff,  _ oops. Rex winces, flushes, and reaches for it to boisterous laughter and a slap on the back from Cody. He doesn’t quite have the heart to just toss it on the ground, so he tucks it in a belt pouch.

“Aw, put it back, _ vod,”  _ Stone calls, laughing. “It looked nice.”

“Shut the kriff up,” Rex grumbles, ignores Ahsoka projecting smugness.  _ That was a dirty move, ner’jetii. _

_ Mm, I don’t care,  _ she responds.

_ Fair enough. _

Ahsoka chuckles and catches his arm to stop him, and he catches her intent in her thoughts and rolls his eyes just before she tugs him down so she can get up on her tiptoes and kiss him. Predictably, all his  _ vode  _ whistle and clap, and Rex sighs a little.

_ “Ne’johaa,”  _ Rex grumbles, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh, relax,” Wolffe says gruffly, walking up next to them and winking with his good eye at Ahsoka. “You’re precious, Rex.”

Rex mutters something under his breath that he’d rather nobody hears; Ahsoka, of course, still does, and splutters a laugh at him.  _ That wasn’t very nice, Rex, he just called you  _ **_precious._ **

Rex snorts, pushes aside a low-hanging branch. He  _ thinks  _ he can hear water somewhere ahead - or else the wind’s just picked up. It’s hot enough here that he’s sweating a bit in his armor, but at the very least it’s not all humid and muggy.

Really, this planet reminds him of Felucia, if Felucia were actually  _ nice. _

And if Felucia had massive, pale stone canyons, he adds to himself, as they pass into an area of thinner trees and undergrowth and he can see an expanse of flatter land that drops off sheer, and he thinks at the bottom of these cliffs there’s probably a river, and that’s where the sound of water is coming from.

“Would you look at that,” Commander Neyo says, with a low whistle.

It’s not the most spectacular landscape any of them have seen, Rex is sure, but the thing is, it might as well be. Because it’s  _ theirs. _

“Stop staring and move your ass, Neyo,” Cody says, glancing back; Rex looks too, sees their  _ vod  _ has in fact stopped to stare.

“You can’t talk like that anymore,  _ vod.”  _ Neyo moves on again, grabs Bly by the shoulder, jostles him some, probably because he looks  _ weary. _ “You’re a  _ Senator,  _ now.”

Cody and Rex snort, at the same time, and Rex rolls his eyes as Cody says, dryly, “I can say whatever the kriff I want, Neyo. The Senate’ll just have to deal with it.”

“Kriffing deserve a shock to the system, the lot of them,” one of the other officers mutters.

Commander Splash, formerly the head of Kamino’s security forces, looks a bit flabbergasted. Poor  _ vod  _ was on Kamino too long - Rex isn’t sure he even uses Mando’a much anymore, and he’d been wary to join this mission from the start, but they practically dragged him along because this would be the home of their Kaminoan brothers too (the ones deemed just a bit defective, not good enough for regular battle, not bad enough to be killed). “I’m sure they’re not so bad-” he starts, reasonably, and Cody laughs.

“I’ve met them,  _ vod. _ Most of them are. It took way too much convincing to get them to treat us all like  _ real people.”  _ He does finger-quotes, and Rex feels a surge of anger from Ahsoka that nearly matches the wave of dark looks that passes over his  _ vode’s  _ faces.

Scowling, she twists around to look at their force as they pass out into the open sunlight, says, “Maybe you guys should go punch them all in their stupid greedy faces, see how how  _ real  _ they think you are then.”

Rex allows himself the satisfaction of picturing it, for a moment, all of them plus some of their other  _ vode  _ marching into a Senate meeting and dealing with the Senators the old-fashioned way, like they would any other bullies or a bunch of Trade Federation assholes. But, unfortunately, he  _ thinks  _ someone would call that diplomatically unwise and  _ possibly  _ an act of war, he’s not sure.

“I like the way you think, Jedi,” Neyo chuckles.

Ahsoka waves her hand, says dryly, “Not technically a Jedi anymore, but thanks.”

“Yeah, sir, we all know,” Commander Bacara grunts, with the world-weary tone of someone who has heard the same thing some hundred times and no longer gives a damn. Rex wants to laugh; he’s met Bacara only once, a year ago, and the Marshal Commander hasn’t changed a bit, but Ahsoka hasn’t met him yet.  _ “Officially  _ everyone knows you’re not a Jedi, but it doesn’t really change anything. You’ve still got sabers and the Force.” He rubs a line of dark red paint on his armor, rolling his eyes.

“What he said,” Neyo says, sticking a thumb at Bacara, and Rex snorts and moves away from the group so he can go to the edge of the canyon, boots scuffing on the rough limestone. He peers over the edge, even though that sends a jolt of terror churning his stomach, lets the wind tug on his kama and make him feel just a little unsteady, staring down at the silver twist of a wide river below him, and everything feels wide and huge and unlimited, for a second, and there’s a burning thrill in the back of his mind that makes him almost want to run or climb or  _ jump,  _ just to see what happens, and he smiles a little, considers all of it.

This is  _ his  _ kriffing planet, he can do whatever the hell he wants, here.

~~~

The canyon is  _ beautiful. _ Ahsoka wants to jump off the edge and let the wind carry her down, laughing and free, so she can dip her fingers in the silvery-swift water and run along the grass of the valley down below. There are a few scattered trees she can see, and the canyon itself is over a klick wide, plenty large enough to fit an entire (small) settlement, with room to expand all down the river and along the top of the canyon too.

“We should rappel down,” Bly says, speaking for the first time since they’d set foot on the planet. “Explore the valley.”

Ahsoka grins as the  _ vode _ all chime in with different levels of excitement (Rex, predictably, is one of the  _ less _ excited ones, though he pulls out a rifle with a cable attachment anyway), waits for them to anchor the cables in the rock before she  _ smirks _ and says, “Race you to the bottom.”

And then, before she can get more from Rex than a vague sense of alarm, she jumps over the side and lets herself fall.

The wind whips against her face, her headtails, her montrals, and she flings her arms and legs out, slowing herself, laughing at the feeling of  _ freedom, _ and then a few meters above the ground she draws on the Force and turns the fall into a roll and comes back up on her feet (and instinct makes her want to draw her sabers as she does so, but she doesn’t, forces herself not to--there’s nothing here that will harm her), laughing and grinning, and then she twists around and waits for the  _ vode _ to make it down.

For all of half a second, anyway.

Then she jogs over to the river, curious, kneels down on the banks and leans over the edge, trails her fingers through the cold water, pulls out a scanner from her belt and flicks it over the water curiously. It’s safe to drink, apparently, which is good. She’ll have to have Cody note that down on his datapad.

She thinks this could be a good location.

~~~

“Ahsoka  _ kriffing  _ Tano,” Rex snaps, once he’s well recovered from climbing down a  _ gods-damned  _ cliff face on his  _ day off,  _ “you can’t just karking jump off a cliff!” He marches across the grassy ground to glare at her, ignoring his  _ vode  _ (except Cody) snickering. She’s not fazed, just smirks smugly at him.

“I just did.”

“No shit,” he grumbles, rubbing his head and sighing. “Can you  _ not  _ do that anymore?”

“Oh, shut up,  _ vod,”  _ Wolffe says, patting him on the back. “Your  _ cyare’s  _ more badass than you, you’ll just have to deal with it.”

Rex grumbles under his breath but lets it go, even though that was  _ not the point. _ What’s even badass about jumping off a cliff? She could have  _ died. _

Or scared  _ him  _ to death, anyway.

He takes a break from swearing to himself to look around the valley at the bottom of the canyon. It’s wide, here, grassy and soft, not forested like the land up at the top, and there are big pale stones like teeth sticking up from the ground here and there, especially along the river, which is wide and clear and loud. Ahsoka gets up from kneeling by the river, takes a few light steps and hops up onto a boulder, looking around. Rex enjoys his view, for a minute, then climbs up next to her while his  _ vode  _ fan out along the banks, cupping handfuls of water to drink and talking quietly among themselves in Mando’a.

“You just like trying to be taller than me, don’t you?” he says, smiling a little, following the track of the river through the canyon with his eyes.

“My opportunities for that are fairly limited, I’ve got to take what I can get,” she says, laughingly. Rex chuckles, and then sighs, content.

“This place is going to be good,” he tells her. “I like it here, I think. As long as there aren’t a lot more dire-cats.”

“Well,” Ahsoka says, wryly. “You read the reports. There’s supposed to be a  _ bunch  _ of things here that could kill us.”

“Go figure. Can’t just get to live in peace, can we?” Rex scuffs his foot on the stone, smiling a little.

Ahsoka rolls her eyes, and he feels her poke at his thoughts, sort of amused. “You’d get  _ bored.” _

“Would not.”

“You would.” She sends an impression of the mood he’s been in for the last week or so, how restless and irritable he’s been, and he sighs and responds with a pulse of  _ I know, I know. _

Maybe someday having nothing to fight won’t be hard for him, but war was what he was made for, and there’s only so much he can do about that, and sometimes it’s… daunting, how much that’s just  _ what he is. _

After all, here they all are on the planet that’s going to be their home and they’re exploring in military formations, fully kitted up, even though there’s been no sentient life (and of course no clankers) here for hundreds of years. It’s hard not to be discouraged, by that. Rex feels Ahsoka following that train of thought, because she soothes him a bit.

_ We’ll figure it out together, _ she tells him.

_ I know. _ That doesn’t exactly make it easier, although it is reassuring.  _ Together  _ is good. That’s how they seem to manage most things. “So,” he says, looking for his  _ vode  _ again. They’ve all spread out, he can’t even see most of them anymore. “Do you wanna… I don’t know, wanna see where we could… Where there could be a settlement?”

Ahsoka grins, eagerly, asks, “Like find a place for our house?” and Rex blinks, taken aback by the very  _ not simple  _ frankness of that phrase. Ahsoka stops, too, and presses her emotions at him: how  _ kriffing weird  _ that felt.

_ Our house,  _ she’d said. That’s… nice, he thinks.

They’re going to have a  _ house. _ If all goes according to plan, anyway. Hells, he doesn’t even  _ know  _ how to really, actually think about that.

“Um, yeah,” he says, carefully. “I guess we should… should do that.”

Find a physical, actual place. For a real house. That’s… he really can’t even  _ think  _ about that, almost, it’s too surreal and sort of thrilling. So he jumps down off the boulder, waits for Ahsoka to join him, and shrugs at her. “Well, what do you think? Upriver or downriver?”

“Hmm,” Ahsoka says, tilts her head a little, listening. “Upriver. I think I hear waterfalls that way.”

Rex grins and nods, because waterfalls sounds amazing, even if it probably also means uneven ground, so they both start out following the flow of the river, and it’s sort of nice, and relaxed, and he really does like it here. Feels peaceful.

~~~

It’s pretty, here. A short walk up the river, the canyon curves around a bit and they’re met with a steep wall, the canyon growing much smaller and narrower beyond the top of the waterfall--the river drops from a height that’s maybe half the height of the canyon’s walls and comes splashing down into a deep pool before continuing on down the valley. A wide meadow thick with grass and wildflowers and a few strange-looking fruit trees of some sort (twisted and gnarly, their branches heavy with a deep red fruit) spreads out in front of Ahsoka and Rex on their side of the river--the far side is mostly a small, stony field that climbs up a short ways before merging with the canyon wall.

“Whoa,” Ahsoka says, staring around, and then she takes a few steps out into the meadow and  _ grins, _ crouching down to investigate the riot of color that is the flowers.

Rex is quiet, though she can feel a near-constant hum of enjoyment across the bond; she flashes him a bright smile and then pushes herself back up, wanders over to one of the trees and pokes at the fruit curiously. Pulls out her scanner and then shrugs, says, “It  _ says _ they’re edible, but I vote we make Cody try one first.”

“How about Wolffe,” Rex grumbles, eyeing the waterfall interestedly. “He’s being an ass today.”

Ahsoka snorts. “I dunno, I think he’s funny, Rexter. You’re just mad because he called you precious and said I’m more badass than you are,” and she smirks at him, over her shoulder.

“Yes, Ahsoka,  _ obviously,” _ and he rolls his eyes. “That was my point.”

She giggles, shakes her head and ignores him, takes a bite of the fruit--it’s sweet and juicy, runs down her chin a bit, and she eyes the dark purple flesh curiously. “It’s good,  _ cyare, _ you should try some.”

Rex  _ laughs. _ “Yes, ‘Soka, and it’s  _ also _ making a mess of your face.” He pushes an impression at her, of the juice  _ staining, _ aw shit, takes a couple steps towards her. “Give it here, though.”

She grumbles, makes a face at him, but brings the fruit over anyway before crossing to the river to try and wash the stains of her hands and her face. She’s  _ mostly _ successful, at least. Then she pushes herself back up, walks over to Rex again, gestures at the meadow. “I like it here,” she tells him, quiet but warm. “It’s… nice. Peaceful.”

~~~

Rex tries to be very careful, when he eats some of the fruit, but it’s still definitely a mess, and he tries to be as dignified about it as he can manage - or at least, he does for a minute, before giving up and wiping his face on his hand. “Me too,” he says, chuckling a little and looking around again. He likes all of it, the waterfall especially, and the splashing foam where the falls meet the pool below. Also, he likes this fruit, except it’s  _ really  _ juicy and messy and he’s going to stain his  _ armor _ \- he doesn’t really want purple on his armor, it’s not professional. Still, he’s hardly going to just toss the fruit away, so he takes several more bites and passes the rest on to Ahsoka. “This place could be… good. For us- people to, you know, start building.”

Ahsoka grins, mischievous, says, “We found it first, so it’s  _ ours.”  _ She feels excited, and smug, so he smiles back at her.

“Is that how that works?” he asks, lightly, looking down at the grass.

“Well, it is now.” Ahsoka sounds and feels very sure of herself, so he supposes she’s right. About… that.

“Um, great.” He rubs the back of his neck, looks around again, somehow unwilling to really look at her. “I mean I like it here so that’s definitely good.” Theoretically, if someone wanted to build a house here, this would be a great place, so  _ maybe  _ they could… could say it’s theirs. Maybe. If they want.

Ahsoka takes a few bites of the fruit, pauses a moment, eats the last piece and wipes her fingers on her leggings. “Unless you’re rescinding your offer of letting me join you here?” she says, slowly, eyes sparkling. She feels amused, and she glances at him with a cheeky little grin, so he knows she’s not actually concerned.

“Nope,” he says, determinedly. “‘fraid you’re stuck with me. And this spot, too.”

That pulls a laugh out of her, and she elbows him in the side. “Damn,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“I mean if you wanna build a house somewhere else…” Rex sighs, smiling just a half-smile. “Or I could just build one here and you could build one down that way a bit.” He points away from the waterfall, nonchalant.

Ahsoka  _ looks  _ at him a moment, deadpan, and says, “What the kriff is the point of  _ two  _ houses.”

“Just giving you an out in case you didn’t want to get stuck right here with me and my sticky fingers,” Rex says, eyeing his hands with a small frown. “You sounded a bit disappointed.” He pushes his amusement at her lest she think he’s serious.

“You’re not the only one with sticky fingers,” Ahsoka says, squinting dubiously at her own hands and licking a couple of her fingers. That does no good, so she goes over to the water again and crouches down to wash her hands; Rex follows suit after a moment.

“What a pair we make.” And if they had a little girl running around, getting into trouble, then he doesn’t think they’d ever have a clean house. Especially with this fruit growing out here. Which isn’t that important anyway.

~~~

Ahsoka snorts and rolls her eyes, says, “You got a little on your armor there,  _ cyare,” _ taps a small purple stain on his cuirass with her pointer finger and smirks at him a bit.

“Thanks,” Rex says dryly, peering down at his armor for a second before rubbing at it with a damp thumb. “Hadn’t noticed. Damn this stuff.”

She hums a bit, says, “I bet Tup could make a killer pie or something out of them.” They’d be a bit less messy in pie-form, she  _ thinks, _ which inevitably brings her to consider the idea of a small child (especially one as… well,  _ energetic _ as she remembers Tahla being in her dreams) getting their hands on the fruit and leaving sticky fingerprints  _ everywhere. _ “If it’s native to here,” she adds thoughtfully, “the fruit could be an export.”

“Yeah, probably so,” he says, nods. “We’ll have to find out.”

She considers for a moment, flops back to lay sprawled out on the sun-warmed grass, closes her eyes and says, “Could plant a grove of them, along with other crops, farm like Cut does,” and she tucks her hands behind her head and lets out a sigh. “You  _ did _ say you wanted a garden. Might as well make it something we could make a living off of.” That’s so  _ weird _ to think about--she’s never really thought about the idea of having a  _ mundane life _ before. Jedi Knights have their expenses paid for, spend their days studying the Force and keeping the peace and working with the Corps, among other things--with the war over (or almost over, anyway) and the fact that she’s no longer a part of the Order, she suddenly has a whole long  _ life _ spreading out in front of her, and she’s not entirely sure what she’s going to do with that. It’s almost terrifying, in a way, if she lets herself think too much about it.

“Ah, yes, because either of us knows how to plant and tend trees,” Rex says teasingly, and she cracks an eye open to catch him sitting down next to her.

Shrugs, says, “It can’t be  _ that _ hard, there’s a whole section in my copy of the  _ Jedi Path-- _ it’s a book for Padawans, about the Order and the Force and stuff, it’s actually pretty cool--there’s a whole section about Jedi that use the Force to make plants grow. I can probably figure it out, or ask Obi-Wan, I bet he knows how to do it. So we could have a farm.” It’s exciting, even if it  _ is _ scary.

“That would be… cool, I think,” he says, hesitantly, presses an impression across the bond that he’d like to try.

She hums a bit.  _ Me too, _ and she opens both eyes to smile up at him, soft and warm and  _ happy. _

It’s a good day, today.

~~~

The grass feels warm and prickly under Rex’s palms, and he sighs and enjoys a few long, deep breaths. “I don’t know how to do… any of this. I mean,  _ building a house?”  _ He snorts, finds he almost doesn’t mind. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”

Ahsoka turns her head, squints at him, laughing. “And you think I do?”

Rex presses annoyance at her, rolls his eyes. “You  _ should,”  _ he says, archly, lets an impression float across the bond that he doesn’t even know why she  _ should know, _ he’s just rambling at this point.

“Right, “ Ahsoka says, dryly, kicking one foot lazily against the grass. “Just like you  _ should  _ know how to farm.” There’s another thought in the back of her mind, that Rex doesn’t entirely mean to notice; she’s considering the fact that they aren’t really even engaged, and maybe planning houses and farming is a bit premature.

He pretends not to have seen that, grumbles a bit. “Shut up.” She has a point, about the engagement. Not that she was trying to make one, since he thinks he wasn’t really supposed to notice that particular train of thought. They’re not even… he’s not… Well, there were the vows, which they both agreed didn’t exactly count, but with everything that’s happened, he hasn’t really thought about it since he said he’d say the vows properly some other time.

And then he… well, then he didn’t think he’d get to have this. So. He’s not going to think about that part, though.

Now he thinks he might… Now there are promises he should maybe make again. Since he actually  _ can. _

“Make me,” Ahsoka says, sounds and feels teasing, and Rex blinks and glances over at her and rolls his eyes.

“Too much effort,” he informs her. “I don’t feel like it.”

“Hmm,” Ahsoka doesn’t seem happy with that, for  _ some  _ reason. “Well, I guess I just won’t shut up then.” He thinks she expects that to change his mind, but he just laughs and pulls his knees up to his chest and props his chin on them.

“Sure,  _ cyare.  _ Whatever makes you happy.” He stares at the pool, a bit absent, considering his options, the things he knows they both want. Partly he wonders if they really… Everything’s been so kriffed up, he just hasn’t thought about any of this, not really, not seriously, when it was actually  _ possible. _ Now that a home and having her and  _ farming  _ and  _ kids  _ aren’t just abstract things, or dreams (he could really have all that, if he chose, that’s the thing), he needs to think about this. Really. Is this what he wants? Because he thinks so, but it’s never been this real, this immediate, sitting in a valley where they could  _ build their house,  _ if they wanted, and grow  _ that  _ fruit and get water over there and it’s  _ real. _

That frightens him, somehow. It’s so  _ much,  _ certainly more than he’s had the option of choosing before, and what if he does it all wrong and he’s never good at anything except fighting, then what? He doesn’t  _ want  _ that, he knows at least that much, that right now he doesn’t want to always have to be fighting to be content.

_ “Whatever  _ makes me happy, you say?” Ahsoka says, and Rex tries to refocus, looks over to find his  _ cyare  _ propped up on one elbow, smirking intently at him.

He blinks, realizes she has  _ very  _ definite ideas about what they should be doing with their time right now - and normally he’d be all for that, but for the moment he sends a strong impression of  _ can you not, hang on,  _ and looks back out at the water, wrapping his arms around his legs.

“You shouldn’t make promises you aren’t willing to keep,” she pouts, raising her eyebrows at him, some, and easing closer.

“Hm,” he answers, noncommittal. That’s a good point too, although  _ probably  _ not the way she means it. He might have to make that up to her later. At the  _ moment,  _ he doesn’t care. He did promise, before. And he as good as promised to say the vows again, when he… well, he supposes when he was sure, or was able. He’s not much for doing things solely out of obligation, but that’s not the point. Just that he did promise. And he’s thought about this for a while, and aside from trying to tell himself he didn’t want any of it because he couldn’t keep it, he’s always (sort of, where he didn’t acknowledge) wanted something like what Cut had. Another family, one that was more certainly  _ his,  _ and he could have that  _ and  _ his  _ vode. _

Ahsoka’s whining at him, and he’s really going to owe her an apology or something, but he’s just… He glances around the valley again, breathes for a second, taking in the smell of grass and water and ripe fruit in the sun, and there’s a breeze cooling the back of his neck and Ahsoka’s here. And it’s quiet and calm and peaceful and he’s got her and his brothers are close and this place is theirs, and he could do this. Could really have this,  _ wants  _ to.

Even if that means putting up with the very demanding, grumpy woman next to him. Probably  _ especially  _ if that means putting up with her.

So there are promises he needs to make to her, a proper  _ wedding  _ even. That seems important. He shields all that and stretches briefly, yawning, and turns to look at Ahsoka again.

She still looks very miffed. Which is fair.

“You wanna go try to find the rest of the squad?” he says, comfortably, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“Mmm, no,” Ahsoka practically _purrs,_ and he sighs and rolls his eyes. “That’d be _counterproductive.”_ He decides to just not look at her, because she gets this _look_ in her eyes and then it’s very hard to ignore her.

_ “You’re _ being counterproductive, ‘Soka,” he says, pushing himself to his feet to a pulse of indignation from her. He taps his wristcomm, tunes it to Cody’s frequency to check in, see if they should all meet up again.

“Oh no, Rexter,” and Rex pinches the bridge of his nose because she’s trying  _ very  _ hard to get his attention and when he peeks at her out of the corner of his eye she has her hands on her hips. “I think I’m being  _ very  _ productive right now.”

“Now you just aren’t making sense,” he humphs, and calls Cody. “Hey,  _ vod,  _ how’s it going where you are?”

_ “Oh, you know,”  _ Cody says, dryly,  _ “just looking over our new planet, no big deal.” _

“Figure we should rendezvous, for a bit anyway,” and Rex starts walking back the way they came, because he can feel Ahsoka’s thoughts and she’s being very difficult today. Why did he want to marry her again?

Oh, right, he loves her. That small detail.

_ “Find anything interesting?” _

“Yeah, some fruit. And, I don’t know, grass. Meet you back about where we climbed down?”

_ “Sure. I’ll get the boys. And hey, ori’vod, Neyo saw something at the top of the canyon so we may want to be careful.” _

“If it’s more dire-cats I’m going to shoot all of them, this time,” Rex grumbles, turning off his wristcomm and glancing up at the canyon walls. He’s hungry. And he needs to talk to Cody, privately, as soon as possible. He picks up his pace, determinedly shielding some from Ahsoka.

_ “Reeex,”  _ Ahsoka whines, and he glances at her, pointedly rolls his eyes.

“You’re a  _ di’kut, _ and you’re lucky I like you,” he informs her.

She crosses her arms, and gives him a frosty glare, mutters, “Apparently not,” and looks straight ahead with a strong impression of  _ kriff you. _

_ Not right now. Please focus. _

Surprisingly, that doesn’t make her  _ less  _ mad. Rex should probably leave her alone if he wants her to actually say  _ yes  _ when he proposes.

“Oh, I am,  _ Captain,”  _ Ahsoka purrs, and Rex swallows, ignores the way she’s staring at him  _ again,  _ and turns to give her his best no-nonsense glare.

“If you don’t stop that, I’m going to make you listen to Bacara telling war stories for the rest of the trip. By yourself.” Bacara’s stories are… not good ones. And he’s a good babysitter. So she would not appreciate that. But he has  _ plans,  _ and she’s going to ruin them with that damned-  _ everything, _ if he’s honest, hells.

“That is  _ not fair,”  _ Ahsoka says, bitterly, grumpy, and she shoves his arm a little, still scowling. “You better make it up to me later.”

“I was planning on it,” Rex says, hoping to mollify her. This will all be a bit awkward if she stays mad at him. Why does she have to be so  _ difficult? _ “Deal with it,  _ cyar’ika.” _

She turns, points at him very bossily, and he raises an eyebrow. “I’m holding you to that,” she says, warningly, then pokes him on the nose and smiles.  _ Apparently  _ this is fine now.

Which is, again, good, since he wants her to agree to marry him.

Wow.

That’s happening.

Things are a little calmer the rest of the way back to his  _ vode,  _ although Rex keeps himself stubbornly closed off, just in case, arms crossed and occasionally squinting at her threateningly. She mostly just rolls her eyes at him and keeps walking.

Most of his brothers are in a casual, sprawling huddle in the middle of the valley when they get back, Cody leaning against the canyon wall. Rex ignores how most of them are looking at them with shit-eating grins on their faces and wanders over to stand by Cody, Ahsoka tucking herself into his side.

“Have a nice walk?” Cody asks, in an undertone.

“Yeah, you?” Rex gives him a  _ look. _ And ignores Wolffe raising his eyebrows. Why are his  _ vode  _ like this?

~~~

“It wasn’t as nice as it  _ could’ve been,” _ Ahsoka says, a bit peevishly, giving Rex a  _ look; _ he just rolls his eyes and ignores her, and she grumbles a bit. He’s annoying. And an idiot, sometimes. “But we found a good spot, at least.”

She jumps a bit when Wolffe claps a hand on her shoulder and catches her eyes, winks at her again and says, “Maybe next time,” which makes several of the  _ vode _ she’s not so familiar with start laughing.

“I hope,” she mutters under her breath, and Rex rolls his eyes again and pushes away from her to go help Blackout (one of the  _ vode _ she barely knows--but Rex had told her he’s the only other one in the entire GAR to have earned jaig eyes, so he has her automatic and total respect) with making rations. She doesn’t even bother to  _ offer _ to help, knows Rex and Cody and Kix and probably Wolffe too would all refuse her. Loudly.

Ahsoka drops to sit down by Kix and Bly (who has a pained look on his face and is staring at some strands of grass twisting through his fingers), smiles at them both--Kix returns the grin, but Bly won’t meet her eyes, just goes blank-faced and tightens his fingers on the blades of grass until they snap.

(She edges her shields down for a moment and picks up, faintly, on a thread of  _ emotions _ in the ambient Force around him--cold and shivery and  _ not-good, _ enough to make her shiver a bit.)

“Been a while since I’ve seen you, Bly,” she says casually, brings one knee up to her chest and rests her forearm on it, settles her chin on top of her bracer. “Since, what, that Lurmen fiasco, I think?”

“Sounds about right,” Bly responds, and he’s so--still, calm, and it doesn’t make  _ sense, _ and she nudges Rex a little, mentally, concerned.

_ Bly feels off, Rex. _

_ How? _ Rex responds, feels concerned, and she considers for a moment.

Sends him a sort of shrugging feel, says,  _ He feels… cold. Not good. I don’t know, Kix probably could read his emotions better--he just feels all wrong and cold to me. _

_ Okay, that sounds-- _ and he stops, and she feels sudden shields over that train of thought before he continues, tightly,  _ I’m going to tell Cody, Cody knows him better than I do. _

That’ll be good, she thinks. Rex says something to Cody, then to Blackout, quiet enough she can’t hear, and then he and Cody walk a few meters away, out of earshot. Well, she  _ could _ hear them, except Wolffe and Stone are having some sort of conversation that’s including a lot of laughter, and Bacara is apparently telling Splash a  _ story, _ and Neyo is trying to get her attention, so.

Focusing.

She smiles at Neyo, and as soon as he has that confirmation that she’s  _ paying attention, _ he says, waggling his eyebrows a bit, “So you and Rex, eh?”

Ahsoka snorts, says, “That’s  _ old news. _ Like, over a year old.” Honestly, she’s surprised the GAR’s rumor mill hasn’t spread the news of their relationship to everyone by now.

Ponds, sprawling against a rock on Bly’s other side, drawls, “General Windu ranted about you two for a while,” grinning just a bit and rolling his eyes, almost fond. “He was really pissed off by the fact that you, Kenobi, and Skywalker ran off and declared a miniature war on Kamino.”

She shrugs. “Yeah, well, Master Windu’s a karking  _ mir’osik, _ he can go kriff himself.”

Ponds laughs. “Hey now,” and he sounds a  _ bit _ offended, “that’s my General you’re talking about.”

_ “Your General _ is a  _ shitbrain,” _ Ahsoka says, very seriously.

Ponds considers this for a moment, then shrugs. “I still reserve the exclusive right to call him that. Regardless of how  _ appropriate _ of a descriptor it is.”

“More appropriate than you know,” Kix growls, looks  _ annoyed. _ “I don’t like Windu.”

“For  _ kriff’s sake, vod’ika,” _ Ponds grumbles, “what is your  _ problem _ with my Jedi?”

“It’s not about  _ me, _ it’s about how he treated Ca’tra,” and  _ ah, _ right, Ahsoka knows where he’s coming from now. “The whole Council’s a bunch of  _ shabuire.” _

“Except Obi-Wan,” Ahsoka quickly clarifies.

Kix nods.  _ “Obviously _ except Kenobi, he’s the only sane one.”

Ponds swears, loudly and almost inarticulately, something Ahsoka thinks is actually probably anatomically impossible involving  _ gett’se _ and  _ shebs-- _ and she decides she  _ doesn’t want to know _ and stops trying to translate it. 

Bly still looks… wrong.

She tries not to worry too much about that.

~~~

Rex pulls Cody far enough away from the group that he thinks even Ahsoka can’t hear him (hopefully, otherwise this will be a little awkward), and Cody glances back at their  _ vode  _ and says, “So what do you need,  _ ori’vod?” _

“Well, I guess first…” Rex looks over at Bly, wishes he was really surprised about all this. “Ahsoka says Bly doesn’t feel good, she said  _ wrong and cold  _ and I guess- That’s how Ahsoka felt, a lot, so I’m worried.”

Cody swears quietly, nods. “I’ll keep an eye on him.” He rubs his forehead, rolls his hand in a go-on gesture. “What else you got for me to worry about?”

“Um…” Rex hesitates, rubs the back of his neck. He doesn’t quite know how to talk to Cody about this, after all, but he needs  _ someone  _ keeping his brothers out of his way, and partly he just wants to ask Cody if he thinks he’s crazy. “I told you that I wanted to say the Mandalorian marriage vows to Ahsoka.”

“If I remember right,” Cody says dryly, “You told me you  _ did  _ say them. When you were about to be reconditioned. Have I mentioned before that you’re a drama queen?”

“Shut up,” Rex grumbles. “The  _ point  _ is, I kind of want to talk to Ahsoka about that and… sort of propose, today.” He avoids Cody’s eyes, because he feels a bit sheepish and he’s worried Cody is gonna tease him. “And if I did that I’d kinda need all of the men not to interrupt.”

Cody does chuckle a little, but when Rex looks up his  _ ori’vod  _ just looks quietly pleased. “That’s good,” he says, seriously. “About damn time, too. What do you want to do?”

“I thought… I don’t know, the top of the canyon, and I’d just… ask. I don’t know,  _ vod,  _ I just need people not pestering us.”

Cody laughs. “Fair. I can send you two up to scout, if you want, and we can look at the fruit you found. If we have natural-growing food sources…” He drifts off, considering, then refocuses and nods. “Good luck,  _ ori’vod.” _

“Thanks,” Rex says, rolling his eyes. He pauses, then steps forward and gives Cody a quick hug, sighing. Cody pats his shoulder, and Rex pulls back and walks over to sit down by Ahsoka and his  _ vode  _ and have some of the rations (which taste worse than usual after having  _ fresh fruit),  _ and Cody eases down to sit by Bly, casual.

“Once you’ve all eaten,” Cody says, seriously, “I’m taking some of you to look at the fruit Rex and Commander Tano found and see if we can find any other food sources. Rex, Commander, can you two scout the top of the ridge, make sure what Neyo  _ thinks  _ he saw isn’t a real threat? If you can find the best place to get up and down the cliffs, too, that might be good. If we’re going to be having to use ascension cables regularly, I’d rather we not pick the highest point of the canyon to scale every time.”

Rex figures they should probably do those things for real, but first things first. Getting  _ engaged. _ Weird.

He should have asked Anakin for advice.

They eat for a while, Bacara rambling (to Rex’s irritation) about a battle he’d been in where their opponents (not droids) took  _ vode  _ fingers as trophies. Honestly, Bacara may have earned the right to not have much of a filter anymore, but Rex wishes he’d just  _ shut up. _ Once they all finish eating, though, Rex pushes himself to his feet and offers Ahsoka a hand up. Bacara is still talking, and Cody gives Rex like  _ this better be worth it. _

It’s not  _ Rex’s  _ fault Bacara’s like this, so he just shrugs, grins, and nudges Ahsoka’s thoughts some.  _ Let’s go, cyare,  _ he says, shielding as much of his excitement and anxiety as he can.  _ Unless you wanna keep hearing his stories… _

_ You don’t have to ask twice,  _ she sends, wry, and Rex snorts and pulls her into his side and they walk upriver, some, to where the canyon lip isn’t quite such a far climb. Not that he  _ likes  _ it any better, damn heights. He shoots a cable up to lodge in the top of the cliff, lets Ahsoka scale it first then follows, not nearly as nimble as she is. Because he doesn’t  _ want  _ to be, thanks, he’d be happy just staying  _ on the ground. _ Where he belongs.

Anyway, that’s very beside the point. “We should work our way downriver,” he says, innocently. “That seems like the best way to find a better place to get up and down until we can build some ladders or something.” Also, it’s the best way to go so they can see the waterfall from the top of the canyon.

~~~

“Sounds good to me,” Ahsoka says, nudges curiously at Rex’s mind--he’s shielding something from her, a riot of emotions she can’t quite make out, can only just barely feel the shape of them through his shields.  _ What are you hiding, cyare? _

_ Very serious things, _ Rex says, appropriately solemn, although there’s a tinge of mischief to his mental voice.  _ You don’t want to know. _

_ Hmm. _ Ahsoka raises an eyebrow, but Rex doesn’t budge and so she shrugs, though she presses indignation at him so he knows she’s still annoyed. She’ll let him keep his secrets, though--she’ll figure it out soon enough, she’s sure. Whether that’s because he forgets to shield or he tells her doesn’t matter.

She keeps an eye out for dire-cats or other predators as they follow the canyon back towards the waterfall, but there’s nothing--just the forest and the plants and her and Rex and, far off and faint, the Force-signatures of the pack of dire-cats they’d encountered earlier. “I’m pretty sure Neyo was just being jumpy,” she mutters, rolling her eyes. “There’s nothing  _ around.” _

“Neyo isn’t exactly… jumpy,” Rex says, shrugging, “but this is unfamiliar, so.”

She chuckles, says, “I don’t really mind the excuse to get away from Bacara’s stories.” Jumpy or not, she’s grateful. She lets that thought float over to him, hums to herself a bit.

It’s peaceful up here, quiet, the light purple sky and the grass and the trees and the flowers (and there are tons of the medicinal flowers Kix had been so excited about up here) making a pretty picture, and she thinks Brii will  _ love _ painting these landscapes. There’s something about all the colors, how vibrant and rich and  _ pure _ they are… she’s no artist, but she can understand why Brii loves it so much, right now.

They circle around to near the waterfall, close enough to hear the muted roar of the water but far enough back she can see it in all its glory, a silvery stream of raw, elegant  _ power _ that drives into the deep blue pool down below in a rush of white foam. She has to stop for a moment, to watch, mesmerized by the motion of the falls, feels a projection of something warm and calm and  _ happy _ from Rex. It takes a moment to identify the feeling as  _ peace, _ soft and slow and warm, and she doesn’t even know what to think, what to feel.

It’s all so  _ surreal. _

~~~

There are only a few places in the galaxy that Rex has been that he really remembers as being  _ beautiful. _ Naboo was one, Cato Neimoidia another, and a planet he’s since forgotten the name of, with rock formations in hundreds of different colors, as the most recent and striking. And maybe he’s just biased, but he thinks this place, with its soft lavender sky and winding canyons and crashing waterfall turning silver and white and blue, is the most beautiful place he’s ever seen. He can get a real breath, deep and steady and slow, feels little besides sunlight and warmth and Ahsoka.

This is nearly  _ perfect,  _ him and Ahsoka and this place that’s going to be theirs and his people’s for years and years to come, untamed and wild and open, where the war hasn’t come yet and never will. He steps up next to Ahsoka, who’s staring down at the waterfall, mesmerized, and reaches for her hand. “Can you believe this?” he asks softly.

“It feels like a dream,” she breathes, and Rex hums and squeezes her fingers a little, shifts his feet on the stone beneath them, takes another deep breath.

It doesn’t feel like a dream, to him, suddenly. It’s achingly, expansively  _ real,  _ and present, and far more than he’d thought it could be. “Stay here with me,” he says, quietly. He knows they’ve talked about this already, that she wants to live here with him and his  _ vode,  _ but he just… it’ll be real, now. All of the promises and plans and dreams.

“Of course,” she says, seriously, looking up at him like she’s trying to figure him out.

Rex grins a little, pulls her closer to his side and nods. “Good.” He looks out at the horizon a moment, considering, watching the way the trees sway in a breeze he can’t feel. “‘Soka,” he says, gruffly, nudging her thoughts with the warmth and contentment he feels, “Would you marry me? Properly, this time?” He looks down at her, grins a little lopsided, eases down most of his shields. Strangely, he doesn’t find he’s very anxious, just waiting and breathing, poised as if balanced on the edge of a cliff with the wind at his back. Ahsoka’s palm is warm against his.

_ For real, this time? _

~~~

Ahsoka is frozen.

Whatever she’d expected Rex to say, here on top of this cliff, watching the waterfall roar into the canyon below,  _ would you marry me _ was  _ not it. _ So it takes a moment, for the words to sink in, for the  _ meaning _ of it all to make  _ sense, _ and then she’s frozen, staring up at him with wide eyes as he smiles roughly down at her. He feels so--happy and warm and bright, and she doesn’t know--

She’s wanted this for a long time, she thinks. Maybe for longer than she’s even known. So.

“I--” she starts, but there aren’t words, and so she just winds her arms around his neck, goes up onto her toes and tugs him down so she can kiss him hard and desperate, like he’s air and she’s choking. (She is, in a way, choking on tears that she can’t really explain, lets fall anyway.)

“Is that a yes?” Rex asks lightly, pulling away to press his forehead to hers, and she laughs, somehow, ringing.

“Yeah,” she rasps, barely able to  _ believe _ it, “that’s a yes.”

“Oh, good,” he says, chuckles. “Love you.”

She tilts her head back, kisses his nose, says, “Well, I’d  _ hope _ so,” and she’s laughing, can’t stop, even though there are still tears, and she hugs him  _ tight _ and buries her head in the side of his neck and just  _ breathes, _ splaying one hand out over his spine, bringing the other back to trace over the scars on his neck.  _ Force. _ “I love you too, you  _ di’kut.” _

“Thanks,” he says, wry, runs a hand up and down her back, and she laughs again, can’t help herself.

Everything feels so  _ light. _

“I didn’t think we’d ever really get this,” Rex says, so so soft, enough that she almost thinks she’s just imagining it, at first. But she tilts back to look at him and he’s just staring at her, something achingly tender in his eyes, and she has to reach up one hand, curl it around his jaw, swipe her thumb light over his cheekbone.

“Neither did I,” she admits, chuckles a little through the tears. “Seemed like the Force itself was against us, at times.” But now, against all the odds, they’re  _ here, _ they’re free, and--hells, she doesn’t know what to do, what to think.

He leans down and kisses her softer, slow almost, and then quietly he says, “I’m here.”

Yes. And she’s so,  _ so glad _ for that.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” she says, a little teasing, nudges his mind lightly as she leans in for another kiss, sliding her palm down to rest over his heart. “Even if you  _ are _ a big  _ di’kut _ sometimes.”

“But only sometimes,” he hums, chuckling, his chest rumbling beneath her hand (and she presses the impression of  _ giggling _ at him, gets indignation and love, always love, in response). “And I’m  _ your di’kut.” _

She pulls back and blinks up at him, says, “Well, you’re certainly not  _ Cody’s.” _

He throws his head back and  _ laughs, _ long and clear, and she decides now is a perfect time to put into practice some of the…  _ ideas _ she’d had earlier. So: “Well,” she says, and reaches back up, tracing her fingers over the scars on his neck again, “it’s later.”

“It certainly is that,  _ cyar’ika,” _ he agrees, picking up on her train of thought, and she grins.

Today is going to be a  _ very good day. _


End file.
